


A Different Breed

by wordsarelifealways



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alpha Even, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Classism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Isak, set in the same universe as A Universe of Our Own for those who have read that, the first chapter may be triggering so feel free to skip that one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2019-07-02 22:18:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 90,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsarelifealways/pseuds/wordsarelifealways
Summary: The Næsheim family: cold, distant, and socially elite.  When Even has his worst episode yet it's the final straw.  His parents want him on a new drug to finally straighten him out; the only problem?  It's been known to leave patients infertile.Solution?  Hire an omega to have Even's child before he's no longer capable of having one.Naturally.





	1. Try to kill it all away but I remember everything

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授翻】A Different Breed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19059985) by [yoriiia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoriiia/pseuds/yoriiia)



> This is such an outlandish AU but oh my goodness as soon as the idea came into my head I was obsessed with it, so here we are! Another ABO AU; are you ready!!!
> 
> The first chapter might be triggering to some as it does include Even thinking graphically about his suicide attempt, so feel free to skip it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even thinks about his episode (GRAPHIC THOUGHHTS OF SUICIDE ATTEMPT) and has a talk with his mother (2.1k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has a graphic description of Even's suicide attempt so please feel free to skip this if you don't want to endure that! see the end notes for the cliffnotes of things to know from this chapter! stay safe ♥

The episode in its entirety had lasted almost the whole month – easily making it the worst episode he had ever had – but it was only going to be remembered as its ending: the time the Næsheim boy tried (and failed) to kill himself.

His parents hadn’t said it aloud, but they didn’t have to.  He knew they were less concerned about his health than they were about their social standing after his ‘little stunt’ as his mother had christened it.

His illness had previously been used as an excuse to throw charity galas for the exquis elite; his parents liked to think they looked like loving parents supporting their bipolar son by raising money for mental health provisions, but Even knew it was all hollow.  There was no love and support there.  Those events were just an excuse to show off how much money they had and get champagne-drunk with other rich pricks.

Now his illness was like a dirty secret.  A stain on the Næsheim name.

He was sure his mother was taking it as a slight against her personally, and his dad wasn’t invested enough to really give a shit either way.  Even knew his dad had given up on him a long time ago: when Even had been maybe 7 or 8 and told everyone that he wanted to be an artist.  Not a banker or a doctor or a lawyer or a cut-throat businessman like the generations of Næsheim men before him, but an artist.

Now Even didn’t want to do much of anything at all.

The depressive episode was almost over, but the usual melancholy about his life was sinking back in.  Why bother getting out of his bed when there was nothing out there for him?  The world his parents lived in wasn’t one Even wanted any part in, but he was totally trapped.

The worst part was that he knew he should have been grateful for the life he had.  He had never wanted for anything in his life – apart from maybe decent parents – and never had to worry about money.  He had gone to a good school and got a good education and had had a wide selection of university options available to him thanks to his grades and the Næsheim name, but when he wanted to study art his parents refused to support him and Even gave in like he always did.

It was easier to go along with his parents than it was to fight them.

He couldn’t even remember the last time he had picked up his sketchbook – he wasn’t even sure where it _was_ any more – and for some reason that made him sadder than anything else about his current situation.  Drawing used to bring him such happiness and peace, and his parents apparently had succeeded in stamping that out of him.

He had no idea what he was supposed to do now.

How does one pick their life back up when they had had no intention of continuing to live it?  When he had dug that knife into his arm and dragged it down the lines of his veins he had had no intention to survive it.  He had had no back up plan, no _what if’s_ clouding his mind.

In fact, it had been the first time he had felt _clear_ in years.

The only way he was going to be free was to kill himself.  There was no other way out.

Except his dad has forgotten his phone and came back to the house early.  Even blames his own spite on the fact his plan was thwarted.  If he hadn’t run the bath at full blast while he split his veins open (if he was going to go out he was damn well going to do some property damage while he made his departure and flood damage seemed so fitting in his delirious mind when he had always felt like he was drowning in the life they were pushing on him) then Trond would never have come upstairs to see what the noise was and Even would have been left to bleed out on the floor like he wanted.

He really had always been his own worst enemy.

His mother had always told him that when he complained about something.  _Honestly, Even_ , she would say.  _So many people would love to be in the position you’re in; you should be grateful_.

She would never listen when he told her that they were welcome to his ‘position’.  He didn’t want to be another alpha from an elitist family: swanning about at charity events that weren’t about the charity event at all, making a living doing something purely for the admiration of other people rather than the happiness it brought him, talking down to people who just happened _not_ to be part of the 1%.

He hated all of it.  He hated the ostentatious house he grew up in and the way his parents treated him like he was just a commodity they owned rather than their son and the fact that he had a trust fund like a true Oslo elite brat that his parents had always tried to lord over his head even though he couldn’t care less about their fucking money.

That trust fund had gone through to him on his 18th birthday a few weeks ago and not even in his manic state had he touched it.  What the fuck was an 18 year old supposed to do with over 96,000,000kr?  It was disgusting.

At least now he had botched up his suicide he could start donating chunks of it to charities that his parents would never touch with a ten foot pole.  That was really the only plus side to the whole fucking disaster.

Being called into the conservatory in the middle of the afternoon by his parents certainly wasn’t what Even would consider a _plus_.

He dragged himself down the stairs, still in his pyjamas which he knew his mother would _hate_ , and followed the sound of rain hammering on glass until he was stood in the doorway of the conservatory.  It was his mother’s pride and joy, but Even thought it had been a waste of their money.  The house had been fine without it, but like always when his mother got bored with her life she threw money at something.

“Even, good, you’re here.  Sit down.” His mother said crisply, sat in one of the armchairs.  His father was sat next to her on the sofa but Even would rather take a knife to the eye than sit next to that man, so he chose to sit on the bubble chair opposite them.

“What do you want?” Even didn’t really feel like pussyfooting around with his parents.  His arm hurt inside the itchy bandages the doctor had wrapped him in and he wanted to go back to sleep.

“Don’t talk to your mother like that.” His dad snapped, but Even didn’t even look at him.

“What do you want?” He repeated, staring hard at his mother.

“We want to talk about you.” Camilla replied coolly, unfazed by Even’s attitude.  There were so many things that Even _could_ have said in response to that, but it just didn’t feel worth it.  There was no fight left in him any more.

“You’re 18 now.” His mother continued when it became obvious Even wasn’t going to say anything.  “And you’ve rejected every potential mate we’ve put in front of you.”

God, Even didn’t even want to think about some of the people his mother had tried to set him up with.  From rich faerie girls who just wanted to give him a dozen babies starting right now, to wealthy omegas who had gone to finishing school and were ready to be the perfect little housewife, and even once a stunning mer girl who was looking to marry a land-exquis to strengthen political ties between her people and those on the land.

But none of them inspired Even to mate.  Hell, most of them hadn’t even inspired him to _date_.  A few of them ended up with quickies in the toilets of whatever damn function he had been dragged to.  He didn’t have any regrets about them; the girls he got with always seemed as uninterested in being mated off as he did, so a few shared orgasms seemed the least they could give each other for wasting their time.

His mother would probably drop dead if he knew some of the things Even had done in those toilets while she was out there mingling and pretending not to be satan incarnate, but Even was saving that bombshell for a big argument.

Well.  He _had_ been.  It didn’t seem worth it now.

“And with your current condition we’ve decided to call off the search for a good mate.” That, at least, gave Even some comfort.

“Good.” Even agreed.

“If they weren’t interested before they certainly aren’t now.” Trond muttered and Even was surprised by how much the offhand comment hurt him when his dad’s words usually washed over him like rain off a roof.

“We’re going to adjust your medications.” Camilla said sharply, and Even could at least take comfort in the fact that his mother was annoyed with his father’s interruption.

“Obviously.” Even swung the bubble chair back and forth slightly to try to keep himself calm.

“Your Lithprozapine is being increased.” Camilla started.  Even had been expecting that; the alpha-aimed mood stabilisers were always the first thing to get adjusted when he had an episode.

“And you’re starting a new drug.  A stronger one.” That was enough to get Even to look at his dad.

“A _new_ drug?  As well as the stabilisers?  Why?” An anxious sweat was starting to prickle on the back of his neck and all of his instincts were telling him that something _bad_ was happening.

“Clozanapine.  It’s designed to neutralise excessive hormone production in mentally ill exquis patients.” Even didn’t like the sound of what Trond was telling him at _all_.

“Side effects?” He just about managed to choke out.

“Yes, it does have some side effects.  It’s still a trial drug, but it’s showing very promising results.  You’re lucky we managed to get you on the program.” Camilla looked so proud of herself but Even felt like he was about to vomit all over his mother’s precious conservatory.

“ _What_ side effects?” He demanded.  Nothing intended to _neutralise_ could be good, Even was sure.

“Loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and…it does seem to leave patients infertile.  But it does also seem to be fixing them.”

_Infertile._

_Fixing._

“I know it seems like a lot.” His mother almost sounded empathetic but Even didn’t buy it.  “But think how much better your life would be without having to worry about your illness.  Patients who have shown good results from the Clozanapine have been able to stop taking all their other medications.”

Even had to admit that that _did_ sound nice, but after living with his diagnosis for so long Even wasn’t sure who he’d be _without_ it.

“Infertility is a _big_ side effect though.” He pointed out.  He wasn’t sure why he was even bothering to argue; he knew deep down that he’d just take the damn drugs like he always did.

“Planning a big family were you?” Trond scoffed.  “With what mate?”

“It’s nice to have the _option_.” Even snapped back.

“We’ve sorted that out too.” Camilla interjected smoothly, ever the peace maker.

“You’ve sorted it?” Even repeated disbelievingly.  “What the fuck does _that_ mean?”

“Language!” Both of his parents scolded, but Even couldn’t give less of a shit about his language when they were talking about his ability to have children.

“What.  Does it.  _Mean_?” Even repeated through gritted teeth.

“Well, you have no mate so conceiving before you start the drug is clearly not an option.  And everyone knows that exquis sperm doesn’t last as well as sapien sperm, so freezing a few samples is out of the question too.” If Even lived the rest of his life without ever hearing his mother say the word _sperm_ he would stop complaining about everything else.

“So…what have you ‘sorted’?” Even frowned.

“We’ve got you an omega broodmare.” Trond said it in the way you might say _happy birthday_ to someone you had tricked into thinking you’d forgotten their birthday when really you hadn’t, but his words made Even want to be sick.

“A _broodmare_?” He repeated.  He wasn’t even sure that was _legal_ , let alone ethical.

“Yes, an omega boy a bit younger than you.” Camilla nodded.  “You’ll be meeting him tomorrow morning.” She added before Even could say anything.

Well then.

It looked like Even was going to have to get out of his pyjamas after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've skipped this chapter for any reason all you need to know is: Even hates his life and his family, he tried to kill himself, he has a huge trust fund (equivelent to £9 million), and his parents are hiring him a broodmare before he starts this trial drug that will most likely leave him infertile.
> 
> for those of you who did read this miserable chapter......THOUGHTS??
> 
> [this](https://image.dhgate.com/0x0/f2/albu/g2/M00/01/C3/rBVaG1XJkZGAI1A2AAE_MyPT630433.jpg) is a bubble chair (I thought they were just called hanging chairs but then I google imaged it and I was actually thinking of bubble chairs so there we go)
> 
> And [this](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DliucT2X4AEDyfL.jpg:large) is how I picture Camilla and Trond, in case anyone was interested!
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	2. She said 'come in stranger'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even meets Isak, the boy about to be hired as his broodmare (2.5k)

Even didn’t feel prepared to meet the brood-omega at _all_.

What the hell did you say to someone who was being hired to have your baby?  Especially when they were being hired because you were about to start an anti-crazy drug that was going to leave you unable to ever have a child?

It had kept Even up most of the night.

The thoughts had plagued him all morning: from the moment his alarm went off and almost scared him to death to his challenging shower where he tried not to get his dressings wet to trying to choke down some breakfast, to eventually sitting in the living room stressing about when the boy was going to arrive.

His mother had given him almost no details; all Even knew was that the omega was male and clearly desperate enough to consider being bred for money.  The fact that his parents had gone for a male omega told Even how desperate they must have been; despite knowing that Even was pansexual they had never ever put a male suitor in front of him when they had been scouring around for a mate, so it must have been slim pickings in the brood-omega world for them to choose a boy.

Thanks to his mother’s spectacular lack of details for him Even’s imagination had been running wild with thoughts of what the boy would be like.  Who could be _desperate_ enough to broodmare?  Someone in debt?  Someone buried under in drug payments itching for their next fix?  Surely his parents would have wanted someone who met their ridiculous standards to carry their grandchild to term?

The shallower part of Even was also curious about what the boy would look like.  If he was supposedly going to be carrying Even’s child then obviously his genes would also be passed onto the baby.  What if he was hideous and Even’s parents had thrown all their money at the problem and ended up with a child as ugly on the outside as they were on the inside?

He sort of hoped that was the case, just to spite his parents, but after thinking about it he realised that was probably a bit cruel to the child and the desperate omega he was waiting to meet.

The doorbell chimed at exactly 10.30, when his mother had told him their meeting was scheduled, and Even learnt the first thing about the mystery omega: he had impeccable time management skills.

The thirty seconds between his mother going to answer the door and coming back with the boy were the longest of Even’s life and he was sure he was going to be sick from the nerves.  He made sure to keep his breathing even and his eyes trained on the doorway, desperate to make sure his first impression wasn’t of a puking idiot.

He was sure that the omega had already made his assumptions about Even – who wouldn’t judge a family that hired a brood-omega? – and he just wanted to show he wasn’t anything like his parents.  He dreaded to think the sort of impression his parents had made on the poor kid while they had been arranging this horrendous set up.

“Even, this is Isak.” His mother said as she came back into the living room.  Even waited with his breath caught in his chest, his eyes fixed on the doorway, until the boy followed his mother into the room.

Isak was nothing like Even had been expecting.

For one: he didn’t look like a deranged drug addict, so that was a good start.  His clothes seemed a size too big for him, though, and there was a harsh hollowness in his cheeks that made Even think that the boy had lost a lot of weight suddenly.  Looking at the boy’s clean and put together appearance Even was sure that wasn’t drug related though.

Something told Even that Isak’s story was sadder than that.

Omegas didn’t go into brooding for the fun of it; more often than not it emotionally wrecked the omega to have the baby taken away and cut out of their life.  No one could opt into that lightly.

“Hi, Isak.” He greeted, unsure whether he was supposed to get up and shake his hand or something.  What was the etiquette in these situations?

“Hello.” The omega said quietly.  Even didn’t miss the way his green eyes flicked between Even and his mother and Even tried to make himself look as not-threatening as possible where he was sat on the sofa.

“This is my son, Even.  He’s the alpha you’ll be carrying for.” Camilla didn’t beat around the bush, and Even hated the way she was talking about it like it was already a done deal.  Surely she hadn’t already paid the boy and trapped him into this deal without letting him meet the guy who’s baby he was supposed to be having?

Even hated everything about this situation.

“Yeah, I’m the nutcase Næsheim.” Even added, mostly to nettle his mother.  He really didn’t want Isak to feel pressured into this ridiculous arrangement Even had found himself in.

“Even!” Camilla scolded, but he could see that she was holding her tongue in front of their guest.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” Isak said kindly and his sweet attempt at making Even feel better _did_ make Even smile.  It also showed that Isak had probably been given about as much information about Even as Even had been given about Isak, which was to say: fuck all.

“Why don’t you take a seat?” Camilla offered, sitting herself down next to Even on the sofa.  Even couldn’t contain his unimpressed look at that, but his distaste for his mother was pushed to a backburner when he realised that Isak was left with the armchair opposite them and Even didn’t like the job interview feel that gave this meeting.

So he moved away from his mother and sat on the floor between the sofa and the armchair, adjusting the sleeves of his jumper as he sat down to keep all his bandages out of sight.

“Thank you.” Isak looked so uncomfortable as he sat down, keeping his back stiff and his hands in his lap, and Even felt awful for him.

 _Run_ , he wanted to tell him.  _Get as far away from this family as you can_.

“Do you want a drink?” Even offered, but Isak was shaking his head before Even had even finished his sentence.  Even got the feeling he wanted to keep himself focused and able to make a quick getaway if he had to, which managed to make him feel even more gross about the whole thing.

How did his parents think it was acceptable to take advantage of terrified omegas?  Just because they could afford it didn’t mean it was _worth_ it.

“So, Isak, why don’t you tell Even a little about yourself?  Your qualifications certainly dazzled me and my husband.” Camilla smiled, clearly trying to butter Isak up.  At the word ‘qualifications’ Even looked back to Isak curiously.

Beautiful _and_ smart?

“I’m at Nissen, on track to get pretty much straight 6’s.  I’m hoping to go to UiO to study biochemistry when I finish third year next year.” Isak sounded like he had rehearsed his statement a thousand times, but his voice still shook.

“That’s beyond impressive.” Even said before he could stop himself and Isak’s face flushed prettily at the unfiltered praise.

“Thanks.” Isak mumbled, pushing a hand nervously through his mess of gold curls.

 _Why are you throwing it all away to be a brood-omega?_   Even was desperate to know but he knew better than to ask such a rude question.  It was clear from Isak’s rehearsed explanation that he had no intention of letting carrying Even’s baby interfere with his 6’s and university choice if he did choose to do it.  If nothing else Even respected the hell out of the kid’s ambition.

“It’s early March now, so if we do this now the- the baby would be due in December and we could be done with this by the end of the year before all my third year exams start.” Isak got straight down to business after a few seconds of silence, which startled Even.  The omega had looked so shy and scared just moments ago and now he was talking dates like it was no big deal?

“That’s a very smart way to look at this.” Camilla nodded, and the scent of her satisfaction made Even wrinkle his nose.  “We’re also looking to do this as soon as possible, for medical reasons.” She continued.

Even wasn’t surprised that she wasn’t going into details about the ‘medical reasons’ she had sought out a broodmare.  Hell, she probably told Isak that Even was on the verge of death and they desperately wanted a grandson before their son was lost to them forever.  She always loved convincing people that she was a family woman above all else.

“I don’t get 6’s for being an idiot.” Isak replied with an irritated edge to his voice, and the sheer sass of it made Even burst out laughing.  The look of shock his mother tried quickly to conceal made Even’s whole day worth getting out of bed for.

 _I like you_ , he tried to tell Isak telepathically.  _If things were different we could probably have been friends._

But, alas, things weren’t different.  Maybe in another life they met normally and got to know each other like normal people, but not this life.

“Well, no, of course not.” Even enjoyed seeing his mother stumble over her words, enjoying her surprise at being sassed by an omega.

“So, do we have an agreement?” Isak pressed.  For all his strong posturing Even could scent the sourness of omega anxiety in the air, and it cut at all the alpha parts of his brain like nothing he had ever experienced before.

“You passed a drug screening, you’re in good health, and you’re a very motivated young man.  But I do still have one question.” Camilla said coolly.  She had clearly caught scent of Isak’s anxiety and realised that she was still holding all the cards, and it made Even’s stomach turn.  If he had managed to eat more than half a slice of toast that morning he probably would have been sick.

“Okay.” Isak leaned back slightly, trying to open up his body language as if to say _ask me anything I’m easy_ , but the stiffness of his back just made him look like he was retreating from an unwanted advance.

“Where do you live at the moment?  That’s the only thing you haven’t listed.” Camilla’s voice was sickly sweet, and Even got the feeling that she was asking a question that she already knew the answer to as a sick power move to make Isak share information he didn’t want to share.

“I’m…currently between homes.  I’m sorting it.” Isak answered stiffly.  That would explain, at least, why Isak had resorted to being a broodmare.  Even wished he could help Isak in a way that _didn’t_ involve an unwanted pregnancy.

 _I’ll give you money.  You don’t have to do this_.  Even was desperate to let the words out but he knew his mother would kill him if she heard him, and there was no way for Even to get Isak alone naturally considering they had only _just_ met.

“Well, you see, Isak, if we were to agree to having you as Even’s broodmare we would need to know that you were living somewhere _respectable_.” Camilla said it all so _sweetly_ ; as if she wasn’t being a massive bitch.  She reminded Even of Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter.

Even also hated the fact she used the word _respectable_ instead of _safe_.  Who cares if Isak is safe while he’s pregnant as long as he has a decent postcode?  Even hated her so much.

“So being ‘between homes’ just isn’t acceptable.” Camilla concluded sweetly, batting her dark lashes at Isak innocently.

“Would you like me to get back to you when I have a permanent address then?” Isak asked.

“No, I have something else in mind.” Camilla shook her head and Even’s stomach sunk.

“What are you thinking?” Isak seemed a lot calmer than Even felt, but then he didn’t know Even’s mother like Even did.

“Trond and I were thinking that it would be beneficial to everyone involved if you lived _here_ , Isak.” Camilla said, and Even’s mouth dropped open.

“Here?” He and Isak repeated simultaneously, but he was too stunned to acknowledge their good timing.

“Yes, _here_.  We have a spare room and bathroom, and Isak would have a safe place to study and he wouldn’t have to worry himself about food or rent.”

His parents must have been really, _really_ desperate to make that sort of offer.  Even also didn’t doubt for a second that his mother wanted Isak under their roof so she could watch him like a hawk and see what he was spending their money on, but for Isak this was an offer to be paid _and_ live rent free.  What omega in a position of near-homelessness would turn down such a deal?

It wasn’t Isak’s fault that he didn’t know his parents were sent straight from hell.

“That’s…incredibly generous.” Isak looked overwhelmed and Even couldn’t blame him.

“The Næsheim family is known for its generosity.” Camilla smiled but all Even could see was the venom below the surface.

“So, what do you say, Isak?  Do we have a deal?” Camilla asked the million dollar question and Even’s stomach tightened anxiously for the omega.  _Run, for the love of god, get out of here while you can_.

“We have a deal.”

***

Isak left not long after that, Camilla promising to email him with the payment details and the number of a good moving company as she walked him out, and Even felt unbearably sad.  He had hardly said two words to the kid and now Isak was going to be paid to have his child, just so his parents could have another Næsheim to pin all their hopes on now that Even had failed them completely.

There was also the fact that now they had a broodmare Even would be starting the trial drug sooner rather than later, and he was terrified about what the Clozanapine would do to him.

“So, when do I fuck him?” Even asked his mother when she came back in, enjoying the way she inhaled sharply.

“You know that’s not how this works.” She snapped.  “We’re not _commoners_.” His mother sniffed, as if being common was the worst thing she could think of.  Knowing her it probably _was_ the worst thing she could think of.

“Oh, we’re not?” Even asked sarcastically, gesturing around their living room.  The furniture and decorative artwork in this room alone probably cost more than the average family in Oslo made in half a year.

“No.  You’ll leave a sperm sample with the doctor and they’ll inseminate Isak that way, you know that.” Camilla looked fed up with Even’s antics, which was only fair when Even was beyond sick of _hers_.

“I’m going back to bed.” Even didn’t want to think about it any more.  He didn’t want to think about the inevitability of him and his family ruining Isak’s life.

“Of course you are.” Camilla’s lips pursed disapprovingly but Even had already turned his back on her.

What more was there to say, anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS???????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	3. Time goes by and life goes on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A selection of scenes from the week Isak moves in, ending with Even giving his sperm sample (2.6k)

****

Isak moved in a week later.

No one thought to tell Even there was a move in date, of course, so he was left to find it out for himself.

It happened one morning: Even could hear someone moving around downstairs, even though he should have been alone in the house.  His father always left early in the morning and came back late at night – unless it was a Sunday, but a quick glance at his phone told Even that it definitely was _not_ Sunday – and his mother was at a two day spa thing for ‘stress relief’ which Even could only imagine to mean fucking a masseuse.

So by all accounts no one should have been in the downstairs of his house.

Seeing as he was still recovering from his suicide attempt the thought of getting murdered by a home invader didn’t even cause a blip on his radar, so Even got out of bed with the intention of telling them where the good shit was to steal.  He pulled a hoodie on over the pyjama bottoms he had slept in and went down the stairs.

The noise all seemed to be coming from the kitchen, although Even couldn’t see any sign in the hallway of someone having forced their way inside, and Even let himself in ready to shock the hell out of an intruder.

Except he knew the startled face staring back at him.

“Isak?” Even now wasn’t sure who was more shocked.

“Even?” Isak looked like a deer caught in headlights and Even realised he was probably living every omega’s worst nightmare: getting caught alone by an alpha he didn’t know.  God, what if he thought Even was just going to drag him to bed and get him pregnant with no regards to Isak’s feelings?  What evidence did Isak have _not_ to worry about that?  Even had no idea what his mother had been telling him in their emails.

“I’m not here to get you pregnant.” Even said stupidly, but he was only just awake dammit no one was their smartest at that point.

It only served to make Isak look _more_ terrified.

“Shit.  That’s not what I meant.” Even rubbed his face in the hopes of waking his useless brain up.  “What are you doing here?” Even asked finally when he lowered his hands from his face.

“I…live here now?” Isak was giving him the strangest look and Even could only assume he was regretting agreeing to carry a baby for the stupidest alpha in all of Norway.

“You do?” Even was feeling more stupid by the second.

“Yes?” Now Isak looked doubtful.  “This is the date your mum emailed me to move my stuff in.” Isak was reaching into his back pocket for his phone, presumably to double check the email, but Even waved his hand dismissively.

“If you say this is the date she emailed you then you’re probably right.  No one tells me anything around here.” He didn’t want to send Isak into a panic thinking he’d moved in on the wrong day or something; the boy seemed the sort to fall apart over that sort of thing.

“Because you’re the ‘nutcase Næsheim’?” Isak teased Even with his own words, and some of the tension eased between them.

“Something like that.” Even agreed, shoving his hands into the big pocket at the front of his hoodie for lack of a better thing to do with them.

“So…what did you come in here for?” Isak turned around and gave his attention back to the oven, where Even was surprised to see cheese toasties heating up.

“I’ll be honest…I thought someone was robbing the house so I came to tell them where the good shit was.” Even admitted, trying his hardest not to stare at Isak’s ass in his jeans when he bent over to cast an eye over his toasties.

“Sure.” Isak laughed as he straightened up, turning back to face Even with a small smile playing around his sweet mouth.

“Well, you’ll figure out for yourself where the good shit is seeing as you’re living here too now, so I won’t spoil it for you.” Even smiled, but his words made the Isak’s fragile smile fall away.

“Thanks.” Isak nodded, and the scent of sad omega made Even want to permanently lose his sense of smell.  It was _unbearable_.

And yet Even found himself not leaving the kitchen.

“Do you…want a toastie?” Isak asked uncertainly when Even remained stood there silently.

“Uh…no- no, it’s okay, thanks.  I’m not hungry.” Even shook his head.  His appetite had yet to come back after the depressive episode, and with the speed his parents were probably going to get him on that new drug he doubted he’d ever be hungry again, so Even had only been going into the kitchen for drinks the last couple of weeks.

“Okay.” Isak nodded awkwardly, and Even wished the ground would swallow him whole.  He had made a total idiot of himself in front of the poor kid being paid to have his baby.

“Okay.” Even repeated woodenly, beyond mortified by the morning’s turn of events, before he turned around and went back to his room to live out the rest of his life as a hermit.

***

“Get up, Even; the doctor is coming to see you in half an hour.” His mother shook him awake a few days later and Even swatted drowsily at her hands, wincing as it pulled at his stitches.

“Don’t wanna.” Even groaned into his mattress, tucking his arm under himself protectively.

“Well, your father and I didn’t want to have to get three pints of your blood cleaned out of the hallway carpet, but here we all are living with the consequences of your actions.” Camilla snapped and Even stuck his head up to scowl at her.

“I should have shit on it as well.” Even hissed before putting his head back on the pillow and closing his eyes, only to feel the duvet being ripped off of him seconds later.

“Even Bech Næsheim, get _up_.” His mother shouted and Even groaned loudly.  Without the duvet his bed was 100% less enjoyable and his mother bloody well knew that.

“Why?  So I can tell the doctor the same as usual and then go _back_ to bed?” Even groused, but he sat up anyway.  He probably could do with a shower after holding up in his room after what he had dubbed The Isak Incident, and he had a feeling the doctor was looking for any reason to just throw him into a ward.

“Even, this is your _last_ appointment with Marius before you give your sperm sample and start the Clozanapine trial.” His mother sighed, like this was the most important thing in the world.

“The _last_?  Will I have a different doctor once I start the trial?” That definitely had Even’s attention.

“ _Yes_ , Even, I believe that’s what I just said.” Camilla sighed like she was the most put upon woman on god’s green earth.

“Why didn’t you say so?!” Even sprung out of bed and headed straight for his en suite.

“Oh, and mum?” Even called over his shoulder.  “Stop saying ‘sperm’, or I might have to spill another few pints of blood over the floor.”

***

“So, Even, how are you feeling?” Marius asked automatically as he sat down in the library with Even.

“Tired.  But I’m not thinking of creative ways to kill myself anymore.  I’m not even thinking of _boring_ ways to kill myself.  I’m just taking it one day at a time.” Even answered, picking at a loose thread on the loveseat to avoid looking at Marius’ stupid fucking face.

The doctor was probably a nice enough man, but after all their appointments Even was bloody sick of him.

“Have you been out of the house since I last saw you?”

“Have you seen the _weather_ since I last saw you?” Even retorted, but Marius just raised an eyebrow at him.  “I’ve gone down to the shops a few times.  Alone.  To stock up on food and drink.” Even said, admitting defeat to the doctor’s waiting expression.

“Have you reached out to any of your friends?” That was the question that always stung Even the most.

“No.  I’m trying to avoid my phone to be honest.  I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” Even fidgeted in his seat, all too aware of how the older man was staring at him.

“If you don’t feel ready then I’m not going to push you, but isolating yourself isn’t the solution either.” Marius pointed out.  “Reaching out to even just one friend might make  a big difference for you.  I want you to think about it.”

“Okay.” Even promised, as empty as it always was.

“I know it probably doesn’t feel like it yet, but you’re already in a better place than you were the first time I met with you.” Marius must have picked up on how dejected Even was after all the friend talk, but Even could hardly appreciate the sentiment.

“This isn’t the end yet, Even.  This is still just the middle.”

 _But I wanted it to be the end_ , Even couldn’t help but think as they said goodbye and he watched the man leave.

***

It was strange seeing Isak around his house.  Sometimes it felt like he saw Isak more than he saw his parents.  It was strange seeing his house being _lived in_ , rather than used as a place between places.  Even tended to stay exclusively in his room until he needed to get something from the kitchen, but Isak seemed to exist in every room of the house.

He cooked in the kitchen, studied in the library, listened to music in the utility room while he waited for his washing to finish, his few shower things had filled the small shelf in the house bathroom, and his scent permeated through the whole house in a way that Even was sure was intended to drive him crazy.

Isak was treating his house more like a home in the week he had lived there than Even had used it in 18 years.

It was strange.

But not…unwelcome.

***

“What are you doing?” Even asked curiously one evening when he found Isak alone in the living room under a blanket.

“Just…taking some time out.” Isak mumbled, looking smaller under the blanket than Even thought a boy of his stature could look.

“From what?” Even sat on the far end of the sofa from Isak so the boy didn’t feel like Even was helping himself to Isak’s personal space.  Never mind the fact that there were three other pieces of furniture that Even could have sat on.

“Life?” Isak joked weakly, but when Even didn’t laugh he just sighed and fiddled with the blanket.  Even wondered if Isak had been trying nest in the house, trying to find some small corner that he could claim as his own, but it didn’t feel right to ask an omega about their nesting habits.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.” Even said quietly, not wanting to be overheard.

“Yes I do.” Isak pulled his blanket tighter under his chin and long buried parts of Even’s brain were screaming at him to make Isak feel better.

“I’m sorry.” Even whispered, staring into the fireplace.

“Me too.”

***

“So…today’s the day.” Isak said from the other side of the table, a huge bowl of cereal in front of him.  In the week that he’d lived there he’d already filled back out some of the weight he had clearly lost, and Even found himself liking the healthier looking Isak.

“Today’s the day.” Even nodded.  He had no desire to make any breakfast for himself.  Apart from the fact he wasn’t hungry he didn’t really want to throw up from stress before he was going to be expected to jerk off into a cup.

“How do you feel?” Isak asked kindly and Even glanced over at him.  The boy looked nothing but sweet, and it was tearing Even apart inside to think that he was going to taint the boy with all the terrible things inside of him when they inseminated Isak.

“Not good.” Even admitted.

“Is- is there anything I can do?  To help?” Isak’s tentatively given offer made Even want to cry.

“No, I think you’re doing enough already.” Even turned him down gently, but Isak still seemed disheartened by his answer.

“If you’re sure.” Isak whispered before focusing all of his attention on his breakfast.

 _Run, Isak.  Please run_.

***

If the knife hadn’t killed him than the embarrassment of the pre-sperm sample questionnaire almost did the job.  Having a kindly nurse ask him if he had jerked off in the last 48 hours was truly the lowest point of Even’s life, but he managed to get through it without actually bursting into flames of embarrassment.

And now he was alone in a room with his hand and a sample cup.

Even couldn’t even remember the last time he had got himself off.  It had to have been at least a month before his episode started; probably some sad and forgettable happy new year wank that Even had purely to knock himself out.

A sad statement for any 18 year old to make, Even was sure.

It took him longer than he’d care to admit to get it up, and it took a lot of thought to _keep_ it up.  Even pulled out all the tricks: wetting his hand with a small packet of lube he’d brought with him, going between fast and slow strokes, rubbing desperately at the head as if he could just _coax_ the sperm out, playing with his balls with his lube-slick hand, teasing the sensitive vein on the underside of his cock, and letting his mind replay some of his best sexual experiences to remind his dick of some of their golden moments.

It was only when he suddenly realised that whatever he blew now was going to end up inside of Isak that his dick really seemed to perk up, much to Even’s embarrassment.

But then he couldn’t _stop_ thinking about Isak.

His appointment was a few hours after Even’s, so soon Isak would be filled up with Even’s come and that was enough to make Even’s higher brain power shut down.  All he could think about was _Isak_.

Those curls that radiated youthful innocence that Even just wanted to knot his fingers in.

The thickness of his thighs and how desperately Even wanted his head between them.

The gorgeous roundness of the boy’s ass that Even would die to get his hands on.

His oh so sweet unclaimed omega scent, filling every nook and cranny of Even’s house.

The way he would fill out when he was carrying Even’s likely _only_ child.

As Even got closer and closer to his orgasm he tried desperately to pull back from thoughts of Isak – it wasn’t weird as long as he didn’t _come_ thinking about Isak, right – and fumbled for the little tub they’d given him outside.

With a shaking hand he held the tub over the head of his cock and tried to remember the details of one of his best blowjobs from a guy in the back of some seedy club, but as he felt his balls tighten the murky brown eyes staring up at him suddenly turned into sharp green eyes and a sweet cupid bow stretched around his cock.

Even popped a knot for the first time possibly this year at the unexpected change to his memory, letting the image of Isak choking on his cock see him through his entire orgasm as he tried his best to get it all in the pot.

But he definitely _didn’t_ moan Isak’s name to the emptiness of the room.

Definitely not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS????????
> 
> I'm literally going to force myself to go to sleep now after writing three chapters in one day. my brain is SO inspired for this AU. I'm not sure how long it will be, but I know exactly what I want to happen in this fic :O
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	4. You cry just a little bit and die just a little bit and then you'll be all right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys slowly start to become friends (2.8k)

Even could hardly look at Isak when they had dinner together that night.  His mother had called them all in for dinner, which was already an excruciating experience, but when she started asking about their appointments Even was just about ready to throw himself under the nearest bus.

“It went how it was supposed to.” Isak answered tactfully, but from the blush spreading across his face Even could tell he was just as embarrassed by Camilla’s question.

“Did they say how long before you can take the pregnancy test?” Camilla asked, clearly wanting to know her money wasn’t going to a lost cause.

“Fourteen days.”

“How exciting!” Camilla was smiling like they were a couple who had been trying for years to get pregnant, rather than two teenagers bending under her will.

“Yeah.” Isak’s eyes kept sliding to the door like he was thinking of making a break for it and Even couldn’t blame him.  “I’m sorry, I think I need to lie down.” Isak set his knife and fork down on his plate gently before shooting Camilla and apologetic look.

“Of course.” She waved her hand at him.  “You can come back for your dinner later if you like.  You must be exhausted.” Seeing his mother in full _gracious host_ mode always unsettled Even and tonight was no different.

“Thank you.” Isak mumbled before he got to his feet and slowly shuffled out of the kitchen.  Even couldn’t take his eyes off the hand that Isak was resting on his abdomen, whether it was conscious or subconscious Even would never know.

“Did you hear that, Even?” Camilla beamed.  “Just two weeks and then you can start the drug trial!  _And_ we’ll have a baby on the way!”

“I’m not hungry.” Even’s mouth felt unbearably dry, and he was pushing away from the table before he even realised what he was doing.

***

Even spent a good hour after the disastrous dinner hunched over the toilet in his en suite, gagging uselessly to try to throw up food that wasn’t there.  His eyes were watery and he felt like all the blood in his body had been dragged to his face where it was hanging over the toilet bowl; all in all it was _not_ a position he wanted to be found in.

So, naturally, that was how Isak found him.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one hugging the toilet?” Isak joked, his scent quickly filling the small room.

“Not for fourteen days, apparently.” Even replied weakly before flushing the bile away.

“When I woke up I could hear you being sick, so I thought you might like some water.” Isak handed the bottle over and the gesture was so sweet that Even had to try his hardest not to burst into tears then and there.

“Thanks.” He whispered hoarsely.  He used the first sip like mouthwash and spat it into the toilet before leaning back against the wall and taking a few slow and measured sips, closing his eyes to try to fight the nausea.

To say he was surprised when he opened his eyes and Isak was still there was an understatement.

Isak had sat down against the opposite wall and he was staring at Even like he was one great big puzzle to solve.  Even wasn’t sure he liked it.  Isak looked so soft and sweet, clearly just awake from a nap, with his pink cheeks and fluffy curls but his eyes were sharp and Even knew that this was not an omega to underestimate.

“Do you ever feel like your life is just spinning away from you?” Even’s words were barely a whisper but they might as well have been screamed.

“Are you really going to ask _me_ that?” Isak raised an eyebrow at him and Even immediately felt like an idiot.

“No, I guess not.” He sighed, letting his eyes fall shut again.  Like always: Even had no leg to stand on when it came to complaining about his life.

With his eyes closed it gave his other senses a chance to tune into their environment and he let himself listen to what they were telling him.  The calm sounds of Isak breathing, the hum of the light above them, the hardness of the floor under his ass, the acidic smell of bile.  He tried to focus on Isak’s scent instead; enjoying the smell of his citrus-y body wash – even if it was tinged with the hospital smell – and the sweet undertones that were simply _Isak_.  But there was also a coppery smell that Even’s nose caught onto when he was really focusing, and it set his teeth on edge.

“What is that smell?” He opened his eyes, not caring how rude he sounded.

“What?” Isak looked taken aback, as well he might when _that_ was the first thing Even had chosen to say after minutes of silence.

“Are you bleeding?  Are you _hurt_?” Even frowned across at the omega and Isak’s post-sleep rosiness quickly morphed into fully blown mortified red.

“I’m not hurt.  The doctor said that it was normal for some light bleeding after the procedure.” Well, now Even felt like a prick for asking.  “I’ll go if it’s bothering you.” Isak’s eyes had taken on a glassy look and Even’s heart sunk.  The kid had just come in to give him some water and now Even had embarrassed him.

“Are you in pain?” Even grabbed at Isak’s wrist as he made for the door and Isak sucked in a breath, but Even couldn’t bear the thought of letting him go off on his own if he _was_ hurting.

“Not from the procedure.” Isak shook his head and Even let his hand fall away.  He knew it wasn’t his place to ask Isak about his life; they weren’t friends, hell they barely knew the first thing about each other.

But maybe they could get there.

***

A few days passed and Even’s anxiety wasn’t getting any better, so when his mother was out at a lunch with some of her ‘friends’ he took himself off to the library.  He used to use the library as a sanctuary when he was little for building forts, pretending that little space was all he had in the world and nothing bad could touch him there, but now it was just the room he hid his cigarettes and smoked when he got stressed.

Even went up the mounted ladder and found the book his stash was hidden behind, quickly pocketing it and scurrying back down.  He made himself comfy in the window seat, letting himself sink into the cushions, and flung the window open on another dreary March day.

It seemed fitting that spring was taking so long to break through all the clouds and rain when Even himself still felt like winter of his depression would never fucking end.

He lit up his first cigarette before dropping the lighter on his lap, and he let his mind wander as he smoked.  He used to think about setting the house on fire while everyone was out and killing himself that way, but it had always been more of a hate fantasy than anything else.  The thought of watching everything his parents had squandered their lives on burn into nothing had always soothed him.

Somehow he knew that even if he had burnt the whole house down and they had had nothing left but their son they still would have ignored him.

He wasn’t the son they wanted and they weren’t the parents he needed.  Maybe now he had fucked up his suicide he should use some of his godforsaken trust fund to find a place of his own to live.  But then that implied that he intended to live, and Even still wasn’t sure if he did deep down.

He didn’t know what he wanted, he just knew that he couldn’t keep going like he was.

He was three or four cigarettes in when the door opened, but he didn’t even need to turn his head to know it was Isak.  He kept smoking quietly, enjoying the way the remnants of Isak’s scent in the room suddenly came back to full life with his return, and listened to Isak set up his homework over one of the desks.

The kid had an incredible study ethic.  Not even uprooting his life and being hired as a broodmare was going to interfere with Isak’s 6’s.  If Even had been in Isak’s position studying would have been the last thing on his mind, which was clearly just one more way that they were worlds apart from each other.

Even might have been a changeling to his parents, but he was still a whole different breed to Isak.  Maybe that gap would just always be too big to bridge and they were going to have an incredibly awkward 9 months living together before parting ways and never seeing each other again.

Even didn’t like to think about it.  He couldn’t even begin to picture his life that far in the future.  Just thinking about thinking about it made him break out in a cold sweat and had him feeling like his stomach was lined with lead, so he lit up the next cigarette with trembling hands and took a desperate drag before letting out a shaky exhale.

Isak suddenly let out a sharp gasp and Even’s head swivelled around, but instead of finding Isak doubled over in pain the omega was staring at him like a rabbit caught in headlights.

“How long have you been up there?” Isak held his hand over his heart, and if Even focused his ears he could _hear_ the hammering.

“Probably about an hour.” Even shrugged, blowing another plume of smoke from the corner of his mouth out of the window.  “Couldn’t you smell me?” He asked curiously.  He could _always_ smell Isak when he was nearby.

“This is your house, Even.  Everything smells like you whether you’re here or not.” Isak looked up at him curiously, for long enough that Even started to feel self-conscious.  “At least now I know why this room always smells like smoke.” Isak said before looking back down at his books.

“Do you want me to go?” Even offered as he dropped all his finished fag ends into the box, tucking the lighter in too now that there was a bit more room.

“It’s your house.” Isak pointed out.

“It’s yours too now.” Even countered, watching the way Isak’s shoulders dropped sadly.

“I guess it is.” Isak nodded, not taking his eyes off his work.

“What are you studying?” Even felt like a swift change of subject was needed before he reduced the poor omega to tears again.

“English.  It’s my worst subject.” Isak admitted, glancing up at Even.

“I don’t believe for a _second_ that you have a worst subject, Mr Straight 6’s.” Even teased, enjoying the way Isak’s lips curled up in a smile.

“English is just exhausting.  I don’t want to be a translator and I have no desire to talk to anyone English.” Isak huffed, which was so endearing that Even could have cried.

“Bold statement.” He laughed, closing up the cigarette box and standing up.  “I guess English has sort of turned into a common meet-in-the-middle language.  We all learn English in school, but god forbid they learn Norwegian or German or Finnish or any other language.” Even continued as he went back up the ladder and hid his stash back safely.  Once he got back down from the ladder he indulged himself in a long stretch, letting his back crack satisfyingly before he relaxed.

He didn’t miss the way Isak’s eyes darted away from his stomach when he looked over at the boy.

“You know…” Even began.  “I speak English.  I could give you a hand?” He wasn’t sure if his offer would be appreciated, but he had the skills and Isak obviously cared about his grades.

“Of course you speak English.” Isak huffed out a laugh.  “I bet it’s perfect too.” Isak raised his eyebrows at him, just daring him to say otherwise.

“ _That’s for me to know and you to find out_.” Even said in English, watching the blank look on Isak’s face as he processed the words turn into a disbelieving laugh.

“ _Show off_.” Isak shot back in stilted English, but the sound of his accent curling around the English words _did_ something to Even.

“See!  You do know English!” Even grinned as he made his way down the few steps to the lower level of the library and plonked himself down next to Isak.

“Only little bits.” Isak shrugged it off.

“That’s more than some people know.  And I bet it’s more than an English person can say in Norwegian.” The first step was clearly to get Isak more confident with his English skills, because he was going around thinking he was shit then he was probably going to end up being shit.  Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that.

“I guess.” Isak conceded.

“So what’s the assignment?” Even looked over the spread of notes and paper on the desk but Isak’s handwriting was going to take some getting used to.

“Here.” Isak handed him the sheet that had clearly been given out by the teacher, printed neatly in English with Isak’s hasty translated scrawl in Norwegian underneath.

Bless him.

***

Study sessions became a surprisingly regular thing, but only when Isak had English homework.  He’d ask Even if he was free to help him in the library – Even wasn’t sure if he was genuinely asking or if he was mocking Even for hardly ever leaving the house – and they’d sit down at the same desk and work together until Isak had the job done.

Even found that he loved seeing Isak’s confidence speaking English grow and he could actually _see_ Isak getting better and better at the subject as the time went on.  Soon he probably wouldn’t even _need_ Even’s help any more.

The thought made him sadder than he thought it would.

***

“We’re hosting a benefit for mental health provisions in Oslo tonight, Even, and I want you to be there.” His mother’s had made the right choice telling him this over the phone, because if she had done it in person he probably would have killed her on the spot.

“Why?  So you can lord me around like some freak at the circus?” He was beyond furious.  Mental health events always ended up going the same way for him: his parents would talk about his bipolar as if it was an interesting dish or a party trick, using it to convince people to send their money to this place or invest it into that drug.

He hated it.

The world didn’t need to know about his illness.  He especially didn’t want to think about what people would say after his failed attempt at taking his own life.

“We’d never do that!” Camilla exclaimed, but Even knew arguing with her would be like shouting at a brick wall.

“I’m not going.” He said flatly.

“It’s going to be _at our house_ , Even!” His mother exclaimed.

“Then I won’t be.” He shrugged, hanging up and turning his phone off.  A quick glance at the clock told him that he had long enough to shower and get dressed and get the hell out of dodge, so that was exactly what he did.

Except, as he got to the front door he realised something.

Isak.

He couldn’t leave poor Isak at the mercy of his parents’ social circle.  Isak didn’t deserve that sort of torture.  Even backed up quickly and ran up the stairs, knocking on Isak’s door.

“Even?” Isak called uncertainly, as well he might considering Even had never so much at looked in the direction of Isak’s room before.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He confirmed, and a few seconds later the door opened.  Isak was sweatpants and a hoodie, and behind him his laptop was resting on the bed.  Even had clearly interrupted his chill time.

“What’s up?” Isak asked.

“This is going to seem really random, but my parents are throwing this… _thing_ tonight and it’s going to be awful and they’ll probably try to drag you into it if you’re in.  I’m bailing now, but then I realised I couldn’t just leave you to the vultures of Oslo’s upper class so I thought I’d spring you out as well.” Even explained hastily, well aware that he probably sounded insane.

“A _thing_?” Isak repeated.

“Yeah, it’s supposedly a charity event but-”

“Say no more.” Isak shuddered.  “Let me just- uh, get changed, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

“Sure.  But leave your phone behind.  You can say it was an accident and that we just went out to get a drink and didn’t plan to be out that long.” Even didn’t want Isak getting into trouble either, considering Camilla probably viewed him as an employee.

“You’ve thought of everything, huh?” Isak smiled before closing the door to get dressed, and Even’s chest puffed with pride at the omega’s praise.

Even didn’t know it yet, but that was the night that he would later come to think of as the beginning of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS????????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	5. I feel better all over more than anywhere else baby when I'm out with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get closer, and Isak's 14 days are up (3.3k)

“Okay, _why_ are you looking at me like that?” Even finally had to ask.  They had been sat in the McDonald’s for almost ten minutes now and every time he glanced over at Isak the boy was staring at him with the strangest look on his face.

“It’s just…strange seeing you outside of the house.” Isak replied, still looking at Even like he was some big mystery to untangle.

“I do leave occasionally.” Even sounded more defensive than he meant to but Isak just smiled.

“I also wasn’t expecting your choice of evening entertainment to be so…normal.” Isak admitted, sounding unsure whether or not he should say it.

“Did you think I thought I was too good for Maccies?” Even spread his hand over his chest dramatically and Isak laughed, rolling his eyes at the dramatics.

“I don’t know, it just seems a bit pedestrian for someone who could afford to eat wherever they wanted as often as they wanted to.” Isak shrugged before he picked his burger back up.

“I’m not my parents.  I like pedestrian.” Even hated having to have this talk with people and he really didn’t want to sour his unexpected night out with Isak so he changed gears swiftly.  “I mean: I _could_ take you somewhere fancy and drop a thousand kroner on a lovely meal for us both, but I would fully expect you to sleep with me afterwards.” Even continued casually, plucking a fry off his tray just as Isak choked on his mouthful of food.

“Okay,” Isak rasped after a long sip from his drink.  “I guess that’s what I get for asking a dick question.” He coughed again before settling back in his chair and Even tried not to look _too_ smug at eliciting such a reaction from him.

“Yeah, didn’t you ever learn about making assumptions about people?” Even arched an eyebrow and Isak just rolled his eyes.

“I did, yes.  But judging is also an important instinct that helps keep us alive.” Isak went back to his burger, taking smaller bites this time.

“On a large scale, yes, but not when we’re talking about whether or not someone’s too good for Maccies or if they look good in their clothes.” Even argued around a mouthful of fries.

“You know you look good in your clothes.” Isak snorted.  “And we’ve already established that you’re _not_ too rich for McDonald’s, which is a relief.”

“You think I look good?” Even grinned, delighting in the way colour rushed to Isak’s cheeks.

“Everyone thinks you look good, Even.” Isak shook his head but he wouldn’t meet Even’s eye.  He didn’t want to make the omega too uncomfortable though, so he leapt onto the other thing Isak had said.

“Why is it a relief?” Even asked, partly curious about what Isak had thought of him but not 100% sure if he actually wanted to know.

“Ugh, just…your house is intense, okay?  Between your parents, and the crazy luxury, and the reason I’m there, and trying to still live my normal life miles away from where I used to live, it’s just…a lot.  So to know I live with someone who can still enjoy a trip to Maccies makes me feel a bit less freaked out about the whole thing.”

That was as close as they got to discussing their less than ideal situation for the whole evening.

“You should have said something sooner and we could have got Maccies when you moved in.” Even didn’t know why he said that.  There was no way either of them could change the past, so it was just a useless sentiment.

“Oh yeah, I was just going to ask the terrifying rich older alpha I lived with if he wanted to go to McDonald’s.” Isak scoffed, unaware that he was breaking Even’s heart.

“You thought I terrifying?” Even hated how sad he sounded.  He hated it even more when Isak picked up on it and looked him dead in the eye with a gentleness that said _I’m going to let him down easy_.

“I’m an omega on his own.  I think every alpha is terrifying until they prove otherwise.” Isak pointed out.

“Understandable.” Even really did understand, but it still hurt to know that Isak had been scared of him.

“You proved yourself not a threat very quickly, though.” Isak continued.  “That morning you came down while I was making toasties?  When you panicked and said _I’m not here to get you pregnant_ and then looked like you wanted God to strike you down there and then.”

“The toastie incident.” Even groaned, burying his face in his hands.  The embarrassment even just remembering it was painful.

“I knew after that that you might be rich, but you obviously weren’t some entitled alpha who was going to rape me in my sleep or something.  You panicked hard and made a twat of yourself like any normal person.” The casual way Isak could talk about being raped made Even’s skin crawl, and he prayed that nothing like that had ever happened to the sweet boy in front of him.

“Glad my idiocy made you feel better.” Even smiled weakly, still trying to recover from the embarrassment.

“It did.” Isak nodded.  “You seemed just as nervous as I was.  It was…comforting, I guess.” Isak glanced downwards at that and Even found himself desperate to reach over and touch the omega to comfort him.

“I’m glad I could at least do that for you.” Even whispered.  When Isak looked back at him the look in his eyes was indescribable, but it sparked something inside of Even that he never even knew was there.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here.” Even stood up, abandoning his last few fries.

“Where to?”

“Somewhere we can talk.” Even decided.  He let Isak finish his last few mouthfuls of food before helping the omega slide out of the booth, and then they left for the chilly Oslo evening.

***

They wound up in the park Even used to frequent as a child, both of them gravitating towards the swings.  There was something calm about a park after all the children had left and were surely curled up in bed.

“What are we going to talk about?” Isak asked after a few minutes of idly swinging.

“I think we should get to know each other.  But nothing deep.  Only little things.” Even explained as he rocked himself slowly forwards and back.

“So…twenty questions or something?” Isak suggested.

“Perfect.  You can ask the first question.”

“Okay.  What’s your…favourite colour?” Isak laughed as the words came out of his mouth and the feeling was infectious.

“That’s just too personal, Isak, and I’m offended that you would even _ask_ such a thing.” Even said in his best impression of his mother’s aghast tone, making Isak laugh even more.

“It’s green though.  Like leaves and plants and stuff.  Life.” Even gave his actual answer once they both stopped giggling.  “What about yours?”

“Mmm, I think I like blue.  Sky blue.  The sky just reminds me that we’re all so small, y’know?  Insignificant.” Isak tipped his head back and looked at the darkening evening sky, his eyes following the lines of the stars.

“Don’t be getting deep on me, Valtersen, this is just a casual game of twenty questions.” Even winked.

“Just ask your question.” Isak rolled his eyes and let his head drop back into its usual position.

“Hmm…” Even looked around the park for inspiration.  “When…is your birthday?” The fact that Isak was possibly growing his baby as they spoke and they didn’t even know each other’s birthdays made Even so uncomfortable.

“June 21st.” Isak replied automatically.  “You?”

“February 12th.” Even tried not to think of how he had spent his birthday, his arm burning under his sleeve.

“I’ve missed your birthday then.” Isak said quietly, and Even’s heart swelled.

“I’ll have to remember to do something nice for yours in the summer.” Even found himself genuinely wanting to do something for Isak’s birthday.  If things went to plan then Isak would be about three months pregnant by then, so it would have to be baby friendly.

“You will.” Isak nodded, looking down at his feet as he slowly pushed himself back and forth.

“What was your best birthday?” Isak asked next.  It was an easy question at least.

“Didn’t have one.  You?”

“What do you mean you didn’t have one?” Isak exclaimed, turning violently on his swing to look at Even.

“I mean I didn’t have one.  All my birthdays have been shit.  They’ve been ‘events’ orchestrated by my mother.  I usually just went out and got fucked up with my friends.” If Even could even call them that.  People from his parents’ social circle that he knew hated their lives as much as Even did and were always down to down drinks and burn through a few blunts.

“Oh.” Isak looked sad, but he blinked and his eyes cleared.  “Well, my best birthday was probably when I was eight.  My parents took me camping and my mum- my mum taught me about constellations and my dad taught me how to put a tent up and how to start a fire.” Isak’s eyes definitely welled up talking about it, and Even hated himself for imposing a _nothing deep_ rule on this game because he desperately wanted to know what was hurting Isak about that memory.

“That sounds really nice.” Even smiled, unable to help himself from leaning over and brushing the tears off of Isak’s cheek quickly.

“It was.” Isak’s voice shook and Even knew a change of pace was needed.

“What’s your favourite subject in school?” He asked the safest question he could think of.

“Any of the sciences.” Isak rubbed at his eyes before looking over at Even gratefully.

“Of course.  Nerd.” Even teased.

“Well, we can’t _all_ be trust fund babies.” Isak retorted.

“That we can’t.” Even agreed.  “Well, this trust fund baby’s favourite subject was art.” Even shared.

“Art?” Isak’s gaze was scrutinizing, and it went on for almost a full minute before he made his mind up.  “Yeah, I can see that.  Bougie artist Even Bech Næsheim.” Isak held his hand out and moved it across the air in front of him as if he was showing off Even’s name in lights.

“Maybe in another life.” Even laughed.  “My parents weren’t very supportive of my interests and in the end I just sort of gave it up.  But I loved it in school.” Even tacked the last sentence on hastily before he broke his own _nothing deep_ rule.

“Nice save.” Isak acknowledged it with a smile before his face turned more serious.  “That does suck though; I’m sorry.”

“It’s not the end of the world.” Even shrugged it off, even though it still hurt to think about.

“Just because it isn’t the end of the world doesn’t mean it isn’t allowed to hurt.”

“But what if everything hurts?” Even whispered, staring across the park to avoid Isak’s face in the quickly fading sunlight.

“I think that’s just what life is.” Isak whispered back.

***

As Even expected: his mother flipped out when she found him in bed the next day.  After 18 years that was nothing new, so Even just took his dressing down and went back to sleep.

When he woke up properly for the day he grabbed his laptop and clicked around until he eventually found a good charity for mentally ill homeless young people and made a quick anonymous donation of 2500kr before turning the laptop off again.

It was time to start getting rid of all the blood money.

***

“Was your mum angry?” Isak asked a few days later when they had got through his English homework.

“She’s always angry at me, be more specific.” Even said as he reread their work one last time.  He hadn’t even been this invested in his _own_ secondary homework, but he would feel awful if his laziness cost Isak his straight 6’s.

“Shit, that was a bit real.” Isak laughed nervously and Even realised what he’d said.

“Sorry.” He blinked, colour rising to his face.

“I meant about the charity thing the other night.” Isak clarified as he started organising all his papers back into his binder.

“Oh, that.  Yeah she gave me the same old spiel and the fucked off for the day.” Even shrugged, picking up Isak’s books for him and swatting the boy’s hands away when he tried to take them.

“I’ll carry them back for you; you’ve got the big binder and all that stationary.” Even tutted, hugging the textbooks closer to his chest in case Isak tried to take them again.

“Okay, big strong alpha, you can carry my _two_ books back to my room for me.” Isak sighed exasperatedly, but Even’s dick twitched keenly in his jeans at Isak calling him alpha.

 _Get it together, Næsheim_.

“So, what is it?  Do you hate the mentally ill or something?” Isak asked conversationally as they made their way out of the library.

“ _What_?” Even almost dropped Isak’s books in shock.

“Your mum told me you always try to get out of those events specifically.” Isak told him, walking through the hall.

“Did she now.” Even was pretty sure steam would be coming out of his ears if they were in a cartoon.

“I figured she was twisting it somehow, so I thought I’d just ask you why you never want to be seen helping the mentally ill.” Isak explained, but there was an edge to his voice that Even didn’t like.

“I hate the events my _parents_ attend for the mentally ill because it’s all superficial.  None of them care about people struggling with their mental health; they just want to be seen giving their money to a good cause without having to do any of the hard work.  For them it’s just an excuse to get dressed up and drink champagne and try to one-up the people they hate when it comes to donating.  It’s disgusting and I’d rather die than go to another one.” Even knew he was ranting, but the thought of his mother getting into Isak’s head made him angrier than he’d been in a long time.

“Good answer.” Isak nodded as they came to his door.  “Mental health charities mean a lot to me.  I don’t know how I’d feel about all this-” He gestured between the two of them, making Even’s heart jump.  “if you turned out to be the sort of asshole Camilla made you sound like you were this morning.” Isak used his elbow to push the door handle down and backed up when the door swung away from him.

He backed right into Even by accident and the half a second of contact made Even feel more full than he had in months, but before he could even register the feeling it was over and Isak was walking into his room.

Even followed him like a lovesick puppy – even though he was adamant that he was just trying to be _friends_ with Isak – and set the books down next to where Isak had put his binder down on the table.

“My mother isn’t a reliable source.  Next time just come to me.” Even advised, his words coming out harsher than he intended.

“Got it.” Isak said softly.  “Sorry if I upset you.”

“Just…take everything my mother says with a bucketful of salt.” Even sighed, rubbing tiredly at his hair and looking around Isak’s room to avoid the pitiful look he was sure Isak was giving him.

The room looked almost exactly like it had done a month ago, before Even had even known Isak Valtersen existed.  Isak had lived with them for almost a fortnight, but he had made no modifications to his room.

Either he was a minimalist or he had moved in with next to nothing.

“Well, I’ll leave you to your chill time.” Even said awkwardly.  He had never walked Isak back to his room before, so he didn’t really know how the omega felt about having an alpha is his personal space.

“Wait!” Isak’s voice was rushed as Even moved back to the door and it made Even’s heart turn over.  “Do you want to stay?  I was just going to play some video games to help switch my brain off for a while…if you’re into that sort of stuff.” Isak offered haltingly, his cheeks getting increasingly more pink.

“Mind numbing video games sound perfect.”

Even closed Isak’s door and joined him on the bed.

***

It got to the point where Even found himself trying to fill the hours of the day until Isak got home from school again.  Over the two weeks they had struck up a nice balance of studying and hanging out, and Even enjoyed their easy banter.  Being in the omega’s company was revitalising in a way Even had forgotten being around people could be.

Whether Even was having a good day or a bad one, being around Isak always left him feeling better than he had begun.

They were friends, and they could almost pretend things were totally normally.

Until they couldn’t.

***

Saturday morning Even woke up to somebody knocking timidly on his door.

“Hello?” He called out croakily, sticking his head up from his pillow blearily.  He was sure today wasn’t the day the cleaner was scheduled, and no one else bothered to knock on his door.

“It’s Isak.” Came the soft reply and Even immediately felt awake.

“Come in.” He cleared his throat and pulled a hoodie on from the floor, making sure to keep his sleeves pulled down.

“What’s up?” He asked when Isak clicked the door shut quietly behind himself.  But then he saw what Isak was holding in his hands and his blood froze over in his veins.  “Fourteen days?” Was all his shocked brain could come up with at the sight of the pregnancy test.

“Fourteen days.” Isak confirmed.  “Your mother left this for me to take, along with a note saying to email her the result right away.” Isak’s hands were shaking and Even got out of bed and went over to him, unsure whether or not it was okay to hug him.

“Have you taken it yet?”

“Does the box _look_ opened?” Isak snapped, but his face crumpled immediately.  “Sorry.  I’m just…stressed.  And scared.  This is going to make it real.” Isak swallowed, dropping his gaze to the floor.

Even’s decision was made for him by how frightened Isak looked and the unbearable scent of distressed omega flooding his nose.

“Come here.” He pulled Isak into a gentle hug, winding his arms around the boy’s middle and resting his chin atop of Isak’s curls.  Isak tensed for less than a millisecond before he melted against Even’s torso, and Even could _feel_ him trembling.

“Can- can I take it in here?” Isak asked meekly, tucked close to Even like the sweetest kitten.

“I’d rather you took it in the en suite- OW!” Even yelped when Isak smacked the box over his head.

“You know what I meant!” Isak huffed, but Even was pretty sure he appreciated Even making a bad joke in a bad situation.  Isak at least looked less scared.

“You can use the en suite, and when you’re all done we can wait for the result together, okay?” Even promised.  “Friends don’t let friends read their pregnancy test results alone.” He smiled before ushering Isak into his bathroom before the boy could change his mind again.

***

They were huddled together on the edge of Even’s bed.  Even had his arm draped comfortingly over Isak’s shoulders and Isak was sat tucked right into his side, both of them staring at the stick in Isak’s hand.

Both of their futures were going to change massively if-

“I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS????????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	6. You'll wake up some cold day and find you're alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys drift apart, Even starts the drug trial, and weeks go by (5.3k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even is miserable basically all of this chapter, sorry guys 

“I think I need to be alone.” Isak’s voice was thick and hardly more than a choked whisper, but in the dead silence of Even’s room it was like a gunshot.

“Yeah.  Me too.” Even swallowed, watching as Isak got up and walked stiffly out of Even’s room.  The door had barely closed behind him when Even heard the strangled sound of a sob, but Even was in no position to go and comfort the boy.

He didn’t want Isak to see what was coming next.

Even moved silently off his bed and into the en suite, making sure to close the door behind himself, and started running the shower.  While the water warmed up Even stripped his clothes off and left them in a pile on the floor before stepping into the shower.

Almost as soon as he felt the first spray of steaming water hit his face he was falling apart.  There were no tears, to Even’s surprise, just the horrifying feeling of someone carving something vital out of his chest and crushing it underfoot right in front of him.  His lungs felt tight, too tight to breathe, and his heart was beating faster than a drummer on speed.

Isak was pregnant with his child.  A child that Even was in no way prepared to have when he was barely more than a kid himself.  Only just 18 and fresh out of a bitch of a breakdown, on the cusp of being ‘neutralised’ whatever the fuck that meant.

His life was like some bad tv show and he was the helpless star, yelling and screaming for the writers to take it in a different direction even though no one was listening.

Wasn’t that just the story of his life?  No one listening.

Even had no idea how long he stood in the shower drowning in his anxiety, but it was long enough for his skin to go wrinkly and sensitive and tender.

When he finally dragged himself out and went back into his room his phone was blinking on his bedside table, trying to get his attention when all he wanted to do was crumple onto his bed and never get up.  He pushed the home button to glance over the notification and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Less than half an hour after Isak had left his room he had received an email from his mother.

He was starting the Clozanapine trial tomorrow.

***

He snuck to the kitchen late that night, and on his way back to his room he stopped by Isak’s door.  He knew he shouldn’t have; he knew it was creepy and invasive and weird, but he hadn’t seen or heard from Isak since they had got the result and he was worried.

It only took a second for his senses to focus.  The muffled sound of sobs and the stench of upset omega.

Isak was doing just as well as Even then.

Even thought about going in to comfort him but he quickly realised that he was probably the last person Isak would want to see at that moment in time.

He went back to his room without a word.

***

“Are you excited?” His mother asked while they waited for the doctor to arrive.

“Ecstatic.” Even deadpanned, staring disinterestedly out of the window.  “I can’t wait to be turned into an infertile zombie by this new wonder drug.”

***

The doctor didn’t ask nearly as many questions as Even was expecting – considering he was about to start a  _drug trial –_ but the questions he did ask all touched nerves that Even would rather have left alone.

_Yes_ , he had tried to kill himself.   _No_ , he wasn’t thinking about trying it again.   _Yes_ , he still lived at home.   _No_ , he didn’t have a significant other to notify or list as next of kin.   _Yes_ , he was taking care of his healing arm.   _No_ , he hadn’t hurt himself since.   _No_ , there hadn’t been another episode since February.   _Yes_ , he was taking his fucking pills every day.

If he hadn’t already been daydreaming about the sweet release of death then he was by the end of the appointment.

He left with a new box of pills, a printed list of the suspected side effects they had observed from others in the trial, and strict instructions to keep a log of the time he took the pills and a ranking of his mood each day.  It even came with a wonderfully patronising 1-10 scale to help him score each day.

Even hadn’t expected being ‘neutralised’ to involve so much fucking paperwork.

***

As time went by the sound of Isak vomiting became commonplace in the Næsheim household.  Even had never been in close quarters with a pregnant person – of any gender or species – but he was sure that no one in any condition should be puking as much as Isak was.

Sure, he had known a few girls from other affluent families that had had a bit too much fun and ended up pregnant, but they all ended up going on totally not suspicious travels for 8 months and then reappearing as if nothing had happened.  So Even had no idea what was normal and what wasn’t; especially for an omega pregnancy.

Even knew enough about exquis biology to know that male omegas tended to be sicklier than their female counterparts, because their genes were a fluke.  Male omegas weren’t  _supposed_ to have existed; 1000 years ago they had been a mutation, and because they had been allowed to live and breed they passed on that mutation.

But nature had a funny way of righting its wrongs.

Male omegas, with all their clashing DNA, tended to have weaker immune systems and were more prone to disease than almost any other species.  And then on top of that there was the risk of hate crimes, the bullshit political tension around their rights, and the pressure to be the perfect docile mate.  Even had no idea why people were shocked to learn that male omegas had some of the highest suicide stats in the world; he would probably have offed himself too if his whole life was governed by other people solely because of how he presented.

The more he thought about it all the more he worried how Isak was coping.  They had hardly spoken since they got the result a few weeks ago – barely even saying hi when they passed each other around the house – and Even was beginning to think that he had made a mistake by letting Isak walk out of his room that day.  They had both needed to process it, but they should have got together after a few days to talk it out instead of leaving it to fester like a rotting elephant carcass between them.

Apart from anything else Even missed the comradery.  With Isak he had felt like he had a friend in the house.  Someone who would have given a shit if he tried to kill himself again for reasons other than their upholstery.

Even had been used to being alone in his house, but being without Isak now left him feeling lonely in a way he had never known.

***

Everyone was out of the house – even Isak had left in the early hours of the afternoon to get some watery spring sunshine – and Even was suffocating.  His stomach wouldn’t stop churning, which he was sure was thanks to the Clozanapine, and his mind wasn’t much better.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting from the drug his parents already seemed to be hailing as a miracle cure, but whatever he had been expecting it hadn’t been living his normal life with the mere addition of nausea.  If Even was honest – brutally, painfully honest – he would admit that maybe he had wanted that miracle.  He wanted to take the pills for a few days and suddenly everything in his head would be perfectly balanced and he would never have to worry about episodes or constantly having to monitor himself ever again.

It had been weeks now and he still felt like shit.  He still hated his house and resented his parents and berated himself for not even being able to be happy when he was living what a lot of people would have considered ‘the dream’.

It wasn’t  _Even’s_  dream though.

Even’s dreams always involved a cosy cottage somewhere quiet, away from the hustle of Oslo, maybe near the sea or near some woods.  He wanted  _space_.  Space to breathe and space to live his life how he wanted it without constantly being under the scrutiny of dozens of rich stuck up pricks.

The dreams usually involved some faceless mate too.  Someone that Even could come home to and know for absolute certainty loved him as much as he loved them.  He wanted the safety and security of that love.  He had always been a sucker for grand mating stories: people who saw their mate and knew without any hesitation that that was what their soul was missing.

People who proudly showed their mating bite and took comfort in their mate’s bite when life got too much.

He used to dream about children too – not outrageously, just every now and then the dream would feature a faceless child or two running up to him squealing  _daddy_  in delight – but he was already afraid that that was going to be impossible now.  The thought of being free from his illness was tantalising, but fuck him if the cost wasn’t high.

An alpha who couldn’t have his own children was hardly an alpha at all in this life.  No matter how many Adoptive Alpha campaigns they ran people still scoffed at an alpha who popped blank knots.  He knew that omegas tried to be supportive, but some of them just too desperately wanted to bred and have their own babies that they ended up choosing a fertile alpha instead.

Even knew that not all omegas were like that, but now the thought terrified him that if he did fall for an omega they would overlook him in favour of someone who hadn’t essentially been sterilised.

He also knew that there were millions of people out there.  His mate might not even be an omega; he might mate a cute faerie or a handsome telepath or even a sapien.  They could adopt and take in a child who needed the safety and security of a loving home, just like Even did.

Or he could be alone forever.

Hell, he might not even  _live_  that long.  What did he have to live for?  An unwanted life with no future ahead of him; he could donate away all of his money – give a chunk to Isak and tell him to take that baby and run, get as far away from his family as possible – and then throw himself to the mercy of the sea.

But thoughts like that when he was alone in the house never did him any good, so he forced himself to get out of bed on shaky legs.  He took a quick shower in the hopes of steaming out the sick feeling and threw on whatever clothes he touched first and left the house without a backwards glance.

He didn’t know where he was going, but it had to be better than where he came from.

***

He went to the park first, spent a few minutes resting his folded arms on the fence and watching the kids run around while the nannies all gossiped about the families they worked for, and the familiarity of it made him sadder than he was to start with.  Things had been so much simpler when he had come here as a child before he was really aware of how fucked up his home life was.

Sometimes he actually missed the nanny he had had growing up.  She had been young and kind and gave young touch starved Even the affection he wanted without turning him into a total wet blanket like some socialite kids he had met.  His mother had fired her eventually, convinced that she was trying to make moves on Even’s dad even though Even knew she had a girlfriend because she would sometimes join them when they were out once, and like all good things in Even’s life she vanished.

Seeing the park full of new nannies upset him.  He didn’t want  _new_.  He wanted things to be like they used to be.  Or, rather, he wanted the lack of awareness back.

The park clearly wasn’t helping his muddled mind, so he left after a few minutes wiping tears from his eyes and ignoring the sweet female voice calling after him if he was alright.  No one who broke down in tears at a children’s park at 5 in the evening was  _alright_.

He ended up walking further into the town than he had in a long time.  He just kept putting one foot in front of the other in the hopes of something somewhere calling out to him that he was meant to be there.  He walked until his feet ached, and then he walked some more.  The ache in his feet helped distract him from the weird unwanted nostalgia going on in his head and if it stopped him thinking Even was convinced he would have walked to the ends of the earth that day.

The more he walked the more he remembered and the bitter taste in his mouth got worse and worse until he just  _had_  to find something to replace it.

This lead Even to the worst place for him to be in that state: a bar.

It was modern but simple and had a big open space for dancing, but since it was barely 1800 when Even got there the only people inside were either sat at the bar nursing something strong or huddled in booths away from the world.  6PM on a random week night clearly wasn’t the height of the party scene.

Even couldn’t even remember the last time he had partied.  He used to go out a lot when he was younger; sneaking out with other rich brats and getting off his face on expensive weed and cheap alcohol until he ended up sucking the taste of both of someone else’s tongue.  In the last couple of years he had slowed down, or maybe he had just lost interest in that sort of life when the novelty of it all wore off, but it seemed he had lost almost all of his friends in the process.

Not drinking or smoking – while better for his mental stability – seemed to have stripped him of most of the people he had considered friends.  None of them were really friends, though.  None of them were people he would have called in a crisis, or asked if they wanted to chill and watch movies because he was having a shit day.

They were just people he knew, who were equally desperate as he was to stop thinking about their lives.

It was sad, really.

Even lost track of how long he spent sat at the corner table he had snagged before a huge rowdy group piled into the bar, but the more he sat there and drank the worse he felt.  He was sad and lonely and the first friend he had managed to make in years who being paid to have his baby and now apparently couldn’t even look him in the eye any more.

Even was alone and unlovable and he was starting to realise that not even Clozanapine the miracle drug was going to change that.  What if after all the strife he got to be cured of his illness but he was still miserable and unable to change anything about his life?  What if he was just cursed to always be the same distraught Even, no matter what he did?

After that thought his drink orders got stronger.

As the night went on he got several drinks spilled over him, making increasingly sticky, and soon the familiar sweet scent of weed clouded the air.  It must have been decent quality because it didn’t take long for the contact high to take the edge off of his anxiety.  He folded his arms and rested them on the table before slumping over them, watching unhappily as people danced and pressed into each other’s space and panted together in the clammy sweet-smelling room.

That was another thing Even hadn’t indulged in in seemingly a lifetime.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d buried himself inside of someone or felt the rush of someone filling him up.  He was touch starved and itching to touch someone and let himself be touched.

It was the one problem he had that he could fix.

With renewed purpose Even bought himself another shot of something sweet he couldn’t remember the name of and after chucking it back he threw himself into the throbbing mass of people.

It was refreshing.

The feeling of so many people around him all moving and pulsing in time to the music revived him in a way he had forgotten he could feel.  Despite the vast quantity of alcohol he had consumed since his aching feet carried him inside his head felt clear, clear enough to appreciate the fine ass of the guy backing up on him.

Over the smell of weed he couldn’t get any sort of scenting of the guy, which was as exciting as it was strange, and the thrill of not even being able to scent what he was made him feel even more alive.  He let his hands snake around the guy’s hips and guide him right back into Even’s space and they rocked together to the shitty music playing until Even thought he could feel that old familiar tingle.

The promise that if they worked at it maybe he could get hard.

Time slowed around him, a heady mix of drugs and booze that he just wasn’t used to any more, and he let himself revel in some anonymous groping in a club he didn’t even know the name of.  He had nothing else to go for him, so why not hook up and let himself focus on something else?

He could feel a promising semi building in his jeans and he was about to mutter in the guy’s ear if he wanted to take their little show somewhere a bit more private – any worried thoughts that sober Even might have had about losing his first hard on in months were a world away from wasted Even’s mind – when movement in the doorway caught his eye.  By all accounts it shouldn’t have caught his eye: the doorway wasn’t really in his eyeline and he had been staring intently at the bulge in the front of jeans of the guy pressed against him and it hadn’t been a  _big_ movement.

Just a flicker of blonde curly hair and then it was gone.

Even had to find it.  He  _had_ to.

He moved away from the hot body against his front without a second thought and moved in the direction he thought he had seen the blonde go.  He moved unsteadily through the club, bumping into people and couples alike, until he got to the bar and leaned heavily against it to avoid his legs turning to jelly beneath him.  It ended up being a smart move, because his height allowed him to see most of the bar from where he was holding himself up at the bar.  He tried to focus his bleary eyes as he scanned the room, but when he found the person he was looking for he realised that he would recognise him anywhere.

Isak.

He looked incredible.  Or: Even  _thought_ he did in his drunken haze.  He could hardly see, but just the sight of those sweet curls and Isak’s smile from a distance relaxed something inside his chest.  He missed Isak‘s friendship – especially now he was realising that the people he used to think were friends weren’t at all, and that Isak might have been the only real friend he had ever made in his miserable life – and seeing Isak outside of their shared living space and looking so happy Even could almost pretend everything was fine.

Except it wasn‘t, because when they were both home again they’d avoid each other and hide and things would be awkward and awful and Even couldn’t bear it.  Couldn’t bear another person in that house who couldn’t look at him, not after he had got used to Isak’s sweet smile.

The good feeling left him.  The happy buzz of the night was gone, and all he wanted to do was lie on his bathroom floor and cry.

But then he watched Isak take a drink from his friend and start chugging it down like his life depended on it and hurt rushed Even like an angry drunk in a bar fight.  Isak was pregnant with Even’s likely on chance at a child and he was out drinking like it was nothing?  Even had been angsting for weeks over the thought of not being able to have any children and his once chance Isak was squandering?

No.

Fucking  _no_.

Even was striding across the bar before he had even planned what he was going to say, but all of his pain and hurt was focused to a pinpoint on Isak drinking and killing Even’s only chance to make a  _good_  Næsheim.

“Do you think this is a  _joke_?” Even slurred furiously when he reached Isak and his friends, stumbling when someone brushed past him and barely managing to catch himself on the wall.  If he had been less crossfaded he might have noticed the way Isak’s face blanched at the sight of him and the way his eyes darted between Even and his group of friends.

“Isak?  Do you know this guy?” Another young looking blonde asked.  They weren’t even old enough to be  _in_  this club; who the hell was checking ID’s?

“Yeah, it’s fine.  He’s one of the people I moved in with.” Isak brushed the boy off, staring hard at Even.  He seemed to be searching for something, but Even didn’t think he found it because his eyebrows puckered up in confusion

“Even?” His name sounded so sweet on Isak’s tongue.  No one had ever said his name like that: with so much concern and a total lack of scorn.  “Even, are you okay?” Isak was right in front of him now and the way he was saying Even’s name repeatedly made Even think that maybe he had been trying to get Even’s attention for a while now and Even had been too stuck inside his head.

Like always.

“Am I  _okay_?” Even snorted drunkenly, a truly ugly sound, at the very idea.  “Am I  _okay_ when you’re out here  _drinking_  when you should be-”

“He’s really fucked up; I’d better take him home.” Isak interrupted him by turning and talking to his friends and Even felt his hurt and anger increase tenfold.  Why could no one just fucking  _look_ at him anymore?

“ _Look_  at me!” He demanded, not caring if he sounded like a petulant child.  Isak turned back to him in surprise, and Even’s drunken mind conjured up the image of a startled cat flattening its ears to its head and watching the unexpected movement with wide eyes to assess whether or not it was really a threat.

An omega giving an alpha that look was something Even knew too well and he hated that he had put that look on Isak’s face, even if he  _was_ rightfully angry at him.

“You shouldn’t go alone.” A dark haired boy pushed right up next to Isak, and even off his face Even recognised when he was being sized up for a fight.  He didn’t need to scent the air to know that the dark haired boy was also an alpha, but with all the pent up frustration inside him Even was down to either stomp this kid into the ground or let him beat Even to death.  He was undecided.

“I know him; he’s not going to do anything.” Isak shook his head like that was the stupidest idea he had ever heard, and Even was relieved to know that at least Isak still had  _some_ trust in him.

“C’mon, Even, let’s get you home.” Isak was ushering him out before Even realised he was moving, and the ache in his feet quickly made itself known again.

“I don’t want to walk home.” Even shook his head and dug his heels in, literally.

“What the fuck?  We’re not walking that far; we’re getting the bus.” Isak was looking at him like he’d grown a second head.  “Did  _you_ walk here?” He asked incredulously and Even nodded unevenly before remembering his anger.

“Wait,  _I’m_  s’posed to be the one asking questions!” He slurred, spinning around to face Isak and effectively stopping their walk to the bus stop.

“ _Are_  you now?” Isak asked sarcastically, grabbing Even’s arm and literally dragging him across the road.  “And what questions are those then?”

“Stop it!” Even yanked his arm back furiously and Isak just held his hands up.  “This isn’t a  _joke_!  This is my  _life_!” He was slurring so badly even he couldn’t recognise the words coming out of his mouth.  They hardly matched what was in his head at all.

“What are you talking about, Even?” Isak looked as frustrated as Even felt.  “You literally stormed over out of nowhere and tried to string me out for drinking, which is hilarious considering  _you’re_  off your fucking face.” That lit the blue flame under Even’s rage faster than he thought possible.

“ _I’m_ not fucking  _pregnant_!” He yelled, his voice echoing off the buildings in the emptiness around them.  Isak shushed him frantically even though there was no one around them in any direction, everyone clearly all inside for the night.

“Do you think it’s a joke?  Is my mother paying you to just have a good time, is that it?  Shack up with some shit rich family and live it up a little?  Do you care at  _all_  about the baby in there?” He jabbed drunkenly in the direction of Isak’s still smooth abdomen, ignoring the hurt and angry look on Isak’s face.

“Does it matter to you that other than you I have  _no_ chance of having a family now?” Even had forgotten how quickly his emotions changed gear when he was drunk, and he was horrified to feel his throat thicken and his eyes burn.  “Does any of this matter to you at  _all_?  Is my life just a joke to you?” The tears came thick and fast down his burning face and Even had never felt more embarrassed.

What the fuck was he doing?  Yelling at Isak at an empty bus stop?

“Fuck this.” Even shook his head and walked away from the bus stop.  He felt like he was doing a pretty good job of walking in a relatively straight line towards home, but things kept bumping into him and slowing him down, but he didn’t get far before there were hands on his arms and he wrenched his healing arm back into his chest like a defensive animal.

He felt like one big bundle of nerve endings; all raw and exposed and overwhelmed with signals.  His bathroom floor had never seemed more inviting.

“Even, for god’s sake,  _stop!”_ Isak grunted as he tugged on the arm he still had a grip on.  “You’re not walking home like this and I’m not chasing you all that way.  Get back to the bus stop and let me  _talk_  for a second.” Isak huffed, still trying to pull Even back.

The fight left him.  He let Isak walk him back to the bus stop and a few minutes later he watched Isak flag the bus down.  Isak must have paid for both of their tickets because Even had no memory of giving money or tapping his card down before he slumped into the first available seat he saw.  He lay his head against the window and let it jar and rattle his brain – it wasn’t like his brain could become  _more_ useless at this point – until Isak sat next to him and pulled him by his shoulder into an upright sitting position.

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Isak tutted like a mother and it just made Even’s heart hurt more.  His own mother had never told him to stop doing things that hurt him until it had come at a cost to her.

“Don’t care.” Even muttered.  He didn’t want to look at Isak.  It hurt too much looking at the face of the boy who was throwing Even’s future down the drain.

“I wasn’t drinking alcohol, Even.” Isak sighed as if he could read Even’s thoughts.  Even really hoped he couldn’t.

“But I saw you-”

“Accept a can of Coke from a friend, yeah.” Isak finished for him and that made Even turn his head and frown.

“No, you were  _drinking_  and laughing.” Even shook his head, but as he tried to re-examine the memory he supposed the can did look a little small for any alcohol Even had ever seen served.  Maybe Isak was right.

But if Isak was right, then that meant that Even caused a huge scene over nothing at all.

“Forgive me for having a good time with my friends during the Easter weekend.” Isak replied frostily and Even shook his head in confusion.   _Easter weekend_?  “I didn’t realise being  _pregnant_  meant that I had to live under house arrest like you seem to.” He continued, whispering the word pregnant like it was a dirty secret.  To Isak, Even supposed, it probably was.

Even couldn’t even think.  His brain felt like someone had stuck a whisk through his skull and scrambled his brain like an egg and all he could do was stare at Isak and try to decode the gibberish he was speaking.

“You’re too fucking drunk for this conversation.” Isak threw his hands up irritably and Even watched the movement automatically.  His body felt wrong and his skin was too tight and it was too hot and he couldn’t  _think_.  He had never felt like this before, not even after his biggest benders.

He wasn’t about to ask Isak to look after him through what Even was starting to think was more than a buzz gone wrong after he had ruined the kid’s night, so he tried his hardest to just look out the window and try not to vomit all over himself.  He hadn’t eaten aything so whatever was going to come up was just going to be horrible acidic liquid and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

“This is the stop, c’mon, get off.” Isak seemed done with Even now he had deemed him too drunk to talk, and Even watched like a spectator in his own body as Isak smacked his fist against the stop button and got up.  There were hands on his arm again and then Even was upright and he stumbled after Isak until they were off the bus, where Even promptly threw up all over the floor.

He had no memory of getting from the bus stop to the house.  He didn’t know when Isak left him – or if he stayed, but Even thought that was bloody unlikely after their hour from hell together – or if he gone back out after depositing Even’s shaking sweating mess onto a heap on his bathroom floor.

All Even knew was that he woke up in his boxers with a throbbing headache, the taste of blood in his mouth, and an alarm blaring on his phone somewhere across the tiled floor labelled  _TALK TO ISAK, DICKHEAD._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS???????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	7. You were young and needed love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awkward conversation, a misunderstanding, cheese rolls, and Isak's bed (4.9k)

Even wasn’t sure there was anything he would rather do  _less_  at that moment in time than talk to Isak.  He could hardly remember the night before, but there was a strong sense of shame clinging to him that made him suspect he had made a dick of himself in one way or another.  His mouth felt like something dead had been resurrected and then murdered again in it; if he didn’t brush his teeth immediately he was unquestionably going to vomit.

He brushed his teeth as thoroughly but gently as he could - trying to avoid making himself puke when he gingerly brushed his back molars - until he could run his tongue over his teeth without shuddering.  His little pile of clothes reeked of weed and sweet sticky alcohol - what the fuck had he been drinking?? - and he could only assume that he smelt equally terrible, so he peeled his boxers off and shuffled into the shower.

In reality he was just trying to find ways to avoid Isak, who had apparently felt the need to make an alarm in his phone to tell him to go talk to the omega, who must have been involved in the night Even had no recollection of.

No matter how many times he ran the soapy sponge over his skin he couldn’t get the gross feeling to leave him, which left him with the conclusion that the gross stuff was  _inside_  him.  His body seemed to have more memory than he did and Even was starting to think that maybe he didn’t want to know what had gone down.  Some drunk nights were just better forgotten.

When he exhausted all of his avoidance tactics the guilt started chewing at him.  Isak clearly wanted to talk to him and Even was acting like a scared child, finding increasingly menial things to do to put the dreaded task off, when he was supposed to be the older and more mature one.

Sure: he had a banging headache and an ache in his neck that he could use as an excuse to go to bed and avoid Isak a little longer, but the two clearly needed to talk and Even got a feeling the longer he left it the more likely Isak was to come barging into his room and Even didn’t think he could handle omega fury when he was feeling so delicate.  From the brief time he had been getting to know Isak he got the impression that the longer he left this off the more enraged the boy would get, so Even tried to steel his nerves and finally left his room.

Isak’s door was left a little bit open instead of being totally shut like it normally was, and Even realised with a sinking feeling that Isak had probably been waiting all morning for Even to heed the alarm and show up.  It made Even feel impossibly worse about whatever it was Isak’s was going to shout at him for.

He knocked timidly on the omega’s door and immediately caught the flare of angry chem-scents from inside.

“The alarm was set for almost  _three_  hours ago.” Isak said as way of greeting him and Even’s heart sunk as the boy yanked the door the rest of the way open and revealed his thunderous face.  Their conversation was already off to a bad start.

“I needed to wash last night off.” Even replied, but it was weak even to his own ears.

“For three hours?” Isak basically repeated his first statement and Even swallowed.  He felt like a naughty schoolboy being told off by a teacher who was sick of helping him when he did nothing to help himself.

“I don’t remember last night.” Even blurted out.  “I was scared to come talk to you and find out what I did.  Whatever I did or said to you, Isak, I’m sorry.  I’m really sorry.” Even rambled, but Isak’s face only got more unimpressed as Even went on.

“An apology for something you don’t even know is no apology at all.” Isak said flatly and Even hated that he was right.  For all he knew Isak’s anger wasn’t even related to last night, but the coincidence of Isak’s anger and Even getting blackout drunk was too implausible.

“You’re right.” Even’s insides were squirming with discomfort as he perched on the edge of Isak’s bed.  “So last night...” he trailed off, giving Isak an opening to scream at him.

“Last night.” Isak confirmed, nodding grimly.  “I was out with my friends and we went into this nice looking place in town after grabbing some food, and when Jonas came back with his round  _who_  should appear out nowhere drunker than everyone else in the place combined?”

“Me?” Even guessed.

“You.  The alpha who’s been avoiding me ever since we saw that little plus appear.  You stormed over and started yelling at me in front of my friends about how I shouldn’t be drinking while I was pregnant, even though I was only drinking a fucking Coke.” Isak looked so angry that Even wouldn’t have been surprised if steam had come boiling out of his ears.

“I managed to stop you before you actually said the word ‘pregnant’, thank fuck, so my friends still don’t know about this whole fucked up thing I’ve had to get myself into.” Isak added, glaring daggers at Even who was seriously wishing the ground would open up and suck him into another dimension.

“I’d ask you what the fuck you were thinking but clearly you wouldn’t know that.  But  _seriously_ , Even?  Accusing me of getting drunk while I’m pregnant just because you saw me in a bar?  You didn’t even ask me what I was drinking, you just fucking went off on one.” If Even had felt ashamed before it was nothing compared to how he felt now he knew why Isak was mad at him.

“I’m so sorry, Isak, I did-“

“I’m not finished.” Isak held his hand up to silence Even and he shut up immediately, not wanting to upset Isak any more than he already had.

“When I managed to get you off to one side to take you home you had a total breakdown; crying and shaking and rambling, but you were slurring like crazy so I only got maybe every fourth word.” Isak shook his head like he couldn’t believe Even had been such a mess and embarrassment burnt Even right to the bone.  Any good impression Isak might have had of him from their couple of weeks of friendship would definitely be gone now.  God knows what he had even said to Isak.

“You took me home?” Even focused on that bit instead, because Isak didn’t have to have done that.  Especially not if Even had been nothing but a dick last night, which it sounded like he had been.

“Well I couldn’t bloody leave you in that state, could I?” Isak snapped.

“Plenty of people would have.” Most of the people Even used to drink with would have bailed on him in that state and let him make his own way home, laughing later when he called them out on it that he had been ruining their buzz.

“Then you don’t know the right people.” Isak seemed to soften a bit at that, and Even appreciated the idea that Isak thought he deserved better than being left drunk and alone.

“Probably not.” Even agreed.  It went quiet after that: Isak seemingly out of steam and Even unsure of what to say.  The angry tension seemed to have left Isak’s muscles now, leaving Even to wallow in his embarrassment without worrying about Isak blowing up beside him.

He’d been a dick and subjected Isak to drunk depressed Even.  That was what he couldn’t remember.

“I really am sorry.” Even said finally, wanting to make sure that that was understood.  He could probably keep saying it for the next nine months and it still wouldn’t be enough.  Isak was clearly already in a shitty situation; he didn’t need Even having drunken breakdowns all over him when he was out with his friends trying to be normal.

“I know.” Isak sighed after a few seconds inspecting Even’s face.  “I probably got angrier than was called for, I just...you ignore me for all this time and then when you decide to talk to me it’s to have a go at me for something I wasn’t even doing.” Isak shook his head dejectedly.

“ _Ignoring_  you?” Even frowned deeply, turning on the bed to look properly at Isak.  “I haven’t been ignoring you?  I thought you just didn’t want to talk to me any more after- since we found out.” Even stumbled over his last sentence but he knew that Isak would know what he meant.

“Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?  You were the only one making this place and bearable.” Isak was frowning back at him now.  “You hardly looked at me after that day; I figured that you got weirded out now it was real.” Isak shrugged, but Even could see the hurt on his face that Isak was trying so hard to hide.

“ _You_  hardly looked at  _me_!” Even protested.  “I thought you didn’t want to see me any more now that you were pregnant and my mum started paying you.  To be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if you  _did_  hate me.” Even added at the end, not wanting to make Isak feel uncomfortable if he did in fact hate Even.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you.” Isak disagreed.  “You seem just as helpless as me in all of this. It’s obvious Camilla is pulling all the strings.”

“Thanks.  I think.” Even smiled weakly.

“I guess I did pull back after I got pregnant.  It just got really real.  I was pregnant, and that was meant to be a really happy time but instead I was realising I really was being paid to have a dying guy’s baby and it j-”

“A  _what_  guy?” Even interrupted, not caring how rude it was.

“Shit, I’m sorry I know that was really insensitive but that’s just how I felt and I know that makes me a dick and-”

“Isak, what the  _fuck_  makes you think I’m dying?” Even was going to blow a gasket if his mother really had told Isak he was dying.

“Uh, this  _whole set up_?” Isak replied incredulously.  “When your mum hired me she told me that you were very sick and had almost died, and they’ve got you on this last chance miracle drug trial.  She said the drug was showing signs of killing people’s fertility, so that was why she was looking for broodmares.” Isak explained.

Even was ready to strangle his mother; while all of that was technically true she had manipulated her wording to let Isak draw his own  _incorrect_  conclusions.  He could just imagine how smug his mother was that she had technically done nothing wrong; how  _ready_  she was for Even to confront her only to be able to say  _oh well I told him the truth_.

“I’m  _not_  dying, Isak.” Even couldn’t believe this was an actual conversation he was having to have.

“You’re not?” Isak looked like he was trying really hard not to let his jaw drop.  “But...your mum said-”

“My mum chose her words carefully enough to let you draw your own conclusions because she knew the more obvious answer was something like cancer.  I think she’d  _rather_  I have cancer.” Even said bitterly.  It was only once he said it aloud that he realised how true it was.

Cancer was such a visible disease.  It was well known and no one ever blamed someone for getting cancer (apart from maybe the odd 50-year smoker who got lung cancer).  Cancer was something terrible that happened to you and your loved ones and had touched the lives of most people in one way or another, so everyone could empathise with the struggle of losing someone to it.

Unlike mental illness.  How many times had Even read about someone being told they were depressed because they were lazy, when their lack of motivation was clearly a symptom of their depression?  How often had people belittled people who had to take medication every day not to be crushed under the weight of their mental illness?

The world loved to blame mentally ill people; they were too lazy to get themselves together, they should have had a better or stronger mindset instead of ‘allowing’ themselves to be sick, they shouldn’t let themselves depend on drugs when clearly all they needed was a super healthy unachievable unaffordable lifestyle.

Cancer was something that happened to you randomly, but mental illness was something you did to yourself.

Even hated that mindset.  2020 was only a few years away and the world was still so  _wrong_.

“You’re clearly thinking about 80 miles an hour, but I just want to say I’m glad you’re not dying.” Isak’s soft voice interrupted Even’s furiously working brain, his voice like a soothing balm on this fresh wound his mother had managed to inflict.

“I don’t know how to respond to that.” Even sounded a bit like a robot and he felt weirdly detached from his body and he  _hated_ dissociating but there he was again.  “I think I’ll say thank you and go lie down.” He decided as he got stiffly to his feet.

“Are you alright?” Isak followed him out of the bedroom but it was taking all of Even’s brain power to put one foot in front of the other to make it back to his room.

“Well, I’m not dying of cancer.” Even replied numbly as he pushed his door back open.  “I’m just going for a nap and then I’ll be fine.” He told Isak’s worried face before closing the door on him and falling into bed.

All Even had wanted was to kill himself, but now he was stuck with the knowledge that at least one of his parents would rather he was terminally ill than living with a mental illness.

Why had he had to run that fucking bath?

***

Even ended up sleeping through the whole day, waking up a dazed and disoriented mess at almost noon the next day.  He clicked around drowsily on his phone for a bit while he woke up properly and let the memories of yesterday filter through his brain now that he wasn’t hungover and dissociating.

Isak thought he had been ignoring him the whole time while Even had thought  _Isak_  had been ignoring  _him_.  Isak had helped him get home in his drunken state even though Even had by all accounts ruined the boy’s night out.  Isak had thought Even was terminally ill because fucking Camilla withheld just enough of the truth to throw Isak off the real story.

Even had thought it was impossible, but somehow he found a little bit more resentment inside himself for his mother.

With that in mind he grabbed his iPad and searched around for a charity that aided refugees fleeing war-stricken homes, donating an easy 2,100krone before putting it away again.

He rubbed his eyes and pushed his hair back out of his face and decided that if he did nothing else that day he needed to talk to Isak and straighten some things out.

***

His opportunity came a few hours later when he went down to the kitchen to make himself something to eat and found Isak already in there making himself a roll.

“Hey.” Even said as he stepped into the room, not wanting to scare Isak by not announcing himself and just suddenly  _being_ there.

“Even!” Isak whirled around, and his wide eyes and raised eyebrows matched the shocked tone of his voice.  “Have you been asleep this whole time?” Isak asked after seeing the state of him.

“Yeah.” Even rubbed at his hair nervously.  He probably should have showered before stumbling out of his pit, but he had forgotten what it was like to have someone in the house who he should probably make an effort to look semi-human for.

“Good, you obviously needed it.” Isak seemed satisfied with his answer, making no comment on Even’s bedraggled appearance, and turned back to his sandwich.

“That looks really good.” Even complimented, and his stomach seemed to agree because it chose that moment to rumble.

“Do you want one?  There are more buns.” Isak was already reaching into the bread bin before he finished his offer and the gesture put a smile on Even’s face.

“Sure.  Wow me with your cooking abilities.” He didn’t want to admit just how much he liked the domestic vibe they had going on in his kitchen, scared that acknowledging it would ruin it.

“I am the  _master_ of cooking, I’ll have you know!” Isak grinned over his shoulder at Even before focusing back on the roll, slicing it open and buttering it up.

“A master chef, if you will.” Even quipped, making Isak laugh out loud as he chopped a tomato.

“Exactly!” Isak nodded, moving with a familiar ease to the fridge and getting out some cheese.  He sliced off a few pieces and shared them equally between their rolls before putting the cheese back and grabbing a red onion, giving it the same treatment and putting a little bit of onion in their rolls before returning the rest to the fridge.

“There!  One perfect afternoon snack!” Isak slid Even’s roll across the counter to him proudly, and Even tried to resist the urge to drown himself in the rich scent of happy omega that was coming off of Isak.  If anything: the boy’s scent had become more potent since he had got pregnant; Even had no idea how he was meant to survive nine months of Isak walking around his house smelling like every omega wet dream Even had ever had.

“Thank you.” Even smiled at Isak as he picked up his plate, and they both seemed to pause and look at the table uncertainly.

“Do you...want to eat together?” Isak asked unsurely, and just like that the happy omega chem-scents were replaced by the harsh scent of nervousness.

“Sure.” Even agreed easily.  “We should probably talk, but we can do it another time if you’re not comfortable.” It wasn’t really polite to talk about people’s chem-scents, but Even couldn’t  _not_  acknowledge Isak’s apparent nervousness at the idea of eating together.

“No, I want to!” Isak said hastily, sitting himself down at the table.  “I just didn’t want to force it or anything.  In case you weren’t up for company yet.” Isak already seemed to understand him better than his parents did, which was pretty fucking sad.

“Your company isn’t exactly a chore.” Even sat down opposite Isak and gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

“What a glowing compliment.” Isak’s voice was dripping with sarcasm but Even could see that he was teasing, so he shot Isak a wink before digging into his roll.  The bun was soft and the tanginess of the onion and tomato perfectly balanced the smoothness of the cheese.  It was easily one of the nicest things he’d eaten in a while, and he made sure to let Isak know that with appreciative noises in the back of his throat as he ate.

“You’re so easy to please.” Isak laughed, eating his own roll a bit more demurely than Even had devoured his own.

“Or maybe you just make great rolls.” Even countered, leaning back in his chair to let his food go down.  Isak rolled his eyes at the compliment but Even saw the way his cheeks tinged pink.  For all his talk Isak was  _so_  soft and sweet; it was almost unbearable.  He looked around the kitchen idly, occasionally glancing at Isak as he ate, and he thought about all the time they had wasted.

“We’re both idiots.” Even said aloud, and Isak looked up at him in surprise.  His cheeks were puffed up with a mouthful of food the sight was almost too cute for Even to bear.

“I know.” Isak agreed after swallowing the last bite of his roll.

“If we’d just talked the next day we wouldn’t have spent all this time awkwardly skirting around each other.” Even shook his head.

“Hindsight’s 20/20.” Was all Isak said.

“I feel like we just wasted time both being miserable when we could have been cheering each other up.” Even sighed, unsettled by Isak’s short answers.  Maybe Isak didn’t care as much as Even did about the friendship that had been budding between them.

But then, Isak  _did_ have his own friends.  He already had people out there to cheer him up and make him laugh.  Even wasn’t his only option in the way it felt like Isak was Even’s.  Could he and Isak even be friends now Isak was being paid in full?  It would feel almost like his mother was paying the kid to be his friend as  _well_  as his broodmare, and the idea of Isak only being around him for money – like so many people in the past had been – was too much for Even.

Thinking about it all ruined the good mood he had been building up, so he took their plates dejectedly and put them in the dishwasher.

“We could have been having more fun nights like when we ditched your mum’s charity thing.” Isak said softly, and the sadness in his voice made Even think that maybe Isak had cared about their friendship too.

Before he got the chance to reply, however, Isak went white as a ghost and bolted out of the room.  Seconds after the bathroom door swung shut behind him Even could hear Isak throwing up, so he poured a glass of water and waited for Isak in the hall.

With all the drama of the last couple of days he had forgotten how bad Isak’s morning sickness seemed to be; it was more of an all-day sickness than just morning sickness, and Even wondered if it was like that for everyone or if it was just Isak.  Either way he felt bad for the kid.  No one  _enjoyed_  being sick, especially not four or five times a day.

Isak emerged after a few minutes smelling strongly of mouthwash and looking exhausted, but when he saw Even and the glass of water he smiled weakly.

“Is that for me?” He pointed to the glass and Even pretended to be surprised.

“Oh, this?  No, this is mine.  I just wanted to make you watch me drink it.” He said, handing Isak the glass with a wink.

“Ha ha.” Isak rolled his eyes before taking a few long sips.

“Are you feeling alright?” Even asked genuinely when Isak lowered the glass and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

“Yeah, it’s just pregnancy sickness.” Isak sighed.  “I think I’m going to go lie down though.” He added apologetically.

“Don’t feel bad about it.” Even shook his head firmly.  “Go lie down and feel better.  I’ll...see you later though, yeah?” Even didn’t want to be unsure about where they stood; he wanted to know that he and Isak were okay again.

“You’ll see me later.” Isak confirmed with a nod.  “Maybe we could play some video games?” He offered, and Even seized the olive branch immediately.

“Definitely!” He agreed.  “It’s a date.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and he was once again met with the feeling of wanting the earth to swallow him whole.

“Let’s take it one step at a time, speed racer.” Isak laughed, leaving Even red faced and mortified in the hallway as he shuffled back to his room to lie down.

Was Even’s mouth-to-brain filter  _ever_  going to stophim from saying something stupid?

***

Even didn’t hear from Isak again for the rest of the day and he didn’t want to rush him in case he was still feeling sick, but there was no avoiding the disappointed feeling in his chest when he went to bed that night without having seen Isak again.

***

A few days later and it was Even who was filling the house with the sound of vomiting, his stomach all over the place after taking his Clozanapine.  He felt vile and he was pretty sure he had burnt the skin clean off of his oesophagus after his latest round of hugging the toilet.

When he no longer felt like he was about to puke up a lung he flushed the toilet and brushed his teeth and crawled back into bed, where he noticed his phone flashing with a notification.  Even was torn over whether or not to bother to check it before he went for a nap, but when his phone flashed again and he caught the name  _Isak_ he snatched it up quickly.

Isak had...text him?

Isak (11.08)

_Hey Even this is probably weird but I exchanged our numbers when I put that alarm in your phone_

_In case you ignored the alarm and I had to text you 1000 times until you finally came out of your room_

_But_ _anyway_ _I can hear you being sick and wanted you to know I’m not doing anything_ _rn_ _if you want some company_

_If you don’t that’s chill but I know you’re on that new drug and it seems to be kicking your ass_

_So._ _..yeah_ _...come by if you feel like it_

Despite feeling like shit and having the headache from hell Isak’s string of texts made him smile more than he had in days.  That boy was so unbelievably sweet when he could just have easily have hated Even; it still blew Even’s mind.

Thankfully Even had actually showered that morning so he didn’t need to worry too much about looking like a swamp demon, so after quickly checking his face was clean he made his way across the house to Isak’s room.

“Knock knock.” He said as he opened Isak’s door, finding Isak cross-legged on his bed with the Playstation controller in hand.

“Hey.” Isak didn’t look away from the screen for a few seconds, but when he did he visibly winced.  “Wow, you look like shit.”

“Wow, thanks.” Even shook his head, hoping his chem-scents didn’t give away how embarrassed he was.

“I mean like in a  _you look really sick_  way, not like  _wow that Even what a_ _munter_.” Isak explained as he paused his game and tossed the controller onto the bed.  “Are you sure you want company?  Shouldn’t you be resting?” Isak asked worriedly, but Even flopped onto his bed regardless.

“I’m not dying, remember?  You don’t need to fuss.” Even sprawled comfortably on the bed, a thrill going through him as his leg brushed Isak’s knee.

“You  _look_ like you’re dying.  Have you been writing all this in your diary for the doctor?” Isak frowned.

“How do you-”

“I saw it on your nightstand when I took you home.” Isak waved it off, clearly thinking Even was trying to change the subject.  “ _Have_ you been writing all these side effects down?” Isak repeated, sounding almost angry.

“ _Yes_ , jeez, I’ve been filling in the book the doctor gave me.  Every day.  Happy?” Even grumbled.

“I’d be happier if you didn’t look like you were about to drop dead right here on my bed.” Isak shuffled backwards until he was sat near Even’s left shoulder and the proximity made Even’s heart skip a beat.

“I’m not going to die on your bed.” Even rolled his eyes.

“Well apparently you’ve already almost died once this year!” Isak argued.

“You don’t need to worry about that happening again.” Even muttered.  “There were external factors involved that time.” He didn’t want to tell Isak about his attempted suicide.  He wasn’t ready to share that part of himself with Isak and deal with how it changed the way the omega looked at him and acted around him.

Maybe one day they’d get to a place where Even felt comfortable telling him that, or maybe they’d see this whole pregnancy through and it would never be mentioned again, but there was no way in hell Even was going to divulge that information barely a week after they’d started getting back to their equivalent of normal.

“Okay.” Isak said doubtfully.  “If you say so.” He went quiet and Even let his eyes drift shut, trying to block his headache out by focusing on the softness of Isak’s pillow.

“Do you want to do anything?” Isak whispered, clearly sensing that Even was fighting a headache.

“Just lying here is nice.” Even mumbled back, embarrassingly already halfway to sleep in a thick cloud of Isak’s scent.  His room was like a scent trap; everything was  _saturated_  with the smell of Isak and it was easily the best thing Even had ever experienced.

“Okay.” Isak whispered.  There was a rustle of paper and a few seconds later the scratching of a pen nib, which Even assumed to mean Isak was doing some of his homework, and Even let the soothing sound fill up his aching skull.

He couldn’t tell how long he lay there, caught somewhere between awake and asleep, but after a while he swore he could feel fingers running through his hair and gently scraping along his scalp and the sweet sensation had him sinking closer to being asleep than awake.

He was on the cusp of a dream when he swore he heard a whisper from miles above him.

“You’d better not die, because I am  _not_ leaving this baby with just your parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS???
> 
> for those who follow me on twitter and saw my breakdown about going to a musical festival, the first 1800 words of this chapter is what I wrote out in that field lol
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	8. Just to hold her hand makes me feel weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get closer and Even starts to doubt that his feelings for Isak are purely platonic (5.4k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up before you start I had to change Isak's birthday by a year because I fucked up the ages (I don't know why I even tried to do maths I'm so embarrassed) and if they had had their canon age gap Isak would have been 15 when they met and 16 when he had the baby and that was just a bit toooooo young for me, so now Isak is 16 and coming up to his 17th birthday while Even has just had his 18th.
> 
> sorry for any confusion! birthdays and stuff will be addressed in the next chapter anyway because Isak's 12 week scan will be pretty much on his birthday unfortunately haha

They never talked about the day Even woke up in Isak’s bed.  When Even woke up from his impromptu nap Isak was reading a book and after some sleepy conversation they agreed to put something on Netflix on since Even had managed to sleep off his headache.

They spent the evening watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, lying side by side in Isak’s bed.

***

Now that they had straightened everything out they resumed their study sessions in the library.  Although, were they still study sessions when only one of them was studying?  When Isak was doing homework that  _didn’t_ require Even’s help – so basically everything that wasn’t his English work – Even sat and read on his phone.

Books that he enjoyed had never been deemed good enough for a space on the bookshelves, so Even had his kindle on his phone and was content with that.  His library lived in his pocket whereas his parents’ library would go up in smoke if the house ever caught fire, and he comforted himself with that thought more than he would admit.

It was during one of these study-not-study sessions that Isak made a suggestion.

“I don’t really know what you’re going through,” He began, which was always an anxiety-inducing way to start a conversation.  “But I think having a routine would help you a bit with your depression.” He said, not even looking up from his homework.

“My depression?” Even raised an eyebrow over at Isak, waiting for the omega to raise his head and actually look at him.  It took a few seconds for Isak to sense that Even’s gaze was not going to move from him and to look up, and when he met Even’s reproachful face his eyes widened.

“Yeah, I mean...you obviously know you’re depressed?” Isak squinted slightly at him, but Even could see the uncertainty in his eyes.  He could almost hear Isak’s thoughts whirring through that pretty head of his.   _Maybe he doesn’t know he’s depressed and I’ve just thrown the word out there and he’s going to freak out.  Maybe I’ve just outed him and he wasn’t ready to talk about it or he’s in denial.  Maybe I’ve just overstepped shit_ _shit_ _shit_.

“I do.” Even replied mildly.  He wasn’t stupid; he knew he was still struggling to get over what happened in February even now it was almost a fortnight into May, but he hadn’t expected Isak to just call him out on it like that.

“Okay, well, you can tell me to fuck off if you think I’m crossing the line, but I used to live with someone who was mentally ill and they always did better when they had a routine.” This was the closest Isak had ever come to talking about his life before they met and Even grabbed at every detail like a starving dog with a bone.  Isak had said before that mental health charities were important to him, and now he was saying he used to live with someone with an MI.  A sibling perhaps?

“Okay.” Even nodded.

“And I just can’t help but notice that you...don’t have a lot of structure.  You don’t have anything consistent to be up and out for.  Like, I go to school five days a week at pretty much the same time every day and I try to follow a decent sleep schedule.  And you just- you're almost always in this house and you sleep crazy hours and I just...think it would help you if you had some sort of structure.” Isak seemed to stumble a bit having to talk about Even’s lifestyle, clearly not confident enough to call an alpha out on being a lazy shit with a blasé attitude.

“You sound like all the therapists I’ve ever spoken to.” Even told him.  He hadn’t meant it as an insult but from the way Isak’s face fell he could tell that Isak took it as one.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It wasn’t an insult.” Even shook his head.  “You’re right; I don’t have any routine at all.  I’m not in school any more and I don’t have a job.  I just stay at home and waste my time and wonder why I still feel like shit.” Before his SA Even used to think about volunteering but he could never decide who he wanted to help when there were so many people who  _needed_  help.  He had never really thought about getting a job; money was no concern for him so why should he even look into paid work?  He wasn’t even sure what his grades would qualify him for or what he’d want to do if he did go looking.

“I think you should start small.  Like, really small.  Give yourself a set time to go to bed every night and set an alarm at a decent time in the morning rather than sleeping half your days away.” Isak told him.

“You’ve been thinking about this, haven’t you?” Even grinned.  As much as it was embarrassing that Isak was exposing his bad habits it was sweet that the omega cared enough to offer him ways to look after himself.

“I guess I have.” Isak’s cheeks were so pink you’d think he’d been out in –20 weather and it was melting Even’s heart.

“Any other suggestions?” Even was dying to know what else Isak had been thinking about him.

“Getting out of the house more.  Maybe just every other day go for a little walk.  Or, I don’t know, you have all that garden, maybe just go sit out there for a little while every day.  Greenery is good for you.”

“I like my green a little more smokable if you know what I mean.” Even winked, but Isak just rolled his eyes.

“We all like a bit of pot, Even, but not all of us are wasting away in mansions.  Get it together and go outside for a bit.” The harshness in Isak’s voice took him by surprise.

“Is this tough love?” Even tried to joke, but Isak just looked at him sadly.

“You’re just a nice guy, Even, it’s horrible seeing you like this.  I just have this feeling that you could do so much  _good_  but you’re just stuck in a rut- please don’t make a rut joke, I can see you thinking about it – and it’s like watching a bee try to get out of a closed window.” Isak shook his head and started gathering up his things.

“Think about it?” He looked over his shoulder as he got to the door, but Even was too shocked by the sudden seriousness of their conversation to do more than nod.

He would think about it.

***

Even’s getting out of the house for a little while technique turned out to be walking Isak to school.

Isak was the only one in the house with what could be considered a  _normal_  routine: his alarm went off at 6.30 and he was out of the house by 7.30 to get to school before 8.30.  Even’s parents both had ridiculous schedules; Trond woke up at 4 to get to work by 6 and didn’t get home until gone 2200 every night, and Camilla’s routine seemed to be that she had no routine and did something different every day.

So Even based his newly made schedule around Isak’s.

He didn’t walk Isak all the way to school because clearly his friends didn’t know everything about his situation and Even didn’t even know if Isak had told them about him beyond  _that drunk guy who ruined our night_.  They got the bus together each morning, sometimes talking and sometimes not, and Even walked Isak  _most_  of the way to school.

After noticing one morning that Isak kept stared longingly at the KB near Nissen he made them take a detour and he treated Isak to a morning coffee (after checking how much caffeine a pregnant person was allowed in a day) and enjoyed the way Isak melted into himself at the smell of coffee.

They parted ways a couple of streets away from the school and Isak always gave him the sweetest smile, which Even would always say would get him through the day.  He liked seeing the way Isak’s smile deepened at that, like he enjoyed making the alpha happy, and was embarrassed to admit that he liked that Isak was the sort of omega who seemed to enjoy being the centre of an alpha’s attention.

Even was all for strong independent omegas, but he also loved the idea of someone who would let him spoil them.

Was that what he wanted Isak to be?  Did he want more than friendship from Isak or was he just looking for too deep a friendship after only having shallow relationships for so long?  Maybe his brain was just scrambled because he knew that Isak was carrying his child.

Not that you’d know it to look at him: he looked healthier than when he had moved in, but there was nothing that would suggest he was pregnant yet.  Not even his scent had changed yet.

After parting ways with Isak Even would sometimes wander around for a little bit, finding small quirky shops or little cafes just for the sake of finding them, or he would go straight back home and crawl back into bed for a morning nap.

He was happy to say that he was finding a balance between the two.

***

It was the end of the week, something that had stopped meaning much to Even once he finished school, and Isak had left in good spirits.  Even had allowed himself a minute to watch the boy go; standing there until Isak’s retreating form was no longer distinguishable from the morning crowds before finally heading home.

He had a painful headache and he could feel his heartbeat in his eyeballs, so he kept his eyes closed uncomfortably on the bus back.  His body still seemed to be adjusting to the Clozanapine after a full month on it and it was easily the longest drug-adjustment-time he had ever had to endure.

The only thing that got him through it was the tantalising thought of never having to think about having an episode again.  And – of course – Isak's sweet goodbye smiles.

He was huddled under his duvet with his head under his pillow to block out the light when his phone started buzzing on the mattress next to him.  He was about to roll over and ignore it in favour of his nap, but something told him he should check it so he peeled his eyes open reluctantly.

Isak (11.47)

_Can you drive?_

Even (11.50)

_Have a license but haven’t driven for a while, why?_

Isak (11.50)

_I feel really sick and just want to lie down in my bed and die_

Even (11.51)

_Very dramatic_

_But it sucks that you’re not feeling well :(_

_I could drive my mum’s car and bring you home?_

Even probably shouldn’t have offered to drive when his head felt like it was being spiked on a nail but he knew how horrible it was to be sick and have to commute home alone and he didn’t want to leave Isak to do that.

Isak (11.53)

_Is that okay? If you’re busy I can just get the bus_

Even (11.53)

_I wouldn’t have offered if I couldn’t do it_

Isak (11.54)

_How long will it take you to get back here?_

Even (11.54)

_If I leave now maybe 40 minutes?_

_Pick you up from the_ _split up_ _point?_

Isak (11.55)

_Leaving now_

_Thank you so much_

Even (11.55)

_Least I can do x_

***

When he pulled up at the place they had parted ways just hours ago it took him a second to spot Isak, and when he did finally find the omega his heart clenched.  Isak was sat curled into himself on a bench with his arms wrapped around his midriff and through the window Even had cracked he could smell unhappy omega.

He got out of the car and wrapped an arm around Isak’s shoulder, not thinking about the fact Isak hadn’t seen him yet.

“Stop it!  I- oh, Even.” The fear melted from Isak’s expression when he looked up at him and Even felt like an idiot for not announcing himself.

“Sorry.  You just looked so sad and unhappy; I couldn’t not come and give you a hug.” Even went pink at the admission, but Isak was too sick to take the obvious chance to tease him.

“Okay.” Was all he said, shuffling forwards on the bench and getting up with his arms still wrapped around his belly.  Even kept his arm around Isak and tucked the omega close to his side, feeling more protective than usual over the young boy now that he was so clearly vulnerable, helping him get into the passenger seat and do his seatbelt in what was probably overkill but he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Isak didn’t have anyone else to take care of him so Even was going to have to go the whole hog.

They drove back home in silence; Even’s head hurt too much for the radio or to hook up his music and Isak was in no state for conversation, but neither of them were bothered by the quiet.  There was nothing uncomfortable about it, and Even liked that they could just exist in the same space together without having to fill the silence with meaningless nothings like some people he knew.

Isak was like no one he had ever met, and after such a short space of time he was already finding it hard to imagine his life without the boy.

They got home in good time and Even took Isak’s bag in for him, trying his hardest not to be a smothering alpha, and he set it down besides Isak’s bed while Isak started pulling off some of his outer layers.

“Do you want anything?” Even checked, keeping his eyes on the floor and trying not to think about the miles of skin Isak had hiding under his clothes.

“Maybe some water?” Isak mumbled, followed by the heart stopping sound of the fly of his jeans being pulled down and seconds later the soft  _thud_ of his jeans hitting the carpet.  Even hurried off to the kitchen like his life depended on it – or more importantly:  _Isak’s_ life depended on it – and when he returned to Isak’s room with the glass of water Isak was in some cosy looking sweatpants and a big soft jumper and was just getting under his duvet.

“Here you go.” Even whispered, not wanting to disturb the peaceful quiet in the room, and he set the glass down on Isak’s bedside table.  Isak burrowed into his duvet until all Even could see were his eyes and his windswept curls, but he was still undoubtedly the most breathtakingly beautiful thing Even had ever seen.

“Anything else I can do?” Even couldn’t help himself from stroking some of Isak’s curls from his forehead, cringing internally at how warm Isak felt.  He watched what he could see of Isak’s face closely; his eyes were so sad and Even got the feeling he was desperate to ask something but not brave enough to take the leap and he just didn’t know how to help Isak get there.

“ _Anything_?” Even repeated, searching Isak’s eyes in the hopes of finding what it was Isak wanted hiding in those piercing green depths.

“Can- can you stay?” Isak’s weakly asked question damn near broke Even’s heart.  All the kid wanted was to not be left alone while he was pregnant and sick and he seemed to think that that was too much to ask.

“Of course I can.” Even gave a gentle smile, knowing how even the toughest omega tends to become frail and needy when they get sick, and sat down on the edge of Isak’s bed.

“You can come under the covers too.” Isak whispered as he lifted the duvet up enough for Even to wriggle under, but from the way he couldn’t look Even in the face it was obvious he was embarrassed by this request.

“Are you sure?  If you’re not comfortable with it I won’t.” Even promised.  That seemed to get Isak to look him in the eye, and whatever Isak found there made the doubtfulness surrounding Isak disappear.

“I’m sure.” Isak nodded, sounding surer of himself than before.  In the end that surety was what made Even get under the covers with the boy, and he made himself comfortable next to Isak.

“Do you feel any better?” He asked after a minute or two of lying on their sides facing each other.  Isak’s bed was a double but they were somehow right up in each other’s space.

“My stomach hurts.” Isak mumbled, pressing his face into the mattress miserably.

If you asked him Even would say he had no idea what possessed him to do what he did next, but in truth the sight of Isak hurting and sad was like a knife to his heart.

“C’mere.” He grumbled as he scooted closer to Isak.  He rolled the boy over easily until Isak was facing the other way and Even could wiggle behind him and spoon him, and then placed both his hands gently on Isak’s abdomen.  He knew it was in his head, but he could have sworn he could feel the small starting of a bump beneath his palms.

“Your hands are nice and warm.” Isak whimpered, small shudders running through him as he adjusted to the warmth and pressure against his aching belly.

“Is this helping?” Even whispered, trying not to sneeze as the hair at the back of Isak’s head tickled his nose.  There was nothing attractive about blowing snot all over someone’s skull when you were trying to ease their stomach pain.

“So much.” Isak whimpered.  Even’s heart almost stopped when Isak shuffled further back into him until they were pressed right up against each other.  Although Isak had definitely put on some healthy weight while living with them Even could definitely still feel the ridges of his spine where it was pressed to Even’s chest.

“Can you- can you rub my stomach?  Please?  Your hands are like magic.” Even didn’t need to look at Isak to know he was mortified to have to ask such a question: the room was flooded in flustered embarrassed omega chem-scents and Isak hid his face shyly in the mattress.

“Sure, Isak.” Even whispered, starting to rub one of his hands in small slow circles over the tight skin of Isak’s stomach.  Between the ache in his skull and the warmth accumulating under the duvet Even could feel himself getting drowsy, his brain basking in the glorious scent of Isak saturating everything around him, and he could feel that Isak was no better.

He didn’t know which one of them fell asleep first; only that when he woke up a few hours later he had one hand spread over Isak’s belly and the other resting over his Isak’s heart, with Isak’s fingers twined between his own.

***

A few days later Even could hardly focus on their study session, to the point where Isak actually called him out on it.

“Is there something on your mind, Even?  You’re like a million miles away.” Isak even put down his pen to fix Even with a hard stare.

“Yeah, but you’re probably not going to like it.” Even grimaced, leaning back in the window seat.  He had already gone through at least four cigarettes since that morning’s conversation with his mother and now he had to inflict the bad news onto poor unsuspecting Isak as well.

“Are you okay?” Immediately Isak’s face filled with concern and his scent became sharper with worry, which was oddly flattering.

“It’s not about me.” Even shook his head.  “My mum is expecting both of us to go to the May 17th party her friend is hosting.  She wants to show her friends that I’m...recovering, and for you to get to know the people the baby will be brought up around.  She wants to introduce you as our- my- shit I don’t know how to say it.  She wants to tell people you’re a broodmare.” Even stumbled over the words in his rush, hoping that if he said it quickly it would be less of a blow.

“Honestly, I prefer the honesty.  I don’t want to be introduced as your mate and then suddenly after the baby’s born for us to ‘unexpectedly break up’; that’s just cringy and gross and not how I want to do this.” Isak shook his head.  “I don’t mind her telling people I’m your broodmare.  I don’t know anyone around here so it’s not like it’s going to get back to my friends.”

Well, that answered the question of whether or not Isak’s friends knew he was pregnant.

“What I do mind is having to spend May 17th with your mother and her likely equally terrifying friends.” Isak continued, his nose crinkling adorably.

“It’s going to suck.” Even confirmed.  “Do you have other plans?  There’s hope for you to wiggle out of it, but I’ve got no chance.  I wouldn’t hold it against you if you bailed.”

“My friends and I usually just get drunk, but obviously I can’t do that this year.  It probably works out better for me to blow them off by saying I have to do something with the family I’m working for than to have to think of a reason why I suddenly don’t want to get fucked up.” Isak fiddled idly with his pen and Even tried not to focus on the dextrous flow of Isak’s slim fingers.

“It’s a date then.” Yet again, Even’s brain-to-mouth filter failed him.

“If you keep making that joke I’m going to expect you to take me on a  _real_  date, Bech Næsheim.” Isak jabbed his pen in Even’s direction jokingly, but mercifully Isak went back to his homework before he could notice how his teasing threat had made Even’s brain short circuit.

***

“You promise you’ll tell me if I look like a dick?” Isak asked from behind the bathroom door for what felt like the thousandth time.

“My mother wants you to look good to impress people, Isak, I don’t think she’ll have got you something that makes you look like a dick.”

“Even!” Isak sounded like he was in genuine distress and not just about to reveal the bunad Even’s mother had got him when Isak told her he didn’t have any sort of traditional dress for the May 17th party.

“Okay, okay, I promise.” Even held his hands up even though  Isak  obviously couldn’t see him.  He wanted to offer to  Isak  the fact that he always felt like a dick in his own  bunad , but the words never made it past his lips because when  Isak  stepped through the door Even’s mouth fell open in a silent  _ oh _ .

Isak  looked incredible.

The black and gold striped waistcoat went perfectly with  Isak’s  pale complexion and his mess of golden hair, and the black tailored jacket and trousers were simple but effective.  Even could just about make out a crisp white dress shirt hiding under there, but his attention was  side tracked  by the intricate black and gold ascot hiding  Isak’s  throat from view.  When  Isak  moved forwards and the light moved across him Even realised that there was some gold detailing on his jacket: around his cuffs and collars and pockets, easy to miss but dazzling when spotted.

Even had never liked his mother as much as he did in that moment.

“You look...amazing...” Even’s brain had to work triple time to even get those three words out, so overcome was he by  Isak’s  incredible appearance.  “I’m going to be beating people away from you with a stick tonight.” Even hadn’t expected to be so  affected  by  Isak  all dressed up, but when he thought about it he had only ever seen the kid in his lounging around the house clothes or in whatever he threw on to go to school.

He had never seen  Isak  make an effort before, and now he was experiencing it for the first time he was actually sort of glad about it.  Being overexposed to this much flawless incredible omega would surely to be lethal.

But what a way to die.

“Are you sure?  I swear to God Even if you’re lying and you let me go out there looking like an idiot-”

“I’m not joking,  Isak .” Even interrupted before  Isak  could finish his threat.  “If I was just meeting you and you looked like that I’d be trying all night to get you  _ out  _ of those clothes.”  _ If you weren’t already pregnant you would be by the time I was done with you. _

It was becoming clear that Even had a thing for  Isak  in his  bunad .

“Oh my god.”  Isak  muttered, blushing right up to his hairline as he moved past Even to shove his phone into his pocket.

Even couldn’t take his eyes off him the whole way across to Sirena’s house.  If his parents – or  Isak  – noticed none of them commented on it, but Even just couldn’t bring himself to shift his gaze.   Isak  looked beyond radiant and it was forcing Even to quickly realise some things, but before he could panic too much about it the chauffeur was pulling up and they were all piling out.

And then the party started.

***

“I swear to  _ God _ , Even, if one more person asks me ‘how did you get into brooding’ like they’re asking me why I chose to study biology I’m going to fucking  _ lose _  it!” They had been there for over an hour and Even honestly thought  Isak  had lasted pretty well before he looked like he was about to explode.  Even had just about managed to walk him across to a quiet corner of the room before  Isak’s  frustrations started bursting out of him.

“These people are all so  _ entitled _ !  It’s disgusting!  They think they can ask you whatever they want and you just have to tell them your life story!  Every time I’ve told them  _ it’s personal _  they’ve looked at me like I’ve just stomped on their stupid handbag dog’s spine and laughed in their face.”  Isak  hissed, and Even tried not to think too much about the graphic imagery  Isak  was conjuring up.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone here.” Even agreed.  He took  Isak’s  hand subtly, reasoning with himself that  omegas  were tactile creatures so touch was surely likely to ground  Isak  the fastest, and gave it a comforting squeeze.  “Just keep that fake smile on and try not to tell anyone to fuck off.  If it gets too hard we’ll just found another corner and you can whisper-shout in my ear about how stupid this whole thing is.” Even promised.

“How do you do it?”  Isak  groaned.  “I’m already falling apart and you’re still cool as anything.”

“I’ve had years of this nonsense to build up an immunity; this is your first exposure and nothing ever prepares you for it.”

“Yeah, and what’s the  _ real _  reason you aren’t out there flipping tables?”  Isak  arched an eyebrow and Even was surprised he had seen through him so quickly.

“Oh.  Uh, I have a list on my phone of groups of people I’ve heard people here talking badly about and I go home and donate to charities that help those people.  It’s purely driven by spite.” Even admitted, but  Isak  was looking at him like he had admitted to performing brain surgery on a dying child while the hospital was on fire or some shit.

“You donate money?”

“Anonymously, yeah.” Even shrugged uncomfortably, not expecting to have been sharing this secret with  anybody .

“That’s...really good of you.”  Isak  was smiling so wide at him that Even’s own cheeks ached a little.

“Are you ready to go back?” Even squirmed.  He wasn’t sure what the feeling in his belly was, but he wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Lead the way.”

Isak  didn’t let go of his hand.

***

“Oh, Even, long time no see!” Marte, one of his mother’s closest-but-least-liked friends, leaned in and kissed his cheek some time later.  She smelt like expensive perfume and champagne and it was everything that made Even’s stomach churn.

“Hello, Marte.” He replied uncomfortably, well aware of  Isak  still close to his side.

“We were so sad to hear about your, ah,  _ accident _ .” She continued.  She was looking down at his arms like she thought she was being subtle or could see through the sleeves of his jacket to assess his scars, and Even’s entire body burned with  an  uncomfortable combination of embarrassment and anger.

“But so relieved to hear you’re back on the right track!  And with such a handsome broodmare, too!” Marte clucked delightedly, and Even’s indignation burned even brighter at her dragging  Isak  into it.  She wasn’t even good enough to say his name, let alone try to talk to him.

“Sorry, Marte,  Isak’s  actually feeling a bit faint and we were on our way out for some air.” Even lied, taking  Isak’s  arm like he was a frail pregnant omega who needed an alpha’s help with the simplest of tasks, and he thanked every god he could think of when  Isak  played along.

“So sorry.”  Isak  murmured in a breathy  _ I’m about to pass out _  voice that Even would love to know how he mastered, but for the moment just settled on being grateful for.

“Oh, well, we’ll see you soon, boys!” Marte called after them as Even made a big fuss of walking  Isak  out to the garden.

Once they were outside they both seemed to relax.  They wandered around Sirena’s ridiculously oversized garden until they found a slightly secluded bench surrounded by flowers that Even was sure some  gardener  worked painstakingly over.

“People here are so desperate to cut everyone else down.”  Isak  said sadly, which immediately worried Even.

“Has someone said something to you?  What did they say?  Who do I need to go kill for upsetting  y-”

“No one said anything to me!  Not really.”  Isak  shook his head.  “ It  was more something I noticed about how they talk, even to people who are meant to be their friends.  Nothing’s ever really a compliment; they’re always trying to take digs at each other.  It’s so petty.  It’s actually  sort  of sad seeing adults acting like that.”

Once again Even was blown away by how observant  Isak  was.

“It’s embarrassing and it’s disgusting; there’s nothing ‘sad’ about it.  They all get off on one-upping each other.” Even replied, trying to be inconspicuous as he tugged his sleeves a little further down over his hands.  When he had tried to kill  himself  he had never thought about having to live with scars - for obvious reasons – but now he spent more time than not worrying about making sure they were perfectly covered without being obvious about it.

“I can’t imagine what it was like to grow up around these people.”  Isak  murmured.  Even resisted the urge to answer with  _ enough to make a guy kill himself _ , because it he was ever going to tell  Isak  what he did it definitely wasn’t going to be by blurting it out like the punchline of a joke.

Isak  didn’t have to say what he thought next because the silence was more than enough.   _ How do I leave a baby to be raised like that? _

Even didn’t think he had the answer to that question either.

“I survived it.” Even shrugged instead.  He had thought that that was a relatively good answer; he didn’t try to glam it up and say that the lavish parties were worth the  social  ineptitudes, or play poor little rich boy scarred by growing up surrounded by other wealthy socialites when it was obvious that  Isak  had lived a life of actual hardship.

But his answer just seemed to make  Isak  sadder.

“But you deserve to do more than just  _ survive _ .” He whispered, taking Even’s hand once again in his.

As they sat together, hiding from the party and talking out under the stars, Even wondered what it would be like to have a life that he wasn’t just trying to endure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS????????
> 
> Isak's traditional dress (if you hadn't guessed) was obviously based off of [Tarjei's](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bi4cxJ_FyCt/?hl=sv&taken-by=rumenir)
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	9. He'll help you make it through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quiet realisation, a game, a migraine, and Isak's birthday (4.8k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> struggled with writer's block this chapter because my brain is desperate to get to writing smut and they're just not there yet haha if you think you guys were struggling without a chapter a day it was nothing compared to how much I was struggling after churning out so many chapters in quick succession
> 
> but ANYWAY I did it here's the next chapter finally

It rained the entire week after May 17th, as if the weather could sense Even’s turmoil and smeared the sky grey to match his mood and make everyone suffer with him.  It was unseasonable rain for the time of year but aside from his weekday commutes with Isak Even hardly left the house, so he hardly noticed it at all.

He felt all turned around since that damn party.

Somewhere along the lines his feelings for Isak had turned into a crush and he hadn’t even noticed.  Now that he  _had_ realised the depth of his feelings he felt uncomfortable even  _thinking_  about it.  Isak was being paid to have his likely only child; it would be beyond inappropriate to make a move on the poor kid when he was obviously just trying to make some money in a tough time.

Not that Even had any intention of  _making_  a move.  Isak needed a friend during his time in the hellish Næsheim house and Even wasn’t going to compromise that because he had gone and developed a schoolboy crush.  Even wasn’t even 100% sure the crush had stemmed from Isak; it might have just been Even’s crushing loneliness latching desperately onto the first nice person it found.

If Even was honest he knew it was bullshit.

And if he was really,  _really_  honest he’d admit that he had known it was Isak the moment he saw his face.

But Even wasn’t honest.  Not even with himself.

***

“You know I’m 8 weeks today?” Isak said out of nowhere during one of their study sessions, having to raise his voice to be heard over the rain pelting against the windows like it had a personal vendetta against the glass.

“I didn’t know that.” Even shook his head.  He couldn’t explain why the words made him want to curl up and die from sadness, but they did anyway.  Feelings were like that: they didn’t have to make sense or be explainable, they just made you feel whatever the hell you had to feel.

“Well, I am.” Isak’s swallow was audible even from where Even was sat in an armchair a foot away.

It wasn’t exactly the joyous occasion Even had always envisioned his partner’s pregnancy to be, but then he and Isak  _weren’t_  partners.

This was essentially a business transaction.

***

“How are you finding the Clozanapine, Even?” Dr Harne asked, leaning forwards in his seat like Even’s answer was the most fascinating thing he had ever heard.

“It’s all in my log.” Even shrugged, squeezing his eyes shut as his blood was drawn by a kind-looking nurse.  Ever since his attempt he had struggled with the sight of blood and he didn’t really feel like triggering himself to hell that windy afternoon.

“It helps to talk about it.” Dr Harne brushed his comment away, but it just made Even think that the guy didn’t feel like  _reading_.  Not exactly encouraging for a doctor working on a drug trial if you asked Even.

“I feel sick all the time and I have a bitch of a headache all the time but I’ll deal with it if this thing’s going to cure me.” He snapped, wincing as he felt the needle sliding out of his arm.

“Would you say your mood has been stable and consistent since starting the trial?”

“The blood’s gone now; you can open your eyes.” The nurse whispered, which Even appreciated, and he opened his eyes slowly.

“I followed the stupid mood scale every day in the log you gave me.  What’s the point in filling the book in if you’re going to make me say it all anyway?” Even huffed.

“Are you always this quick to irritate?” Dr Harne raised an eyebrow and Even felt his nostrils flare.  What he would give to just punch this stupid prick in his face.  He would bet his trust fund that Dr Harne had never experienced a bad mental health day in his fucking life.

“Only when I’m getting my time wasted.” Even tried to keep his voice even.  Some part of his brain knew that he was getting angrier that the situation really called for, but everything was getting on top of him.

“No, my mood hasn’t been stable.  I’ve been the usual level of down and then a few days I’ve been  _extra_  down.  Some days I feel like I’m getting better but other days it’s an hour-long process to get out of bed.” Even just wanted to go home, not sit in a too-bright office and watch the doctor make notes on his file while he talked.

“The drug has shown to cause an increase in depressive symptoms before things level out.” Dr Harne said offhandedly as he wrote.

“So has every other mood medication I’ve ever taken.” Even shrugged.

Getting worse before it got better seemed to be a running theme in Even’s life.

***

“I’m bored.” Isak threw himself back in his chair away from the pages of work he had spread over the desk in front of him, and for a second Even really thought the boy’s chair was going to tip right over from the momentum.

“Have you nearly finished your questions?” Even asked.  He had noticed over time that Isak got antsy towards the end of his assignments; his brain started to wander and he’d fidget, all because he knew the end was in sight but he still had to  _get_ there.

“Fuck the questions!” Isak threw his hands in the air and turned his chair around so that he was facing Even.  “Let’s play a game instead.  I’m so bored and the weather is shit and I’m  _bored_.”

“I’m starting to think you might be bored.” Even pretended to be shocked, but the truth was even he was getting fed up with the constant rain.  It was rendering them both practically housebound.

“I’m serious.” Isak whined.  “Distract me from how terrible everything is.” Isak seemed to realise that that was a bit too real, colour quickly rising up his face, and Even was sad to hear that Isak was still feeling as miserable about their situation as he was.

“What should we do?  It’s chucking it down with rain and there’s a wind warning, so it’s going to have to be an indoor game.  You’re like ten weeks pregnant and I’m on a drug trial, so we can’t do a drinking game or smoke a little jay together.  I hate boardgames.  We play video games a lot  _anyway_.” Even was running out of ideas so he bloody well hoped Isak had something in mind.

“What about like that night we went out in secret?  When you took me to Maccies?” Isak asked shyly, and it took Even a second to realise what he meant.

“When we played twenty questions on the swings?” He clarified, getting a small nod from Isak.

“Yeah.  It was nice getting to know silly little things about you.” Isak’s cheeks definitely went pink at that, and Even hoped to god that the omega didn’t hear his heart hammer at the admission.

“We can do that.” He nodded.

They ended up looking up a list of questions online, neither of them having the brain power left after all Isak’s English homework to think of original questions.

“What’s the best Halloween costume you’ve ever had?” Even read out the first question on the list that wasn’t going to be awkward between them.  Halloween wasn’t exactly a major holiday, but most people Even had met had dabbled in it at least once.

“We never did Halloween at my house, but my mum did once dress me as a bunch of grapes.” Isak replied.  Seeing the disbelieving look on Even’s face he realised he had to continue.  “There was a harvest thing at the church I think.  I don’t really remember; I was only four or five.  In the photos it just looks like she taped lots of purple balloons to my clothes and made me wear a green hat.” Isak shook his head, but the way he was smiling made Even think that maybe it was a fond memory.

“What’s your dream job?” Isak chose the next question and Even was surprised by his choice.

“I don’t know.  I’ve never really thought that far ahead.  I didn’t really expect to live this long.” Even confessed.  “I’ve always loved art, and meeting new people who  _aren’t_ Oslo elite.  Maybe something that could combine those things.” Even still couldn’t imagine living past the end of the year, so the thought of trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life still felt too big to handle.

“I’d like to learn more about our biology; see how deep the whole alpha/beta/omega thing really runs.” Isak shared, passing the phone to Even to choose another question.

“That sounds perfect for you.” Even agreed.  Isak loved figuring out how things worked and how everything fit together; from little things like his phone all the way up to how the universe was formed.  Even could only hope that his kid got Isak’s brain.

“If you could win an olympic medal for any sport – real or fake – what would it be?” Even threw in a nice light question.

“Definitely a gold for binge watching Netflix.” Isak laughed, and Even had to agree.  He had never met anyone who got through shows as quickly as Isak did.  He had recommended Isak a few shows since he moved in and Isak had already burned through all of them and given Even his in-depth thoughts on them.

“Mine would obviously be for sleeping.” Even grinned.

“What’s the first career you dreamed of as a kid?” Isak read out before looking up at Even expectantly.

“Uh...probably being an artist after learning about them at school.  Didn’t go down well when I told my parents though, so I didn’t really bring it up again.”

“I used to want to be an astronaut because I love space, but then I realised I can barely fly in an airplane without getting anxious so I’d never survive leaving the planet.” Isak laughed at himself, but Even thought the idea of little Isak gazing in awe up at the stars was too cute for words.

“What’s one thing about you that surprises people?” Even chose for his next go.

“Usually that I’m gay.  When people eventually find out – like if I drop a comment about wanting a boyfriend or how I think a guy passing by is hot – they always do the  _oh_ _em_ _gee I didn’t know you were gay_  thing.  Apparently I just look like a raging heterosexual.” Isak shrugged.

“I don’t even know who knows I’m queer.  My parents know I’m pansexual, but they only ever tried to set me up with girls so I think maybe they’re in denial.  I’ve hooked up with guys and girls at those ridiculous parties, but no one ever talks about it.” Even didn’t really know where he stood with most people he used to consider friends.

“Do you ever get the surprise?  When you tell people you aren’t straight?”

“A couple of times.” Even nodded.  “It’s always really weird.”

“I hate it.  Nothing makes me want to punch someone in the face faster.” Isak shuddered just thinking about it.

“Noted.” Even laughed, sliding the phone across to Isak.

“Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give your 18-year-old self?” Isak snorted derisively and Even laughed.

“I’ve only been 18 for a few months and I really don’t think I’m in the position to be offering  _anyone_ advice.” Even shook his head.

“You’re doing better than I am.  I’m not even going to be 18 for another year.” Isak patted his shoulder consolingly.

“Wait, didn’t you say your birthday’s in June?” Even frowned.

“Yeah, I’m going to be 17.” Isak was frowning back at him now.

“17.” Even repeated.  “So you’re 16 right now?” He asked stupidly.

“Yes, Even, that’s how maths works.” Isak smirked, but the amusement fell from his face when he realised how shocked Even was.  “You knew I was younger than you; why is this freaking you out so much?”

“I’m 18 and the 16-year-old omega I’m friends with is ten weeks pregnant with my child, despite  _only being_  16.” Even felt like a cradle snatcher and he hated it.

“It’s only a few weeks until my birthday.  Chill out, okay?  It’s not like you coerced some poor first year into sitting on your knot, is it?  I knew what I was doing when I replied to your mother.” Isak’s frown returned, like he was annoyed at Even for making such a big deal of his age.

“First year.” Even genuinely thought he might be sick.

“Only for a few more weeks.” Isak reminded him.

“Christ.” Even buried his face in his hands, blocking out the world as he tried to process it all.  Isak was a whole year younger than Even had thought he was.

“Do you want me to go or do you want to keep playing?” Isak asked uncertainly and Even froced himself to take his hands away from his face.

“Yeah, yeah, we can keep playing.  I’ll get over it.” Even nodded.  Isak was bored and Even had made a promise to himself to do everything he could to make Isak’s time in his house bearable.  He also couldn’t bear prematurely ending his time with Isak, not that he’d ever admit that to himself.

“Well, it’s your turn to choose a question, old man.” Isak grinned cheekily and if he hadn’t been pregnant Even might have smacked him upside the head.

“It’s not too late for me to go for a nap.” Even threatened as he took his phone back.

“Not helping the  _old man_  case.” Isak grinned delightedly.

“What makes you happiest?” Even chose another safe question.

“Having all my work done and being able to chill out without feeling guilty.  Spending time with my friends.” Isak rattled off.  “You?”

“Uh...” Even had forgotten that he would have to answer the question as well.  “Sleep, I guess.” He couldn’t exactly say  _hanging out with you_  as his only answer.  It was true though; Even had felt happier since Isak moved in than he could ever remembering being, but it was just too creepy a thing to say.

“See, you  _are_  an old man!” Isak laughed, snatching the phone up.  The boy spent at least a minute trying to decide his question and with each passing second Even felt more nervous.

“What does success look like to you?” Isak looked up at Even curiously, but Even had to think for a while about his answer.  Isak had chosen a question where your answer was inevitably going to tell a lot about you, so he didn’t want to take it lightly.

“Living somewhere else.  Never having to see my parents.  Maybe...drawing again.” Even thought about all the money he had sitting idle.  “Maybe set up a charity or something, or find something good to keep donating to.  I don’t know really.  I used to think about finding a mate and settling down, but I don’t think that’s meant for me.”

“No?” Isak asked sadly and Even just shrugged.  The truth was: he wasn’t sure if he could commit to a mate when he was still struggling with thoughts of suicide.  He didn’t want to leave behind some poor heartbroken mate if he did off himself; he wasn’t  _cruel_.

“What does success look like to you, Isak?” He diverted the attention away from himself.

“Stability.  Financially, emotionally, the whole lot.  Going to university and living my life.  Maybe finding a mate, but if not I just want to have good friends around me.”

Their ideas of success were both pretty basic, Even noted.  They both just wanted to live their lives without having to worry about things that had hung over their heads for so long.

They both just wanted to be happy.

***

Even had a migraine so bad that he was sure he was finally dying.  When he had woken up he had immediately had to stumble out of bed and tug down his blackout blinds to plunge his room into total darkness, and just that movement had noise had almost made him sick.

He got the feeling that that had been a long time ago now, but he didn’t want to open his eyes to check the time.  He missed out on taking Isak to school; instead he spent the day bedridden in agony.

None of the painkillers he took even  _touched_  the pain.  Not even when he delved into his really strong shit.  He felt like his skull was being split open from the inside by red hot pokers and his brain being stabbed with thousands of needles.  The only mercy of the day was that he fell in and out of sleep, his body giving him the only reprise from the pain it could, but because of his blackout blinds he had no way of telling how much time had passed him by.

He had to pull his bedside bin right up to his bed because he couldn’t make it to the en suite to be sick.  He had to just dangle over the edge of his bed and vomit, and even that was excruciating.

To say he felt sorry for himself was the understatement of the millennia.  The pain was so intense that he genuinely found himself wishing to die just so it would be over.  He kept himself curled up under the duvet with another blanket resting over his face, the gentle pressure the only thing that had taken even a tiny sliver of the pain away, for god knows how long.

He smelt Isak outside his door before he heard him, but he didn’t have the strength to say anything.

“Even?” Isak whimpered, not knowing how his voice cut into Even’s brain like glass.

“Mmm?” Was all Even managed to get out in reply.

“I can smell it.” Isak sounded so distraught and somehow that made Even’s pain even worse.  “The whole house smells like pain.” No wonder Isak smelt – and sounded – like he was hurting just as badly.  Omegas were hardwired to want to please and soothe and take care of alphas; Isak coming home to a house filled with alpha pain was probably hell.

“Can I come in?” Isak pleaded.

“Mhmm.” Even groaned, the barely-there noise enough to rattle his aching brain.  Immediately he could hear his door opening and closing, and Isak’s scent got 100% stronger without the door between them

“Oh fuck.” Isak choked on a cough as soon as he was inside.  If it was true that the whole house reeked of his pained chem scents then his room was probably a million times worse considering that was where he had been lying dying all day.

“What’s wrong?” There was a faint shuffle of footsteps and then the bed dipped and Even could feel the weight and warmth of Isak sat close to him.

“Migraine.” Even whispered from under the blanket resting on his face, but even that was too loud.

“What can I do?” If Even’s chem scents were telling the world that he was in agony then Isak’s were broadcasting the omega’s need to fuss and mother far and wide.  Even could  _smell_  how badly Isak wanted –  _needed_  - to look after him.  The only thing he could think of was more pressure to his forehead, so he wiggled his hand out from under his duvet and held it out for Isak to take.

Isak’s warm hand filled his own in seconds flat, the omega desperate to make things better.  If Even hadn’t been on the verge of death he might have enjoyed the attention, but as it was he just brought Isak’s hand to his forehead and pressed his hot palm hard against his forehead.

“Just this?” Isak breathed, and Even gave the tiniest nod.  “Okay.” Isak lay down behind Even – probably not wanting to get between Even and the bin – and applied firm pressure to his forehead as if he could squash the pain right out of the alpha.

It was strange being the little spoon, but Even found that he didn’t hate it.  Isak felt big and protecting curled around him, and the weight of Isak’s forehead resting against the back of his head made him feel closer to the boy than he ever had before.  Isak had his other arm draped over Even’s waist, using it to keep himself pressed right up to Even’s back, and Even fumbled to take Isak’s hand where it was resting against his abdomen.

Isak tangled their fingers together straight away, and as Even started falling back under he swore he felt Isak press a kiss to the back of his head.

***

Like all the times before they didn’t talk about their not exactly platonic looking after each other in bed.  Neither of them seemed willing to open that can of worms.

Neither of them were willing to admit that something was definitely blooming between them.

***

Even was coming down to the kitchen late one night for something quick to eat after his stomach woke him up from a pleasant dream of living by the sea with another faceless mate, but the closer he got to the kitchen he swore he could smell Isak.

And...his father?

If his dad was back from work then it was definitely later than Isak should be up considering he had school in the morning.  Sure, term was winding down now but that was no reason to let himself go in exhausted.  Even was about to go in when he heard his father’s voice and it made him pause.

“-you going to do with the money then, Isak?” Even caught the end of Trond’s question, but it was enough to make his blood boil.  Of course his dad would be asking Isak about money; that was all he fucking cared about.

“It’s all going into a savings account.  Hopefully it’ll get me through university.” Isak replied coolly.  Even didn’t want to keep lingering at the door so he chose that moment to go in, and Isak looked relieved to see him.

“Woke up hungry.  Didn’t expect to be having a house meeting in here.” Even joked, but he levelled his father with a serious look.  He couldn’t explain why but he didn’t like the thought of Isak being alone with his dad.

“I’ve just got in and I ran into Isak.  We were just making conversation.  You have a good head on your shoulders.” Trond tipped his head at Isak, who inevitably faltered at praise from a distinguished alpha.

“Thanks.” He said quietly before taking his fruit and fleeing the kitchen.  With the omega well out of the crossfires Even turned on his father.

“Leave the poor kid alone!” He snapped.  “Not everyone revolves around money like you do, for Christ’s sake.  Just let Isak get on with it.” Even shook his head as he grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowl.  They were quick to eat and filling; perfect for waking up hungry in the night.

“Stop being so defensive.” Trond rolled his eyes.  “It was just small talk.  Your omega wasn’t half as dramatic about it as you’re being.”

“He’s not  _my_ omega.” Even’s temper flared.  “He’s his own omega, and there’s more to know about him than just what he’s doing with your blood money.” Even snapped before making his exit from the kitchen.  He was almost out the door when he turned back around.

“Don’t ask him about it again.” He said firmly before leaving his father to his own awful company.

***

It was almost Isak’s birthday and Even desperately wanted to do something.  He had found a few gifts for Isak (a model of the solar system in a crystal ball, a video game Isak had mentioned, a shirt that said  _I’m gay get over it,_ a card, and some balloons he needed to blow up that said  _happy fucking birthday_ ) but he wanted to  _do_ something.

He got his opportunity the weekend of Isak’s birthday.  His birthday was the Sunday but because of its closeness to Monday he was celebrating with his friends on Saturday, out doing whatever he and his friends did and leaving Even with the house to himself.

He blew up the balloons and hid them in his en suite, he made a chocolate swiss roll and hid it (and the ‘17’ candle) in an unused drawer in his room before wrapping Isak’s presents and writing in the card teasing Isak about being just a baby.

By the time Isak got home Even had managed to air out the smell of cake from the house and got rid of all the evidence of his busy day, so Isak had no idea what he had been doing.  He swung by Isak’s room on his way to bed to see if he had had fun with his friends and Isak blessed his eyes with a huge grin.

Event went to bed feeling excited about tomorrow, a feeling he couldn’t remember having about a birthday since he was a kid.  He woke up Sunday morning fizzing with excitement.  He woke up at an acceptable time for a Sunday, so he got out of bed straight away.

He was dying to give Isak his surprise.

He took the small bag of gifts out from under his bed, double checking that the card was still inside, and put the balloon weight in the bag too so the balloons swayed merrily over the bag and Even didn’t have to worry about carrying them as well as everything else.  He hooked the bag over his forearm, glad for the padding of his hoodie as the weight of the crystal ball immediately made the handles dig in, and took the cake out of the drawer and placed it delicately on the cake platter.  After pushing the candle into the middle and flicking his lighter over it he was ready to go.

He walked across the house to Isak’s room, and as he pushed the door open he started quietly singing happy birthday.  Once he closed the door behind himself he started singing louder and Isak’s head jerked up in surprise.

“Even?” Isak’s face was flushed with sleep and when his bleary green eyes finally landed on Even’s approaching form his face broke out into the sweetest smile Even had ever seen.

“Happy birthday, Isak!” Even grinned.  “Make a wish!” He held the platter out towards Isak’s face and Isak was looking at him with such amazement that it made him squirm.

Not as much as he squirmed when Isak closed his eyes and made the cutest pout as he blew out his candle, opening his eyes and looking at Even from under his dark lashes.

Even set the cake platter down on Isak’s bedside table before throwing himself down onto Isak’s bed, passing the boy his little bag of goodies and delighting in watching him open them.  Isak seemed happy with all of Even’s gifts choices, marvelling at the cystal solar system for at least five minutes and telling Even random facts about the planets before he finally moved on, and rolled his eyes and Even’s card and laughed at the rude balloons like Even knew he would.

When he found out that Even had  _made_  the cake and not just bought it he gushed about it for about ten minutes, and Even decided if there was ever an acceptable day to eat cake for breakfast at barely 10AM it was when it was someone’s birthday.

They spent the day in bed: eating cake with their fingers and playing video games and laughing more than they had in weeks.

When Even noticed a little smear of cream across Isak’s bottom lip, he was stunned by his brain’s immediate desire to kiss it off.

***

Isak came home a few days later way earlier than he normally would, and Even got up from where he had been sprawled on the sofa in the lounge to see what had brought Isak home so early.

“Isak?" He called out, but he stopped dead when he got into the hall.  Isak’s eyes were watery and there were stains on his face that Even guessed meant he had been crying, and the smell of upset omega was overpowering.

“What’s wrong?” Even rushed over to the clearly shaken boy, searching him for any visible signs of injury, and Isak pushed something into his hands.

“I had the 12-week scan today.” Isak choked out.  Even barely had time to take that in before Isak was trying to get past him, but he couldn’t have that.  He managed to snap back to reality just in time to catch Isak’s hand and pull the omega back into him.

He wrapped his arms around him and Isak melted into him, clinging onto the back of Even’s shirt and tucking his face in the crook of Even’s neck instinctively.

“I heard their heartbeat.” Isak sobbed into his skin, clinging onto Even like he was the only thing stopping him from totally falling apart.

Even hated how he could feel the boy’s tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isak's [grape costume](https://heavyeditorial.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/best-funny-kids-childrens-halloween-costumes-4.jpg?quality=65&strip=all&w=758) and [crystal ball solar system](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/dcfe8dcb-52e7-4d83-9312-bef2c4508fb7_1.33c0b067d23cfea33627925c5725598b.jpeg?odnHeight=560&odnWidth=560&odnBg=FFFFFF)
> 
> THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER??????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
> [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	10. Oh, what a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An agreement, sunbathing, an ABBA reference, pregnancy hormones, the 16-week scan, and some unknowing mutual masturbation (4.8k)

“I would have gone with you.” Even whispered into Isak’s hair, rocking the boy gently to try to ease his tears.  “You didn’t have to go alone.” He steered Isak into the lounge to sit down, safe in the knowledge that both of his parents were out.

“We never talked about it.” Isak shook his head and curled in on himself on the sofa, shying away from Even’s touch and near enough breaking his heart.

“Well maybe we should have.” Even said firmly.  “If going alone makes you this upset then you shouldn’t go alone.”

“It wasn’t that I was alone.” Isak muttered, but when he saw the confused look on Even’s face he groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“I want to understand, Isak.” Even pulled Isak’s hands away from his face gently until he could see those beautiful eyes again.

“I just- it wasn’t  _just_  that I was alone.  It was that I was alone and it was the first  _proper_  scan and then she was telling me that I could hear their little heart beating, and this sound suddenly filled the whole room and it just…it was  _big_ , Even.  It was a big moment that parents always go on about, and I was alone and scared and then that sound came on and everything changed.” Isak was crying by the time he finished explaining it and Even probably wasn’t far behind him.

“It’s a moment almost everyone shares with their mate or their partner, and I did it alone.” Isak sniffled.  “I went alone and heard the heartbeat of a baby that isn’t even mine.” Isak whispered, unable to even look in Even’s direction.

“Isak, that baby in there-”

“Don’t.” Isak cut him off sharply.  “This  _isn’t_  my baby, Even, it’s  _yours_.  I’m basically just an incubator.” The truth was harsh and Even didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to let Isak hurt him with it.

“What you’re doing is incredible, Isak.” Even felt like he had said Isak’s name a lot, but there was a weight connected with saying someone’s name and Even wanted Isak to understand how serious he was being.

“Without you I would never have been able to have a child; that chance would have just died with this drug.  At the end of all this the child might not be yours, but they never would have happened  _without_  you.  Every time I see them I’ll be reminded of the young, smart, independent omega who moved in with me for nine months and gave me a chance to put something good into the world.” Even hadn’t really thought about Isak leaving and him being left with a baby, but he realised as he said it how true it all was.

This baby would always be a reminder of Isak.  A reminder of someone who was kind to him at his lowest and breathed new life into him after he had come so close to dying.

“And I’ll have nothing.” Isak’s voice cracked.

It looked like Isak’s omega was starting to crumble under the reality of being a broodmare, just like they all did.

***

It wasn’t until Even was back in the privacy of his room that he looked at what Isak had shoved into his hand, and when he did everything inside him went still.  The breath disappeared from his lungs, his blood stilled in his veins, and all the thoughts stopped buzzing in his head.

The scan photo.

It was blurry and it took him a couple of seconds to make out, but it was undeniable that he was looking at a baby.   _His_  baby.  His baby that was growing inside of Isak.

The longer Even looked at the scan the more he felt like this was his last chance to put something good out into the world.

He fell asleep with the photo in his hand.

***

Things simultaneously calmed down and went crazy in the Næsheim house over the next few weeks.  Isak recovered from the unexpected trauma of the 12-week scan and made Even promise to come with him to the others, which Even agreed to readily, but he finally started experiencing the turbulent pregnancy hormones the doctor had told him about.

Which meant that everyone else just had to hold on for the ride.

***

 _“_ _Fuck off_ _!”_  Even jolted upright in bed, heart hammering in his throat, as his brain tried to figure out where Isak’s voice had come from.

“You fucking  _fuck_!” Isak shouted again and Even’s mind immediately lurched to the worst conclusions.  He was stumbling out of bed and into the hall before his brain had caught up, ready to face an intruder who was attacking Isak in their kitchen fuelled by nothing but disorientated adrenaline.

When he got to the kitchen, however, there was no sign of any attacker.  No one was threatening Isak or trying to hurt him.

In fact: the only person  _in_  there was Isak.

“What...are you shouting about?” Even frowned blearily.  At being shown there was no threat to the omega’s safety the adrenaline rushed out of him and left him even more exhausted than he had been before he fell asleep.

“This  _fucking_  jar won’t  _fucking_  open!” Isak yelled, shaking the pesto jar menacingly in Even’s direction.

“I thought you were being murdered.” Even said stupidly.  He could only assume that his brain had checked out of the situation after the hard rush and immediate depletion of adrenaline.

“ _Someone_ is going to fucking die if I don’t get this  _jar_  open!” Isak had a towel wrapped around the lid and was twisting is as tightly as he could, but the lid hardly twitched.

“It’s not even 10 in the morning; why are you trying to get into the pesto?” Even should have known better than to ask.

“Because I’m  _pregnant_  and I’m  _hungry_  and not all of us get our food made for us!” Isak ranted.  Before Even could point out that he  _also_  cooked his own food 95% of the time Isak lifted the jar up over his head as if he was about to smash it against the counter, which would have been a bad idea for at least four different reasons, and Even’s argument flew out the window.

He grabbed Isak’s wrist quickly and held it above the boy’s head, but the movement made the baggy sleeve of his ratty old hoodie fall up his arm and Even saw in agonising slow motion the moment Isak’s eyes caught sight of the scars that ran long and deep up his inner forearm.

He yanked the glass jar from Isak’s hand and – after quickly unscrewing it the  _right_  direction – left it on the counter before fleeing the room.

He didn’t miss how Isak’s scent went from blisteringly angry to almost grievingly sad, but he wasn’t ready to acknowledge it either.

***

They didn’t talk about it the next time they spoke.  Or the time after that, or the time after that, until Even could almost convince himself that Isak hadn’t seen anything at all.

***

“So, if things had been normal what would you have been doing this summer?” Even asked a week into Isak’s summer break.  They were in the library – as usual – because even though Isak didn’t have homework to do the kid still loved to read and seemed to be making the most of his time in the Næsheim house by consuming  _every_ nonfiction book in their library.

“I don’t even know.” Isak sighed.  “So much shit has happened this year I think if I tried thinking about a timeline where all of it didn’t happen I’d just fall apart.” Isak looked up from the book he was reading and Even could see that his eyes were already getting watery.

“It must have been better than this though, right?” Even persisted.  “If you weren’t here being my broodmare what would you be doing with the summer of your dancing queen year?”

“My dancing queen year?” Isak’s eyebrows pulled together and his nose wrinkled in the cutest way.

“Yeah, you know: ABBA?” Even refused to believe that Isak had never heard that song.

“Oh.” Isak’s nose remained wrinkled, but this time Even got the feeling it was from distaste.

“You are the dancing queen: young and sweet, only 17.” Even sang in his cheesiest English accent, delighting in the way Isak blushed.  “You’re 17, so this is your dancing queen year.” Even explained to save Isak from dying of embarrassment.

“So, humour me: what would you have been doing this summer, dancing queen?” Even grinned.

“Well, I probably would have looked for a summer job to get some money.” Isak shrugged, playing with the page he had been reading before Even stole his attention.

“Have you always been so practical?” Even rolled his eyes.  “What would you have  _done_  with your summer?” 

“I don’t know, Even!  Not all of us can go on boys’ holidays to Prague or wherever people go!” Isak snapped.  “I would have got a job and spent time out with my friends drinking and getting high and probably finding people to hook up with and generally looking for any excuse to avoid going home.  End of dancing queen summer.” Isak slammed his book closed, making Even jump from his perch in the window seat.

“What about you?” Isak asked harshly.  “Let me guess: swanning around without a care in the world because you don’t have to worry about things like making rent or getting a job?” Isak’s face fell seconds after he said it and Even didn’t even have time to open his mouth before Isak was crying.

“I’m sorry, that was such a dick thing to say.” Isak was wiping frantically at his tears, looking anywhere but at Even.  “These hormones are turning me into such a bitch.  I’m sorry, I know you have shit going on too.” Isak sniffed.

Even couldn’t bear how sad Isak looked over snapping at him.

He came down from the window seat and sat next to Isak, pulling the boy into a hug and feeling the tension melt right out of him.  The book slid off of Isak’s lap as the boy pressed his face into Even’s neck and wound his arms around Even’s waist in kind, and Even prayed that Isak couldn’t feel the way his heart skipped a beat.

“It’s not the worst thing that’s ever been said to me.” Even tried to joke, but that just seemed to make Isak  _more_ tearful.  “Hey, it’s okay, I know you’re going through a lot.  I shouldn’t have pushed it about your summer plans; I’m sorry too.” Even stroked Isak’s hair soothingly, a trick he had learned turned Isak into a practically purring puddle of happy omega.

“It’s just...it’s been a really hard year.” Isak said thickly, and Even’s heart broke for the thousandth time for the sweet boy who had fallen into his life.

“I’m sorry.” Even murmured, letting his lips brush a gentle kiss to the top of Isak’s head.

“Me too.” Isak whispered.

They stayed cuddled together on the sofa until Isak stopped trembling against him, and even then neither of them seemed in a rush to pull apart.

“I’m really glad I met you though.” Isak’s words were a fragile breath against his skin, but Even heard them and they went straight to his heart.

“I’m really glad I met you too, Isak.”

***

_You set the nickname for_ _Isak_ _Valtersen_ _to Dancing Queen_

Dancing Queen (20.08)

_Seriously Even?_

Even (20.09)

_Seriously_

***

Dancing Queen (11.14)

_I think I’m going to die before these two days are over_

Even (11.15)

_I still don’t understand why you agreed to go_

Dancing Queen (11.18)

_How could I have said no?! Your mother – who's letting me stay in her house rent free – offers to take me to a spa free of charge to help look after me, and I just...say NO? To CAMILLA?_

Even (11.19)

_I guess when you put it that way..._

Dancing Queen (11.20)

_Exactly_

_And I’m 14 weeks pregnant I’m not going to turn down a bit of TLC_

_Your mother just terrifies me_

Even (11.22)

_She terrifies everyone_

_Just think of it this way: it doesn’t gain her anything to stress you out or hurt you, so she probably is just doing it to be nice_

Dancing Queen (11.25)

_That's fucked up that you think about your mother that way_

_It’s so calculating_

Even (11.26)

_Yeah well so is she_

_She’s essentially guarding her investment by making sure you’re all looked after_

Dancing Queen (11.28)

_I guess_

_It’s strange being just the two of us though_

_It’s easier when you’re there with me_

Even (11.29)

_I miss you too <3_

Dancing Queen (11.31)

_Shut up_ _haha_ _I’m just saying she’s less scary when there’s a buffer_

_I’m not good at conversation_

Even (11.34)

_We talk all the time!_

Dancing Queen (11.39)

_Yeah but you don’t terrify me!_

_We’re friends_

_Your mother pays me_

_Oh my god am I at a spa with my boss???_

Even (11.42)

_I mean even if she is your boss it’s not like she can fire you_

Dancing Queen (11.44)

_That's true_

Even (11.45)

_Did that help a little?_

Isak (11.45)

_A little_

_Thank you_

Even (11.47)

_No worries_

_So_ _have you seen any hot guys?_

Dancing Queen (11.51)

_There was a really hot faerie couple_

_And one of the masseuses could 100% have me face down on the table if you know what I mean_ _;)_

Even (11.53)

_Aren't you usually face down for a massage anyway_ _.....?_ _;)_

Dancing Queen (11.55)

_The things I would let him do to me_

Even (11.59)

_Have fun, cowboy_ _;)_

_Just remember to keep my kiddo safe_

Dancing Queen (12.08)

_dude we both know there’s no chance of me getting ANY dick while your mother is watching me like a hawk_

_I’ll just have to make use of my separate room and fantasize about getting some dick_

Even (12.11)

_It's a hard life, huh?_

Dancing Queen (12.13)

_Very hard_

Even (12.15)

_Just remember: Camilla knows all_

Dancing Queen (12.17)

_It’s less hard now_

Even (12.18)

_You're welcome_ _;)_

_***_

Even noticed the change in Isak’s body one muggy July morning.

They had left the comfort of the library to sprawl out in the garden in the hopes of finding some breeze.  They had smeared on sun cream, brought out a cooler filled with Coke, thrown down a picnic blanket, and laid down under the clear blue sky.

Isak had shed his shirt quickly, grumbling that ever since getting pregnant he got hot in the blink of an eye, and lay next to Even in just his swimming shorts.  Even’s mouth watered at the sight of all the bare skin Isak was showing, but even behind the safety of his sunglasses he tried not to look for too long.

For the most part he had been resolutely ignoring his rapidly growing crush on the omega, but sometimes Isak made it impossible not to be wholly consumed by him.

“How are you still in that shirt?” Isak shook his head in disbelief, his head turned to face Even so he could look pointedly at his thin long-sleeved shirt.

“Not all of us are pregnant sweaty messes.” Even teased.  “Besides, this Norwegian skin isn’t ready to be fully exposed to the sunlight yet.  The shorts are the first step.  You don’t want me to turn to dust, do you?” Even joked.

“That wouldn’t do.” Isak agreed.  “Who would raise this little thing if you turned to dust?” Isak rest his hands on his belly, and that was when Even noticed.

“Holy shit.” Even’s eyes widened and he quickly propped himself up on his elbow.

“What?  You aren’t only just realising you’ll need to raise this thing, are you?” Isak asked sarcastically.

“No, smartass, I’m just looking at your  _bump_.” Even retorted.  His fingers reached out to touch but he stopped himself in time, looking away guiltily.

“You’re allowed to touch it, Even.  It’s your baby, after all.” Isak said gently.

“Yeah, but we’re not together or anything.  Just because it’s my baby doesn’t mean I’m allowed to touch you whenever I want.” Even pointed out, even though he wanted nothing more than to feel the proof of his baby growing inside the omega who was turning him into a lovesick idiot.

“Well, how about this: you can touch the bump whenever you want as long as you tell me you’re moving in for a feel, but touching anywhere else is a no go.” Isak suggested.

It should have been the perfect offer, but Even knew that he wanted to touch more than just Isak’s bump.  He wanted to learn everything about the boy’s body in the same way he had been learning all about Isak’s mind.

“Can I touch the bump now?” Even asked hopefully, not missing the soft smile Isak gave him.

“Of course.” Isak moved his hands from his belly to give Even more room, and Even’s heart fluttered like an anxious butterfly behind his ribs.  He splayed his hand as gently as possible over the surprisingly hard skin of Isak’s swollen pregnancy belly and the emotion that flooded him was impossible to describe.  It clogged his throat and stung at his eyes and had his heart feeling three times its normal size.

It took a lot of effort to pry his eyes away from his hand covering Isak’s belly to look up at Isak’s face, but when he met the omega’s eye he looked just as overwhelmed.

“Thank you for doing this, Isak.” He whispered, afraid to burst the intimate bubble they had found themselves in.

“You’re so welcome, Even.” Isak smiled back.  His smile was more dazzling than the July sun burning over their heads, and Even would gladly have let that smile burn him a thousand times.

Beneath the sticky smell of sun cream and the surrounding smell of hot grass, Even could scent soft smitten omega.

***

They were playing video games a few days later, hiding from the unexpected summer storm that was pouring and thundering outside of Isak’s window.

“I’m going to destroy you this time, Næsheim.” Isak threatened as they set up for a new game.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re all talk no trousers, Valtersen.” Even rolled his eyes, used to their shit talking by now.  “Let your playing do the talking for once.  Oh wait, it would just say  _loser_.” Even gasped as if he was only just realising it and Isak gave him a playful shove as he sat back against the headboard with him.

“Shut up, rich boy.  Let’s see if your bite’s as good as your bark.” Isak laughed as they started.

They were a few minutes in when Even felt a shiver run through the boy next to him and Isak let out a little gasp of surprise, his hands going still on his controller.

“You just realising how badly I’m crushing you?” Even grinned, but when he caught sweet broody chem-scents he paused the game and turned to look at Isak.

“Isak?” He prompted when the boy didn’t say anything.

“Sorry, it’s just, the baby sort of moves now and it still feels really fucking weird.” Isak laughed shakily, setting his controller down in his lap and putting his hand on his belly.

“They’re moving?” Even’s face lit up with excitement.  “That’s so cool!”

“It is.” Isak agreed.  “It just feels really weird.  It’s like butterflies, but times a thousand.  You won’t be able to feel them move for a few more weeks.” Isak added apologetically, clearly seeing the childlike excitement on Even’s face.

“Oh, okay.” Even knew he was pouting, but he still felt cheated.  “When will I be able to feel them move too?”

“Usually around week 20.” Isak said consolingly.  “So just five more weeks!” He added brightly, clearly trying to cheer Even up.

“That’s not long.” Even agreed.  “And it’s still really cool that  _you_  can feel them move.” Even tried to focus on the bright side.

“Can I feel your bump anyway?” He asked hopefully.

“Any time.” Isak smiled, lying back in a more comfortable position before moving his hands away from his belly.

They spent the rest of the day like that: hidden away in Isak’s bed, with their hands on the growing evidence of the life they had managed to make.

***

“Do you want to find out the sex?” Even asked a few days later.  His fingers were playing idly with Isak’s hair as they lay out in the sun again, soaking up the rays after days of rain.

“I don’t think so.” Isak shook his head, almost dislodging Even’s fingers from his curls.

“No?” Even was surprised by that answer.  Isak had told him numerous stories about why he hated surprises, so he hadn’t expected him to want any surprises about the baby.

“No.” Isak repeated firmly.  “I think the more I know the more I’ll get attached, and that isn’t going to do me any good.  I need to be able to hand this baby over once they’re born.  If I find out the sex I’ll start thinking about names and I’ll just build up this whole life in my head that isn’t going to happen.”

Of course.

Even needed to get it into his head that Isak was going to leave after the baby was born and his contract was over.  They weren’t a young couple starting a family together; Isak needed to stay detached from the baby growing inside of him or else he was going to fall apart.

“Would you want to know?” Isak asked hesitantly.

“I mean, normally yes.” Even admitted.  “But even if the doctor told me privately I just know I’d fuck it up in conversation and blow it for you.  We’ll both keep it as a surprise.” Even promised.

“Anonymous baby Næsheim.” Isak laughed, but Even could see the sadness he was trying to hide in his eyes as clear as day.

***

“I have my 16-week scan in a few days.” Isak said as they cooked dinner one night.  It was a habit they had got into since the summer holiday started and they needed to find a way to keep the structure in their days, and Even enjoyed the domesticity of cooking with Isak.  It was probably all in his head but the food he and Isak cooked just tasted better than the food he cooked alone.

“Do you still want me to come with?” Even checked as he stirred the pasta.

“Yes.” Isak said quietly.

“Okay then.” Even smiled over at him, and despite his nerves about doing something new the small smile Isak gave him back made him feel like he could flip a mountain.

***

“We could have taken the bus.” Isak said for the hundredth time as they left the car park and went across to the hospital.

“I can drive and your anxious scent was going to attract every alpha on the bus if we took it.” Even disagreed, keeping Isak close to his side as they wound their way through the other people on the pavement.

“ _My_ anxious scent?  What about  _your_ anxious scent!” Isak exclaimed indignantly.  “What do you even have to be anxious about?  I’m the one about to get stabbed with a huge needle!”

“What?” Even asked in alarm, stopping dead in his tracks.

“Yeah, they do an amniocentesis check at this scan.  The doctor is going to take a sample of amniotic fluid and look for defects and stuff.  I’ll probably get the results in like a week.” Isak shrugged, clearly having had a long time to process this information.

Even, however, was getting it dropped on him as they walked through the doors.

He was still trying to not freak out over it by the time Isak’s name was called by the receptionist and they went through to the small ultrasound room.  On top of his  _returning to hospital_ anxiety it wasn’t a good feeling.

He helped Isak onto the reclining seat and politely averted his eyes as the boy lifted his shirt up to reveal his bump to the ultrasound technician.  He grabbed Isak’s hand when he flinched at the cold gel, and gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile when Isak turned to look at him with wide eyes.

“You smell  _so_  stressed.  What’s wrong?” Isak whispered when the technician turned to prepare the wand.

“I just...have bad memories of hospitals.” Even muttered, not wanting to stress Isak more than he probably was already.

“Me too.” Isak smiled sadly and gave his hand a comforting squeeze.  “We can be nervous together.”

“Okay.” Even smiled weakly.

“Are you boys ready to see the baby?  We’ll have a quick look before we take the sample.” The technician smiled at them and Even watched Isak take a deep breath.

“We’re ready.” Isak nodded, and they both stared at the monitor as the wand was pressed to Isak’s ever growing bump.

Nothing prepared Even for seeing his baby on the screen.

They were right there in black and white: undeniably baby shaped and so much bigger than they were in the 12-week scan.

It was a high he rode for days.

***

Even was having the best dream.

 _He was in bed, tangled up in someone else, and_ everything _smelt of arousal.  There_ _were_ _miles of creamy skin under him for him to litter with bites and kisses and the body under him rocked back into his thrusts in a perfect rhythm that had him moaning into their neck.  The smell of omega arousal got so potent that Even was sure he was going to pop a knot in seconds flat inside the wet heat his dick was buried in, but some foreign sensation was prickling at the edges of his brain and pulling him out of the moment..._

He woke up confused and disorientated, humping his mattress like a damn 13-year-old and not a wet whining omega, but the smell of horny omega didn’t dissipate.  If anything, it got  _stronger_.

It took Even’s sleep addled brain almost a minute to piece it together.

Omega.  Isak.  Pregnancy hormones.  Pregnancy changes the carrier’s sex drive.  Isak was hormonal and alone and desperate across the house, and even inside his room Even could smell the amazing smell of wet omega.

He was hard enough to smash diamonds, which was a bloody miracle considering he hardly ever got it up any more, and his dick was  _demanding_  friction.

It was wrong.  It was  _so_ wrong and Even knew it, but he hadn’t felt this hot and overwhelmed in at least a year and his body was dying for release.  If he couldn’t bury himself in wet omega pussy like his dream-self had then his hand was going to have to do.

He stayed on his front; snaking his hand down into his boxers until he could get a good grip on himself.  He kept his eyes closed and tried to focus on the tantalising smell of desperate omega, working his hand over himself desperately until his hips were thrusting desperately into the tight channel of his hand.  It felt like a monumental effort to take his hand off his cock to smear some lube over his palm, but it was  _oh so worth it_  when he wrapped his wet hand around his leaking dick and fucked into the hot wet hole he had created.

He rutted into his hand desperately, and his brain filled the gaps in his senses for him.

_A desperate omega hot and thick underneath him, working themselves back onto his knot._

_High, needy moans as he worked his hand between their legs as he kept rocking into them._

_The slippery wetness of_ everything _between them.  Sweet dripping pussy, hard leaking omega cock bobbing against their belly, slick running everywhere from that sweet ass he just couldn’t keep his hands off._

_The taste of sweat as he licked all over their throat, wanting desperately to sink his teeth into that delicate skin and leave his bite there for everyone to see._

_Isak_ _:_ _face down in his pillows and sobbing on Even’s knot as it filled him up, moaning desperately as he worked his hand over his cock and came beautifully up his stomach while Even came inside of him._

Even was ashamed – but not surprised if he was honest – to say that the image of Isak paired with his unique omega scent (all the sweeter for Isak’s arousal) clouding Even’s brain was what had him spilling his knot all over his hand and soaking his boxers.

The smell of omega arousal, however, didn’t lessen as Even came down from orgasm.

He was hard again within minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS???
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
> [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	11. I might just be fool enough to fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even's sketchbook, a nickname, an unexpected kiss, back to school shopping, eavesdropping, and Isak tells his friends he's pregnant (4.5k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're hoping for the boys to talk about or even acknowledge the jerk off session at the end of last chapter you are going to be sorely disappointed because they are both trying to pretend it never happened the fools haha

“So, I have a question.” Even couldn’t think of a better way to bring the subject up and he really wanted to know the answer.

“Okay?” Isak looked over from where he was lying on the grass, skin covered in sun cream and face hidden behind his big sunglasses.

“You can just tell me to fuck off if you don’t want to answer it.” Even promised.

“Wow, that’s how all good questions are set up.” Not even Isak’s big sunglasses could hide his massive eye roll.  “What is it then?” He prompted when Even apparently didn’t reply fast enough.

“Now that you’re showing...what are you going to tell your friends?” Even wasn’t really sure if that was within his rights to ask, but he had been thinking about it for a few days now as he watched Isak’s adorable bump get rounder and rounder.

“Oh, I’ll probably just tell them we slept together.” Isak shrugged, which couldn’t have been comfortable with his arms crossed under his head, and Even choked on his water.

“Would they- would they believe that?” Even managed to rasp out after giving the nearby grass an unexpected watering.

“Are you kidding?” Isak snorted. “You’re, like,  _exactly_  my type.  No, they won’t be surprised to hear that I hit that.” Isak shook his head like he hadn’t just shaken Even to his core.

“I didn’t know you had a type.” Was all Even could think to say.

“Everyone has a type.” Isak replied, but Even wasn’t so sure.

“I don’t.” He shrugged, pulling at some of the grass beneath his hands nervously.

“No?” Isak turned his head so he was looking at Even rather than up at the clouds lazing their way across the bright blue sky above them.  “There isn’t anything in particular that really gets you going?” Isak grinned cheekily and Even felt the colour explode on his face.

 _You_ , he wanted to say.   _You get me going_.

But of course, he didn’t say that.

***

Even was having some quiet time in his room a few days later, looking for some different charities to donate to, when someone knocked on the door.  Isak’s scent had found its way into every crevice of Even’s room after all their time chilling together on his bed so identifying Isak’s presence by his scent outside the door had become impossible.

Even kind of loved it though.

“Who is it?” Even called, even though he was pretty sure it was Isak.  His parents’ scents were as alien to his room as an  _actual_ alien and he would have sniffed them out outside his door in seconds flat.

“Just me.” Isak poked his head around the door, his sweet curls falling into his eyes as he moved.

“Just you can come in then.” Even grinned, putting his laptop down by the bed to make space for Isak where he would inevitably sit himself on the bed.  “What’s up?” He asked once Isak had made himself comfortable.

“I was going through the drawers in my room and I think I found something of yours.” Isak handed over a familiar pocket sketchbook and Even ran his hand over the green cover in amazement.

“You found this?” Even repeated like the dumbstruck idiot he was.

“I found this.” Isak nodded.  “I thought you might want it back.  I remember you said you missed drawing, so I thought maybe if you had this back it would help you get back on the horse.”

“Thank you.” Even couldn’t stop running his hand over the smoothness of the cover as if he couldn’t believe the little book was really back in his possession.  He couldn’t think of any explanation for his sketchbook ending up in an unused drawer in the guest room, which left him with the depressing notion that his mother probably hid it in there in an attempt to stop him from ‘wasting his time’.

“I had a look inside when I found it to see if it was empty.” Isak said after a few seconds of Even’s stunned silence.  “Your still life stuff was really good.  I especially liked the one of the flower wilting in the vase.” Even tore his eyes from the sketchbook to look at the omega, and was surprised to see him smiling ever so softly.

“You liked my art?” Even’s brain had apparently stopped processing anything and turned him into a parrot at the unexpected return of his beloved sketchbook, but Isak didn’t seem to mind.

“I liked it a lot.  You’re really talented.” Isak’s smile grew as Even’s cheeks flushed with the compliment.

“Thanks.” Even couldn’t think of a single other thing to say.

“I always wanted to have a talent like that, but I’ve never been good at anything.  Except video games.” Isak winked, but for once Even didn’t take the bait.

“You don’t need to be good at something.  You’re crazy smart; you’re going to change the world.” Even disagreed.

“There’s plenty of smart people in the world.” Isak shrugged.  “But people who can make things that make other people smile, or think?  They’re rare.”

“We’ll agree to disagree then.” Even said quietly, dropping his gaze back to his sketchbook.  Drawing used to bring  _him_  such joy before he lost his way, but he had never really thought about his drawing bringing  _other people_ happiness.

“Any way, I need a nap so I’m going to head back to my room.  I just thought you’d like that back.” Isak rubbed his belly tiredly, telling Even loud and clear that it was the pregnancy that was exhausting him, before shuffling off the bed.

“Thank you.” Even looked up at Isak as he moved towards the door, hoping that Isak understood how much he meant it.

“You’re welcome, Ev.” Isak smiled before slipping out into the hall.

 _Ev_.

The nickname made Even’s heart flutter.

***

“I can’t believe I haven’t asked this before, but are you going to university this year?” Isak asked randomly one afternoon the next week.

“Why are you so shocked?  We only ever really talk about  _your_ school work.” Even pointed out, trying to avoid answering the question.

It was a fair – if not stressful – question to ask an 18 year old, but it just had so much connected to it for Even.

“Well,  _are_  you?” Isak pressed, looking up at Even from where he was lying curled on side in bed.

“No.” Even sighed.  “I need to retake my third year.  I couldn’t finish it for health reasons.” He felt like such a failure saying it out loud, but it was easier to say that than say  _I have to retake my third year because I was too busy losing my mind and trying to kill myself to keep up with my classes_.  Even wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to say that, especially not to Isak.

“Oh, shit, of course.” Even was surprised to see Isak go bright red.  “I knew that.  I knew that and I totally forgot.  I’m sorry.” Isak buried his face in his mattress and all Even could think to do was stroke the boy’s hair.

“It’s fine.” Even promised, enjoying the feeling of Isak relaxing under his fingers.

“The pregnancy brain is real.” Isak groaned into his mattress and Even just kept stroking his curls sympathetically.  Of course he had noticed Isak’s forgetfulness over the last couple of weeks, but he knew better than to comment on it.

“You  _are_  almost 20 weeks pregnant; I think it’s acceptable to have pregnancy brain.” Even pointed out.

“For now it is.” Isak turned his head so he could look at Even while they spoke and Even gave him a gentle smile.  “But I go back to school the week after next.  How am I meant to get anything done when I can hardly remember anything?”

“Write everything down and make lots of reminders on your phone.” Even replied.  He might not have experienced pregnancy brain but he  _had_ experienced useless depressed brain and he knew a few tricks for trying to help yourself get by.  “Besides, people will obviously see that you’re pregnant.  I’m sure they’ll give you some leeway or some extra support.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.” Isak whispered, staring up at Even with wide green eyes.

“What, that people will help you get by?”

“No, that when I go back it’s going to be really obvious that I’m pregnant.” Isak sat up and pushed his hair out of his face worriedly.  “I’m going to have to tell people.” 

“You already know what you’re going to tell people; what’s the big deal?” Even frowned.  Isak had had his story set for months, so he couldn’t understand why he was panicking at the thought of using it.

“People are going to treat me differently.  It’s going to be weird.” Isak shifted uncomfortably where he was sat, and Even didn’t miss the way his hands both moved so they were spread over his bump protectively.

“It probably will be weird.” Even agreed.  “If it helps: It's going to be a shit time for me as well.” Even offered.  Sometimes just knowing that you weren’t alone in having a rough time made it easier to get through.

“I’d rather one of us was having a decent time.” Isak’s bottom lip started to tremble and Even quickly wrapped an arm around the omega.

“We’ll both manage.  At least your weirdness has a chance to end in December once the baby’s born.  I’m still going to have to deal with people treating me like a freak, and  _then_  adding a baby into the mix when we go back in January.” Even didn’t mean to sound so self-pitying, but the truth was he was dreading going back to school.

“Why would they treat you like a freak?” Isak frowned.  “It’s not your fault you got sick.”

“No, it’s not.” Even agreed.  “But before I had to drop out a lot of shit went down.” He didn’t really want to elaborate past that.  He didn’t want to explain to Isak that he’d hurt all of his friends and dragged his own name through the mud and talked shit about a lot of people and the whole school system while he was fuelled by his mania.

“Is that why I never hear you mention your friends?” Isak asked carefully, but no amount of carefully chosen words or soft voice could have stopped that question from breaking Even’s heart.

“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about it.” His throat was aching like he wanted to cry, but he desperately didn’t want to do that in front of Isak.

“Okay.” Isak murmured.  “But if you ever do want to talk about it, you know where I am.” Isak slid one hand off of his ever growing bump and laced his fingers with Even’s in a silent show of solidarity.

 _I’m here_ , it said.   _You don’t have to deal with everything alone_.

***

“Have you considered doing your third year at a different school?” Isak asked a few nights later while they were making themselves some dinner.

“My parents would never agree to that.” Even shook his head glumly.  “Especially not my dad: his family have gone to that school for generations.”

“That sucks.” Isak sighed as he drained their pasta.  “It could have been cosy, right?  The two of us commuting to Nissen every day.  You could have met my friends and we all could have had lunch together between classes.  Then I wouldn’t be so awkward about this pregnancy and you wouldn’t have to go back to a school full of bad memories.” Isak’s idea really did sound like the perfect solution.

Even also couldn’t help but note that it also sounded very much like a relationship.

And not the business kind.

***

It was a random Tuesday morning in late August and Even couldn’t feel his body at all.

His mind felt like a big balloon floating somewhere on the other side of the room; he could  _see_  himself, but he couldn’t connect the feeling of his mind with the sensation of his body.

He and Isak were sat in bed watching something on the TV, but all Even could hear was a distant hum.  He couldn’t make out any of the dialogue or distinguish anything that was on screen, and when Isak himself said something to Even it sounded like it was coming from the other end of a long tunnel.

“...okay?  Ev?” Isak was suddenly climbing right into his field of vision, but Even still felt like he was watching it all happen from across the room.  He could see Isak sitting on his lap and touching his face to try to focus his attention, but he couldn’t  _feel_  any of it.

“Am I asleep?” Even whispered, unable to find the strength to speak at full volume.  He felt like someone had dialled everything inside of him back down to 1 when it was usually around 7 or 8.

“...right here with me.” Isak was frowning but Even didn’t know why.  Everything felt blurry around the edges, like a dream when you’re on the cusp of waking up.

“Am I real?” Even was starting to think that he wasn’t there at all.  He couldn’t feel his body and his mind was drifting away from him; maybe he was simply something inside of Isak’s head?  Or his parents’ heads?  He didn’t feel like a corporeal form at all.  Maybe he was just a concept.

The concept of a child that his parents had never had but sometimes thought about when the parties were over.

The concept of a boyfriend that Isak looked at when he felt lonely.

“-ven... _look at me_.” Isak’s voice was getting louder but it still seemed so far away.

 _Come closer_ , Even wanted to shout.   _Don’t leave me in this tunnel alone or I might float so far away I’ll never find my way back_.

But he couldn’t shout.  He could hardly bring himself to whisper.  His body was all out of sync and it was all  _wrong_.  Looking at Isak was usually the easiest thing in the world, but Even couldn’t focus on anything.  He wasn’t even sure what he  _was_ seeing.  Nothing felt real.

He’d fallen through a crack in the universe and realised how infinitesimal his existence was and how fragile the ties were that held it – and him – all together.  How easily those ties could be cut and leave him floating through the abyss forever, unable to pull himself back together.

“...back to me.   _Even_.” Isak was still trying to guide him back, but no matter how much Even tried to pull his atoms back together from where they had scattered around the universe and focus his eyes and ground his mind back to his body he still felt lost.

His heart was starting to race and his breaths were starting to rush past his lips when suddenly there were lips pressed against his.

Sweet, gentle lips that tasted like the omega who had slowly but surely become the sun the galaxy of his life revolved around.

In that moment everything else melted away.  Slowly but surely Even felt his atoms gather back together and return to their normal vibrating frequency and pulled his mind back from the brink of the void.

When he was finally back in his body all he could feel, all he could  _see_ , was Isak on his lap giving him the softest kiss he had ever been given.  It felt like the most precious gift; something that Even would remember forever and keep tucked away safe in a little treasure chest in his heart.

“Isak?” Even whispered, searching the omega’s face in a daze.

“Thank god.” Isak was staring back at him worriedly and – much to Even’s dismay – pulled back from Even’s lips.

“I  _really_  didn’t want to have to slap you to snap you out of it.”

***

“Are you ready to go back next week?” Even asked one evening in the library.  He was sat up in the window seat sneaking a smoke, and Isak was lying on the chaise lounge to try to ease his backache.

“I guess.” Isak groaned, his hands resting on the peak of his belly.  “Need to buy a few fresh notebooks, but that’s it.  I just don’t want to go out when my back feels like someone is constantly stomping on it.” Isak grumbled.

“I need some stuff; I don’t mind buying yours as well.  A few notebooks aren’t going to break the bank.” Even offered.  “That way you can stay here and rest and not have to worry about being jostled around the shop.” He added, knowing that was more likely to convince Isak.  Ever since he had reached 20 weeks he’d been riddled with back pain and Even felt his own back ache in sympathy watching Isak shuffle his way around.

“Really?” Isak struggled to raise his head to look at Even over his pregnant belly.

“Of course.  I’ll finish this and grab my card.” Even nodded, holding his cigarette up slightly for Isak to see before leaning back towards the window with it.

“Are you even meant to smoke on your drug trial?” Isak asked as Even inhaled the last of his cigarettte and – after quickly stubbing the last embers out on the outside of the window frame – dropped the butt back into the box.

“Probably not.” Even shook his head and let out the last stream of smoke in one long exhale from the corner of his mouth.  “But they’re good stress relief so I don’t care.” He hid the box back behind the usual book and went down to the second level of the library where Isak was.

“Before you go...” Isak began uncertainly.  “Can you do that thing to my back again?  Please?”

“Sure.” Even was happy to do whatever he could to help ease Isak’s back, with or without being asked.  Isak struggled to sit upright and Even slotted himself in behind Isak quickly so the omega could lean back against him.

“You smell really good.” Isak mumbled when he rested his head back against Even’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“Like smoke?” Even was surprised by Isak’s compliment when the boy usually berated him for smoking.  God knows what Isak would have thought of Even a year ago when he was smoking considerably stronger stuff.  Even didn’t really want to think about it; instead choosing to focus on kneading his fingers into the firm muscles of Isak’s back.

“Like alpha.” Isak sighed dreamily.

***

Even’s trip into town was quick and efficient, and as much as he didn’t want to go back to Bakka he enjoyed buying some nice stationary.  It was essentially a plaster on a sawn-off limb, but he tried to ride the good feeling as he bussed home.

Home towards Isak.  Who had been putty under his fingers and thought Even’s alpha scent was the best thing in the world.  It had been enough to have Even sporting a promising semi by the time he left the library and he only hoped that Isak hadn’t noticed.

Even knew that Isak’s hormones were all over the place.  He wasn’t going to take advantage of the omega in his pregnant state.  Of  _course_  Isak was going to like the scent of Even’s alpha; he was 5-months pregnant with Even’s child for god’s sake.

Unfortunately: all logical thought flew right out of Even’s head when he got back home and was immediately hit with the rich scent of wet omega.  The semi that Even had managed to get rid of before leaving quickly made itself known again, and Even’s heart pounded as he realised he was going to have to go past Isak’s room to get to his own.

Even walked as quietly up the stairs as he could, not sure if he was hoping to hear what Isak was doing or just trying not to startle the omega with his return, and tiptoed across the landing.

He couldn’t help himself.

He paused outside Isak’s room, just for a moment, and listened.  He knew it was wrong and invasive, but it was better than the part of his brain that wanted to barge right in and lick up all of Isak’s wetness.

Muffled moans came from the other side of the door, and Even pictured Isak with his face pressed into a pillow to silence his cries.  The only other sound coming from the room were the familiar slick squelches of a hand working frantically over a cock and the quiet creaking of the bed, which Even suspected were caused by Isak rocking his hips chasing the friction of his hand.

As much as Even loved the sounds, the  _smells_ were what melted his mind.

The slick that must have been running in rivers down the backs of Isak’s gorgeous thighs, and the wetness hiding between his legs that Even was dying to bury his face into, and the bitterness of precome leaking from his omega dick, and the salty tang of sweat, but the most delicious scent of all of them was the sweet ripe scent of horny pregnant omega that quickly got Even’s semi swelling to full size in the confines of his jeans.

It was unbearable not to be able to burst into Isak’s room and touch him, so Even did the only thing he could.

He fled to his own bedroom and touched himself instead.

***

“Your belly looks incredible.” They were lying on Even’s bed and Isak had agreed to roll his jumper up so Even could watch his bump for a while.

“It’s just a pregnancy bump.” Isak rolled his eyes but his blush gave him away.

“But it  _looks_  like a proper bump now.” Even exclaimed, running his hand over the roundness in awe.  “They must be so big in there.” He thought out loud.

“They feel big when I’m lugging them around all day.” Isak agreed, bringing one hand up to touch his bump.  “They’re moving so much now too.  You’ll probably be able to feel them by the time we’re back at school.” Isak rubbed his stomach and Even tried not to feel too put out that they’d be apart all day when he was finally going to be able to feel his child move.

“I bet they knew when I’d be away all day and decided to move more then.” Even pouted.  He knew that wasn’t true but he liked making Isak laugh.

“Don’t pout, Ev, we’ll still have the mornings and evenings and weekends for you to get a feel.” Isak smiled.  He stretched his free arm out and cupped Even’s cheek fondly.  “You’re just going to have to deal with it.” Isak concluded as he gently patted Even’s cheek.

Even was sure he could deal with anything if Isak kept touching him.

***

Dancing Queen (12.06)

_Wish me luck_

Even (12.08)

_What are you doing that needs luck???_

Dancing Queen (12.10)

_Telling my_ _friends that_ _I’m pregnant_

Even (12.12)

_How do your FRIENDS not know????_

_But good luck <3_

Dancing Queen (12.15)

_I wear big shirts and I’ve blown them off a couple times over the summer to chill with you_

Even (12.15)

_Omg I’m so flattered_

_Do you LIKE me,_ _Isak_ _Valtersen_ _? : O_

_For real though did none of them notice your scent?_

Dancing Queen (12.18)

_Only my best friend is_ _exquis_ _and he hasn’t said anything so I’m_ _gonna_ _guess not_

Even (12.20)

_The alpha with curly hair from the bar?_

Dancing Qeen (12.21)

_How do you remember Jonas, of all things, from that night?_

Even (12.23)

_Guess I remember another alpha being around the guy carrying my child_

_Can’t be much of an alpha if he can’t even sniff out a pregnant omega_

Dancing Queen (12.27)

_Don’t turn into a jealous cave man alpha on me_

_I was just starting to like you_

Even (12.29)

_Got it_

_Will keep my thoughts on Jonas the alpha to myself_

Dancing Queen (12.31)

_They’re coming into the KB!!_

_Oh God give me strength what if they freak out_

Even (12.31)

_You can do this_

_I believe in you_

_And if you need me I can come into Oslo once I’ve talked to the doctor_

Dancing Queen (12.35)

_You’re too good to me_

_It should be fine_

_Gotta_ _go, I’ll let you know how it goes when we’re both home!_

Even (12.36)

_Okay <3_

Dancing Queen (12.36)

_< 3_

***

Even gave Isak a grace period of five minutes after he heard the boy walk back into his room from meeting his friends before he rushed across the landing and knocked on the bedroom door.

“Isak?  How did it go?” He asked before Isak even had time to open the door.

“It went pretty well.” Isak smiled up at him when he opened the door before moving out of the way to let Even in.

“What did you tell them?” Even asked as he flopped onto Isak’s bed, which was starting to feel as familiar as his own.

“That we got really close really fast and we slept together way back when I started working for you.” Isak said it with the tone of someone who had rehearsed the line hundreds of time before delivering it for real.

“And?”

“Jonas and Eskild think I’m an idiot for sleeping with the son of the family I’m working for, but when I showed Eskild a photo of you he revoked his complaint and high fived me.” Isak snorted.  “Eva and Sana asked if we were dating and I said we were just friends, so I don’t really know what I’ll tell them in December.” Isak fiddled nervously with his phone.

“I think we should just focus on the now.” Even took Isak’s phone and placed it on the bedside table before covering Isak’s hands with his own to stop the shaking.  “We can deal with December when it gets here.  Did any of your other friends say anything?”

“I think Magnus and Mahdi think you took advantage of me, but I told them I was just as willing as you were to have this baby.  That’s not a lie.” Isak was staring down at their hands and Even pulled his hands away, realising that he was crossing a line.

“I was kind of expecting all of them to hate me, so I’m not surprised.” Even admitted.

“It is the ultimate cliché omega story, right?” Isak tried to laugh but Even could tell it bothered him.  “Work for a family and end up knocked up by their son.”

“I know.” Even sighed.

“But we know that that’s not really what happened.  I can deal with my friends thinking I’m a huge cliché; it won’t be the worst thing they’ve ever thought of me.” Isak shrugged.  “So, yeah, it went well.  They know I’m pregnant and they’ve all offered to help me with anything if I need it when we go back on Monday.”

“That’s good of them!” Even tried to focus on the positives.  “What more could you want, huh?” He nudged Isak with his shoulder and Isak smiled sadly.

“Yeah.  What more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS????????
> 
> the dissociating scene is just based on my own experience and given some romantic flare, obviously kissing someone isn't always going to snap them out of it but we all know that Isak gives magic kisses
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
> [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	12. I try to make believe there's nothing wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pills, doctors appointments, baby names, and Isak turns Even's world upside down (3.5k)

“Even, you’re still taking your pills, aren’t you?” Camilla checked one morning when Even was making himself some breakfast.

“Yes, mama, and I’m writing in the book like the doctor told me to.” He promised.

“How do you feel?” Hearing his mother’s curiosity unsettled him, and that in itself was unsettling.  It was wrong that his mother being curious about his life made him feel unsettled.  How had they ended up so far away from each other?

“I don’t know.” Even shrugged, giving his and Isak’s eggs another prod in the pan.

“Oh, don’t be difficult, Even!” Camilla exclaimed.  “Do you feel any different to before you started?”

“Well I don’t feel like gouging my veins out, so yeah I’d say I feel different.” Even snapped back.

The truth was that he didn’t like the Clozanapine.  Ever since he had started the drug trial he had felt increasingly strange in his own skin and he was starting to find his mind clouding over more often than not, as if he went into sleep mode when he wasn’t doing something.

Isak had whispered his concerns too; quiet words between them at night when they talked about the harder things, and the fact that science geek Isak thought there was something shady about the drug fuelled Even’s own doubts.  When he had suggested he stop taking them and just go back to taking his Lithprozapine Isak had shaken his head furiously and said there was no telling what it would do to his body to just quit cold turkey.

So he couldn’t quit and he couldn’t start weaning himself off it without telling the doctor, and he just knew as soon as it got back to his parents – because it always fucking did – his mother would explode and force the pills back into his mouth if she had to.

He felt more trapped than ever.

“Do you have to be so dramatic?” He didn't need to turn around to see how his mother’s nostrils flared angrily; he could imagine it perfectly from where he was stood at the stove.

“Did you have to be so unhappy having a mentally ill son?” Even asked quietly.  He heard his mother’s sharp intake of breath and he waited for the dressing down that usually came with saying such things, but even by the time he had plated his and Isak’s breakfast up she hadn’t replied.

When he turned around she was gone.

***

“You know your mother talked to me about baby names last night?” Isak asked Even idly after he had finished his – and most of Even’s - breakfast.

“No?  What the fuck?” Even looked over at Isak quickly to see if the omega was pulling his leg, but Isak met his gaze steadily.

“Yeah, she was saying she respected me not wanting to know the sex of the baby but it just meant she had to think of boy  _and_ girl names that she liked.” Isak shook his head in disbelief.  “Why does she think  _she_  gets to name them?  She’s only their grandmother; surely it would be down to  _you_  to name the baby?” Isak asked him.

“I heard someone talking about my mum once, at one of those shitty ‘parties’.  I was only a kid so I guess people weren’t paying too much attention to what I was doing.” Even thought back to the evening and frowned slightly at how the memory was hazing around the edges, as though his brain couldn’t quite recall it any more.

“This woman was talking about my parents – I think it must have been coming up to my birthday – and she said that my mother was always good with babies but bad with children.” Although his memory struggled to give him the visual memory he didn’t have to try at all to recall the strange belly-flop feeling that statement had given him.

“It took me a while to figure out what she meant.  But then when my mum threw me this ridiculous birthday party that was really for her and her friends and not me and  _my_  friends I got it.  My mum was good with babies, because they were cute and cuddly and did whatever you wanted, but as the babies got older she lost interest and she didn’t really know how to interact with them or what to expect.  She didn’t know what to do with a child that had their own thoughts and opinions that might have been different to her own, so she just fell back on being a hostess.” Even explained.

“That’s pretty shit for someone who had a child of their own.” Isak stated, and Even couldn’t have agreed more.

“It  _was_  shit.  You remember those adverts the animal shelters used to put out?  Those ‘ _a dog is not just for Christmas’_  things?  I always used to think they should do a ‘ _babies_ _are not just for Christmas’_  parallel for people like my mother.” Even smiled at his inside joke with himself, but Isak didn’t seem to find it as amusing as young Even had done.

Isak just looked sad.

Sad, and a little bit...angry?

***

“Do you have to go see the doctor today?” Isak whined.  They were sat pressed side to side in Isak’s bed and the omega was being cuddlier than usual, which thrilled Even more than he would admit.  “We go back to school on Monday; this is one of our last days to laze around doing nothing.” Isak pouted.

“Yeah, but it won’t be long.  Dr Harne is pretty efficient.” Even promised.  “I’ll be back home before you’ve even woken up from your nap.”

“I didn’t say I was going to take a nap!” Isak was looking at him like Even had just announced he was clairvoyant and Even just laughed.

“You’d be napping right now if you weren’t bumming off my Netflix account.  You’re the sleepiest person I’ve ever met.” Even grinned.  “It isn’t a stretch of the imagination to guess that you’re going to nap while I’m out.” 

“It’s true, but you shouldn’t out me like that.” Isak pouted, and it was almost unbearable how much Even wanted to kiss that pout off his lips.

Ever since Isak had kissed him and snapped him out of his dissociative period and back into his body on Tuesday Even had been thinking about those pretty pink lips and how much he wanted another taste of them while he was lucid.

***

“You’re showing very promising signs, Even.” Dr Harne said as he read over Even’s notebook.

“I am?” Even couldn’t have been more surprised if the doctor had turned around and told him he was turning into an elephant.

“You are.  This is really good, Even, you’re getting closer to living a mental illness free life.” Even wasn’t a medical professional but he thought that was a bloody big promise to make.

It also made his heart leap, albeit guiltily, in his chest.

“We’re going to increase your dose again to help increase all those good chemicals you’re producing, and I’ll see you again in a month unless you feel you need an emergency appointment.” Dr Harne kept talking, but Even’s mind was wandering.

They really were fixing him.

He could actually be a stable figure in his baby’s life.

***

“Isak?” Even crept into the omega’s room as soon as he got back, but he wasn’t surprised to find the boy sound asleep under his duvet.  Even had been horrified when he first started hanging out in Isak’s room that the boy had the thick heavy winter duvet on even as the months worked through summer, but Isak had told him once that he just liked the weight on top of him because it helped him calm down and get to sleep.

Even would never get sick of learning things about this boy.

Like how Isak didn’t mind if Even stayed in his room if he fell asleep during their hang outs.  Even had always thought it would be weird staying in Isak’s room while the boy was asleep, but as time went on he got used to turning down the TV and focusing on the subtitles so Isak could sleep next to him or turning the telly off completely in favour of reading something or clicking around on his phone.

Now being in Isak’s room while the boy was asleep felt more normal than going in when he was awake.

Instead of taking his usual place next to him on the bed Even found himself sitting on the floor on Isak’s side of the bed and taking in the younger boy’s face.  Isak’s face was pinched, even in his sleep, like something in his dream was bothering him and Even skimmed his thumb gently over the crease between Isak’s eyebrows until the omega’s face relaxed.

He hated seeing Isak look worried, but as much as he hated that he  _loved_  the way Isak’s face chased his fingers and burrowed into the touch.  Even wondered a lot about the life Isak had led before they crossed paths because most of the time the boy acted as though he had never been shown physical affection and when he  _did_  get it he basked in it like a lounging house cat.

Even allowed himself a moment to stroke Isak’s sleep-warm cheek before carefully - reluctantly - pulling his fingers away and watching Isak bury his face into his mattress instead and let out a sleepy little sigh.

There, sat on Isak’s floor and seeing his sweet sleeping face, Even took his sketchbook out of his jacket for the first time since Isak had returned it and opened it up to a clean page.

And he drew.

For the first time since long before he had tried to kill himself, he drew.

And it felt like claiming back a part of himself he had been afraid was lost forever.

***

“Have  _you_  ever thought about baby names?” Isak asked curiously as they made dinner.

Or: as Even made dinner and Isak sat at the dining room table with a heat pack against his back and his hands resting on his big bump.

“Me?  No, that’s a bit real.  I’m not great at that stuff.” Even shook his head and he gave their stew a stir.

“Is  _this_  not real enough?” Isak moved his hands slightly over his bump to emphasise his point and Even had to smile.

“Your big bump is very real.  It’s just weird to connect that to a baby.  And I’ve always thought it would be weird trying to name something before you’ve seen it.  How often do people name their pets before they’ve seen them?  And yet we’re supposed to have a name planned before the baby’s even close to arriving.” Even shook his head.  “It’s always been weird to think about.” He surmised when he turned around and saw the amused smirk on Isak’s face.

“You just suck at concrete planning; you’re all up in the air.” Isak shook his head, but he was looking at Even fondly so Even didn’t think he was too upset by it.

“I don’t need to be good at concrete planning when I have such a helpful omega living with me!” Even joked and Isak pointed a finger at him.

“Don’t even try it, Ev.” He warned.

“Okay, okay.” Even held his hands up in surrender but quickly had to lower them again when hot tomato juice dripped down from the wooden spoon in his hand and burnt his arm.  He dropped the spoon into the sink with a clatter and a loud curse before running his arm under the cold tap to soothe the bright pink path of skin.

“You idiot.” Isak laughed from behind him.  “Are you okay?  Do you want some ice out of the freezer?” He offered, but when Even heard the early sounds of Isak getting out of his chair he twisted his torso to look at him.

“No, you just sit down!  You need the rest.  My arm’s fine, it just hurt for a minute.” He turned the tap of and patted his arm dry with the towel to prove just how fine it was and Isak lowered himself back into his chair with a groan.

“Okay.” Isak conceded before adjusting the heat pack on his back.

They fell back into comfortable quiet as Even cooked, but just when Even was about to ask where Isak wanted to eat their food the omega spoke first.

“For real though: you need to think of some names for your child because I am not leaving this baby with you if you’re going to panic when their born and give them a shit name.” Isak said.

“Please, I will obviously be googling baby names the whole week before your due date.” Even rolled his eyes, but something about Isak’s warning had made his heart race.

_I don’t want you to leave._

***

Isak had been weird the whole day.  They were making the most of their Sunday, which meant lazing around in their pyjamas on Isak’s bed alternating between watching Netflix and playing video games, but Isak had been off since the moment Even arrived in his room that morning.

But Even had never been the best at reading Isak and he didn’t want to bring it up in case he was totally misreading the signals Isak was putting out, so he spent the whole day trying to be as normal as possible.

“Are you ready to go back to school?” Even asked when he suddenly noticed the distinct lack of daylight in Isak’s room.  It was getting late and they hadn’t even noticed; too caught up in whatever they were doing.

“Not really.” Isak shifted uncomfortably next to him, and Even tried to convince himself that Isak was uncomfortable because the baby was moving and not because of his general weird mood.  “Are you?” Isak shot back and Even just shook his head.

“Not even a little.” He replied.  He’d been putting it off all summer, but now – the night before he had to go back – fear and anxiety were swarming him like a plague of locusts.  They lapsed into silence after that, both of them lost to their own worries about the new school year, but it wasn’t the comfortable silence that Even was used to having with Isak.  The weirdness of it all made him want to scratch his skin off.

“Maybe I should g-”

“I know what’s going on.” Isak blurted out before Even could finish what he had been about to say.  Despite not knowing exactly what Isak meant his words made Even’s blood turn to ice.  He tried to convince himself that anyone would freeze at such a dramatic announcement and it wasn’t just his guilty conscience overreacting.

“What do you mean?” Even prayed that he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt.  Maybe Isak knew about him lingering outside of the omega’s room listening to him jerk off.  Or maybe it was even bigger than that and Isak had realised that Even was sinking further and further into his crush on Isak and Isak was about to chew him out for being unprofessional.

“I know why I’m here.” Isak clarified.  The omega was fiddling with his duvet nervously and hardly seemed able to look Even in the eye.

“Well...yeah?  You’re here as a broodmare?” Even couldn’t help his confused tone when he had been expecting Isak to say something totally different.

“No shit.” Isak snorted, briefly looking up at Even to roll his eyes.  “I mean I know what’s going on with  _you_.” Isak definitely ramped Even’s anxiety level up to 100 with that statement, and Even was sure that Isak would be able to hear his heart race.

“And what do you think is going on with me?” Even was terrified to ask but he forced the words out.

“I’m not stupid.  I’ve seen the way you act and the things people say to you.” Isak began.  Even just frowned because this really didn’t sound like the start of a  _I know you fancy me_  talk.

“Okay...” Even trailed off dumbly.

“Camilla told me you were sick, and for a while I thought she meant physically.  But she didn’t, did she?  You’re not physically sick, you’re not dying...you’re mentally ill.” Isak said it so calmly, as if he hadn’t just made Even’s heart seize up in fear.

Isak continued talking before Even could stutter out a reply, clearly needing to get all of his thoughts out.

“Looking back, it was obvious.  That first day we met you told me people called you the ‘nutcase’ Næsheim, but I just thought you meant people thought you were really different from your parents.  I guess I was just too busy freaking out to really pay attention to it.  But it got more and more obvious the longer I lived here that you were depressed: you hardly ever got out of bed or ate.  You were just like a ghost.” Isak was looking at him so sadly that Even wanted to run, but he felt like he had been welded to Isak’s bed.

He was helpless to do anything but listen to how Isak had figured out what a failure he was.

“You told me that you hated Camilla’s mental health charity nights, and at first your story about how fake it was convinced me because it grossed me out too.  But then that woman talked about you having an ‘accident’ and she just  _stared_  at your arms, and I realised you  _never_  wore short sleeves not even when we’d go sunbathing in the garden.  It got me thinking about all the things you said: how you hadn’t thought you’d live long enough to get a job, and how you stopped thinking mating was in your future, and how you’d grown up around all those vile people who got off on putting everyone down, and how you didn’t want to go back to school because people were going to treat you like a freak.” Isak kept talking and Even’s blood pressure kept going up until he was sure he was going to have a fucking stroke.

Isak took a deep breath and seemed to force himself to look Even in the eye and Even’s insides quaked under his gaze.

“You tried to kill yourself, didn’t you?” Isak asked quietly, so quietly that you wouldn’t think it was a life shattering question.

All Even could do was look away in shame and nod.

“I’m sorry, Ev.” Isak's hands were suddenly covering his own, but Even flinched away from the contact.  He felt too exposed.  All he wanted to do was run but he still felt stuck to the bed.

“I’m not trying to judge you or shame you, I swear.” Isak sounded like he was choking up but Even was too embarrassed to look over at him.  “I just...I had to tell you tonight because I didn’t want you to think I’d gone back to school and heard a rumour and just blindly believed it.  I wanted you to know that I figured it out on my own from living with you for most of the year.  And...saying it out loud I guess it still sounds like pretty shitty reasoning.  Fuck, I’m sorry.” One of Isak’s hands disappeared and Even guessed that he was wiping his eyes.

“How long have you known?” Even managed to ask even though his tongue felt like it had been glued to the top of his mouth.

“A few days.” Isak whispered, shattering Even’s heart all over again.

“I have to go.” Even could hardly feel his limbs but he managed to stumble off the bed and hurry out of the room.  He could hear Isak calling his name and talking more, but Even felt like someone had stripped him right down to his nerve endings.

“Don’t.” He whispered.  He couldn’t get out any more than that.  Couldn’t elaborate that he didn’t want to hear any more from Isak or be followed or let Isak touch him.  All he could say was that single word, but Isak must have heard all the other words he couldn’t say because he let Even escape.

For the first time since his attempt, Even locked his bedroom door.

He didn’t even make it to his bed.  He leaned back against the door and all the anxious frightened energy left him, and he slid down onto the floor.  He had no idea how long he sat there for: reeling with shock and hurt by the unexpected turn his evening with Isak had taken.

He replayed Isak’s words thousands of times in his head until he couldn’t stand it anymore.  He wrapped his arms around his legs and buried his face in his knees to muffle the tears when they came, rushing hot and hasty down his face.

Not only did he have to worry about people at school acting weird around him, now he had to wait and see how Isak changed around him with his biggest secret lying between them like the rotting corpse of a dead animal.

 _Or an almost-dead Even_ , Even thought morbidly to himself.

Eventually he fell asleep there – right against the door, hugging his legs to his chest like a frightened child – with the last of his tears still running down his face and his heart broken in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS??????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	13. Bearing both their burdens and their scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go back to school, Even pulls away for a while to think, and stories are told (5.3k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even talks about his suicide attempt in this chapter - quite graphically - so I've made the *** around that scene bold so if you want to skip that you can!

Even woke up with a stiff neck, a sore back, and a painful bruised feeling around his tailbone, all to the unwelcome sound of his alarm going off.  It took him a full minute to remember why he had fallen asleep sat on the floor and why his eyes felt swollen and scratchy and his face was sticky with tears, and when he did the turbulent emotions of the night before hit him all over again.

Isak knew he had tried to kill himself.

Just thinking about it made his belly flop horribly, so he decided there and then to just  _not_ think about it.  He was going to have enough to deal with going back to the place of his catastrophic breakdown without stressing about how Isak was going to change around him now.

If Isak still  _wanted_  to be around him, that was.

Even had to do an awkward sort of roll to get himself off the floor, accompanied by an old-man-worthy groan of pain, and he shuffled off into the shower determinedly.

If he had to go back to school, he was going to go back looking like someone who was perfectly fucking fine thank you very much.

***

It took him an hour to get ready, but when he was he was unsure how to feel about the fact he looked just like he used to.  He’d scrubbed himself raw before he deemed himself clean enough from the night before, and gone about his old routine as if nothing had changed.  He’d piled on his layers – actively  _not_ looking at the mess of scars on his arm as he got dressed – and styled his hair and shoved his little tin of skins and tobacco in his jacket pocket.

The Even staring back at him from the mirror that September morning – although a little gaunter –looked just like the Even from  _before_.

Before his brain betrayed him.

Before he tried to kill himself.

Before Isak.

***

He didn’t wait for Isak.  They didn’t commute part of the way together before they had to part ways like Even had thought they might before everything went down last night.

Hell, he didn’t even know if the omega was awake or not when he slipped out of the house just after 7.30.

***

Even had tried so hard for so long to not think about going back that now that he  _was_  back a lot of things were occurring to him at once.

Most of the people he had known had graduated – like  _he_ was supposed to have – and moved onto university.

Bakka didn’t look any different and it was only when he was confronted with that fact that he realised for most people this was just the first day of term.

There was always going to be new drama, and there was a chance that most of the students had moved on to the next big thing in the rumour mill.  Or, at least, Even  _hoped_  they had.  As much as he wouldn’t wish being the Big Thing in school gossip on anyone, he really didn’t want to deal with people whispering about the things he had said on his mania fuelled Facebook posts or their theories on how he tried to kill himself.

He was going to be thrown into a year group of people that he didn’t know, and was going to have to either fly solo all year or try making friends and deal with the fact that they probably knew about all his fuck ups preemptively.

None of it seemed fair and all of it felt terrifying.

***

He had a meeting with the head of year before he was thrown back into classes and it was almost more painful than a knife to his forearm.

Anne tried to put his mind at ease and told him that his teachers had all been thinking of him since they heard the news, but it just made Even squirm in his seat thinking about them thinking about him while he had been at home trying to unpick his stitches.

She gave him his timetable and gave him a minute to look it over, and when he looked back up she explained that all of his teachers were aware of his situation and if he needed a break he would be able to leave class and do his work on the online portal in the library instead for the first couple of weeks while he readjusted.

Even liked the idea in theory – he could just spend as much time as possible hiding in the library – but he knew in reality it would just highlight him as the freak.  The crazy guy who couldn’t even sit through a whole class anymore since trying to off himself.

Anne asked him if he had any questions and Even’s mind raced.

“Do I have to talk to the school counsellor?” Was the only question he thought Anne would actually be able to answer out of all the questions buzzing in his head.

“No, but she knows who you are and would like me to tell you that her door is always open for you if you’re struggling.” Anne gave him a sympathetic smile.  “You’re probably sick of talking to people about it all, huh?” She hit the nail bang on the head.

“You have no idea.” Even said quietly.

***

When he checked his phone before his first class he was both surprised and not surprised to find a few texts from Isak.

Dancing Queen (7.39)

_I’m so sorry about last night_

_I went about it all wrong I’m not good at serious talks_

_If you can ever forgive me you know where I am if you want to talk or scream at me or anything_

_I really am so sorry_

Dancing Queen (7.58)

_Good luck with your first day back_

_I believe in you <3_

***

Even spent the whole day fighting his fight or flight response every time someone so much as looked at him.  He couldn’t stand not knowing who knew what he had done and who hadn’t.  Everyone felt like a potential threat; at any point someone might come up to him and ask him if he still thought all the shitty things he had splurged over Facebook or try to say something sympathetic that would just end up embarrassing for both of them.

By the time the final bell rung he was exhausted from being on edge all day, but he knew his battle wasn’t over until he got home.

He fled campus as if the place was on fire, but even on the bus back he felt tense and edgy.  The feeling didn’t fade until he let himself back into the house and closed the door shut behind himself, hiding himself away from the world again.

He didn’t have to search the place to know that Isak wasn’t home yet - the house was too still for Even to think there was anyone but him inside – but the simple fact that the omega’s scent clung to everything and enveloped Even as soon as he stepped inside helped soothe some of the stress.

Even had a little bit of homework to do from his first day, basically just starting reading for his classes, and he hesitated at the staircase.

He used to do his homework in the library to keep himself free of the rampant distractions in his room, but now he thought of the library as wholly Isak’s space.  If he went in there then there was a good chance they would cross paths when Isak got home and Even just wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

He climbed the stairs and did his homework in his room instead.

***

The days all passed in the same way: Even left before Isak, spent the whole day at school just focusing on passing his classes this time, and he didn’t shy away from people’s gaze but he also didn’t open himself up for conversation.  He spent his breaks and lunch off campus, eating and smoking by himself, and as soon as the day was over he went straight home.

Occasionally he saw his mother at home but she seemed about as keen to talk to him as he was to talk to her, so they just passed by like ships in the night.

Somehow: he never saw Isak, although the boy’s scent was still rich and fragrant in the house.

It was the only thing that brought Even comfort in his home anymore.

***

By the end of the first week Even felt strangely lonelier than he had  _ever_  felt before he had known Isak.

***

As the second school week wore on Even started to think about things from Isak’s perspective, no longer too overwhelmed by his own hurt and grief to walk in someone else’s shoes.

Isak had said he’d lived with someone with mental illness before he moved into the Næsheim house.  He had said it without malice or distaste, which made Even think that Isak hadn’t minded it too much.  Surely if Isak had managed it before he had no problem living with someone mentally ill again?  He’d also talked about charities supporting the mentally ill being important to him, and surely no one who  _hated_  the mentally ill would think that?

Even reflected on his own actions since Isak had moved in, and came to the conclusion that although he had never wanted to tell Isak what had happened he had let tiny breadcrumbs slip about his mentality as if he was  _trying_ to give Isak hints.   _Had_ he been subconsciously trying to give Isak hints so that he’d figure it out on his own rather than Even having to tell him one day?

There were also the outside factors to consider.  Things like the things Camilla might have said, and the May 17th party and Marte basically spelling the whole thing out for Isak, and the fact that Isak had his  _own_ friends who might have heard about the drama at Bakka way back when it was happening.

When Isak had tried to have the talk with him the omega  _had_ tried to comfort him, but Even hadn’t been in any sort of place to accept it.  The texts that Isak had sent since all seemed to point to the boy feeling terrible for basically ambushing Even with the fact he knew, and Isak hadn’t done anything to try to pressure Even into replying to him or talking to him at home even though Isak must have seen that all the messages were read.

Isak had given Even his space to figure things out on his own, which was more than a lot of people in Even’s life had done, and hadn’t done anything that had made Even doubt that Isak would be there to talk to when he was ready.

It was definitely a lot to think about.

***

As the week went on and Even thought more and more about his feelings and everything that had led them to where they were now, he realised that he  _missed_ Isak.

He missed their time together and the boy’s company and the way he could make Even laugh even when Even couldn’t feel less like laughing.  He missed the way Isak made him feel cared for in a way that felt genuine and not just because of his money or his good pot connections.

He missed seeing Isak’s smile, and watching the way he brushed his hair away from his face, and basking in the boy’s heavenly scent, and hearing him laugh at stupid shit on telly.

The more he thought about it the more he just  _missed_  Isak.

***

By the end of their second week back at school Even knew what he had to do.

***

Saturday morning found Even awake just before 9, and he made sure to shower before he went downstairs.  He cooked Isak’s favourite sort of coffee in the hopes of buttering him up and by the time he knocked on the omega’s door it was almost 9.30.

“Even?” Isak’s drowsy morning voice came from inside, and Even didn’t miss the hopeful tone.  He waited for Isak to open the door and as soon as it was open he handed the coffee mug over to Isak.

“We need to talk.” He didn’t bother beating around the bush.  Isak just nodded, accepting the hot mug of coffee and hugging it to his chest, before stepping aside so Even could come in.  After two weeks apart they still automatically took their usual places on Isak’s bed and Even had to fight the muscle memory to wind an arm around Isak’s shoulders and let the omega cuddle into his chest.

As much as Even had missed the boy they needed to talk before anything else, so he forced himself to keep his hands to himself.

He did, however, allow himself a moment to take in the subtle differences in Isak’s appearance.  Two weeks definitely made a difference when you were pregnant; Even noticed that Isak’s face seemed a little bit softer, and his bump seemed so much bigger than it had the last time Even had seen it that unfortunate Sunday night.

“How are you feeling?” Even couldn’t help but ask when he noticed the circles under Isak’s eyes.

“Pretty rough, but better for seeing you.” Isak answered honestly and Even gave him a sad smile.

“So, I’ve had a lot of time to think the last couple of weeks.” Even began, noticing the way Isak’s hands tightened around the mug.  “And I think I need to tell you what happened  _myself_.  It was wishful thinking for me to think you’d never find out as long as I didn’t tell you.” He sighed.

“Even, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to-” Isak tried to argue but Even shook his head.

“I need to tell you.  I figured out what bothered me so much about how everything went down: it was the fact that you scraped it all together with little pieces of information when I had the whole story.  It’s my story; I should be the one to tell it.” Even said firmly.

“Okay.” Isak murmured.  He leaned back against his pillows and draped one arm over his bump while the other cuddled his coffee.  “I’m listening.” He turned his head so that he was facing Even, giving him his full attention, and Even’s stomach clenched nervously.

There was no going back from this.  He’d never be able to  _un-tell_ Isak this story.

He took a breath.

And he told it any way.

*******

He told Isak his ugliest truth.

He told Isak about getting his bipolar diagnosis at 15 and being swiftly medicated and how he never had any major episodes until the end of the December just gone.  He told Isak about the wild rush of the mania and how it fooled him into thinking he was thinking clearly for the first time ever, how he got more and more reckless out partying and how he preached the thoughts he thought were so deep and meaningful but looking back were almost impossible to understand.  He told Isak all about shit talking the social hierarchy all over his year’s Russ page on Facebook and how he very swiftly lost the respect of most of the people who had known him in mere minutes.

He tried to explain the feeling of depression covering him like a thick painful tar and forcing him to sink lower and lower until he could hardly get out of bed.  He told Isak all about how mortified his parents were by his very public breakdown and how they tried to put out the fire he had started, although they only went as far as getting the posts removed from Facebook and telling their precious friends that Even was ‘just a bit unwell’ but there was nothing to worry about.

At no point did either of his parents try to comfort him.  Even admitted that he thought they just didn’t know how.  They didn’t know how to deal with their clearly defective son.  Isak tried to object to that but Even just shook his head.

He went on to talk about how the depression just didn’t lift.  How he spent all of January in his room like a ghost, uninterested in anything but sleep, and couldn’t help but judge his life.  He tried to explain the feeling of knowing that no matter what he did he’d always be miserable with his existence, but he knew the words had nothing on the pain he had felt.

He had to take a deep breath before he went on, but this time when Isak took his hand Even didn’t flinch.  He held tightly onto Isak’s hand and told him about how the idea started niggling at his brain as February got closer.  How his brain convinced him that the only way to end the cycle of misery was to kill himself.  How his brain would only offer him that solution when he started thinking about his life or trying to think of ways to make his life better.

It turned into his sick mantra:  _just kill yourself, just kill yourself, just kill yourself, you’ll never have to deal with any of this again if you just kill yourself._

He told Isak about the night he finally gave in.  He told Isak all about the knife and the desperation that clung to him as he carved the blade down his veins as many times as he could as deeply as he could manage.  How he had sobbed because it hurt but it also felt so freeing to know he was finally going to get out of the unbearable life he had had to endure for so long.  He told Isak about the spite he felt towards his parents and how he ran the bath at full speed in the hopes of leaving them with some wicked property damage as well as a dead son and how in the end that spite was the reason his attempt failed.

He talked about being rushed to A&E and screaming at them when he came around to stop trying to save him and how they ended up tranquillising him before he was admitted to the psyche ward for observation.  He recalled the way he had tried ripping all his stitches out and they had had to keep tranquillising him and even went as far as to strap his hands down so he couldn’t hurt himself any more.

He talked about all the doctors and shrinks and all the people he had had to talk to when he stopped fighting.  He talked about the increase in his medication and how he still felt like utter shit but knew he wasn’t going to be able to try to kill himself again unless he got out of the ward, so he played the part and said all the right things and eventually he was released and went back home.

He tried to explain that feeling of having absolutely no fight, no  _oomph_ , left in himself and how he ended up not trying again but just vacantly giving in to whatever his parents wanted.  They wanted to pretend like nothing had ever happened?  Fine.  They wanted him on a drug trial?  Whatever.  They couldn’t stand having a mentally ill son so they were resorting to getting him fixed?  What the fuck ever it wasn’t like it could be worse than how he felt already.  His mother wanted a grandchild and she was hiring a brood-omega?  Weird, but whatever.

“And...that’s where you came in.” Even concluded.

*******

It took him over an hour to tell Isak his story, and by the time he was finished the boy was openly crying and the room was festering with the scent of distraught omega.  Even couldn’t think of anything else to say, so he did the only thing he knew to do in a situation like this.

He made a joke.

“How badly do you want to hug me right now?” He joked weakly, opening his arms for Isak to fall into.

“So badly.” Isak let out a sob and threw himself into Even’s arms, hugging the alpha more fiercely than he could ever recall being hugged before.  Even wrapped his arms around the boy willingly, stroking Isak’s hair and kissing the side of his head until he began to calm down, and he breathed in the familiar scent to calm himself down too.

“I should have told you sooner.” Even admitted quietly into Isak’s curls.  “You’re having my baby; that’s the sort of thing you should know.  I just...didn’t want to tell you right away and have that be your first fact about me.  And then we started being friends and I didn’t want to lose that because I’ve never had anything like what I’ve had with you before and I thought if I told you I’d tried to kill myself you’d start treating me weirdly like everyone else has.  Before I could figure out a time when I’d be ready to tell you, you...figured it out for yourself.” Even swallowed, feeling like an idiot now that he said it all out loud.

He had never had anything like what he had with Isak, so why had he assumed Isak would react like everyone else when Isak was clearly a totally different breed to all the people in Even’s life?

“I shouldn’t have sprung it on you.” Isak was shaking his head against Even’s shoulder where he had buried his face.  “I should have eased you into it or something, but I just wanted you to know I knew for myself and not because I’d gone back to school and heard a rumour or something.  I’m so sorry.  I’ve felt like the world’s biggest prick ever since that night and it’s only been two weeks but it’s felt like a lifetime not seeing you every day and hearing how you were doing now you were back at school and I just- I'm just  _so_ fucking sorry, Even, I can’t even begin to explain-”

“Stop, Isak, just stop.” Even pulled back a little bit so he could look Isak in the face, and the boy’s tear-filled green eyes broke his heart all over again.

“We both fucked up and went about things the wrong way, okay?  Let’s just...move forwards.  It’s out in the open now and I understand why you did it how you did, okay?” Even smoothed some of Isak’s wilder curls away from his eyes and wiped away some of the tears with the sleeve of his jumper and smiled sadly at the pitiful sniffle Isak made.

“Okay.” Isak nodded before curling himself back up against Even’s chest.  “Are we still friends?” He whispered after a few seconds, and the uncertainty in his voice killed Even.

“Of course we are.” Even promised, rubbing the boy’s back comfortingly.  They inevitably ended up lying down in Isak’s bed so that Isak could cuddle as close as possible and rest his head on Even’s chest, but Even didn’t mind at all.

“Can I tell you something then?” Isak asked so softly that Even almost missed it.

“You can tell me anything, but don’t tell me just because I told you something.” Even advised.  He hadn’t come clean to Isak in the hopes of getting some of Isak’s secrets in return 

“I want to tell you.” Isak promised, so Even stayed quiet and waited for Isak to continue.  Isak took a deep breath and Even dipped his head awkwardly to kiss the top of Isak’s head comfortingly.

“At the start of the year,” Isak swallowed thickly and Even‘s heart sunk with the realisation that whatever Isak told him wasn’t going to be good.  “My mother killed herself.”

It occurred to Even at that moment that he had never been on the receiving end of that news; he had only ever been the one  _saying_ that.  Suddenly he understood how Isak had got so emotional hearing his story, because just hearing Isak say that one sentence made Even’s eyes sting.

“I’m so sorry, Is.” Even hugged his boy closer, as if he could shelter Isak from all the hurt in the world if he just kept him close enough.

“I got back from school one day and there was a police car and an ambulance in front of our house, and I just...knew.” Isak whispered hoarsely.  “As soon as my neighbour saw me she tried to take me to one side but I just went straight up to the paramedic and asked how she’d done it.” Isak bunched some of Even’s jumper up in his fist and Even covered the boy’s hand with his own.

“He probably thought I was so heartless.” Isak shook his head with a sniff.  “She’d been spiralling for so long and nothing was helping; deep down I knew it was coming.  One of our neighbours had called the cops because she was stood up there ranting and raving and shouting.  I guess we’ll never know for sure if she fell or if she jumped, but either way she broke her neck and her spine.  So even if she  _had_ lived her quality of life would have gone downhill dramatically; being paralysed  _and_ schizophrenic would have been too much for any single person.” Isak’s voice was so quiet, like he couldn’t bear to say such awful things at full volume.

“That must have been so much for you to deal with.” Even wouldn’t even know where to start dealing with a situation like that.

“It had been just me and her for so long and suddenly...it was just me.” Isak’s voice broke and he buried his face into the hollow of Even’s throat.

“Your dad just a ghost too, huh?” Even asked and Isak snorted derisively.

“He left her years ago.  He said she was sucking the life out of him because she ‘wasn’t getting better’, as if she chose to be out of her mind most of the time.” Isak sounded so hateful that Even couldn’t imagine what he’d say to his dad if he was given the chance.  “My sister abandoned ship too; she went off to travel Europe with her boyfriend and left me alone with our unstable mother.  I tried so hard, for  _so_ long, to help her get better but nothing ever stuck.  Sometimes she’d be okay for a few months, but then something would happen and she’d totally fall apart again.  She used to have these awful hallucinations and she’d scream and cry and lash out, but it was obvious she was just terrified.” Isak’s pain was palpable in the room and all Even could do was hold him closer.

“I couldn’t leave her like everyone else had.  She was scared and alone, just like I was.  But then she left me instead.” Isak’s tears were running quickly down Even’s throat and it felt like each tear was burning his skin and leaving a scar on his heart.  He was quickly learning that Isak’s pain was almost as unbearable as his own; maybe even more so because Isak simply didn’t deserve it.

“All I could think as she was buried that she was in a better place; whether or not that was Heaven like she believed I didn’t care, because wherever she was now she wouldn’t be being tortured by her own mind.  She deserved that peace.” Isak was trembling all over and Even couldn’t stand it.

“You don’t have to tell me, Is, it’s okay-”

“I need to tell someone.” Isak hiccuped, and Even bit his lip.

“Okay, Isak.  I’m right here.” He stroked his fingers through Isak’s curls and listened to Isak’s shaky breathing as he calmed himself down.

“The only people who showed up to her funeral – apart from me – were a few women from her church and my best friend who was just there to stop me falling apart.  And that was when it hit me that I was on my own.  By the end of January I’d have nowhere to live apart from my best friend’s sofa.  I needed to find a way to earn some money so I could live somewhere and afford to eat; I didn’t have  _time_ to mourn my mama.” Fresh tears started trickling down Even’s throat and he could feel his own eyes burning at Isak’s story.

“That’s how you ended up being a broodmare.” Even filled the silence for him and Isak nodded.

“A healthy omega who’s only had a couple of heats, that they’ve seen through without a knot, turned out to be a very desirable omega in the broodmare market.” Isak said hollowly.  Even had to try very hard not to let his mind stray to thoughts of Isak in heat on his own.

“What made you choose me?” Even asked curiously.

“I got a lot of offers, but there was something about Camilla’s ad that made me want to help.  Carrying a baby for someone who wasn’t going to be able to have one once they started this strong medication felt like doing a good deed.  I could tell myself I wasn’t doing it just for me; I was doing it to help this poor dying alpha.  And then I came here for the meeting and your mother offered to let me stay here rent-free and-” Isak broke off suddenly and Even lifted his head up curiously.

“And what?”

“And...I met you.” He could feel Isak’s blush against his skin and Even had never wanted to kiss the boy more.  “As soon as I met you I knew you were the person I wanted to help.  Being a broodmare was never what I aspired for my life, but I thought if I could help someone like you who had been dealt a bad hand by doing it then maybe I could convince myself it wasn’t the end of the world even though it felt like I was betraying every omega who had fought for us to be more than breeding machines.” Isak sighed sadly and Even got the feeling that that was still something Isak struggled with.

“I’m sorry you got put in this position.” Even swallowed.  “I remember thinking at that meeting that you should run, that you should get the hell away from this fucked up family, and when you said you needed the money all I could think was that I’d give you all the money you needed to get the hell away from here.” 

“Really?  But you didn’t even know me.” Isak sat up a little to look at Even and his tear stained face tugged at Even’s heart.

“I didn’t.” Even agreed.  “But I could tell that you deserved better.  But now that I do know you...” Even trailed off, not sure if it was okay to say what he wanted to say.

“Go on.” Isak encouraged.

“Now that I  _do_  know you...I’m glad you didn’t run.  I’m grateful that I’ve got to know you and be close with you.” Even confessed.  He bit his lip and chanced a look at Isak’s face and found the omega staring back at him with watery eyes, biting his lip in a way that really didn’t help Even on the  _trying not to kiss him_  front.

“Even?” Isak asked after a few seconds of searching each other’s tear stained faces.

“Yeah?” Even breathed, terrified to shatter the peaceful bubble they had made.

“Are we really just friends?” Isak was leaning a little bit closer and Even gravitated towards Isak like they were magnets finally coming within range of each other after so long being held apart.

“Maybe a little bit more than that.” Even gave in.

And then their lips met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS?????
> 
> I hadn't actually planned for them to confess at the end of this, it was going to happen maybe at the end of next chapter, but as I was writing it it just flowed naturally so....surprise!
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	14. For a taste of love that's shining in your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys talk, Even finally feels the baby move, and Even makes Isak an offer he's been waiting to hear for months (3.1k)

“How do we know this isn’t just our hormones?  Or, like...Stockholm syndrome?” Even asked worriedly after an hour of cuddling up in Isak’s bed and exchanging the softest sweetest kisses behind his closed door.

“Stockholm syndrome?” Isak repeated, his lips twitching like he was trying not to laugh.  “I’m not being held captive, Ev, we all know I’m here by choice.  Besides: if it  _was_  Stockholm syndrome then surely I’d be developing feelings for your mother since she’s the one in charge?” Isak pointed out.

Needless to say: it did nothing to make Even feel better.

“And I’m not, by the way.  You are exclusively the  _only_  Næsheim I want.” Isak added and Even couldn’t stop the stupid grin that spread over his face at those words.

“Really?” He smiled, pressing his forehead to Isak’s so he was close enough to brush a gentle kiss over Isak’s adorable cupid’s bow.

“Really really.” Isak whispered against his lips, and Even could  _taste_  his smile.  It took his brain a few seconds to catch up but, when it did, Even pulled back slightly.

“Was that a Shrek reference??” He asked incredulously.

Isak just laughed back at him.

***

“How’s it been back at school?” Isak asked a few hours later.

They were tangled up together: Isak’s leg was hitched across Even’s lap, his big bump a solid weight against Even’s own stomach, and his head resting over Even’s heart as if he was trying to hear for himself how deep Even’s feelings ran.  Even had Isak’s slim fingers caught easily between his own and he was lazily skimming his thumb back and forth over the the delicate skin between Isak’s thumb and forefinger.

“Strange.” Was the word Even eventually settled on, and Isak turned down the show they were watching to better focus on Even.

“Strange how?  No one’s hassling you, are they?” Isak’s concerned frown made Even feel impossibly fonder of the boy.

“No, no one’s hassling me.” He shook his head and sighed, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to find the words to explain it.

“Everyone I knew, my group of friends, the people who were really involved and who knew what was going on have left.  It’s like me and the teachers are the only ones who know.  If any of the other people know then they’re doing a good job of acting like they don’t care I’m back.  Either that or the rumour has made them too freaked out by me to even talk to me about it.” Even honestly wasn’t sure which scenario he liked better.

“At least you’re getting your space while you find your feet again.” Isak squeezed his hand and Even looked back to the omega and gave him a small smile.

“Yeah.  It’s just weird realising that for everyone else everything is totally normal and I spiral into at least one anxiety attack a day.” Even shook his head and tried to relax the frown that had creased up between his eyebrows.

“How is it being a second year?” He asked, wanting to talk about something other than his own self-pity.

“A  _pregnant_  second year.” Isak corrected him before letting out a deep sigh.  “I don’t know.  The work is fine and some of my classes are actually interesting, but everyone’s just looking at me like they feel sorry for me.  They all think I’m idiot omega who sat on an alpha’s knot and got myself pregnant without a bite or a claim to show for it.” The sad change to his scent didn’t escape Even’s notice and he hugged Isak closer to his chest.

“Well, for one: it would be impossible to get  _yourself_  pregnant.” Even shot down that argument.  “And two: anyone who says they never had sex before getting engaged or whatever the equivalent is of a mating bite is more than likely lying, so don’t let them shame you for theoretically getting that dick.” Even continued, smiling at the startled laugh that got out of Isak.

“People just like to shit on omegas.” Isak accepted Even’s points but clearly just couldn’t let go of whatever people had been saying to him.

It made Even want to go to Nissen and start knocking heads.

***

With school back in swing for both of them they agreed to resume their study sessions in the library, and Even discovered the struggle of trying to study when he could be staring at Isak instead.

“Stop looking at me and read your damn book, Even.” Isak said for the thousandth time since they had set themselves up.  Even let Isak take the desk, seeing as the kid had clearly developed a system after using it for so long, and he spread his own work out over the floor where he sat with his pen in his hand but his eyes firmly on Isak.

“I can’t help that you’re the nicest thing in this house.” Even shrugged, watching the way Isak’s cheeks pinkened and his eyes cast down to his homework.

“You won’t be saying that when you fail this year for the second time.” Isak muttered.

“I’ll just study at night when I’m by myself.” Even shrugged again.

“Ev!” Isak laughed exasperatedly.  “Just do your damn homework so we can get into bed and watch something mindless.  I’m  _tired_.” Isak whined.  In the end that was the argument that convinced Even to turn around so that his back was to Isak – because there was just no other way he’d be able to not look at the omega if they were in the same room – and forced himself to do his homework.

Tired Isak was even more demanding for contact and cuddles than regular pregnant Isak, Even was learning.

And if that wasn’t a motivator then what was?

***

Dancing Queen (10.08)

_They’re moving so much today_

_I feel like I have an acrobat in there or something_

_I think today’s the day_

Even (10.18)

_What?!?!  Do I need to take you to the hospital?  I thought you were only 25 weeks?!_

_Phone me!!!!!!_

Dancing Queen (10.21)

_Oh my god_

_Not THAT day_

_I haven’t gone into labour at barely 7 months so you can relax_

Even (10.23)

_I don’t think I’ll ever be able to relax again actually_

Dancing Queen (10.25)

_Drama queen_

_I MEANT today’s the day you’ll be able to feel them move_

_What with how much they feel like they’re moving there_

Even (10.29)

_OH_

_Oh my god!!!!!!!_

_Now I especially can’t wait to get home to you tonight_

Dancing Queen (10.33)

_Sap_

_Come straight to my room when you get in if you want I don’t feel like studying_ _tonight_

Even (10.38)

_I don’t have anything I HAVE to do tonight so I’ll definitely head straight to you_

Dancing Queen (10.41)

_< 3_

Even (10.42)

_< 3_

***

Excited was an understatement for how Even felt by the time he got home that night.  He threw his bag onto his bed and got into some comfier clothes before hurrying right back down the corridor to Isak’s room, dying to get his hands on that big belly and feel his child move for himself.

Despite his excitement Even remembered to open the door quietly in case Isak was asleep, but he found the omega awake and playing on his phone as it charged.

“Hey.” He smiled at the sight as he closed the door and sealed them away from the rest of the house.

“Hey you.” Isak smiled up at him, his eyebrows going up in pleasant surprise as Even leaned down for a kiss as he lay himself down on the bed next to Isak.

“Good day?” Even rested his head on Isak’s shoulder and watched Isak play whatever game he had up on his phone.

“It was alright.  My friends keep trying to get me to talk about you and I keep shutting them down, so that’s getting old fast.  One of my teachers keeps looking at me like I’m going to go into labour at any second and looks genuinely terrified.” Isak said without stopping his game play.

“Is it an old male teacher by any chance?” Even asked.

“You know it.” Isak smirked and shared a quick knowing glance with Even before looking back at his phone.  “How was your day?”

“It was pretty good.” Even nodded.  “I got some really exciting news.” He added.

“You did?” Isak closed his game immediately and dropped his phone onto the mattress beside him, looking at Even with curious eyes.  “What was it?” Isak prompted when Even just stared at him.

“I meant from  _you_.” Even laughed.  “The whole  _today’s the day_ thing; finally feeling the baby move?” Even reminded him.

“Oh.” Isak blinked before smiling back at Even.  “Have you been looking forward to this then?” He asked as he settled himself into a more comfortable position lying on his back.

“Only for months.” Even shrugged like it was no big deal and he could see his tone threw Isak off for a second before he realised what Even was doing.

“Not long at all then.” Isak agreed.  “I mean, are you sure you’re even  _ready_  after so short a time-”

“Yes!” Even didn’t even want to  _joke_  about not trying to feel the baby tonight.  “I am  _so_ ready.” Even confirmed.

“Okay, give me your hand.” Isak held his hand out and Even took it without question.  “I’ve felt them over here a lot this evening, so we’ll try here.” Isak explained as he placed Even’s hand in a specific spot on the left side of his belly.

It took a few minutes, during which the boys talked quietly about their days, and just when Even was about to give up and cry he felt it.

Strong and steady, right under his palm, his baby kicked.

“Woah.” He breathed, staring at Isak’s bump as if he could  _see_  the baby if he just looked hard enough.

He spent the rest of the evening like that: chasing the feeling of his future moving under Isak’s skin and marvelling at how he had got so lucky.

***

Even felt like someone was trephining into his skull and all he could do was lie in bed and wait for it to be over.

It felt like it would  _never_ be over.

“Ev?” Isak pushed Even’s door open and poked his head inside.  “Are you coming to school?”

“Not today.” Even whispered, wincing away from the light coming in from the hallway behind Isak.

“What’s wrong?” Isak came inside properly and closed the door softly before hurrying over to where Even was curled up in pain in his bed.

“Headache.” Even mumbled and pulled his duvet over his eyes to block out the light.  He felt his bed dip with Isak’s weight and then there were fingers running through his hair poking out from over the duvet.  He couldn’t tell whether it was helping or not, but he enjoyed having his hair played with anyway.

“Can I get you anything?” Isak offered softly.

“I’m just going to try to sleep it off.” Even replied as quietly as he could.  “You go to school.  Don’t stick around for this; I’ll see you later.” Even knew how important Isak’s grades were to him and he didn’t want the boy to even consider staying home.

“Okay.” Isak sounded unconvinced, but he leaned over and kissed Even’s aching forehead and adjusted his duvet before getting back up.  “Feel better.  Let me know if you need me to bring anything home later.”

And then Isak was gone.

The pain felt even worse.

***

“Why are you doing this, Ev?” Isak asked one night in the library.  It was only the beginning of October but already they could feel the night creeping in earlier and earlier; they had already had to turn the big light on in the library just to be able to see what they were doing.

Even couldn’t help but think that Isak looked angelic in the light.

“Doing what?” Even looked up from his laptop and let his eyes adjust before he looked over at Isak.

“This.” Isak repeated, gesturing to his big bump.  “I know why your parents want to do it and I know why you went along with it, but you said once that you used to want a kid...” Isak trailed off like he wasn’t sure how to finish his statement.

“I went along with it because I was too depressed to argue it.” Even started with the bit they both knew, moving his laptop away so he wouldn’t get distracted as he tried to express the more complicated thoughts.  “But now...I guess it’s just getting real?  You’re having my baby: there’s going to be a tiny Næsheim that I need to look after and protect.  For a while I thought of the baby as my last chance to put something  _good_  out into the world, a Næsheim that wasn’t a total failure, but now I’m starting to think that they might be my reason to stay alive and to keep going.  That we’re all just here to make sure the next generation does better than we did.”

“You still get those thoughts?” Isak was looking at him with so much sadness that Even almost wanted to take the whole thing back.

“Suicide does feel tempting sometimes.  I think that’s just how my life is going to be now.” Even tried to shrug it off but there were probably alphas on the other side of Norway who could scent Isak’s sadness over his words.

“You deserve a good life.” Isak said thickly.  “You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled and all those things.  Is it fair to pin all that on a baby?”

“Some people pin all of that on a mate; is  _that_ fair?” Even countered.  “I don’t know about what’s fair and what’s not, Is, I can only tell you how I feel.”

“At least you want to stick around for the baby.” Isak rubbed his belly fondly and Even’s heart swelled.

“I do.  I wasn’t sure at the beginning, but the more I see you grow and the more I feel them move the more I want to be there for them.” Even smiled.

“Good.” Isak’s smile faltered and his hand slid away from his bump before he sat up straighter in his chair.  “Because I am not leaving this baby with your mother.  They don’t deserve that.  You can’t let that happen to them.” Isak gave Even such a serious stare that Even felt frozen to the spot.

“You have to promise me, Even.” Isak said, turning to face him properly.  “You have to  _promise_  that you’ll look after them properly.”

“I will.  I promise.” Even took Isak’s hands and held them tightly, wishing he could stop the tremble that was shaking through the omega.

“Good.” Isak whispered, clinging tightly to Even’s hands.  “Thank you.” Isak let his fingers slip away from Even’s and he turned back to his homework, but Even couldn’t have got his brain to focus on anything if he’d tried.

Isak was still going to disappear from his life at the end of the year.

How would he ever survive that?

***

It weighed on his mind for days after their talk.  Every comforting touch, every kiss they exchanged, every kind word; they all felt tainted by this new doubt.

What  _were_ they?

Sure, they had established that they both had feelings for each other.  But then what?  Isak was still talking as if he was leaving after the baby was born, and Even was quickly realising that that wasn’t the reality he wanted.

They needed to talk, but Even didn’t want to do it in the house.  If Isak really was going to leave after having the baby then Even wanted to make the most of the time they had together.

***

“Do you remember what you said before we went to my mum’s shitty May 17th party?” Even asked Isak one night while he was massaging the boy’s belly.

“You’re seriously asking the nearly-8-months-pregnant-omega if he remembers something from almost five months ago?” Isak looked up at Even from where his head was rested in Even’s lap and Even couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay, fair point.” He admitted.  “You said that if I kept joking about us going on a date you’d expect me to really take you on a date.” Even explained as he rubbed slow deep circles over the part of Isak’s belly the boy had been complaining was sore.

“Sounds about right.  I dropped so many hints to try to get you interested but you never took any of them, so I just assumed this was a one-sided thing.” Isak’s eyes drifted shut as he spoke but Even could tell he was still awake.

“You did?” Even couldn’t remember ever wondering if Isak was dropping him hints, so either they hadn’t been very obvious or Even was just an idiot.

“I did.” Isak nodded in his lap.  “It was very disheartening when you never took the bait.”

“We got there in the end though.” Even pointed out, leaning down to kiss Isak’s big bump as if he could kiss it all better.

“We did.” Isak laughed a little as Even kissed over his belly, wiggling around under Even’s lips like the most delicious little treat.

“I’ve been thinking this week,” Even began, his lips still resting against Isak’s skin despite how uncomfortable being bent over like that was making his spine hurt.

“Congratulations.” Isak joked.

“Ha ha.” Even rolled his eyes.  “I’ve been  _thinking_ ,” He started over with emphasis.  “That it was about time I took you out on a proper date.”

“A  _proper_ date would imply that we’ve been on shitty dates.” Isak opened his eyes and lifted his head a bit to be able to look at Even.  “Have we gone on bad dates and I’ve just blocked them from my memory?”

“Oh my god, if you’re going to be such a smartass about it I won’t bother-”

“No!  I want to go on a proper date with you!” Isak interrupted Even’s exasperated teasing, cupping Even’s face in his hands.  “Please don’t cancel on me already.  I’ve been waiting to go on a date with you ever since that night in Maccies.” Isak whispered.

“Really?” Even grinned.  He sat up and dislodged Isak’s head from his lap before rolling over to hover over the omega.

“Really.” Isak whispered, lifting his head up to press his lips to Even’s.  Even received them happily; kissing those sweet lips before catching that adorable cupid’s bow between his teeth and licking the taste of Isak’s tea from it.

“So, Isak Valtersen, will you go on a date with me this Saturday?” Even breathed against Isak’s open lips.

“Of course I will.” Isak sighed into his mouth, and Even swore he could taste his happiness.

As he dipped back down to kiss Isak again Even thought that it was a taste he could easily enjoy for the rest of his life.

If Isak would let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS???
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	15. My search for love was through the day that I found you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even takes Isak to his favourite place and treats him to a weekend getaway at the Radisson Blu. A serious decision is reached. (8.7k)
> 
> (smut smut smut alert for this chapter! if you don't want to read it stop after Even says "sleep can wait")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took so long to write mostly because I got really sick this month with a sinus infection that just totally took me out of commission for two weeks. still getting over it but I'd been writing this chapter in dribs and drabs over the last couple of weeks until I splurged the last 4.7k of the chapter after my Sunday nap this chapter basically ate up my entire Sunday afternoon and evening and kept me up way past my bedtime to finish so I hope you all appreciate it RIP

Even could smell angry omega as soon as he got inside.  He detoured straight to Isak’s room rather than his usual routine of dropping his stuff and getting changed, and knocked on the boy’s door worriedly.

“Isak?”

“Come in.” Isak muttered and Even almost took the damn door handle off in his haste to go in.

“What’s wrong?” Even asked immediately.  He knew Isak’s chem scents well by now; this wasn’t ‘annoyed with confusing homework’ or ‘the stupid bus was late again’ anger, it was the whole hog.  Isak looked up from where he was sat tersely on the edge of his bed and Even’s eyes widened.

“What happened to your lip?!” He was on the boy in seconds; pushing Isak down so he was on his back and Even could hover over him to check the bruised skin.

“Some entitled prick alpha happened.” Isak snapped.  “He kept saying how a pregnant omega with nothing but a scent claim was hardly a  _taken_  omega.” Isak was vibrating with rage beneath him, and Even wasn’t far behind.

“What happened?” He demanded.

He couldn’t take his eyes away from Isak’s lip; objectively he knew it wasn’t too bad of an injury but emotionally he was furious that someone had  _dared_  to touch Isak, especially if they only touched him to  _hurt_  him.

“He tried to kiss me, and when I tried to push him off he fucking  _bit_  me.  I played along for a second until he relaxed and then I bit his tongue as hard as I could and got the hell out of there.”   
As furious as he was that someone had hurt his sweet boy Even was proud of Isak for giving as good as he got.

“I’m going to kill him.” Even said simply as he gently thumbed Isak’s poor lower lip.  The skin at the corner was broken and sore and already bruising, and if Even looked close enough he could actually  _see_  the imprints from the other alpha’s teeth marring his beautiful omega’s skin.

“Are you okay?” Even pressed his forehead to Isak’s and searched the boy’s eyes for anything hiding behind the anger.

“I’m just pissed.” Isak muttered.  “I’m too pregnant for that bullshit, and since when has a scent claim not been good enough?  It shows that you’ve had an alpha all over you; surely that counts for something.” Isak huffed.

“The whole thing is bullshit.” Even agreed.

“It’s just been a long day.” Isak’s voice cracked and his lower lip wobbled, and just like that the boy’s emotions shifted.

“Come here, baby.” Even rolled onto the bed and lay on his side and watched as Isak quickly manoeuvred himself into a similar position to be the little spoon.  Even had noticed that Isak liked to sleep curled up on his side – as if he was protecting his belly even while he was dreaming – and it was the perfect position for Even to slide into the space behind him and wrap his arms around the omega.

“Thanks.” Isak sniffed, but Even just shushed him and pulled the duvet over them.  He rested one arm over the thick swell of Isak’s bump, letting his palm lie flat against the front, and trailed tender kiss along any skin he could find.  Isak’s jaw, his neck, his throat, his cheeks, the corners of his lips: they all got the tender Even treatment as they lay in bed listening to it rain against Isak’s window.

It didn’t matter that he was still in the clothes he had worn to school or that he had textbook chapters to read for the next day or that they both still needed to get some dinner.

All that mattered was looking after Isak.

***

Someone was trying to wake Even up but no part of his mind was willing to be pried away from sleep.

“Ev...Even, we fell asleep.” Isak’s groggy voice worked its way into his brain, but it still wasn’t a strong enough reason for Even to wake up.

“Don’t care.” He buried his face back into the warm skin at the back of Isak’s neck and let his breathing settle again.

“It’s almost midnight.” Isak whispered.  “We didn’t eat dinner.”

“Sleep.” Even grunted, rubbing circles over Isak’s bump to try to get him to drift back off too.

“You want to stay?” Isak seemed surprised, and even through the fog of sleep Even realised that they had never slept a whole night together in the same bed.

“Always.” Even mumbled, dropping a sleepy kiss to the side of Isak’s neck before he falling back to sleep wrapped around the boy like a vine.

***

Even was meant to be doing homework, but his brain just couldn’t focus.  No matter what techniques he tried or how much he bribed himself, his brain refused to play the game.

So he was sketching instead.

His sketchbook had returned to its rightful place in the pocket of his jacket and he had found himself inspired at least a few times every day to draw something.  After his art drought it felt a little bit overwhelming, but at the same time he was rediscovering how much he enjoyed watching a picture come to life underneath his pencil and how satisfying a well finished piece could be.

Obviously not  _all_  of them were great; it had been over a year since he had properly drawn anything and he was still shaking the rust off, but more often than not he was happy with what came out.

He was absently sketching Isak’s profile, seeing as that had been the thing to inspire him that evening, while the omega dutifully wrote his assignment.  He shaded in the detail of the wave of Isak’s curls against his forehead and the shadow on his lower lip where he was biting into the skin.  Even had noticed that Isak did that a lot when he was concentrating: his knee would jiggle and his teeth would sink into his lower lip and chew into the skin until eventually his tongue would poke out and sweep over the abused skin to soothe it.  His split lip from the beginning of the week was almost gone now, much to Even’s relief.

Even was just working on the smooth slope of Isak’s nose and the sweet little button tip it had when Isak broke the silence.

“Are you drawing?” Isak asked, taking Even aback with how happy he sounded.

“Yeah.” Even nodded, his pencil stalling uncertainly.

“That’s great.” Isak smiled over at him and Even’s heart clenched almost painfully with affection.  “Maybe tell the muse to come back later when you don’t have homework though.” Isak teased, shooting a cheeky grin across the room.

“Tell yourself then.” Even shrugged.  “You’re the one inspiring me all the time by being so damn beautiful.”

Even swore he could feel the heat from Isak’s blush from across the room for the rest of the evening.

***

Saturday morning came slowly, as if the world knew that the boys were desperate for the weekend and spun slower just to make them wait a little bit longer, but when it did Even woke with his face buried in Isak’s hair and the rich scent of omega filling his nose and clouding his mind almost as pleasantly as sleep.  He took a moment to nose along the back of Isak’s neck, kissing the hard bone at the top of his spine, and enjoy the comforting warmth of the boy’s weight in his arms.

It was unusual for him to wake up before Isak if they had been sleeping together, so he took advantage of the opportunity to look at the omega while he slept.  He always looked so cosy and warm; it melted Even’s heart every damn time.  Even sat up carefully and took his sketchbook off the bedside table, determined to capture the hills and slopes of Isak’s sleeping profile.

At some point while he was shading in the creases in Isak’s shirt where it was bunched up around his waist Isak rolled over and burrowed his face into the side of Even’s leg, and while it meant he had to try to finish his sketch from memory (which Even wasn’t that great at) Even couldn’t find it in himself to get annoyed because it was just so sweet.  He closed his sketchbook and put it back on the table and stroked Isak’s hair tenderly before shimmying back down the bed so he was lying down with his boy.

Isak woke not long after that, and Even watched the subtle twitches and movements in his face as consciousness started to seep in until finally Isak opened his eyes.

“Morning.” Even whispered, moving a stray curl away from Isak’s eyes as they adjusted to the morning light.

“Mmm.” Isak managed to get out, still too tangled up in sleep to get his tongue to work properly.

“Are you excited for our date?” Even asked, and Isak’s eyes cleared a little at that.

“It’s Saturday.” Isak smiled like a little kid realising it was  _finally_  Christmas morning.

“It is.” Even nodded, finding one of Isak’s hands under the duvet and lacing their fingers together.

“I hope your date is suitable for 8-month-pregnant omegas.” Isak yawned, stretching himself out along Even like a cat enjoying the sun and giving Even a glorious view of his big bump.

“Yeah, we’re going to go hiking!” Even watched the warm sleepy smile fall from Isak’s face.

“Are you fucking serious?  I’m not going hiking like thi- oh my god!  You’re the worst!” Isak smacked Even’s shoulder when Even couldn’t keep his laugh contained any more.

“You really thought I’d take you  _hiking_?  I’m offended!” Even laughed as he shielded himself with a pillow from another blow.

“I’ve been awake for five minutes; don’t try to make jokes with me.” Isak grumbled with a frown, rolling over so his back was facing Even.  If the body language wasn’t enough of a hint, the vaguely annoyed chem scents definitely told Even that it probably wasn’t the best idea to tease his omega first thing in the morning.

“Aw, I’m sorry, baby.” He pressed himself up against Isak’s back and wound him arms tenderly around Isak’s belly.  “I should have known better than trying to be funny this early.” He conceded, pressing as many kisses over Isak’s neck and shoulder as he could until Isak relaxed against him.

“You should know better than trying to be funny  _ever_.” Isak corrected him sassily, and that was how Even knew he had been forgiven.

“Ha ha.” Even murmured, his lips still against the back of Isak’s neck.  Centuries ago alphas used to bite their omegas right where he was resting his lips on Isak’s skin: a claiming bite to the back of their neck to show the world that they had submitted to an alpha and were no longer allowed to touch anyone  _but_  their alpha.

Hell, even a few  _decades_  ago there had still been a few traditionalist alpha’s who had bitten their mates on the back of the neck, but Even had always thought it was a douche thing to do.  It was – in most cases – easy to overpower an omega so they were trapped on their belly beneath you; a bite to the back of the neck could easily have been given to an unwilling omega if an alpha wanted it.

But getting an omega to show their throat?  To trust you enough to let you near some of their most delicate parts?  That was what Even wanted.  If he was ever going to bite someone – which he had given up on a long time ago – it was going to be a very much consensual bite to their throat that had his mate moaning for days.

“So, what  _are_  we doing today?” Isak asked after a few more minutes of mollifying kisses.

“I’m taking you to one of my favourite places.” Even told him between kisses.  He just couldn’t bring himself to take his lips away from Isak’s skin; the boy just  _demanded_  kisses.  Even didn’t know how he had survived for so long without kissing Isak; without knowing the way the omega melted under his gentle touches and how he tasted on Even’s lips.

Now that he had started he never wanted to stop.

“And where’s that?” Isak prompted, turning his head slightly to give Even better access to the tender space at the hinge of his jaw.

“A surprise.” Even whispered against the delicate skin, tracing his nose along the cut of Isak’s jaw and relishing in the way the boy sighed blissfully.  “We’ll get breakfast on the way there; we just have to get ready to leave.” As much as Even was excited to take Isak out he did feel sad about leaving the cosiness of the bed.

“If you keep kissing me like that I don’t think I’ll ever leave.” Isak sighed happily.

 _Good_.

***

They grabbed a light breakfast from a little café Even liked to frequent, and he enjoyed it even more watching Isak lick yoghurt from his lips and accidentally dribble juice from his fruit down his chin.

“You’re actually a mess.” Even laughed as he passed the boy over a napkin.

“These grapes are  _really_  juicy!” Isak’s protest was muffled by the napkin but it just made Even roll his eyes.

“Yeah, blame the fruit.” Even tutted.

“Not everyone can exist on over the top coffees; some of us are growing babies here.” Isak sniffed, tipping his nose up at Even.

“You have yogurt on your nose.”

“I do not!”

***

“Are you going to tell me what’s in that ridiculous rucksack?” Isak asked on the way to the tram.

“Nope.  It’s part of the surprise.”

“Okay, well, you look like a tourist who’s brought  _all_  of their luggage out with them because they don’t trust the hotel.” Isak snorted.

“Maybe people will think we’re a young couple on our honeymoon.” Even winked.

Isak flushed oh so prettily at the mention of marriage, but it got him to stop questioning Even’s bag full of secrets and that was all that mattered.

***

After a lazy stroll to the tram and a luckily quiet commute they arrived at Even’s favourite place just after noon.  Thankfully the October weather was on their side and the sun was still bright in the sky and the air was still pleasantly crisp and dry; Even’s plan for the day might have been thrown to the wind if the weather had been shit.

“The Natural History Museum?” Isak sounded so excited and Even realised that Isak probably wasn’t expecting where exactly Even was headed.

“Wait until we get there.” Even shook his head at the boy’s impatience, but at the same time he understood Isak’s eagerness when it felt like they had been building up to this date since the very first time they saw each other.  Suddenly Even wasn’t so sure of his plan.

It was too late to back out now though.

They kept walking until Even could smell the familiar rich floral scents, and in the corner of his eye he could see Isak’s sweet little nose twitching.

“One of your favourite places...is the botanical garden?” Isak looked up at him with raised eyebrows and curious eyes, but Even didn’t feel judged or embarrassed.

“It is.” He confirmed.  “And I wanted to share it with you.”

***

They walked around the gardens slowly, taking lots of stops to sit down when Isak got tired or breathless, and talked about everything and nothing.  They talked about their plans for their futures, how ready they were for a break from school already, things that had happened during the week that they hadn’t talked about in their evenings.

It was as easy as breathing.  Being with Isak was the most natural feeling in the world.

“Do you want to know how this ended up being my favourite place?” Even asked as they peered at the giant lily pads.

“It is because it’s literally the most magical fairy garden looking place in the world and that appeals to your arty soul?” Isak guessed.

“That is part of it, I guess.” Even laughed softly through his nose and wrapped an arm loosely around Isak’s waist as they continued their walk.  “I just love how open and natural it all is.  The first time I came here I was probably only 14 and I felt like I was living the worst life in the world: it was all so fake and I felt so trapped.  Coming here gave me the exact opposite feeling.  I felt free.”

“You’re a free spirit.” Isak didn’t pass any judgement.  “I could see that the first time we met.”

“Really?” Even was always surprised hearing Isak’s interpretations of him.  It was strange hearing about himself from someone else, but Even found that he liked it.

“Yeah, you didn’t give a shit about what your mum was trying to do.  You tried to make me feel comfortable and you did what you wanted.  The more I got to know you the more obvious it was that the socialite life wasn’t your thing.  There’s something...gentle about you.” Isak took a deep breath and slowed down and when Even saw his hands drop to his belly, he steered them over to a bench and helped Isak sit down.

“Is gentle good?” Even asked as he sat down next to Isak, toying with one of the fluffier curls at the top of Isak’s head.

“I think so.” Isak smiled.  “You’re so...different.  I don’t know.  I’ve never met an artist alpha who loves fancy coffee and comes to a botanical garden to cheer themselves up.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I’m a pansy?” Even was only half joking.  The other half of him was worried that Isak saw him as a weak alpha and an unsuitable mate.

“No!” Isak’s eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up in shock.  “I love that you have a soft side.  Just like I like the side of you that trash talks me playing video games and tries to fight every person I tell you has annoyed me and isn’t afraid to stand up for someone who can’t stand up for themselves.  You’re brave and fun and yeah: you’re also artsy and soft, but that doesn’t somehow make you less of an alpha?  If anything: I think it makes you more well-rounded than most alphas I’ve met.”

“You might be the first person who’s ever told me I’m well balanced.” Even smiled, trying not to preen too much at the omega’s praise.

“I think you’re perfect just the way you are.” Isak smiled back and rested his head on Even’s shoulder.

“You’re pretty damn perfect too.” Even bumped their noses together gently and relished Isak’s soft content sigh.

“Can we go see some more of the garden?” Isak asked after a few more minutes of rest and Even’s heart felt overwhelmed with love that Isak wanted to keep exploring the place that meant so much to Even.

“Of course.”

***

They spent the whole day in the gardens, and Even loved every moment of it.  Sharing this place with Isak had made it feel  _more_  special.  They marvelled at the vibrant colours in the flowers, pointed out the few green leaves clinging on in the trees that were trying hard to fight the October change, and talked about the art scattered around.

Isak liked the Viking garden best, but Even still had a soft spot for the giant mushroom sculptures which Isak joked was only his favourite because Even was a stoner at heart.

They talked about all the things they had seen – including some of the other people walking around – as they sat huddled together in the back of the taxi.  Even had booked in advance because he knew Isak was going to be exhausted by the end of their walk and paying a bit extra for a taxi cut their commute time in half and guaranteed Isak a seat.

He had had to whisper where they were going to the driver after confirming his ID and his booking to make sure Isak didn’t overhear and have his surprise spoilt, but it was worth getting awkwardly close to a stranger for Isak’s reaction when they pulled up.

His eyebrows were raised with a disbelieving sort of surprise and his mouth hung open but he couldn’t seem to find any words.

“You ready for a weekend away?” Even grinned as he helped Isak out of the back.

“At the  _Radisson Blu_?  Uh,  _yes_!” Isak was looking around like he still couldn’t believe this was where their date was going.

Even loved when a surprise worked out.

***

“And what name is your reservation under?” The receptionist smiled from behind her computer, but Even was too busy looking back at Isak to know it.  The omega had taken a seat in one of the plush chairs in the foyer while Even got their room key, saying that he was too tired to stay standing after all the walking they did in the gardens, and was now sat back rubbing circles over his big belly.

It almost looked like he was talking to the baby, but the desk was too far away for Even to be able to hear for sure.

“Sir?  What name is your reservation under?” The receptionist repeated and Even snapped back to the world beyond Isak.

“Sorry.  Næsheim; the booking is under Næsheim.” He gave the receptionist an apologetic smile.  “I’m treating my boyfriend to a proper date before the baby comes.  That’s him over there.” Even told her as she tapped his name into the computer.

“Looks like you two don’t have long before the baby will be here.” This time when the receptionist smiled Even saw it, and he realised that to the outside world they were just a young couple with a baby on the way.  The world didn’t know how weird and complicated their story was.

It was liberating.

“He’s 8 months pregnant, so yeah.” Even nodded.  “He looks amazing, though, doesn’t he?” Even could feel that he was making doe eyes across the foyer at Isak but he couldn’t help it.  Isak had filled the spaces in his heart that had been void for so long, and he had ignited something in Even that he had never thought he’d get to experience.

He was so stupidly in love with Isak Valtersen.

“He’s a lovely looking boy.” The receptionist smiled again and handed the room key over.  “I hope you two have a nice weekend.”

“Thank you.  You too.” Even smiled back as he took his key.

***

“Baby, you ready to go up?” Even crouched down in front of Isak’s chair where the omega already looked like he was nodding off right in the middle of the foyer.

“Mmm, huh?” Isak blinked sleepily down at him, the softest smile spreading over his face.

“I’ve got our room key.  You think you can get up?” Even asked again, cupping Isak’s flushed cheek and feeling the reassuring warmth of his skin.

“Yeah, yeah let’s go to our room.” Isak rubbed his eyes drowsily before holding a hand out for Even to help him out.  Even struggled to his feet under the weight of his stuffed rucksack, taking Isak’s hand once he had got his own balance right and helping his heavily pregnant boyfriend back to his feet.

They managed to get the lift to themselves, which meant that Even got to be the only one to see the look of awe on Isak’s face as they rose above Oslo.

“It all seems so small.  Beautiful, but small.” Isak murmured, leaning into Even’s side for support.

“Just for this weekend all our problems are down there.  We can just be a normal couple with none of the drama.  Just an alpha and an omega who love each other and nothing else.” Even kissed the top of Isak’s head just as they arrived at their floor.

“That sounds perfect.” Isak sighed happily.

It was only after they had got to their room that Even realised he had used the word  _love_  and Isak hadn’t even balked.

***

They ordered dinner from room service when Even glanced at his phone and realised how late in the evening it was getting.  They sprawled out over their big bed with their plates and moaned around mouthfuls of damn good food, encouraging each other to try some of what the other had ordered, until there wasn’t even a crumb left.

Isak lay back against the headboard, licking his lips and rubbing slow circles over his stomach to help his food go down, and he looked as stuffed as Even felt.

“I can’t believe we ate  _all_  of that.” Even groaned from across the bed where he was sure he was falling into a food coma.

“I can; we walked for  _hours_  today on just that little breakfast.  We earned those calories.” Isak was right, of course, but that did nothing to help how full to burst both boys felt.

“I feel like I could sleep for a year.” The food coma was almost impossible to resist, which didn’t fit with Even’s plan for the weekend at  _all_.

“You  _could_  sleep.” Isak agreed.  “But I’m going for a bath in that massive tub, and I’d  _kind of_  hoped you’d join me.” He continued casually, as if he wasn’t instigating their first time being naked together.

Even couldn’t answer fast enough.

“Sleep can wait.”

***

Even followed Isak into their en suite like a desperate puppy, trying his hardest not to overthink this.  They had been properly together for a month now, and if he was honest: they had been verging into couple territory for a long time before that, so it wasn‘t like they were rushing into getting physical.

Not to mention that Isak was  _already_  pregnant.  In a way: Even had been inside Isak for months already.

Not to say that he was planning to get inside the omega tonight.  Isak was very pregnant and very tired; sex probably wasn’t high on his to do list (no pun intended).  But that didn’t mean that they couldn’t get to know each other’s body.

Isak let the door swing mostly closed behind them before turning to face Even, and Even’s heart rate doubled at the flush that had risen up Isak’s face and the dreamy look in the omega’s eyes.  Isak looked like every fantasy Even had ever had all rolled into one delicious package as he bent over and started running the bath.

There was no denying how Even’s dick twitched when Isak pulled his shirt off and revealed that gorgeous belly while making direct eye contact with him, and when Isak started pushing his jeans down Even’s mouth watered.  It had been a long time since he had been with anyone other than his own hand and he was desperate to know how Isak tasted, but he had to wait until the omega gave him a sign that this was more than just a calm bath together after a long day.

“Are you going to get in there fully clothed?” Isak raised an eyebrow at him as he dropped his jeans to the floor, but Even’s brain was too busy reacquainting itself with Isak’s bare legs.  He had missed those gorgeous thighs since sunbathing weather had ended.

“...what?” Even asked a few seconds too late when his brain finally processed what Isak had said, forcing his eyes to move from Isak’s legs.

“I  _said_ : are you getting in the bath with all your clothes on?  Or are you going to get naked with me?” Isak repeated, smirking at how transparent Even’s attraction was.

Even didn’t need to be asked twice.

He pulled his shirt over his head so quickly that he almost knocked himself over with his own momentum, and from inside the tangled fabric of his shirt he could hear Isak laughing at him.  He didn’t care though; if this weekend went to plan then they’d have all the time in the world for Even to give his boy a  _proper_  strip tease.

After successfully getting his shirt to join Isak’s on the floor he shucked his jeans off quickly, and he didn’t miss the way Isak’s eyes went straight to his groin.  Even had never been ashamed of his body, aside from his arm full of scars, so Isak looking at the outline of his half hard cock through his boxers wasn’t a big deal.

What  _was_ a big deal was the way Isak’s tongue flickered out and licked his lips when Even dropped his boxers onto the floor with the rest of their clothes, and Even had to try not to come then and there from just the sight of that pretty pink tongue.

He walked past Isak like he  _wasn’t_  trying hard not to imagine that pretty little tongue wrapped around his dick, and stepped into the tub.  The water was comfortably warm and Isak must have thrown some of the bubbles in when Even wasn’t looking, because by the time Even turned the taps off the bath was full of sweet-smelling bubbles.

“Well, are you coming?” Even cocked an eyebrow at Isak, who was still stood in his boxers staring at Even like the start of every alpha/omega porno Even had ever seen.

“Definitely.” Isak blinked back into focus and dropped his own underwear to the floor, and Even’s pulse sky rocketed.

He was naked.

Isak was naked.

They were naked together.

It was almost too much for Even’s brain to handle as he held a hand out to help Isak into the tub; but that quickly stopped being a problem because when they both sat down and Isak wiggled back against Even’s chest to get comfortable and simultaneously rubbed himself against Even’s rapidly swelling dick, Even’s brain simply switched off completely.

***

The bath was warm and relaxing and everything their bodies needed after a day of walking, and it was big enough for two tall boys to both be able to stretch out.

“This is heaven.” Isak sighed out exactly what Even was feeling and he nodded in agreement.  There absolutely was not enough brain power left in him to speak with all of Isak’s bare skin pressed up against his own, but he knew what he wanted to do.

He took the body wash from the edge of the tub and lathered some up between his hands before slowly massaging it over Isak’s bump.  He worked slowly and methodically: first washing Isak’s belly where it was protruding from the water, moving up his torso, over his chest, around his shoulders and down his arms until he was lacing his soapy fingers with Isak’s.  He gave the omega’s hands a gentle squeeze before letting go and scooping up water in his hands and washing the soap away from Isak’s skin before it got itchy, and by the time he was done with the boy’s top half Isak was quivering against him and the room was thick with the scents of both their arousal.

“Legs up, baby.” Even murmured in his ear, taking a moment to kiss the damp skin behind his ear.  He didn’t miss the shaky sigh Isak let out, in fact his brain stored it  _very_  safely for future enjoyment, and he watched with laser focus as Isak lay back against his chest so he could prop his legs up on the sides of the tub.

Seeing his boy with his legs spread so obscenely and  _not_ coming in seconds was easily one of Even’s top three achievements in life.

He lathered his hands up with more body wash and leaned forwards to start down at Isak’s feet: washing up over the top and under his arches, threading his fingers between the boy’s toys to leave no space untouched and making Isak half-laugh half-moan in surprise.  He paid extra attention to Isak’s heels – where he carried most of his weight - and rubbed over the toughened skin tenderly before sliding his hands up Isak’s Achilles heels’ and listening to how the omega’s breathing stuttered.

He made his way slowly up over Isak’s calves and his shins, noting how Isak shivered when he touched the delicate skin of his calves, and made sure to massage all around Isak’s knees since the omega had been complaining a lot about aching knees the last few weeks.  He couldn’t resist tickling the tender skin at the back of Isak’s knees and Isak’s legs made an aborted motion like he was going to close them before thinking better of it.

By the time Even’s hands were washing their way up Isak’s thighs the boy was a trembling mess against Even’s chest.

But Even wasn’t in a rush.  Now that he had Isak naked and wet and rubbing against him he wanted to take his time.

“ _Even_ ,” Isak whined high in his throat as Even dipped his fingers into the stretch marks across the insides of his thighs, cleaning the shimmering silvery skin with just as much care as he had given the rest of Isak’s glorious skin.

“Yes?” Even pressed another kiss to the side of Isak’s neck, feeling how his pulse jumped.

“Touch me.” Isak whined, rubbing back against Even’s rock-hard cock to try enticing Even into hurrying up.

“I’m not done yet.” Even nipped at Isak’s neck and there was no hiding how his dick jumped in response to Isak baring his throat.  Isak’s pulse was hammering between Even’s teeth and he was still grinding back against him desperately and Even’s brain was starting to cloud over with it all.

He ran his soapy hands all over Isak’s spread thighs, enjoying the way the omega’s hips bucked helplessly trying to get Even’s hands between his legs.  Once he had rinsed the soap from Isak’s feet and legs he soaped his hands up again and ran them up the crease where Isak’s thighs met his groin and arched out to his thick hips, making sure not to put his hands where Isak wanted them most.

“You’re s-such a tease.” Isak moaned as he tried to lift his hips to get Even where he wanted him.

“I’m just making sure my boy's all clean after a long day.” Even shrugged innocently, like he had no idea he had been teasing Isak for the best part of an hour after months of built up tension between them.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been  _cleaner_.” Isak retorted, his patience clearly wearing thin.

“And yet you look so  _dirty_.” Even countered as he gave Isak’s thighs a gentle squeeze where they were still spread wide open on the sides of the bath.  Even wet his hands for the last time and washed the soap away from Isak’s thighs and hips and Isak’s head dropped back against Even’s chest with a thud, almost knocking the breath out of him, but the porn-worthy moan Isak let out more than made up for it.

“I bet if I touched you, you’d already be dripping.  That pretty pussy already wet for me?  I bet it is.  And your little omega cock so hard, just desperate for a hand or a mouth.  I don’t even need to guess about the  _slick_ ; the whole room reeks of it.” Even couldn’t stop his wet hands from travelling up Isak’s thighs to test his theories.

Sure enough there was enough wetness between Isak’s legs for Even to have pushed a few fingers in without already being wet with water, and when he moved his other hand higher he found Isak’s dick straining up against his belly frantically searching for contact.

“You’re big for an omega.” Even groaned against the side of Isak’s neck as he wrapped his hand loosely around the boy’s cock, living for the high-pitched breathless moans Isak let out as he jacked his hand a few times.

“Fuck.” Isak whined, alternating between pushing into the wetness of Even’s hand and rubbing back against his knot.

“How about we move this to bed, angel?” There was no way Even could do everything he wanted to this boy in the confines of the bath, and he was very aware of how cool the water was becoming against his burning skin.

“God,  _yes_.”

***

They moved out of the bathroom wrapped up in each other: Isak’s arms wound around Even’s neck and his fingers tightly knotted in Even’s damp hair, and Even with his arms around Isak’s waist and his hands dying to run down his ass and feel the slick leaking from him.  They hardly parted for breathing, too caught up in kissing the taste of dinner from the other’s mouth.

If Isak hadn’t been so pregnant they might have just fallen onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, but Isak’s big bump demanded a certain level of care.  Even broke his mouth away from Isak’s with an obscene wet sound and mapped kisses all over the boy’s throat as he backed him towards the bed until Isak’s knees made contact with the edge.  The omega went down easily; lying down in the middle of the bed and pulling Even on top of him, using his death grip on Even’s hair to try to pull him back up for more kisses.

“Ah ah.” Even shook his head and managed to untangle Isak’s fingers from his hair so he could move freely.  “I want to taste you.” He said, searching Isak’s face for any signs of concern or reluctance as he knelt over him.

“ _Fuck_ , yes, okay.” Isak nodded, pushing Even’s head down and draping his legs over Even’s shoulders to pull him closer to where he wanted him.

“God, you smell amazing.” Even groaned, burying his face in the crease of Isak’s hip.  He needed a second to stop his mind from melting beyond repair; between the clean smell of soap, the scent of omega arousal, and slick, Even’s brain was about to short circuit for the second time since they had got into their hotel room.

“So do you.” Isak panted, pushing his shaking fingers through Even’s hair to ground himself.

Knowing that Isak was just as affected by him as he was by Isak was what snapped Even into action.  He kissed down the crease of Isak’s thigh until he was nuzzling at Isak’s balls; giving himself a moment to enjoy how small and tight they were against Isak’s skin before moving on.  While he definitely had the classic petite balls male omegas tended to have, Isak’s dick was definitely on the bigger side.  Most male omegas had small cocks, their bodies more designed for pregnancy than impregnating, but Isak was a good five inches with a decent width.

Even’s mouth was watering finally being so close to it.

“If you don’t put something in your mouth  _right_  now-” Isak never finished his threat, because Even licked his lips and delved down onto Isak’s dick.  He had always enjoyed giving head, but Even couldn’t recall ever sucking a dick so enthusiastically as he did that first time with Isak.  He licked, sucked, and kissed all over Isak’s shaft and his sweet little balls, and even let Isak fuck up into his throat and stay there until he  _had_  to pull off and lick up all the precome leaking from his flushed head.

Isak was not quiet about his pleasure.

In fact, he was  _so_  loud that Even was starting to worry they were going to get a noise complaint before the night had even really started.  The solution came when Even noticed how often Isak’s tongue poked out of his mouth to lick his lips and he suddenly remembered all the times he had watched Isak chew on his pen lids or his straw or bite his nails.

His baby needed something in his mouth.

Even was more than happy to comply with that: pushing a few fingers into Isak’s mouth while he licked over the boy’s cock and listening to the stifled moan Isak let out around his fingers before sucking them eagerly.

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” Even groaned against the straining head of Isak’s cock, watching the way the boy’s cheeks hollowed around his fingers.  Isak whined around his fingers, his deft little tongue getting between them and getting them nice and wet, and Even could tell from the way his thighs were shaking and tensing around his shoulders and his dick kept bobbing back towards his mouth that Isak was getting close.

He wasn’t sure if Isak was going to be able to go another round after he came, but Even would rather die than miss his first opportunity to bury his face in the wetness between Isak’s legs after he had been dreaming about it for so long.  He gave Isak’s shaft a last lick goodbye, teasing at his slit and making Isak’s hips jerk up, before burying his face between Isak’s thighs.

Omega pussy had always been Even’s favourite.

There was just something so  _enticing_  about omegas; maybe it was just biology, maybe it was the media constantly enforcing the idea that alphas and omegas were perfect for each other when sometimes they were in fact the  _worst_  for each other, but whatever it was Even had always loved omegas.

He had never felt so strongly about an omega as he did about Isak, though.

He had  _definitely_ never tasted a sweeter pussy.

He could have spent days buried between Isak’s legs, and from the way Isak’s thighs were clamping almost painfully tightly around his ears his omega felt exactly the same.  Even pulled out all the tricks: broad licks with the flat of his tongue, probing his tongue past Isak’s wet folds, grazing his teeth over Isak’s most sensitive skin, writing random words with the point of his tongue across Isak’s clit and then sucking the sensitive bundle of nerves like the sweetest candy.

It happened quickly: Isak whined high and loud and his knees slammed closed around Even’s ears, forcing his face harder against Isak’s sex as it flooded around Even’s tongue.  He licked up as much as he could, moaning at the taste of Isak’s pleasure, and when Isak’s legs finally released their stranglehold around his head he pulled back licking his lips to be sure he hadn’t missed any.

“You taste even better than you smell.” Even slid his fingers out of Isak’s mouth and watched the omega’s lips part like he was expecting something else.

“You...are  _so_  good at that.” Isak exhaled shakily and his legs slid limply from Even’s shoulders as the alpha got up on his knees and stretched his back.

“Yeah?  My baby like getting eaten out?” He grinned down at Isak, taking in the flush all over his chest and the streaks of come up his belly and the thoroughly fucked out dreamy look on Isak’s face.  The bed beneath them was absolutely saturated in slick; there was no way they’d be able to sleep on them.

“I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard.” Isak moaned feebly as he tried to move, a boneless lump of post orgasm glow.  It all went straight to Even’s alpha pride; all of Isak’s moaning, writhing, and now confirmation that no one had ever fucked him so good when Even hadn’t even got inside him yet.

“What are you going to be like when I actually get inside you, huh?” Even murmured, teasing his thumb across Isak’s bottom lip.

“I don’t think I can handle that now.” Isak shook his head dazedly.

“I’ll wait forever for you, Is.” Even promised, sliding his thumb away from Isak’s mouth to cup the omega’s face, draping himself carefully over him to connect their lips in another kiss.

“You didn’t come.” Isak mumbled against his lips, reaching down between them to where Even’s dick was painfully hard and knocking against Isak’s bump.

“Guess I was too distracted.” Even muttered, pushing his hips into the warmth of Isak’s hand.

“That hardly seems fair, does it?” Isak trailed his dry fingers up the length of Even’s shaft before taking them away.  Even was about to complain when he noticed what Isak was doing, and his brain completely short circuited with lust.  Isak had pushed a few fingers into his hole, getting them nice and wet with slick before pulling them out and wrapping them tightly around Even’s cock.

“Oh,  _fuck_ , that’s good.” Even groaned.  He wasn’t sure this was the best position to be in: his hands braced on either side of Isak’s head holding his weight up where he was stretched out over the length of his boy while the omega fisted his dick in an amazingly tight wet grip, but there was no space in his brain to think about possibly falling on top of Isak when he came when his dick was getting pulled  _just_ right.

It was like Isak had been watching him jerk off and knew all the things he loved.  Or maybe Even had just been so turned on for so long that Isak could have pet his dick like a damn dog and Even would have popped a knot anyway.  Either way: Even was rutting into Isak’s hand and encouraging the omega to squeeze tighter around his head and telling him not to be afraid of playing with his knot as it swelled.

“You’re so fucking big; I don’t think this will  _ever_  fit inside me.” Isak sounded out of breath as he worked his hand faster over Even’s dick.

“It'll be...fun to try, though...right?” Even panted, grinning down at Isak as he rolled his hips into his hand desperately.

“I hope so.” Isak looked him dead in the eye and licked his lips, and that was game over for Even.  He dropped down onto his forearms and bit down hard on the side of Isak’s neck as his knot popped in Isak’s hand, groaning into his omega’s neck as he streaked come all over both their torsos.

***

After draining the bath and using Even’s discarded shirt as a wash cloth to clean themselves up, they took the slick-soaked sheet off the bed and put a towel over the worst of the slick patch of mattress in the hopes they’d be able to sleep on it like that.

“I can’t believe how wet you got for me.  I’m so flattered.” Even teased, slapping at Isak’s still naked ass as he walked around him to get to the bed.

“Shut up.” Isak rolled his eyes, but there was no hiding his blush.  “What are we meant to do for pyjamas?  Or for clothes tomorrow?” He looked around the room and then at Even with a challenging look on his face.

“We aren’t going to need clothes tomorrow, I can tell you that much for sure.” Even winked as he flopped back down on the bed.  “As for pyjamas: look in the rucksack, smartass.” He nodded at the chair he had dumped his bag on and watched lazily as Isak flipped it open.

“You’ve been carrying our clothes around all day?” Isak looked over at him in surprise.

“And toiletries.” Even nodded.  “You didn’t think I’d bring us here with no changes of clothes or laptops or chargers or toothbrushes, did you?”

“I  _was_  wondering.” Isak admitted as he pulled on his fluffy joggers and a hoodie that was definitely Even’s.  He threw some sweats and a shirt at Even, who would have been more than happy to sleep naked, before crawling into bed next to him.

“I’m hurt that you doubted me.” Even put his hand over his heart dramatically.

“I can’t take you seriously when you’re just lying there naked.  Put your damn pyjamas on; it’s cold.” Isak shook his head as he burrowed under the duvet, and like the dutiful boyfriend he was Even put some clothes on.

He wrapped his arm around Isak as they settled down in the bed, both of them ready for sleep after walking the botanical gardens and then having poem-worthy orgasms.

“Hey, Isak?” Even whispered as Isak laid his head on his shoulder.

“Mmm?”

“I don’t want you to leave.” It felt so good to say it out loud.

“Well, that’s very nice of you not to kick me out in the middle of the night, I guess?” Isak looked up at him, his eyebrows wrinkled with confusion.

“ _No_ , I’m not talking about  _now_.” Even huffed.  “I mean...when the baby’s born.  I don’t want you to leave and for this to be over after the baby’s born.” Even took a deep breath before continuing, although he could already feel how Isak had stiffened against him.  And not in the good way.

“This...this feels like the once in a lifetime sort of love, Isak.  Sure: the way we met wasn’t ideal or romantic, but this thing between us...it feels like forever.  I don’t think I’d ever get over it – get over  _you_ \- if you left in December.” Even confessed, terrified even as he said it that Isak was going to shut him down.

“Are you just saying this because I came on your face like half an hour ago?” In other circumstances that might have made Even laugh, but Isak’s tense body language and the seriousness of his voice told Even that this was not a light conversation.

Not that Even had ever expected this to be a light conversation.

“I’ve been thinking this for a few weeks now.” Even shook his head.  “I guess it just took an orgasm or two to loosen up my tongue enough to finally say it.” He smiled weakly, but Isak still wasn’t smiling.

“This is serious, Even.  Don’t- don’t promise me this if you don’t mean it.” Isak’s hands were spread protectively over his bump, and Even realised that this wasn’t about him.

Isak had spent his whole pregnancy trying not to get attached to the baby he was growing because he knew he would have to walk away after the birth, and now Even was saying that he could stay.  Not just stay with Even, but stay with  _their baby_.

“Isak, I’d spend the rest of my life with you if you’d let me.  I’d watch you do your homework, and get into uni, and raise this baby with me, and see how you grow as a person and hopefully grow alongside you.” Even’s heart was racing.  He was laying it all out on the line; this was the moment that Isak was either going to break his heart or start a new chapter of his life.

“I don’t want to leave either.” Isak whispered, not looking at him.  “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.  When- when you bit my neck before I thought:  _fuck, he’s giving me his bite_.  We hadn’t talked about it or anything, but when you bit me I was so excited.  And then when I realised it was a just a love bite and not a  _bite-_ bite I was kind of disappointed.  At first I thought it was just the heat of the moment hormones making me disappointed – what omega doesn’t want a mating bite when they’re getting fucked? - but it’s been ages and I’m still kind of disappointed.  I think I just... _want_  your bite, Ev.  I think my body knows that this is a forever sort of thing, just like you’ve known.” Isak looked up at him, fear and vulnerability written all over his beautiful face.

“You’ve just made me the happiest guy in the whole fucking world.” Even’s eyes were definitely  _not_  watering as he buried his face in Isak’s hair.

“I’m only sticking around because no one else is going to eat me out so good.” Isak joked, letting out a shaky laugh after the seriousness of their talk lifted now they knew they were both on the same page.

“Of course you are.” Even laughed wetly, hugging his boy close.

 _He’s staying, he’s staying, he’s staying_.

Even had never felt so elated.

And he knew exactly what he had to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS?????? WAS THIS BITCH OF A CHAPTER WORTH THE WAIT????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
> [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	16. You'll always be part of me because happiness is you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other half of their time in the hotel; 2.8k

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the 2 month hiatus; my mental health totally fell apart and work sucked the happiness and will to do anything out of me
> 
> but here we are again! hopefully writing will start coming back to me in the new year

Even was woken up by the smallest, most delicate, movement.

At first he thought Isak was shivering, but he could feel the heat radiating off the boy and was sure he could scent sweat in the air between them so surely Isak wasn’t cold?  He opened his eyes and rubbed the remnant of sleep away before propping himself up on his elbow so he could check on his omega.

Because there was no doubt in his mind that Isak was his omega now.

Isak was still asleep, curled up on his side as tightly as he could get around his big belly, and twitching as he dreamed.  It reminded Even of watching his friend’s cat sleeping when he was a kid; his friend’s mama had always said that the cat twitched so much because he was dreaming of chasing mice.

Even didn’t have to wonder for long what Isak was dreaming about.

“Mama.” Isak pushed his face harder into his pillow and Even watched how his fingers twitched where they were tucked against his chest.  “Stop it.” Isak mumbled, his shoulders hunching up protectively.

It broke Even’s heart.

Isak hardly spoke about his parents, but Even could tell that Isak still had a lot of feelings to work through surrounding his mother’s death.

“It’s just a bad dream, baby.” Even whispered, stroking some of Isak’s sweat-damp hair away from his temple.  Some of the tension in Isak’s muscles relaxed at Even’s touch, so Even kept touching him.

“You’re sleeping; nothing bad is happening.” Even kept whispering until Isak fell back into a peaceful sleep.  Once he was sure Isak was alright he lay back down and curled himself around the younger boy, wrapping an arm gently around his bump, ready to spend the rest of their lives keeping the bad dreams at bay.

***

He didn’t mention it when they woke up for breakfast.

He didn’t think it was worth ruining their cosy morning by bringing up a dream that Isak might not even have remembered, and Isak looked so sleepy and content that Even couldn’t possibly have ruined his good morning mood.

They ordered breakfast from room service - after a bit of cajoling to get Isak to order what he  _really_  wanted and not just what was cheapest - and took it into bed.  Even was almost sad to eat his own food, wanting to keep the taste of Isak’s orgasm on his tongue, but eventually had to succumb to the growling in his belly.

They ate mostly in silence, save for when they held food out for the other to try, but it didn’t feel forced or uncomfortable.  It was easy; like they’d been eating breakfast together in bed for years.  It was only when Even had to get his morning tablet from his bag that the mood dipped.

“I don’t like it.” Isak shook his head as he watched Even swallow the pill.

“Don’t like what?” Even glanced down at Isak’s breakfast to see what had suddenly offended him.  There wasn’t exactly a lot left on his plate for him not to like.

“No, I mean I don’t like those tablets you’re on.  I don’t trust them.” Isak’s explanation made Even lift his gaze in surprise.

“You don’t  _trust_  them?” He repeated.  “Why not?”

“It just seems so shady.  Haven’t you thought about that?  Like: surely if there was suddenly some drug that could balance people out it would be all over the news or there would at least be articles or journals about it?  But there’s literally  _nothing_ out there about the drugs they’re giving you.” Even was surprised that Isak had apparently been researching his pills.

“It’s still in the trial stage.” Even pointed out.  “All that data’s still being collected.  I’m sure they’ll release all the information you want to know once the trial’s over.”

“And when will that be?” Isak challenged.

Even realised that he didn’t know the answer to that question.  No one had ever given him a time frame for the trial; just that he was  _on_ it.

“I don’t know.” He admitted.  “Probably not for a while, seeing as they want to see if it’s keeping us sane in the long term.” Even guessed, but Isak just frowned.

“It’s just so shady, Ev.  The doctor coming to the house, how much your mum pushed for you to get on the trial, how spaced out they make you.  I just don’t like it.  It reeks of bad science.” Isak sighed, leaning back against the pillows now that they had both finished their food.

“They make me spaced out?” Even had always been a dilly-daydream, but it seemed odd to him that Isak was bringing it up.

“You don’t notice?  Sometimes I have to say your name three or four times before it gets through to you.  Or we’ll be talking and you just zone out and it takes ages for you to come back.” Isak frowned at him.  “You really didn’t know?”

“No, I never noticed.” Even didn’t like the feeling growing in his gut from all this serious talk.

“Shit.  I ruined the good Sunday morning mood, didn’t I?” Isak seemed to sense the unease growing inside of Even, guilt washing over his features.

“We can talk about all that stuff later.  Outside of here.  I just want this suite to be...a bubble.  A safe bubble from all the crap out there.” Even gestured vaguely towards the door, and Isak took that chance to wiggle over and tuck himself under Even’s arm.

“The Bubble Suite.” Isak’s name for the room brought a smile to Even’s face, and he tried to push away all the thoughts simmering in his brain.  The seeds of doubt he had already had that Isak had now watered.

“Only nice things in The Bubble Suite.” Even instructed, kissing the top of Isak’s head.

“Okay, Ev.” Isak murmured, just before he tipped his head back and kissed the bottom of Even’s chin in what was possibly the cutest gesture Even had ever been on the receiving end of.

He didn’t think anyone had ever kissed his chin before.

He liked it.

***

“What if we met differently?” Isak asked a while later when they had both fallen into food coma’s from their breakfasts.

“Like in one of those parallel universes you love talking about?” Even smiled sleepily across the bed.

“No, in this universe.” Isak shook his head.  “What if we just met differently in this universe?” He clarified.

“I don’t know.” Even couldn’t really think past how full he felt, but he also wasn’t sure there had ever been a point in his life that he would have been good enough to meet Isak.   _Although_ , it wasn’t like he had been in the best head space when he had met Isak anyway.

“Just think about it!” Isak rolled into his side to look more closely at Even’s face.  “We could have met at school if you moved from Bakka, or maybe we might have met at the hospital between your episodes and my mum’s.  Or we could have met a party just by a total fluke!  Or at that pub we both went to back in April?”

“You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?” Even reached out and ran his fingers along Isak’s arm, watching the hairs rise up in his wake.

“I don’t know.  I hadn’t really thought about it, but I guess some part of my brain has been.”

“Your brain not satisfied with how we  _really_  met?” Even teased, knowing full well that neither of them had been in ideal situations when their lives had been thrown together.

“I just...it all feels so sudden, right?” A slight crease appeared between Isak’s eyebrows and Even brushed his thumb over it gently.  “I feel like we’ve moved so fast, but it was such a fucked up situation and normal rules don’t really apply in those sorts of situations.” Isak’s frown only deepened as he tried to explain himself.

“You came into my life to get pregnant, so no, normal relationship rules don’t really apply.” Even agreed.  “Most couples also don’t live together right from the off.  We’ve been in each others pockets pretty much the whole time you’ve lived with me.  That was obviously going to affect how quickly we got close.”

“True.” Isak didn’t seem too bothered about it all, and right then and there in their hotel bed Even couldn’t bring himself to be worried about anything.

“As fucked up as it may be: I’m sort of glad we met how we did.” Even admitted.

“ _R_ _eally_?” Isak’s eyebrows shot up in clear surprise.

“Yeah.  Because otherwise I wouldn’t get to see you looking so fucking delicious and pregnant.” Even grinned, rubbing his free hand over Isak’s impressive pregnancy swell where it was buried under his cosy jumper.  Isak wiggled under his touch, letting out the quietest little laugh, but there was no denying the scent of happy omega.

“I might have got pregnant if we’d met those other ways.” Isak pointed out before moving Even’s hand to where their baby was moving.

“You might have.” Even agreed, concentrating on feeling their child moving.  “We’ll never know about all those alternative meetings though, will we?  All we have is what we have right here; and, honestly, I think we’ve done pretty damn well for how shitty our actual circumstances were.”

“You do?” Isak’s smile was enough to make Even look away from his bump to enjoy the full radiance of Isak’s smile.

“I do.  You came into my life when I was ready to end it again and somehow managed to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Even could hardly even remember how bad everything had felt before he met Isak and before he started his new medication.

“You turned this into the best time of my life, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and our baby making even  _better_  memories.”

“You made this a pretty spectacular time for me too.” Isak smiled again, and in that moment Even swore that all was right with the world.

***

“Oh, fuck,  _right there_.” Isak’s fingers were so tight in his hair, trying to pull him closer.

“You know what I love so much about omegas?” Even licked his lips, savouring the unique taste of  _Isak_ _._

 _“_ Can you tell me  _after_  you finish me off?” Isak huffed, giving a gentle tug to Even’s hair to try to press his face back between his legs.  It was a place that Even would happily go willingly.

“There’s just so many different ways to  _stimulate_  you.” Even grinned wickedly before moving his attention up to Isak’s dick.  He looked almost painfully hard, and if the high moan Isak let out when Even took him in his mouth was any indication his boy was teetering ever closer to his orgasm.

Even wouldn’t have been a good boyfriend if he didn’t give Isak the push he so clearly needed off that edge.

He dipped a couple of fingers teasingly into Isak’s pussy, just enough to get them nice and wet, before moving them back and pushing into Isak’s slick hole.  He credited hitting Isak’s prostate quickly to beginner’s luck and swiftly started applying pressure in tight circles as he pulled up and licked roughly over the head of Isak’s cock.

Isak came hard and fast, and Even found his new favourite past time.

***

“When do we have to leave?” Isak asked as noon passed them by.

“We have a few more hours.” Even had the room until 18.30, and he had no intention of leaving the bubble they had created before he absolutely had to.

“A few more hours before we have to go back to reality.” Isak sighed.

“This could be our reality.” Even murmured, running his fingers idly through Isak’s hair.

“What, naked in an expensive hotel bed?  Forever?” Isak arched an eyebrow up at him from where he had his head rested on Even’s bare chest.

“Well, maybe not the hotel bed bit.  But naked in a bed, sure.” Even grinned, but Isak just rolled his eyes at him.

“What about school?  And working?  And, oh I don’t know,  _raising a baby_?” He listed off.

“You’re such a realist.” Even smiled to himself as he hugged Isak closer.

“I have to be; my alpha has his head in the clouds all the time.” Isak countered, bristling at Even’s teasing, but all Even could hear was Isak calling his  _his_ alpha.

“I’m your alpha, huh?” Even was sure that his face was going to split from grinning so wide.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it; we both knew it.” Isak was blushing so gorgeously.

“It is a big deal.” Even disagreed.  “Even if my gorgeous omega doesn’t think it is.” He added lowly, letting his fingers trail down from Isak’s hair to the back of his neck and over his throat.  Isak practically purred at the contact, and there was no hiding the way Even’s dick swelled when Isak tilted his head back for Even to continue stroking his throat.

It was as if the boy had been made for him.

***

“How would you feel about meeting my friends?” Isak asked as they worked through their late afternoon lunch.

“Seriously?” Even put his food down, suddenly more interested in their conversation.

“Seriously.” Isak nodded.  “They know that things have been getting more serious between us, but after this weekend...now that we’re actually  _something_ , I think I’d like you to meet them.  And for them to get to know you.  Before the baby’s born.” Isak put his fork down and looked over Even’s face intently, obviously trying to gage his reaction.

“The last time I saw them was when I was drunk and depressed and you had to take me home.” Even said carefully.  “Not really the best first impression to make.” He pointed out.

“No, but I did explain to them that you aren’t normally like that.  They were blowing up my phone all night after I left.”

“Good.  Good friends should have been worried about you living with a guy like that.” Despite his own embarrassment about his behaviour that night – what he remembered of it – he was glad that Isak’s friends had looked out for him.

“They’re the best.” Isak agreed.  “ _So_  good that they understood when I explained you were going through a rough time.  Anyway, they saw how sad I was when we weren’t talking at the beginning of term.  I think they know how much I like you and just want to make sure you’re on the same page.  They want to know I’m not wasting my time on some dickhead rich boy.”

“Have you considered being a poet?” Even snorted.

“If you don’t want to meet them it’s alright.” Isak was so kind offering him an out like that, but Even shook his head.

“It’s obviously important to you.  I want to meet your friends and make a better impression, I just don’t want them to think I’m a dick or taking advantage of you or anything.” Even explained, playing with Isak’s fingers nervously.  The truth was: their story was complicated, and to an outsider it could easily look like they were taking advantage of each other.  Even exploiting Isak’s hormonal temperament or Isak taking advantage of the rich alpha having his baby.

“We’ll adjust the story a bit.” Isak promised as if he had read Even’s mind.

“Will you ever tell them the truth?” Even knew that Isak had been lying to his friends about his situation for the whole time, and a small part of him was worried that he’d say something and fuck up Isak’s story.

“I was thinking of keeping it secret until after the baby’s born.  That was my plan before, and now I get to stay with you and the baby I still think it’s a good plan.  We can tell them the truth after.” Isak said firmly.

“Okay.” Even nodded.  It wasn’t his place to make that choice for Isak and, honestly, he had enough of a mountain to climb winning Isak’s friends over as it was.  He didn’t really think that adding in  _hired_ _Isak_ _as a broodmare_ would help make Isak’s friends like him.

“Really?” The smile that spread over Isak’s face made the future awkwardness totally worth it.

“Really.  You set it up with your friends and let me know.” He kissed the top of Isak’s head before picking his lunch back up.

“Will you be introducing me as your super hot alpha then?” He asked casually, smiling at the way Isak snorted at the idea.

“I was thinking as my  _boyfriend_ , actually.”

And wasn’t that just something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS???? I know this probably isn't my best because I started this way back after I posted the last chapter and then finished it over the last two days, so there was a big gap between starting and finishing this and I'm shaking the rust off, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway <3
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
> [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	17. I fell in love like one, two, three, oh what a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go back to school after their weekend in heaven, Isak discovers Even's thigh high kink, Camilla corners Even, and Even makes a plan (4.1k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter features my first attempt at fake iPhone text images because I felt like trying something new. I know the small details are wrong or mismatching on a couple of them but I noticed after I saved them and it's currently 21.30 and I am not going to rewrite those long texts for the sake of soothing my obsessiveness (I'm telling myself that over and over haha) because I just want to post this chapter RIP
> 
> other than that, enjoy!

Going back to reality sucked for both of them. 

While it hadn’t been quite as hard as Isak having to forcibly remove Even from the hotel room, mentally Even had been clinging onto the door handle unwilling to leave.  Their weekend together had been the best sort of magical; Even didn’t think he had ever felt as close to someone as he did to Isak and, truthfully, he wasn’t ready to go back to sharing the omega with the rest of the world. 

It was well into the evening by the time they got back to the house and they went directly to Isak’s room, which for no particular reason had become their go-to space in the house, without bothering to check if either of Even’s parents were in.  Even put their stuff from the weekend through the wash and told himself on a loop that it wasn’t like they were washing away how the weekend had changed _them_ , he was just washing their _clothes_.  There was nothing deeper to it no matter how much his brain tried to ascribe more meaning to his actions. 

They both agreed that they were too full to eat any more before bed, so Even bypassed the kitchen on his way out of the utility room and went straight back to Isak. 

He wasn’t even a little bit surprised to find Isak already asleep, curled up on his side with his face in the pillow that Even usually used.  He hadn’t even managed to get under the covers before he fell asleep, but thankfully had taken off his jeans before curling himself up so Even didn’t have to wrestle him out of them to stop him from cooking in his sleep.

It took some awkward wiggling of the duvet to get it out from under Isak’s heavy body - during which Even was amazed the boy didn’t stir even once - but eventually Even got it free and was able to tuck it over Isak. 

It was the most mundane of tasks but it filled Even with the strongest feelings of content and domesticity.  He watched Isak sleep for a few seconds before he convinced his tired muscles to get up from the edge of the bed and get into his own pyjamas, at which point he gave up being responsible and curled up under the duvet with Isak. 

An early night would do them both good before they had to face school again tomorrow. 

It had been a busy weekend after all. 

*** 

Going back to school felt terrible.

Not only did he have to pry himself away from Isak and their cosy bed – not that they had ever agreed that it was now _their_ bed – but he had to try to focus on classes that he was taking for a second time when he had so many other things on his mind.  Aside from memories that Even would undoubtedly cherish for the rest of his life the weekend had also given him a lot of food for thought that he’d had no time to chew over before returning to school.

It was difficult to concentrate on maths or literary symbolism when there was a possibility he was being poisoned by his own mother.

He didn’t have the faintest idea where to begin unravelling the mystery of the pills he was on.  All he could think to do was Google the name of them, but seeing as it was still in the trial stage he didn’t have high hopes about his so far _only_ plan.

After maybe a minute of umm-ing and ahh-ing about whether or not he wanted to involve Isak in his mystery he decided that it would be foolish not to involve his boyfriend when not only did he share Even’s concerns but he was clearly the more scientifically minded of the two of them.  Maybe Isak would think of an angle that Even would never have considered and they’d figure out what was really going on.

Maybe Isak could deal with that puzzle while Even dealt with a more pressing matter.

***

“My friends practically interrogated me today about why I’d gone MIA over the weekend.” Isak announced casually when they were holed up in the library that evening.

“Did they think I’d chopped you up into little pieces and buried you around the countryside?” Even grinned.

“They did.  Except for Magnus who thought you’d taken me on a sex fest.” Isak couldn’t even contain his laugh for long enough to get that sentence out with a straight face, which was enough to make Even look up from the blank stare he’d been giving his homework.

“A sex fest at almost 30 weeks pregnant, huh?” Even pretended to consider it.

“Yeah, you’ll come to learn that Mags isn’t the brightest.  His heart’s in the right place but his foot is almost permanently in his mouth.” The way Isak talked about Even getting to know his friends so well did funny things to Even’s chest.  Thinking about their lives being connected beyond their own bond and the confines of the house or hotels was incredibly enticing.

“God only knows what he’ll say when he hears about how we _really_ met then.” Even could only imagine how _that_ conversation would go down.

“No doubt the first thought that comes to mind, that’s his usual MO.” Isak replied, looking away from his laptop screen for the first time in an hour and blinking at the change of brightness.

“What did you tell them then?” Even raised an eyebrow after Isak just sat squinting at him.

“That we went on a weekend-long date that kept me too occupied to bother checking my phone.” Isak recited.

“Occupied, is that how the kid’s are calling it nowadays?” Even teased, getting to his feet and stretching his legs on a nice walk over to Isak’s chair.

“I didn’t think it was polite to say _hey sorry for not answering any messages I was too busy sitting on my secret boyfriend’s face or sucking his dick_.  Somehow it struck me as TMI.” Isak rolled his eyes as if him recounting what they had done was enough to make something hot clench in Even’s gut.

“No, those details are probably best kept to ourselves.” He agreed as he stopped behind Isak and wrapped his arms around the boy’s chest loosely.  The position put him in exactly the right place to rest his chin on Isak’s shoulder and he used that good placement to press a loud kiss to Isak’s flushed cheek.

“I thought so.” Isak nodded before letting his head tip back and rest against Even’s chest.  “It was a long day.” Isak sighed after a few seconds of silence.

“Same here.” Even had to shuffle back a bit to place another kiss to Isak’s cheek, but it was worth it for the soft smile he got in return.  “Have you done enough work to justify going back to bed yet?” He checked.

“Yes.” Isak groaned, already getting up out of his seat at the _mention_ of the word bed.

“Good.” Even closed Isak’s laptop for him, safe in the knowledge that Isak’s documents all autosaved, and abandoned his own pile of attempted homework in favour of walking his tired omega back to bed.

Even had more important things than homework now.

***

***

Something was _definitely_ up with Isak.  They had been lying in bed enjoying some mindless comedy Netflix had suggested for them, but Isak kept checking his phone what felt like every other second.  Even was sure it wasn’t _actually_ as frequent as it felt to his paranoid mind but he was painfully aware of it either way.

“Are you waiting for something important?” He finally asked after the billionth time Isak put his phone back down with a frustrated huff through his nose.

“No, I just asked Jonas a question but he isn’t answering.” Isak sighed, nestling closer to Even.

“Has he seen it?” Even’s fingers instinctively found their way to Isak’s hair and began smoothing it out.  It was a fool’s errand considering how Isak’s curls sat however they felt like sitting no matter how much someone tried to tame them, but Even still enjoyed the feeling of them around his fingers.

“Yeah.” Isak pushed into Even’s hand contently but he still looked displeased about Jonas’ lack of reply.

“That _is_ annoying.” Even agreed.  He suspected that Isak had been fibbing when he said it wasn’t important, otherwise being left on read wouldn’t have bothered him so much, but Even trusted his boy to tell him if it was something he needed to know.

He wasn’t one of those alphas who had to know the ins and outs of every single one of his partner’s platonic relationships to be able to trust them; he respected Isak way too much for that.  Not that he had ever been _that alpha_ with any of his previous partners, but he definitely had more trust in Isak than he had had in any of them.

“He’s probably at football.” Isak said glumly.  The sadness in Isak’s voice made Even lift his head a bit to get a better look at his face.

“That bothers you?” He was definitely missing something.

“I-” Isak stopped almost as soon as he started and colour rushed to his face.  Even waited for him to continue and after a few seconds and a deep breath Isak tried again.

“If I wasn’t here - being pregnant - I’d be there at football with him and Mahdi.” Isak explained, and Even suddenly remembered a conversation they had had in the summer while they were sprawled out in the sun.

“You used to be on a team together.” He remembered.  Isak’s affirmative nod did nothing to shake the sadness from his face.  “You miss it.” Even realised, everything clicking into place.

“I do.” Isak sighed against his chest, his hot breath blowing down Even’s belly.  “Football was something I was good at and it kept me out of my head when things at home got hard.” Isak fiddled with the strings of his hoody as he explained himself and Even took one of his hands and brought it up for a kiss.  At that Isak’s face _did_ soften.

“You can pick it back up after you’ve recovered from having the baby.” Even pointed out between peppering kisses over Isak’s fingers and his wrist.

“I know, I know.  I just didn’t realise how much I missed playing until tonight.” Even could understand that, and he gave Isak’s hand a comforting squeeze to let his boyfriend know that he understood.

“Did you have a proper uniform?” He asked teasingly in the hopes of lightening the mood.

“Yeah.” Isak nodded, oblivious to how many fantasies he had just ignited in Even’s mind.

“Did it include those stripy knee high socks?” Even tried not to sound as affected as he was, but the mental image of Isak spread on his bed clad in nothing but those football socks with his legs akimbo over Even’s shoulders or around his hips was almost too much for him to handle.

“Yeah, they’re pretty standard.” Isak frowned up at him for a second before he realised what was going through Even’s head.

“You perv!” He laughed, looking happy for the first time in hours.  “You got a thing for my knee highs, huh?” Isak’s teasing wasn’t fooling Even for a second.  Even could _see_ the flicker of interest in his eyes.

“I have a thing for everything about you.” Even smiled.  Isak and his omega soaked up that compliment and the boy practically _purred_ with happiness.  “But the idea of having you in nothing but those socks, showing off those fucking _delectable_ thighs of yours, has a lot of appeal.” He continued lowly, making sure to dip his lips close to Isak’s ear.  The resulting shiver that ran through his boyfriend was more than satisfying.

“I... _suppose_ that sounds nice.” Isak’s attempt to play it cool was wholly undermined by the shakiness of his voice.

“Then I _suppose_ we’ll have to try it one day.” Even mimicked Isak’s words and delighted in the flush he saw rising up the back of Isak’s neck.

“But my old uniform and stuff is in Jonas’ attic.” Isak whined.  “Think of all the effort involved in getting it out.”

“You have stuff in Jonas’ attic?” He wasn’t sure why that surprised him so much.  He had always thought Isak had scarcely anything with him in this house when he must have had _things_ when he still lived at home.  It would make sense that he stored some of it elsewhere.

“Yeah, his mum was really helpful with everything after my mum died.” Isak murmured.  The mood once again became quiet and somber, but it didn’t feel as achingly sad as it sometimes did when Isak mentioned Marianne.

“I’m glad you had people around to help.” Even smiled into the kiss he pressed to the top of Isak’s head.

“Jonas’ family have always been good to me.” Isak nodded.  “A lot of my stuff is stored in their attic because it only really had their Christmas decorations in it before.  They helped me clear out the house too.  Donate clothes to charity and sell the furniture and stuff.” Isak continued, clearly getting lost in all his memories of the home he had had to dismantle.

“So what else is up there?” Even prompted; partly to stop Isak from getting too lost in his head and partly out of his own curiosity.

“My footy stuff, photo albums that I want to scan onto the computer, some of my old games, and a couple things of my mum’s that I wanted to keep.  Nothing too exciting.” Isak shrugged.  To Even, though, they all sounded like windows into Isak’s life; a way for him to learn more and more about the boy he had fallen in love with.

“I’d love to see it one day.” Even told him.

“One day.” Isak agreed, and Even’s heart warmed at Isak’s readiness to make distant future plans with him.

They lapsed back into silence after that; they were half focused on Netflix but more focused on cuddling closer and sharing soft sweet kisses that melted Even’s heart like candy floss in the rain.

Isak didn’t check his phone again for the rest of the night.

***

Even was throwing together some sandwiches for himself and Isak’s lunches at school when his mother seemed to appear out of thin air behind him.

“What do you think you’re doing, Even?” Her voice was deadly quiet and calm; the voice that Even had always known to mean he was in deep shit.

“What do you mean?” There were at least five different things she could be referring to and he was determined to play dumb about all of it.  He was uncomfortably aware of his body language because he was trying so hard not to let it change in any way that would suggest guilt to his mother; he tried to maintain the exact posture and position he had had while he was making sandwiches before he heard her voice, but he felt more tense than he had five seconds ago and he was sure it showed.  Maybe standing stock still made him look _more_ guilty?

Fucking hell.

“Your father and I aren’t _blind_ , Even.” Camilla snapped.  Her choice of words made Even snort, which seemed to take her surprise if the silence that followed was any indication.

“That’s funny, because I can’t remember the last time I _saw_ either of you.” He turned around to face her and folded his arms across his chest as if he could protect his heart from her lashings with them.

“That’s not fair, Even; you know we’re both busy.  We work.  You can’t expect us to be here all the time; it’s not like you’re a child any more.  You know how to take care of yourself without a babysitter.” Camilla rolled her eyes like she used to at his tantrums when he was a child, but all Even could think about was how many times she had used his name in the minute they’d been talking.

“I couldn’t care less where either of you go.” He replied coldly.  “I meant that it must have been difficult for either of you to _see_ what I’ve been doing when neither of you have been around.”

“Do you have to be so dramatic?” Camilla sighed the put upon sigh of an unjustly done mother and it made Even’s blood boil, but he was determined not to lose his cool.

“Do you have a _point_?  I’m trying to get ready for school.” He gestured behind him to his pile of sandwiches.

“That’s a lot of food for just you.” He hadn’t expected that response.

“Some of it’s for Isak.  Least I can do for him is make him some lunch when we’re basically ruining his life.” He loathed using the word _we_ as if he was in any way aligned with his parents and their intentions towards Isak.

“Please!” His mother scoffed.  “He’s being well paid for being your broodmare; the boy will be able to go on to do anything he wants with that money.  If anything we’ve brightened his future.” It was unsettling to hear how his mother justified using and discarding an omega for the sake of their womb.

“But Isak _is_ what I want to discuss.” She continued smoothly, looking at Even like a wolf that has a rabbit trapped right where it wants it.

“Why not talk _to_ Isak then?” Even asked as if he had no idea why his mother might want to talk to him about Isak.

“This is a conversation for _you_.” Camilla shook her head and her tone allowed for no argument.

“Alright then.” Even shrugged.

“Is this really how you want to play this?” She was giving him one last chance to come clean to her, but everything in him knew that that was a bad move.

“Play what?” Even had been playing mind games with his mother for most of his life; he knew how to play his cards by now.

“Your father and I know how much time you spend with the boy.” Camilla came closer, narrowing her eyes at Even like he was one of her clients and not her _only_ son.

“Well, yeah, we’re the only two people _in_ this house most of the time.  And he’s pregnant with my kid; I wasn’t just going to ignore him.” Even shrugged.  It was a perfectly innocent explanation; even if he hadn’t have fallen in love with Isak he still would have been kind to the kid.

“Don’t play stupid.” Camilla snapped.  “Whatever feelings you think you have for the omega are just a chemical response to him being pregnant.  When the baby comes those feelings will _vanish_.  Don’t lead the boy on.”

That wasn’t the angle Even was expecting his mother to be coming from at _all_.  He couldn’t let that throw him though.

“There aren’t any feelings.” He lied.  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea for an omega to be alone when they’re pregnant.  Surely even _you_ wouldn’t have him in isolation?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“Of course not.” Camilla agreed.  “But spending so much time together won’t be good for either of you.  You’re both in vulnerable places; you’re trying to reclaim your health and Isak is filled to the brim with pregnancy hormones.  Neither of you are in the right place to be thinking you’re falling in love or some silly nonsense like that.  I don’t want to see either of you get hurt when Isak’s service is over and we all part ways.”

_Isak is my forever._

Even knew it in his _soul_ , but he was never going to tell _her_ that.

“I don’t think I even know what love is after a lifetime of you and dad.” Even fixed his mother with a last disdainful look before turning back around and divvying the sandwiches between his and Isak’s Tupperware.  “Now, if you’re done, I have to go finish getting ready.”

Even didn’t look back as he left the kitchen with their lunches.

If only his mother knew all the things he had planned.  She never would have let him out of her _sight_ , let alone out of her house.

***

He explained that stilted conversation to Isak on their shared bus before they had to go in opposite directions and Isak seemed stressed that Camilla knew they were together.

“You can say whatever you want but she clearly knows.” Isak whispered, their heads bent close together.  It was ridiculous that their relationship felt so illicit when there wasn’t anything wrong with them having fallen for each other apart from how they met.

“I know, but hopefully this morning put her off for a little while.  Just be careful what you say around her.” Even rose up enough to press a firm kiss to the top of Isak’s head, hoping the boy could feel it through his beanie.

“Oh yeah, because I talk to your mother _all_ the time.” The sarcasm was so thick that it was a miracle Isak didn’t choke on it.

“You know what I mean.” Even ruffled Isak’s beanie to muss up his hair underneath until Isak yelped and swatted him away.

“Stop bullying me; I’m pregnant.” Isak huffed as he fixed his beanie.

“Then stop being such a sarky bitch.” Even winked, settling back in his seat, laughing at Isak’s outraged gasp.

He was so fucking lucky.

***

***

As the weekend got closer Even knew that he was going to have to tell Isak about his plan for Saturday, but he had a feeling that the omega wasn’t going to like it.  Or he might be totally wrong and Isak might love some time to himself.

Either way he was stressed about how this conversation was going to go.

They were tangled up together in Isak’s bed when Even finally worked up the nerve to do it.

“I’ve got some stuff to do away from Oslo on Saturday.” He blurted out.

“What sort of stuff?” Isak glanced up at him, looking understandably startled by Even’s abrupt announcement.  Even proceeded to tell Isak at least _some_ of his plans, and he could see the moment Isak realised Even was leaving him alone until the early hours of Sunday morning.

“I think I’ll crash at Jonas’.” Isak replied instead of acknowledging Even’s plans.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to be alone with my parents in this house either.” Even smiled, although the thought of Isak alone with another alpha did make the more primal part of his brain scream with indignation.  Not that he had any right to be salty about it when _he_ was the one leaving _Isak_ alone.

“I did think about inviting you to come with, but then I thought about how tired you’ve been lately and how pregnant you are and I just…didn’t think it would be worth the effort for you.” Even didn’t want Isak to think that he had just decided to swan off being the responsible hard working alpha leaving his darling omega behind to sew or any archaic shit like that.

“It definitely wouldn’t be worth it.” Isak agreed, burying his face into Even’s shirt where it was smoothed over his chest from Isak’s earlier sleepy nuzzles.  “I think I’ll miss you though.” Isak mumbled.

“I don’t doubt that I’ll miss _you_.” Even pushed his fingers through Isak’s hair and began working out some of the tangles that had built up during the day.

“I’m proud of you for going though.” Isak sighed into his chest, his eyes fluttering shut under the firm ministrations of Even’s fingers.  Playing with this boy’s hair put him to sleep faster than anything Even had ever seen.

“Thanks.” He whispered, tucking his chin in awkwardly so he could skim a gentle kiss over the top of Isak’s head.  “When I get back we can think about doing something with your friends in the week?” He offered to try to make up for ditching Isak at such short notice.  Not that Isak seemed overly bothered by it thankfully.

“That sounds nice.” Isak’s nod was barely noticeable, and Even swore the boy fell asleep in the middle of it.

He was so fucking adorable.

Even watched Isak’s sleeping face for a while before he eventually felt ready to sleep himself.  All he could think about were the things he had to get done on Saturday.  His anxiety was through the goddamn roof but he knew that it would all be worth it in the long run.  Some of it was going to be scary, but he hoped that the other part would be exciting and full of hope.

He had to do all of this right.

For Isak’s sake.

For their _child’s_ sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS??????????? what do we think Even is going to do??????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	18. I'll be right beside you no matter where you travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even gets shit done (4.1k)

“Do you _have_ to go?” Isak whispered.  Looking at him then Even wished he _didn’t_ have to leave when Isak looked so cosy and snuggly in what was quickly becoming _their_ bed, seeming so damn _sad_ about him going.

“I wish I didn’t.” Even smiled sadly.  It wasn’t even that big of a deal: he was only going to be gone like 24 hours.  He supposed that after living together and being practically glued at the hip for months that did seem like a long time.

Was the amount of time they spent together unhealthy?  Or was it normal to be sad about being apart from the person you love, even if it was only for a day and it was for the benefit of being together in the future?

“Anyway, it’ll be good for us to have some time to ourselves.  I don’t want to be one of those people that totally loses themselves in their relationship and forgets how to exist as their own person.  I wouldn’t want that for you either.” Even continued in a more positive tone.

“I 100% agree with that.” Isak nodded, pulling the duvet tighter around himself.  “Except right now all my brain can hear is that you want space.  From me.  From _us_.” Isak didn’t elaborate as to if he meant _us_ as in him and the baby or _us_ as in Even+Isak, but either way Even got the message.

“I know, and I’m sorry the timing is so shit.  You’re a pregnant omega whose alpha is telling you they’re going away for a day when we both know I should be right here with you and Bump to look after you.  We might both be strong independent guys but we still have those core instincts from millions of years ago.” Even wiggled closer to Isak until their noses were almost touching.

“It sounds almost as stupid as it feels.” Isak let out a tearful little laugh, but all Even could see was the sad way Isak’s lips had turned down at the corners.

“I know; the whole alpha/omega thing really sucks sometimes.” Even agreed.

There had been plenty of times in his life where he had resented the way his life and his autonomy felt limited by his biology, and he couldn’t even imagine how Isak must have struggled with it as an omega.  The world had its archetypes for how alphas and omegas should behave and live their lives and going against the grain and carving your own path was an uphill battle.

Most of the time it felt like people were just being patronising when they talked about hom-ex people trying to live beyond the boxes they had been stuck in.  Look at the alpha who wants to be an artist; how _quaint_!  An omega who wants to be a police officer and has no desire to have children?  Give that a few years until the clock starts ticking!

It wasn’t just alphas and omegas the world thought it had all pinned down.  Even had heard plenty of people talking shit about teleporters who drove public transport vehicles, or the guy with pixie blood who became a lawyer to help people who felt they had been tricked, or the succubus who ran a sexual assault support group out in Sweden.

Sometimes it felt like being hom-ex, despite the ratio of hom-ex to sapiens being relatively even, meant that the whole world was against you.  Maybe it was just that sapiens had the louder voices.

Even had to believe that there was hope.  Otherwise how could he possibly raise his and Isak’s baby into a life where everything was going to be a goddamn battle?

“Where have you gone?” Isak’s fingers were suddenly touching his cheek and Even almost leapt out of his skin in fright.

“I was just thinking.” He whispered back, embarrassed that Isak was close enough to feel the way his heart was hammering.

“About?”

“How I want the world to be better for our baby.” Even said simply.  Isak’s mildly concerned frown melted into the sweetest smile and the rich scent of happy _homely_ omega made Even want to roll on top of his boyfriend and kiss him senseless until they were both grinding their way towards a couple of spectacular orgasms, but there was something else that Even would rather spend the rest of their evening doing before they had to be apart.

“Roll over.” He murmured, scarcely louder than a breath, and in a testament to how much Isak trusted him the omega rolled over onto his other side without question.  Even took a moment to enjoy the view of Isak’s strong shoulders and the curve of his spine beneath the shirt of Even’s he had ‘borrowed’ and the thickness of his waist and his hips now that he was so close to the end of his pregnancy before remembering why he had asked Isak to roll over in the first place.

He shimmied right up to Isak, melding himself against his omega’s back, and rest his forehead against the back of Isak’s neck as he wound an arm around Isak’s front until he could rest his hand on Isak’s beautiful belly.  Isak didn’t have to ask what Even was doing; he simply moved Even’s hand to where their baby was most active and then let his hand rest atop of Even’s.

It was one of Even’s favourite positions to be in with Isak, especially when their baby was moving a lot, and Isak seemed to enjoy it as well because he always seemed to melt right into the contact like butter on hot bread.

“Things are so good right now.” Isak mumbled an infinite amount of time later.

“Hmm?” Even hummed, still half daydreaming about what his baby might be dreaming about to make them move so much.

“With us, I mean.  Things are really good between us right now.” Isak’s clarification didn’t do much to reassure Even that Isak was on board a _positive_ train of thought.

“They are.” Even agreed, nuzzling his nose into the back of Isak’s neck happily.  Isak scent was so pure and strong there; Even wished he could spend his whole life with that scent in his nose and Isak in his arms.

“What if being apart changes that?  What if something happens?  Or something goes _wrong_?” Isak’s distress was almost palpable, bittering his scent with its coppery aroma, and Even moved his hand in slow circles over Isak’s bump.

“Nothing’s going to go wrong, baby, I just have a couple of things to do in Kristiansand and then I’ll be back on Sunday.  But if you spend your whole day worrying like this you’re just going to make yourself sick and miserable when you _could_ be having a good time with your best friend.” Even placed a few delicate kisses along the slope of Isak’s neck.

“Please don’t stress about this, Is.” He murmured against Isak’s soft skin.  “I’m doing this _for_ us.  At the end of all of this we’re going to be a _family_.” Even promised, and he could feel how the word ‘family’ affected Isak.

“I’m not having doubts or second thoughts or anything like that if that’s what you’re worrying this day trip is about.” Even thought that was obvious but he knew how reassuring it was to have things like that laid out in black and white, so he stated the obvious for Isak.  “But doing this stuff _after_ the baby is here just wouldn’t work and everything would be ten times more stressful because I’m never going to be able to pry myself away from you and that baby.  I’m just making sure we’re ready.” Even promised.

Isak was silent for a minute and Even didn’t feel the need to fill that silence when Isak was clearly processing everything he had just heard.  Another minute went by before Isak finally spoke.

“I never thought I’d see the day that Even Bech Næsheim was being _organised_.” Isak laughed wetly, but Even could tell from the way Isak snuggled back against him that it was the happy sort of tearful.  Even had come to learn about of lot of different sorts of crying during the pregnancy.

But if Isak was teasing him then things must have been okay in his mind.  Even’s messages must have finally sunk in.

“Only for you, Is.” Even smiled, dropping one last kiss to the very top of Isak’s spine.

 _It’s only for you_.

***

Being on a train at half seven on a Saturday morning when he could have been asleep with Isak felt terrible, but Even tried to keep reminding himself that what he was doing was worth the inconvenience.  Four and a half hours on the train at fuck off o’clock in the morning was a small price to pay if he got what he was looking for.

He had his earphones in and his sketchbook out on the little table, idly sketching whatever came to mind to help pass the time.  So far that had included: a particularly gnarled tree he had gone past, a mushroom statue from the gardens he took Isak to, a few pieces of fruit, and several various expressions of Isak’s.  He wasn’t ashamed to admit that his sketchbook was mostly Isak now.

If he hadn’t been so anxious about his appointment he might have attempted a couple hours of sleep, but as it was he could hardly get his muscles to stay relaxed and loose just sitting back in his chair.  He was so tense that he was sure if someone put coal between his clenched thighs that it would immediately be crushed into a diamond.  He just couldn’t relax until he got some answers.

Although, if the answer turned out to be _bad_ Even wasn’t sure that he’d ever be able to relax again.

***

***

When Even did finally arrive in Kristiansand he was absolutely ravenous.  He went into the nearest café from the train station and bought himself the biggest sandwich and devoured it with what could only be described as animalistic ferociousness right outside the door.  He had spent most of the morning too anxious to eat before the hunger suddenly hit him full force.

Maybe he had moved onto stress eating now that his appointment was drawing closer?

He had five minutes to get to the tram stop for the last leg of his journey to get over to the medical centre, and thank to his nervous energy he made it there in about two minutes and spent the remaining three jigging anxiously on the spot.  He was sure that he had gone far enough out of Oslo that no one would react much to the name Næsheim, but a part of him was still terrified that the doctor would somehow know one of his parents and rat him out regardless of doctor-patient confidentiality.

To calm himself down he spent the majority of the bus journey looking through pictures of him and Isak, and his _many_ photos of Isak alone that Even had thought were so beautiful they needed to be captured forever.  It seemed to work – even if it did _terrible_ things for his phone’s battery – right up until the bus reached its final stop and reality slapped Even in the face.

He was really going to talk to a doctor about the pills.

God help him.

***

“What can we do for you today, Mr Næsheim?” The doctor seemed nice enough; a woman who looked probably in her mid-twenties with a kind face.

“Even is fine.” He hated being called Mr Næsheim.

“Okay, so what can we do for you today, Even?” Dr Hansen didn’t miss a beat.

Now that Even was here he was struggling to find the words.  He had been agonising over how he would explain his situation to a doctor ever since he first started having doubts; whether he’d need to beat around the bush or if he could just come out with it and say it.  Now he was here the solution still wasn’t obvious.

“Well, I have hom-ex genes.  I’m an alpha.” He began.  “I presented when I was almost 14, and my bipolar diagnosis came not long after.”

“A lot to deal with all at once.” Dr Hansen said sympathetically, and Even was mortified to feel a lump rise in his throat.

“It was.” He nodded, trying not to fall apart so quickly into the discussion.  “I had a really bad episode at the start of the year and I tried to kill myself.” To her credit Dr Hansen didn’t even blink at that news, just nodded along and let Even keep talking.

“And I’ve been thinking a lot lately…about if it’s possible to _cure_ my bipolar?” Even’s heart was slamming painfully against his ribs and he could feel sweat prickling across his skin.

 _It seems to be fixing them_.  Even could hear his mother’s words from all those months ago on an anxiety-inducing loop in his head as he tried desperately to focus on what the doctor was about to say.

“It would be nice, wouldn’t it?  For there to be a nice straightforward cure and to not have to worry about our illnesses ever again.” Dr Hansen was giving him a sad smile, which told Even everything he needed to know.  “But no, there’s no cure.  Bipolar is manageable, though; find the right medication and dosage and go to therapy to work out your individual care plan.  It’s possible to live a perfectly balanced life with a bipolar diagnosis.” She made it sound so easy.

It had never been easy for Even.

“I was worried you’d say that.” He could barely get his voice louder than a whisper, but in the quiet of her office it was easily heard.

“It can be disheartening to hear that there’s no cure-”

“It’s not that.” Even interrupted.

He took a deep breath.

“I think my mother is poisoning me.”

***

It all came out.  The drugs, the trial, Isak (although never mentioned by name), the side effects that Isak described seeing in Even and the ones Even had experienced in himself, and finally the suspicion that something wasn’t right with the whole thing.

“I wanted to believe it was true.  I really, _really_ wanted there to be a cure that was just as easy as taking some new pills.  But the longer I’ve been on them the weirder I’ve felt.  I knew – way, way down – that there wasn’t such thing as a cure, but I really fucking _wanted_ there to be.” Even said thickly.

“Medicine has come a long way, but we’re certainly not at that stage yet.” Dr Hansen was giving him that sad smile again and Even hated it.

“What do I do now?  What do I do about the trial?” He really needed her to have a plan.

“What you’re telling me is very serious, Even.  There are a few different things your supposed trial drug could be, but without seeing them and analysing them it would be difficult to tell you.” Dr Hansen’s lips pressed together in a grave looking line.

“I brought some with me, actually.” Even rummaged in his backpack until he found the sheath and handed it over.  “I was hoping I could leave it with you and you could test it somehow?”

“That’s not something we do onsite.  I’ll send it to the hospital lab and they should be able to break it down for us; that’s when I’ll be able to tell you more.”

“And this is all confidential, isn’t it?” Even couldn’t shake the fear of his mother out of his psyche.  He would probably spend the rest of his life trying to shake her out of there.

“Of course.” Dr Hansen nodded.  “Is there anything else you want to ask?”

“Should I stop taking them since they’re not what she told me they are?”

“The fact that we don’t know exactly what they are is why you _can’t_ stop cold turkey, I’m afraid.  Mood meditations aren’t something we can just quit; our brains have to be weaned off them.  For now keep taking them as you are, and once we know what’s in them we can discuss a safe way to come off them.  They might not be doing any serious damage but they clearly aren’t working for you, so we’ll probably need to talk about adjusting your prescription anyway.” Even had been expecting that answer, but it had been worth a shot to ask.

“And if they _have_ been doing damage?” This was what was keeping Even awake most nights: the thought that he had ruined his body chasing a cure that didn’t exist.  He needed to be there for Isak and their baby and he would really rather do that _without_ brain damage.

Dr Hansen’s expression could only be described as grim.

“Then we’ll deal with that too.”

**

Even might not have been totally honest when he said that _all_ of the things he had to do were outside of Oslo.  It was just easier to keep himself away from Isak when Isak thought he was out of reach and not just out and about the town.  There was also the fact that Even _really_ wanted this to be a surprise for Isak; for him to be able to whisk Isak away one night and show him what he had been working on.

He spent the entire journey to Løkka buzzing with excitement.  He wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable emotional crash he was going to hit later; his body felt like it had endured too many emotions already for one day and he wasn’t done yet.  Thankfully the landlord had agreed to a slightly later than normal meeting when Even had explained their circumstances – or a more simplified stranger-friendly version anyway – and Even was beyond grateful to him.

The flat was _perfect_.  It was everything Even had been looking for: close enough to Nissen for Isak’s education not to be disrupted right before his third year, close to Sofienberg park so Even could take the baby out somewhere nice, and far away enough from Even’s parents that they didn’t need to worry about bumping into them.  It wasn’t particularly big, but the windows made the place feel big and airy and Even had fallen in love with it the moment he’d seen it on the estate agent website.

And Even had always loved Grünerløkka.  It had a chill artsy vibe and it felt so _alive_.  Maybe that would inspire Even more to draw and create and recapture that part of himself while Isak finished up with secondary school.  He knew Isak would probably roll his eyes and call Even a cliché hipster, but the place would do for the 9 months they needed it before the presumably moved elsewhere for university.

The closer the train got the more excited he became.  He ended up looking at the photos on his phone again to remind himself that was _real_ , not just a dream; he was getting them a home of their own and they could be _free_.

Free to love each other and be a family.

He inspected each photo, thinking about furniture to buy and how they could make it feel homely once they moved in, and as the train pulled into the station he felt like his dream was finally coming true.

**

The landlord was just as nice in person as he seemed in his emails, which relieved a lot of Even’s nerves as they took the lift up together to the right floor.  There had been a few places Even had looked at that had only had stairs, and considering that right now Isak was heavily pregnant and in a few months they’d be lugging around a baby in a pram and a nappy bag he figured they’d _need_ a lift.

The landlord – Rob – took him on a brief but informative walk through the flat (one bedroom, one bathroom, a little cubby fit with a washing machine and dryer, and a nice open living room/kitchen) and Even felt like he was visiting the set of a movie he loved.  Probably because he had spent so long (okay, like a week and a half) fantasising over the photos of this place and the life his family could have here.

When Even said as much to Rob the guy genuinely looked a little bit teary eyed.  Even suspected that Rob might have been as big of a romantic as he was, which was some feat.  After that it wasn’t a surprise – although it was still a _huge_ relief – when Rob accepted Even’s deposit and told them that from November 1 st the flat could be his.

Even signed the lease then and there and happily paid the deposit, and when Rob told him that he wished Even and his little family all the best and to ring him if anything ever went wrong with the flat then it was Even’s turn to get teary eyed.

***

It was getting late by the time Even was done with Rob and he had mixed feelings about his half hour trip back down to his parents house.  On one hand he had had more than enough of public transport for one day – if he set foot on another train in the next week he might just be sick – but on the other he was _so close_ to falling face down onto his bed.  All that was between him and his bed was one last half hour stint on a bus.

He almost wished he’d left his bike somewhere so he could cycle home and stretch his legs, but he didn’t want it enough to change his mind and make the forty-ish minute walk home instead.  Eventually he compromised with himself to walk a few stops away for the sake of all his aches and pains from stiff seats.

It also gave him some time to process the day.  It felt like he had lived several days all at once; he was enjoying the buzz that came from being productive and the knowledge that he would sleep like a log once he got in.   And then tomorrow he could see Isak again and tell him all about it.

He saw it while he was wondering what Isak and Jonas did with their day and it stopped him dead in his tracks.  A quick look at his watch told him that he had enough time to nip inside and buy it.

He couldn’t wait to show Isak.

***

***

Even could smell his dad’s aftershave lingering in the air when he got home, but he didn’t care enough to go let his dad know he was in.  He doubted that Trond had even noticed.  Even went straight to his room, lingering a little outside Isak’s door sadly even though he knew the omega wasn’t in there, and swore his whole body was being pulled in the direction of his bed and the sweet relief of sleep.

Except when he pushed his door open he discovered that there was already someone _in_ his bed.

There wasn’t much to see other than a great big lump under the duvet and blankets but Even’s nose told him everything he needed to know.

There was a nesting omega in his bed.

 _His_ nesting omega.

“Hey, baby.” All the tension from the day melted from Even’s muscles at the sight of Isak.  He closed the door after himself as quickly as he could without just slamming it shut and hiding Isak away from the rest of the world like he wanted to.  He realised when Isak didn’t even twitch at his voice that his mate was dead asleep under all of his layers, so Even tried to get undressed and into his pyjamas as quietly as he could.

It took him less than a minute before he was sliding into bed next to Isak, which was when he realised that Isak was wearing one of Even’s old shirts underneath one of Even’s thick hoodies.

“Isak…” Even sighed happily as he nudged the omega around the bed enough for them both to comfortably fit, nuzzling his face into the back of Isak’s neck and trying to drown himself in the omega’s scent after being apart from it for so long.

It was thrilling to realise just how much Isak smelt like him now.

That was the last thing Even could remember thinking before he finally fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS????????????? what did we think of Dr Hansen??? what do you think Even bought for Isak????? HOW EXCITED ARE YOU FOR THEM TO GET THEIR OWN PLACE????
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	19. Don't ever doubt I'm proud the baby is mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even gives Isak a present, meets Isak's friends, and the boys have a talk about school (just under 5k)

Even woke up late Sunday morning; a real blessing after his long day. He was stunned to see Isak’s eyes already open and watching him; clear green and curious.

“I think this might be the first time you’ve been awake before me.” Even croaked before his eyes drooped shut again.

“You had a busier day than I did; makes sense that you’d need more sleep.” He could feel Isak’s little shrug just before Isak shuffled closer. At some point in the night their position had changed from spooning to facing each other. Even could feel the weight of Isak’s stare as if the omega was actually touching him, but it was strangely comforting.

“I thought you were at Jonas’.” Even’s words were still slurred with sleep. He wasn’t sure yet if he was going to fall back asleep or not.

“I was.” The pillows rustled a little and Even guessed that Isak was nodding. “But then I really missed you. I didn’t want to sleep on Jonas’ bed; I wanted to be close to you.” Isak’s voice didn’t quiver at all and Even’s heart swelled to hear that Isak wasn’t embarrassed to admit how strongly he had felt.

“You’re nesting.” Even’s brain was too fogged with sleep to try to turn it into a sentence, leaving it instead as a statement of fact.  Isak was nearing the end of his pregnancy and nesting; trying to make a safe place for his baby.

“Yeah.” Isak confirmed on a long exhale and Even forced his eyes to open to see what expression Isak was making.

“Don’t you like it?” Even had always thought it sounded like one of the nicer parts of a pregnancy - wanting to make a nice home for the expected baby – but maybe Isak didn’t see it like that?

“Nesting is a healthy part of any pregnancy; even sapiens nest.  I just…don’t like doing it _here._ ” Isak glanced around furtively as if Even’s mother might spring out through a secret door in the wall somewhere and kill them both.

“This isn’t where I want to have our baby, _or_ raise them, or even bring them to visit at the _weekend_.” Even could feel Isak’s heart beating faster and he slowly nestled closer to the omega.

“Breathe, baby.” He massaged slow circles over Isak’s bump until Isak was once again relaxed against him.  “It’s going to be alright, I promise.  I’m working on something.”

“What does that mean?” Isak sat up a little trying to look at Even’s face for clues.  “Working on what?” Isak insisted.

“You don’t need to worry about details right now, okay; it’s still in the pipeline.  For now: just keep looking after yourself and trying to get through school.  I’ll let you know when there’s more to it.” Even didn’t like the feelings that came with lying to Isak but he justified it to himself with the fact that Isak just didn’t need that stress in his life.  Isak was a hardworking student and he was already finding it hard to maintain his grades and stay on top of his workload when he was so tired all the time.  Throwing in all the stress of what Even was planning to do in the next week wouldn’t have done the boy any good.

He was going to take care of everything, like the ultimate cliché alpha.

***

It was after lunch when Even remembered the surprise he _could_ give Isak.  It was still sat in his bag from the night before and, when Even went to fish it out, his heart warmed the moment he could feel the soft fabric.  He smoothed it out fondly before tucking it into an old gift bag he had lying around, wanting to make it look like a more thought out gift than just a _I saw this and it felt right and I had to get it immediately_ sort of thing.

Isak had hardly left Even’s bed all morning – not surprising behaviour from a nesting omega – and Even had jumped on the chance to sort his surprise out when Isak offered to wash up from the lunch Even had made.  There wasn’t exactly a lot of washing up to be done from cheesy pasta so Even didn’t feel bad about letting Isak wash up by himself, and it gave him enough time to put the gift in the bag and place it neatly on the side of the bed that Isak had claimed as his own.

Isak, in all of his tired and nap-ready glory, didn’t see it until he had got into bed and lay down on top of it and almost rolled off the bed in surprise at being poked in the back by the corner of the paper bag.

“What is it?” He managed to ask after he fished it out from under his back, looking up at Even curiously.

“Why don’t you open it and find out?” Even suggested as he made himself comfortable sat up against the headboard.  He planned to do a lot of internet shopping while Isak went for his afternoon nap, and he knew it he lay down – even for a few minutes – to cuddle he would end up passing out as well.

Even had too much to do to be napping.

He attempted to make it look like he was faffing around on his phone while Isak opened up the bag and pulled out the tissue paper Even had tucked into the top to hide the present, but he didn’t think he was very convincing at playing blasé.

He loved gift giving alright.

“Aw, Ev…I love it.” Isak’s eyes filled with tears but Even could see the happiness radiating off of his sweet little boyfriend’s face.

“I saw it and I thought it looked like the perfect little comfort blanket.” Even beamed, beyond delighted that Isak had liked it too.  “They can have it in their cot or whatever and it can be like a teddy too.” He explained.

“It’s so soft.” Isak kept rubbing his fingers over the soft blanket material and stroking the little plush penguin that was cuddling the blanket.

“That’s what I thought when I saw it through the window!  I was like _that looks like the softest blanket ever_ and I realised we haven’t bought anything for the baby yet really and they’re going to be here in December and why not start by buying them something soft and cute and comforting?” Even knew he was babbling but he was just so excited.  Buying things for the baby felt so _real_.

It had also sparked a frenzy inside of Even.  He was itching to buy everything that the baby would need so that he could kit out their flat in preparation for Isak’s due date.

“I love it.” Isak smiled up at him from where he was lying against Even’s side.  “They’re going to have such a thoughtful daddy.”

“A penguin mates for life, you know.” Even used the hand not holding his phone to massage the top of Isak’s head gently.

“I’ve heard that before.” Isak mumbled, his eyes already drooping shut after mere seconds of head scratches.

“I thought it would be fitting, seeing as I plan to mate you for life too.” Even grinned, enjoying watching Isak’s sleepy face try – and fail – to look unimpressed by his sentiment.

“Nerd.” Isak sighed drowsily, but his attempt at teasing Even was severely undermined by the look of pure happiness and content on his face.

Isak was asleep before Even could retaliate, still holding the penguin blanket against his chest.

Even snapped a quick picture of it for posterity before breaking out his laptop and getting down to business.

***

Even was waiting at the closest bus stop for Isak.

Well.

For Isak _and_ his friends.

Was he freaking the fuck out?  Very much so.  Was the thought of seeing Isak after a long day at school going to be worth the anxiety of meeting his friends?  He really hoped so.

They had agreed that there was no point waiting for Even to meet Isak’s friends now that they knew they were going to stay together.  Isak might not know about the flat Even was preparing but he _did_ know that Even had done everything he could at the doctors for the time being and was doing well enough with his catch-up school work to take a night off.  Isak wasn’t going to get _less_ pregnant any time soon, and they knew that social time would only _decrease_ after the baby was born.

So, there he was.

Freezing his balls off at a bus stop after making the 15-minute walk from Bakka to the kebab place Isak swore was the best in Oslo.

Even was pretty sure the kebab place was closer to Isak’s school than it was to his, but Isak had text him not long after lunch to say he was too tired to walk so he and his friends would get the bus despite the relatively short distance.

Who was Even to argue with his almost eight months pregnant boyfriend?

Truthfully Even had briefly considered using Isak’s tiredness as a reason to postpone this meeting, but he thought better of it when he remembered how important this was to Isak.  God knows if Even still had friends he would have loved to introduce Isak to them and show off his beautiful boyfriend.

The bus showed up pretty much when it was supposed to – truly a miracle if you asked Even – and Even tried not to crane his neck to see Isak.

It only took a few seconds before he could see that familiar maroon beanie and scarf combination, complete with a couple of haywire curls sticking out and rosy cheeks buried against the scarf.

“Hey, handsome.” Even tugged Isak into a hug as instinctively as breathing, and Isak melted against him just as fast.

“Hi, Ev.” He hummed happily against Even’s chest.  Even could feel Isak take a deep breath while he smoothed out some of the stray hair escaping from his beanie and he tried to ground himself in the moment before he had to brave the terrifying new social situation.

“Are you feeling any better?” He whispered against Isak’s ear before dropping a quick kiss against his temple.

“A bit, yeah.” Isak nodded.  “Early night tonight though, yeah?” Isak looked up at him from under those damn breath-taking eyelashes and Even almost forgot how to breathe.

“Definitely.” He promised.  He bumped his forehead gently against Isak’s and took a deep breath, soaking in all the scents that made _Isak_ , to calm his nerves.  Hell, after this evening Even was sure that he was going to need the early night just as much as Isak.  His nerves were already fraught.

Isak gave him a reassuring smile and skimmed his lips across Even’s in what Even did _not_ consider a long enough kiss for how anxious he was, but the small supportive nod Isak gave him did help ease his nerves a little.

 _Here we go_.

“Guys, this is Even.” Isak introduced him as he took a step back so he was standing next to Even rather than plastered against his front.

Even preferred him plastered to his front.  He felt exposed and tense without Isak in front of him like a shield from his friends.

Which was ridiculous.  Even _knew_ it was ridiculous.

“Even, this is Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus.” Isak pointed to each boy in turn.  “The three idiots I decided to befriend for some reason.” Isak’s teasing tone – something that was so ingrained now in Even’s sense of _normal_ – settled some of Even’s nerves.

“Hey, _I’m_ only here because we got sat alphabetically in primary school.” Jonas rolled his eyes, but Even could see the fondness in the other alpha’s eyes.  “I don’t know if I’d call you a _friend_.” Jonas pretended to think about it, and already Even liked how laid back the guy seemed.

“I was only the weed guy; I’m here under duress.” Mahdi put his hands up and Even managed a small laugh.

“Yeah, duress that you don’t have any other friends so you’re stuck with us.” Isak grinned, squeezing Even’s hand.

“If anyone’s stuck it’s _you_ , Valtersen!  Not much calling for nerdy omegas at school, but good weed?  I could have new friends in seconds flat.” Mahdi laughed.

“Someone else can crush you at Fifa then, save me some time!” Isak’s shit talking was met with a chorus of _oh’s_ from Jonas and Magnus and Mahdi just rolled his eyes.

“The only way you could crush me is if you _sat_ on me.” Mahdi shot back, and even Even gave that an _ohhh_.

“Damn, didn’t know you were into that, Mahdi.” Magnus finally spoke up.

“Into what?” Mahdi was clearly thrown off by Magnus’ comment, and Even was starting to see what Isak meant about Magnus constantly having his foot in his mouth.

“Getting sat on by pregnant omegas.  There are people out there that would pay good money for that.” Magnus said matter of factly.

“And how do _you_ know that?” Jonas raised an impressive eyebrow over at his friend.  Before Magnus could say anything in his defence Isak’s hand flew up from his side to his bump, groaning as he leaned heavily into Even’s side.

“As much as I love our shit talking, I need to sit down.  Can we mock Magnus _after_ we’ve sat down?” Isak kept his hand pressed to where Even guessed the baby was kicking the shit out of him and Even cuddled Isak closer to his side.

“Of course, baby.” He kissed the top of Isak’s beanie before looking at Isak’s friends.  “You can go ahead if you want, we’ll probably take it slow.” He suggested.  He didn’t miss the look of approval on Jonas’ face, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

“We’re used to going slow with Isak nowadays; it’s chill.” Mahdi shook his head and Magnus nodded his agreement.

“Not exactly a party animal anymore.” Magnus nodded as they started their walk over to the kebab place.

“Did he used to be?” Even grinned down at Isak.  Of course Isak had told him that he used to go out before he was pregnant, but he had never given Even any dirty details and Even was more than ready to hear about it.

“Hell yeah!” Magnus hollered.

“Oh Christ.” Isak muttered beside him, but Even was delighted to hear some stories about his boyfriend’s life before.

“Isak used to get fucked up.” Magnus laughed.  “He’d do shots with Eva – Jonas’ girlfriend – and end up passing out somewhere, or hole up somewhere to get stoned.  No matter the state he was in he’d _still_ manage to pull someone.”

“I didn’t realise you were such a fan.” Isak rolled his eyes tersely.

“Mags is just impressed because he can’t pull in _any_ state.” Mahdi clapped Magnus on the back as the went inside and got themselves a table.

“Isak didn’t party harder than anyone else.  If anyone should be talked up it’s _Eva_.” Jonas picked the conversation back up once they had sat down and divested themselves of coats and hats.

“That girl can drink.” Mahdi nodded.

“She’s a bad influence on our Isak.” Jonas grinned across the table at Isak, but Even didn’t feel threatened.  He had worried that he’d meet the other alpha in his boyfriend’s life and make a total dick of himself trying to outdo Jonas, but he didn’t get the feeling that Jonas was interested in Isak like that.  What Jonas and Isak had felt more familial than romantic and Even found himself enjoying the banter going around the table.

“Remember when she challenged you to kamikaze shots just to get you drunk enough to do karaoke with her?” Jonas continued.

“Wasn’t that the night he vomited blue and talked about smurfs all the way home?” Mahdi snorted.

“You did _karaoke_ , eh?” Even was thriving on all these embarrassing new details about Isak.  As much as he was happy with his relationship it did feel a bit one sided that Isak knew a lot of Even’s dirty laundry while Even was relatively in the dark about Isak’s life before.

“Yeah, him and Eva did a duet of _Don’t Go Breaking My Heart_.” Magnus looked delighted at the memory.

“Oh, babe, I am never going to forget this.” Even grinned over at Isak who just stuck his middle finger up, making everyone else laugh.

“Isn’t this supposed to be about you guys getting to know _Even_?  Not just telling him all my embarrassing stories.” Isak was definitely pouting.

“We haven’t even put our order in yet; there’s time to do _both_.” Even teased.  Isak just pouted harder at him.

“I like him.” Mahdi nodded at Even, apparently approving of him winding Isak up.

“What’s not to like about a hot rich alpha?” Magnus asked incredulously, evoking groans from his friends.

“Mags, _really_?” If looks could kill Isak would definitely had ended his friend there and then.

“What?!  Objectively speaking he _is_ hot, anyone with eyes can see that, and you’ve already said he’s rich.” Magnus looked between everyone for back up but they all avoided his eye, apart from Isak who looked like he was trying to melt Magnus with his mind.

“You can’t just put the dude in a box like that.” Jonas shook his head.

That was the moment that Even knew that he and Jonas could have been friends even without Isak tying them together.

“You sound like Vilde.” Mahdi tutted.

“What’s so wrong with that?” Magnus frowned.

“If you have to ask then it’s a lost cause.” Isak huffed.  “Stop objectifying my boyfriend and just talk to him.  And _not_ about any more of our drunk shenanigans!” Isak added as Magnus opened his mouth.

There were a few minutes of peace when they went up to put their order in – save for Isak who stayed sat down and rested his eyes while Even put his in for him – but it didn’t last long when they were all sat back down.

“What about _stoned_ stories?”

***

The evening went on much how it started but, eventually, the teasing cooled off as the ice broke between Even and Isak’s friends.  They asked Even about what he was studying at Bakka and all expressed their sympathy that he had to repeat a year.  Thankfully none of them pried about what had kept him off school, accepting the blanket ‘sick’ excuse, and steered clear of the topic.

He talked politics with Jonas for maybe thirty seconds before Isak told them to take it somewhere else, so they exchanged numbers to continue their conversation without everyone rolling their eyes at them.

He talked a little about sexuality after Magnus asked what exactly pansexuality was, and he was relieved to see that they were all open and not judging him while he talked.

He learned more about how they all met and what Nissen was like for them and how shocked they had been when Isak told them he was pregnant.  They kept exchanging stories about Isak over their food – only some of which Isak protested to – and talked about how excited they were to see what grumpy Isak would be like as a parent.

Even called time on their first meeting when he glanced down and saw that Isak had fallen asleep with his head on Even’s shoulder.  It was a little after 7PM, so they _had_ been out for almost three hours, and Even decided to book them a taxi back down to Aker Brygge rather than wait for trams and buses when Isak was clearly wrecked.  Five minutes in a taxi was hardly going to break the bank.

“It was awesome meeting you all.  I can see why Isak likes you.” Even whispered to them as they started packing up their stuff.

“Same to you.  He’s been so different since you two sorted your shit out.” Magnus replied at normal volume.  He must have seen the annoyance on Even’s face because he continued.  “He slept the whole bus ride here; he can sleep through anything now he’s pregnant.” Magnus shoved his hat back on to face the late October cold.

“It’s true.” Mahdi nodded.  “You’re good for him.  And you seem like a good dude in general.” The boys all hummed and nodded their agreement and the last of Even’s nerves relaxed.

Isak’s friends liked him.

Thank fucking _god_.

***

Isak was too heavy to carry, which – unfortunately – meant that Even had to wake him up for long enough to stumble out to the taxi and get him strapped in.  By the time Even had go in and buckled up Isak was asleep again, using his soft red scarf as a makeshift pillow, and he stayed that way until they were almost back at Even’s parents’ house.

Even didn’t mind the few minutes of silence; it gave him time to check his emails and see how far along the delivery line his orders were.  So far, he had ordered the essentials for their place: a double bed, a sofa for the living room, some kitchen utensils, a cot, and a nappy changing unit that had enough drawers for the baby’s clothes as well as their changing things.

To say he was excited was an understatement.

From Sunday the flat was theirs, but Rob had told him that since it was empty he didn’t mind Even having a key and getting things in there ready for Sunday.  Even had a feeling that Rob had a soft spot for couples in need.

“Where are we?” Even closed his emails at Isak’s sleep-slurred voice and dropped his phone back inside his coat pocket so he could focus on his boyfriend.

“Nearly back at my parents’ place, baby.” He murmured.  “You fell asleep so me and your friends figured it was time to call it a night.” He explained as Isak started to wake up a bit more.

“Embarrassing.” Isak mumbled.

“You’re nearly at the end of your pregnancy, Is, it’s normal to be tired when you’re still doing full days at school.” Even disagreed.  The taxi came to a stop and Even tried to pay as quickly as possible so Isak didn’t have time to fall back asleep before he could get him inside.

“It was a long day.” Isak tried to stifle a yawn and struggled to get out of the taxi, taking deep breaths of the fresh air outside while Even finished up paying.

They hurried inside to Even’s bed, which was still very much Isak’s nest.  It felt like every time Even looked at his bed he found more blankets and pieces of his clothing that Isak had incorporated into his nest.

He couldn’t wait to see how Isak would nest in their own home.

They shucked off most of their clothes and crawled into the sheets, and just as Even was about to doze off with Isak his boyfriend spoke.

“I really miss her.” Isak sighed softly, sounding close to sleep.  Even wasn’t sure if he was already dreaming or not; caught somewhere between awake and asleep and too far gone to tell the difference.

“Your mum?” Even could feel his mouth moving against the skin of Isak’s neck.  Surely that meant he was awake?  Or was he just dreaming about the taste of Isak’s skin?

“Mhmm.  I wish I could introduce you to her.  You meeting the boys…that’s like you meeting my family now.” Isak’s voice felt so far away but also like it was coming from inside Even’s head.  How was that possible?

“They were really nice.” Was all Even could think to say back.

“ _You’re_ really nice.” Isak nestled closer back to Even’s chest and Even adjusted his arms around Isak’s belly.  “Mama would have liked you.” Isak let out another long sigh and stilled in Even’s arms.  Even could hear his boy breathing as clearly as he could feel their child moving under Isak’s skin.  He couldn’t imagine being any more at peace than he was in that moment.

***

***

Even had spent the day accepting furniture deliveries in their _new_ home, and came back to the scent of distraught omega in their _current_ home.  His mind immediately flew to the worst scenarios as he hurried to his room where Isak had undoubtedly holed himself up in his nest.  Thankfully there was no signs of blood when Even rushed in – eliminating one scenario – but Isak was definitely trying to stifle his crying under all the duvets and blankets and clothes he had gathered together on Even’s bed.

“What’re those tears for?” Even perched on the edge of the bed and tried to get a sense of how Isak was feeling.  There were a lot of reasons that Isak cried nowadays; not all of them logical or understandable, but Even tried his best to navigate Isak’s emotional breaks.

“I don’t know if I can do it anymore, Ev.” Isak choked out.  There was a lot of movement and suddenly Isak’s head poked out from the top of the nest, letting Even see his tear stained face and trembling bottom lip.

“Do what?” Even passed Isak the box of tissues he now kept by his bed for exactly this purpose and let Isak wipe his face and blow his nose.

“School.” Isak sniffed as he dropped his tissue into the bin.  “I’m so tired all the time and I’m so big and I just get jostled around between classes.  I can’t concentrate enough in class because pregnancy brain has turned me into someone with the attention span of a _gnat_.  It’s too hard.” Isak was crying again by the time he finished and this time Even was the one to wipe away the tears.

“You were the one who said you wanted to stay until Christmas break, Is.  It’s okay to change your mind; no one is going to think less of you.” Even shuffled further onto the bed and started rubbing what he thought was Isak’s back over the duvets.

“But they _will_!  As far as they know I’m the stupid teenage omega who got pregnant and is letting their education suffer for it!  It’s such a fucking _cliché_.” Isak’s eyebrows pulled together angrily, but Even couldn’t tell if he was angry about the situation or the fact that it was now happening to him.  Maybe both.

“What if you didn’t have to fully leave?” Even suggested.  “You could do two or three days a week and get notes from your friends for the classes you missed and just hand in homework like normal?  I’m sure they’d rather accommodate your needs rather than let you drop out completely?” Even had done similar things in the past when his mental health was falling apart, but he didn’t have the first clue how things worked at Nissen.

“That sounds a bit better.” Isak’s nod was barely perceptible but Even was 90% sure Isak _had_ nodded at his suggestion.

“Maybe we should talk to someone at your school and get something sorted?”

“You’d come with me?” The surprised look on Isak’s face – still blotchy from crying – made him look unbearably young.  A neglected child who’s parents had finally took notice of him; startled and unsure how to handle the change and terrified things would suddenly go back to how they had been.

Even hated it.

“Of course I would!  School shouldn’t be making you this stressed.  If you need to reduce your hours a bit and work from home more while you’re in the last term of your pregnancy then that’s what we’ll sort out.  _Together_.” Even emphasised.

“I’ve never been in a proper relationship before.” Isak’s cheeks flushed under the tear stains.  “I’ve never really had anyone other than Jonas to go to about serious stuff.” He admitted.

“Well, now you have me too.  And I’m not going _anywhere_.” Even looked over the mountain of a nest Isak was buried under.  “Can I come in with you?” He really wanted to hold Isak, but he wasn’t stupid enough to help himself to an omegas nest without their permission.

“I was waiting for you to ask.” Isak’s smile was blinding even if his face was still damp with drying tears.  There was a lot of movement before Isak managed to lift up the duvet to make a way in for Even, who wiggled his way in quickly before the whole thing collapsed like a mineshaft.

He knew that holding Isak as close to his heart as he possibly could wasn’t going to solve all of their problems, but in that moment he really felt like he had enough love to overcome anything that life threw at them.

***

It was early Saturday morning, which meant that Even was still fast asleep wrapped around Isak.  He was having the most confusing dreams – parts of which he wasn’t sure if he was actually awake during – when Isak started pushing at him.

“Phone.  Even, your phone.” Isak was suddenly shoving his phone at him, both of them still too tightly gripped by sleep to really understand what was going on.  Isak managed to drop the phone onto Even’s face, which was certainly one way to wake him up from weird dreams but not one that Even could say he particularly enjoyed.

He just about managed to push the right button before mashing the phone somewhere close enough to his ear to hear what was so important for someone to _phone_ him.  Let alone to be phoning him before noon on a Saturday.

“Hello?” He sounded slurred as hell but he wasn’t awake enough to care.

“Hello?  Is this Even Næsheim?  It’s Dr Hansen.”

And just like that Even was wide awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS??????
> 
> this is the [blanket](https://sc02.alicdn.com/kf/HTB15C.zLpXXXXcTXXXXq6xXFXXXB/Cute-soft-comfortable-flannel-baby-blanket-pattern.jpg) , [cot](https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/childrens-ikea-products/baby/cots/stuva-f%C3%B6lja-cot-with-drawers-white-spr-89276854/) , and [changing station](https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/childrens-ikea-products/baby/changing-tables-nursing/stuva-f%C3%B6lja-changing-table-with-4-drawers-white-spr-39180830/) I was picturing for those interested!
> 
>  
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)  
> [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	20. Through the sunshine and the shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of that phone call, Even makes a drastic decision (just under 4.9k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to do one big chapter where everything came out, but it's been taking me a while to write because I'm dealing with some stuff at work and I realised how long it's been since I've updated this so I've decided to split it into two chapters for the sake of you guys getting some content <3
> 
> Thank you for being so patient with me; I promise answers will soon be had!

The silence after he hung up was deafening. 

He’d put Dr Hansen on speaker so Isak could hear too, mostly because he knew that whatever news she had to give him he’d probably dissociate upon hearing regardless and Isak’s science-inclined brain was more likely to soak up all the details anyway, but now that that noise was gone the room was too quiet. 

The pressure was unbearable. 

“Even, are you okay?” Isak’s hand was touching Even’s face before he had even seen it move, his thumb brushing over Even’s cheekbone.  Even couldn’t tell whether or not he was enjoying the sensation.  His brain seemed to have stopped forming opinions on the data it was taking in; he was overloaded and crashing and feeling that mental 404 error pop up. 

“Get your stuff.” Even’s voice was still rough from most of a night’s sleep despite the fact that he had never felt less tired.  Not even during his mania fuelled tirade had he felt this awake; it was as if someone had drowned him in ice and electrocuted him.  Awful but energising. 

Awful energy. 

“What?” Isak pulled back, eyes widening in alarm. 

“All the stuff you want to keep.  Get it.  We’re leaving.  Now.  Today.” Even felt like a caveman but he just couldn’t find the brain function to use proper sentences.  He just needed to get himself and Isak and their future child out of this godforsaken house and he needed it  _immediately_. 

“What?  Even, that’s ridiculous, where are we going to go?” Isak was shaking his head but Even didn’t have time to explain.  He was already getting out of bed and shoving his clothes into his suitcase. 

“I’ll explain on the way.” Part of Even’s brain knew he wasn’t giving Isak a lot to go with but that part of his brain was completely drowned out by his fight or flight instinct. 

He should have fled with Isak months ago. 

“Baby, we can’t just…stay in a hotel for months until we find somewhere to live.  Think of the bill.  And the  _stress_.” Isak propped himself up on his elbow but made no move to get out of his nest. 

“It’s not a hotel.  I know a place.” Even threw all his school stuff into his usual schoolbag, impressed that it held up the strain of all the books he’d taken home that weekend. 

It wasn’t looking like he’d get much homework done now, though. 

“You’re serious.” Isak realised as Even dragged his suitcase out of the wardrobe.  Isak may as well have told him that water was wet. 

“Deadly.  We’re going to pack whatever we can carry and get the hell out of here.” 

***  

Not even an hour later and they were jammed into the back of a taxi.  Even didn’t know how he felt about the fact his whole life had hardly filled his one suitcase.  Isak, of course, had piled his things back into the bag he first arrived with and left the guest room looking like no one had ever been there. 

The only big things they had wedged in with them were the two TV’s.  Even was planning to put his in the lounge and they could use Isak’s in the bedroom seeing as it was the smaller of the two.  Both of their gaming systems were currently in Even’s suitcase, wrapped up in some jumpers for protection. 

He couldn’t believe he was thinking about furniture placement when he had just learned that his mother had essentially been drugging him senseless.  Maybe this was his brain’s way of protecting him. 

Think about anything except the elephant between him and Isak and their TV’s. 

*** 

For an extra tip the driver did help Even get the second TV up to the flat, seeing as Isak was in no condition to do it, while Isak wheeled Even’s suitcase along behind him.  Even could tell that Isak was bursting with questions – especially when Even pulled the keys to the flat from inside his wallet – but he waited until the driver had left before starting the conversation. 

“You booked us an Airbnb?” Isak looked around their barren flat and Even could see why Isak might have thought it was an Airbnb.  It was still so impersonal: with only the bare minimal furnishing at the moment it would have been a shit Airbnb to stay in. 

“No.” Even shook his head and sat down heavily on the sofa.  Everything felt so  _heavy_. 

“I was going to make a whole day of it tomorrow.” He admitted with a sigh.

Yet another Bech Næsheim plan gone to shit.

“Take you on a date and then get Jonas and your friends to chuck everything into the flat and bring you up at the end of the date to surprise you.” Even was sad that that moment was now impossible thanks to his desperate escape from his family house. 

“Surprise me?” Isak repeated.  He looked around the flat again and Even watched the realisation dawn on his face. 

“Surprise, baby.  The place is ours.” Even tossed Isak the second set of keys, which Isak only just managed to catch. 

“You bought a flat?” Isak sat down next to him looking as white as a sheet. 

“No, just renting.  We have it until at least next summer.  I didn’t want to buy a place without your input on it; would have been unfortunately permanent if it turned out you didn’t like the place.” Even tried to joke but the muscles around his mouth refused to smile.  He couldn’t seem to make his body do much of anything, actually. 

“Oh my god, Even.” Isak was staring at him like he’d just announced he enjoyed dressing up a mackerel and having someone fish him out of ponds for sexual gratification. 

“What?  We both knew we couldn’t stay in my parents’ house.  I’d been thinking about it for a while, before I had my last episode, but then I got too depressed to do anything about it.  Then you came along, and the whole baby situation, and…pushed me into action, I guess.” It felt good to finally say it, even if he was still upset that his big reveal had been ruined. 

“How much money do you  _have_?” Isak’s eyes were the size of dinnerplates (of which they currently had none). 

“More than enough.  But I’m working on it.” Even was so tired. 

Isak must have sensed it because he sat further back against the sofa cushions and held an arm out, inviting Even to nestle against him.  It was a reversal of the classic alpha comforting their emotional omega, and Even had never been gladder that Isak didn’t give a shit about traditional roles.  He shuffled closer to his boyfriend until he could press his face into Isak’s neck, letting the rich scent of Isak wash over him.  Neither of them had showered yet, so there was a hint of staleness to it, but Isak was still the best thing Even had ever smelt. 

“It would be stupid to ask if you’re okay.” Isak began as he stroked Even’s hair.  “But is there anything I can do?” 

“I think I need to go back to sleep.  Sleep off the shock.” Even mumbled into Isak’s collarbone.  The bed didn’t even have anything  _on_  it yet; the duvet and pillows from Even’s previous bed were stuffed in a bin liner ready to get thrown on.  The contents of Isak’s nest were  _also_  in that bin liner, which Even knew had offended the omega on some level.  Isak _had_ said when they did it that he understood why it all got bagged together but it didn’t mean the instinctive part of him  _liked_  seeing his lovely nest shoved into a bin liner like it was mere rubbish. 

“Okay.  We can do that.” Even felt Isak nod, his chin bumping gently against the back of Even’s skull.

Together they went into the bedroom and tipped out the black bag full of sheets and Isak’s nest and made up their bed.  It struck Even – although he was too drained to say it aloud – that this was a bed that was actually _theirs_.  It had no connection to the old house or either of their old lives.  It was wholly theirs and theirs alone.

Somehow that mattered to him as they spread the sheets over it.

Once the pillow and duvets were on Even wasted no time shucking his clothes off and crawling under the covers.

“Do you want to join?” Even mumbled into the pillow, enjoying the feeling of his body sinking into the new mattress.

“I want to sort this out.” Even didn’t need to look up to know that Isak was referring to his nest.  He knew better than to get between an omega and their nest, especially in a new home, so he just nodded and buried his face further into the pillow.

It was surreal to think that just a couple of hours ago that pillow had been on his bed in the Aker Brygge house and now it was on his and Isak’s new bed in their new flat a few miles away.

A sad sort of freedom indeed.

***

When Even woke up he was still alone in the bed, but buried underneath Isak’s nesting materials.  He was pretty sure there were more of his clothes in there than there had been this morning, which made him suspect Isak had been inside his suitcase.

It took him a few minutes to wake up, for the haze to clear from his brain, and when he eventually sat up he thought about his drastic reaction to Dr Hansen’s news.  Had he gone too fast?  Had he freaked Isak out?  Even could hardly even remember getting everything in the taxi.

There was the only clear thought in his mind.

He needed to talk to Isak.

He wondered if that was what the rest of his life would be like: Isak being the only clarity in the chaos of life, like the north point of a compass.  As long as Even could find his way to Isak he could deal with whatever else may come.

The heat trapped inside his duvet was enticing Even to stay in bed, but he knew he needed to talk to Isak more than he needed to be cosy.  He had probably scared the shit out of his boyfriend that morning; God only knew what Isak thought of him now.  But maybe Isak would cut him some slack after the phone call from Hansen?

“Just fucking talk to him, you dick.” Even muttered to himself in their empty bedroom, shaking his head to rid himself of all those _what if_ thoughts.  He threw the duvet off – only momentarily mourning all the warmth that he was releasing – and piled on a couple of jumpers to try to retain his sleep warmth even after leaving the bed.  Just because life was treating him coldly didn’t mean he needed to _feel_ cold.

What was he even talking about?

This was why he needed Isak.  He needed to work through the _actual_ problem with another human being; doing things solo just resulted in his brain trying to make grand metaphors for his situation rather than coming up with solutions.  His brain had a flair for the dramatics, even when all he needed was a realist.

“Isak?” He pulled his hood up self consciously as he came out of the bedroom, unsure of the reaction he’d get from Isak after dragging him from Aker Brygge in a cramped taxi with all their belongings before it was even 11 in the morning and then immediately going for a nap when they arrived.

What he hadn’t been expecting was to find Isak pacing back and forth across the living room/kitchen area, frowning at nothing.  More than anything else Even noticed the way Isak’s hands were braced firmly on either side of his bump, which sent fear cutting through a part of Even so deep he hadn’t even known it was there.

“What’s wrong?!” Even rushed over and covered Isak’s hands with his own, only incrementally reassured when he felt the baby’s movement.

“You’re up!” Isak looked up at him with what Even could only describe as _surprise_ , as if Isak hasn’t been expecting him to wake for hours yet despite the fact that it was well into the afternoon.

“Of course I’m up; what’s going on with you?” Even smoothed his hands over Isak’s bump worriedly.

“With me?  I’m _angry_ , Even, what do you _think_ is wrong with me?” Isak shook his head so quickly that Even had to move his head back to avoid getting a rogue curl flicked in his eye.

“I’m so sorry, I should have handled it b-”

“How could she do that to you?” Isak exploded right as Even started talking, effectively shocking him into shutting up mid-sentence.

“What?” Even took a step back and watched in amazement as Isak’s face blazed with fury.

“How could your mother _drug_ you like that?  Just experiment with drugs on her own _child_?” Isak’s hands remained splayed on his bump as if his baby bump was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“Why don’t we sit down, baby?” Even suggested.  It probably wasn’t good for Isak to be getting this worked up, even if Even was incredibly touched at how angry his boyfriend was on his behalf.

“It’s just such a disgusting thing for someone to do to _anyone_ , let alone their own _child_!” Isak’s outrage was palpable, but he put up no complaints to Even taking his elbow and guiding him down onto the sofa.  Even quickly grabbed the blanket from the suitcase – the one reserved for sofa use – and draped it over the both of them.  Immediately Isak’s fingers tangled up in the material and started pulling and kneading at it and he leaned heavily into Even’s side.

“How are you not raging?” Isak seemed to slump against Even, like a marionette whose strings were suddenly severed.

“I don’t really know how I feel about it all yet.” Even admitted as he slung his arm around Isak’s shoulders.  “It just feels weird to finally know that it was all a con.  But I was so desperate to believe that it was true that I just let myself buy it.” There was Even’s truth, his bitter _shameful_ truth: he had suspected the whole time that it had been a sham, but he had been so _desperate_ to believe that he could rid himself of his mental illness that he _let_ himself be experimented on.

“Okay, Ev, can I be honest?”

Was there ever a _good_ follow up to that question?

“Sure.” Even wanted to hear Isak’s take on it all, even if it wasn’t flattering.

“You had the worst episode at the start of this year, right?” Isak didn’t wait for Even’s confirmation of what they both knew was true.  “So when Camilla offered you this ‘trial drug’ that would have made you _never_ feel like that ever again, what were you going to say but yes?  You were vulnerable and she- she _preyed_ on you like a- a _vulture_!” Isak’s indignance-caused stutter was strangely endearing.

Was it weird to fall a little bit more in love with someone when they were calling the woman who gave birth to you a vulture?

You know what?  Even didn’t care if it _was_.

***

“So you got us a flat, huh?” Isak asked after they had exhausted the topic of medication and drugs and lapsed into a quiet while they both tried to process the day’s events.  It wasn’t even dinner time yet and the day had changed so much.

“I did.  I was planning a better reveal than the one you got though.” Even was going to carry that bitterness for the rest of his life, he just knew it.

“It’s not the reveal that matters, it’s the flat itself.” Isak shrugged, pulling the duvet back up to their chins when his movement made it slip off.

“Do you like it?” Even knew this place was only temporary for them but he would still feel disappointed in himself if Isak _didn’t_ like it.

“I mean it’s pretty barren right now.” Isak looked around pointedly at the empty living room.  The only other thing in there was Even’s suitcase, still abandoned in the middle of the floor.  The bedroom was the most furnished at that moment, with their double bed and the baby’s cot, while the bathroom housed the changing unit.

“There’s pots and stuff in the kitchen cupboards.” Even defended his attempts to get the flat live-in ready.

“I know, babe, I looked all over while you were asleep.  I also bought us some food.” Isak smiled and patted Even’s hand consolingly.

“What?!  You went out without me?” Even’s heart almost exploded thinking about his heavily pregnant boyfriend out alone.

“Yes, Even, we had _no_ food and I’m eight months pregnant.  You stress nap and I stress eat.” Isak rolled his eyes, but Even was sure he could see fondness there.  “But back to the point: the flat’s pretty bare right now, but I think it has a lot of potential.  When we, you know, actually have stuff here.  And wifi.” Isak added.

“Wifi is being sorted in the week, my needy little nerd.  And we can shop after school tomorrow for the next most important things.  And we said we’d talk to someone at your school about you going in less?  We should try to do that this week too.” Even was already mentally writing his to-do list.

“I can live without towels for a few days but I _need_ that wifi.  Think of all the memes we’re missing!” Isak exclaimed dramatically.

“Use your data for a few days like the rest of us, babe.” It was Even’s turn now to patronisingly pat _Isak’s_ hand.

“Disgusting.  Terrible.  I cannot _believe_ you’d say that to m- _oof_.” Isak jerked back from Even’s side and immediately Even’s joking mood evaporated.

“What’s wrong?” Even threw the blanket off so he could see Isak better, already terrified that he’d find blood.

“Rib pain.” Isak winced as he back flat against the sofa.  “The baby is moving a lot; I googled it and it’s pretty normal to get these pains.” That did very little to alleviate Even’s worries when Isak’s face was still scrunched up with pain.

“Did your googling include how to stop the pain?” He rubbed Isak’s side helplessly.

“No, I thought I’d google the pain but not how to stop it.  I’m a masochist like that.” Isak said flatly, casting the most withering look ever over his bump at Even.

“Okay, probably deserved that.” Even smiled weakly.  His nerves were well and truly shot from the Sunday from hell.  “Is there something I can do?”

“Yeah, help me get up.” Isak held his hand out and Even sprung to action in an instant, taking Isak’s hand and helping him sit back up before getting him to his feet.  “There’s a stretching position that’s been pretty helpful; it’s supposed to lift my diaphragm and my ribcage away from my uterus for a little bit.” Isak went over to the wall and braced his folded arms at about the same height as his head before taking a step back and essentially sticking his ass out towards Even as he angled himself into the ideal stretch.

“I can appreciate that.” Even whistled, tilting his head to try to memorise this view from as many angles as possible.

“You’re such a dog.” Isak laughed breathlessly, looking over his shoulder at Even.

He made such a vision standing there – arms braced on the wall, ass out, smiling back at Even like he’d never seen a moment’s hardship in his life – that Even almost gasped aloud.

He was undeservedly lucky to be the alpha Isak decided to take for his partner and he knew it.

He was on his feet and moving towards Isak before he consciously thought about it; desperate to touch his boyfriend and take some comfort from the warmth of his skin.  He draped himself lightly over Isak’s back, spread his hands over as much of Isak’s bump as he could, and rested his chin on Isak’s shoulder.

“I really love you, Isak.” He whispered, dotting kisses over Isak’s cheek.

“Really?” The smile that spread over Isak’s face was slow and sweet and Even couldn’t stop himself from kissing it.

“Really.  All of this – with my mum and the drugs and the baby – would be enough to make most people run a mile, but you’ve stuck with me through all of it.” Even nuzzled the soft spot at the hinge of Isak’s jaw and savoured the shiver it sent through Isak.

“Would you have loved anyone who stayed?” Isak’s voice was hardly more than a breath in the space between them.

“No, because not just anybody could be you.” It must have been what Isak was hoping to hear because he relaxed under Even the moment he said it.

“I love you too, Ev.”

***

While Saturday had been reserved for absorbing all the information the day had thrown at them, Sunday was a day of action.

They unpacked their things and tucked their suitcases safely into the top shelf of the wardrobe, they arranged all their hygiene products around the bathroom before sharing a shower that was sure to fuel Even’s spank bank for the next century, and enjoyed the view of each other naked as they had to air dry while they got ready thanks to their current lack of towels.

Even saw the way that Isak’s eyes flickered between Even’s body and his own before his lips would purse and he’d go back to getting ready, slowly put sure slipping more clothes on as he dried, and Even could tell that Isak was feeling self-conscious about his heavily pregnant form.  He made sure to press soft kisses to Isak’s head, his shoulders, his cheek, anywhere he could reach in passing, and tell him how beautiful he looked.

Their first venture outside together was a quick trip food shopping.  They were back in the flat an hour later to put everything away everything that had temperature requirements before they turned back around and went right back out.

Their second trip outside took considerably longer.  They took the shuttlebus out to the nearest IKEA, because it was clear that Isak was desperate to turn their empty shell of a flat into a home, and spent most of the afternoon buying all sorts of things.

Even tried to dissuade Isak from adding towels to their trolley – so they could continue enjoying watching each other air dry – but Isak pointed out that that would be considerably less fun when the December cold killed them.  Even didn’t have an argument for that, so the towels went in along with a couple of hooks for the wall.

They found a nice four-seater dining table and some chairs to go with it and arranged with a nice young girl to get it delivered in the week.  They got all the things that a household needed but neither of them had ever had to think about before: a laundry basket, a drying rack for things that couldn’t go through their dryer, and a dustpan and brush to tide them over until the hoover Even had ordered on Amazon arrived.

When they found themselves in the baby section neither of them had the willpower to turn and leave.  They bought sheets for the cot, a couple of fluffy towels with hoods, a few packs of bibs, an adorable space-themed mobile that Isak insisted would help soothe the baby to sleep, and a soft thing called a ‘baby gym’.  Between them they looked at some gorgeous highchairs before agreeing that their little one wouldn’t be needing one of those for a while so there was no point buying it _yet_.

The trip back home was made awkward by the bulk of what they had bought – mainly the damn drying rack that Even kept tucked under his arm or between his knees while they were sat down – but miraculously they got it all home unscathed before it was even dark.

While Isak put away their purchases in good logical places, Even starting cooking dinner.  Neither of them had eaten since their food shopping in the morning, so excited had they been to buy more things for their new home.

Even was still working on dinner while Isak set up the TV’s, singing off-key renditions of the music playing from his phone, and Even fell in love with the domesticity of it.  So strong was the feeling that Even left their dinner bubbling on the stove just so he could go over to Isak and steal a kiss.

“What was that for?” Isak grinned against his mouth, looking pleasantly surprised by the kiss, and his happiness was infectious.

“I just love living with you.  I love _you_.” Even hummed as he caught Isak’s lips again, savouring how they parted for him.

Whatever Isak tried to say in return got lost between their tongues, and they only parted when Even heard the distinct _hiss_ of food boiling over and spilling onto the hot stove.  Despite pulling away with Isak’s laughter and teasing ringing in his ears Even felt happier than ever.

***

There was a solemn mood in the flat when their alarm went off on Monday morning.  As well as having the appointment with Isak’s head of year they had Even’s appointment that Dr Hansen had set up with a local doctor to discuss where he went now with his medication.

Even had given a brief explanation of this to _his_ head of year on Friday to explain why he wouldn’t be in school on Monday and had been given the all clear – not that Even would have skipped either of his appointments if his school _had_ said no – but now the day was here he would rather have been going to his dreary Monday classes than confronting his reality.

“Are you sure you want to come to my meeting?  You could have some more sleep before we go to the hospital?” Isak kept offering as they got ready.

“I don’t think I’d sleep; I’d just lie there alone and stress.” Even kept saying.  “Besides, I promised you I’d support you talking to the school and I keep my promises.”

That would mollify Isak for a little bit, but it wouldn’t be long before he doubted himself again and asked if Even was really sure.

“Do you not _want_ me to come?” Even finally asked after Isak’s ninth time checking with him.

“What?  No, I want you there!  It’s just…compared to your doctor’s appointment this is going to be nothing.  It kind of feels like wasting your time when we have something so _big_ this afternoon.” Isak admitted, looking down at his feet guiltily.

“Your meeting is important too.” Even said firmly.  He hooked his finger gently under Isak’s chin and tilted his head up enough for him to look his boy in the eyes.  “We’re going to sort out your school hours, get something to eat, and take the tram up to the university hospital and find out if I’m going to die if I stop taking these drugs too fast, okay?  And then we’ll come home and do normal things.”

“Don’t say that.” Isak’s face drew down in a frown and he pulled out of Even’s reach.  The scent of upset omega was unmistakable and unavoidable in their small space.

“I’m sorry.” Even swallowed.  “That was stupid.  I’m just not really sure how to talk about it yet, and nervous jokes are a habit.” He licked his lips, wondering if it was possible to taste your own stupidity.

“You dying isn’t a joke.” Isak said quietly as he shoved his notebook into his bag and swung it onto his shoulders.  “This whole thing is hard enough as it is without thinking about- about _that_.” Isak stopped moving around the lounge for his school things, but before Even could say anything he noticed the way Isak was trembling.

It was barely gone 8AM and he had managed to make his boyfriend cry.

“I know it’s hard.” Even moved over to Isak uncertainly.  “I wasn’t trying to make it harder for you, I’m sorry.” He touched Isak’s hand gently, testing the waters to see if Isak wanted contact or not.

He got his answer when Isak turned around and pressed himself against Even like he was trying to find a loose seam in his skin that he could crawl inside.

Even wrapped his arms tightly around Isak and let out a sigh as Isak pressed his face into the crook of his neck in a way that already felt so familiar.  If you asked them how long they had stood there, clinging to each other in the living room and swaying back and forth, neither of them could have told you.

What they might have said was that their contact made them both feel a little bit stronger.

A little bit more ready to face the long day ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS???????
> 
> for those of you who love a touch of reality, here are some of the things Evak bought from IKEA! (also, we're all just gonna pretend IKEA is open on Sunday kthnx)
> 
> [the space themed baby mobile](https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/childrens-ikea-products/baby/baby-toys/klappa-mobile-multicolour-art-50372615/) [the baby gym](https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/childrens-ikea-products/baby/baby-toys/klappa-baby-gym-art-10372622/) [the laundry basket](https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/laundry-cleaning/laundry-baskets/klunka-laundry-bag-white-black-art-50364371/) [the drying rack Even struggled to get home](https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/laundry-cleaning/drying-racks/frost-drying-rack-in-outdoor-white-art-40244831/) and [their table and chairs set](https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/tables/dining-sets/sl%C3%A4hult-dalshult-leifarne-table-and-4-chairs-birch-white-spr-19130501/)
> 
> [the blog](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


	21. As long as I've got legs to stand on I'll stand by you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even tackle both of their appointments in one day, and Even talks to Isak's mother (5.4k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who waited patiently while it took me almost 3 months to get this out <3 life has been hectic with changing jobs and getting used to a new routine but things have finally settled.
> 
> QUICK RECAP: Isak wants to drop his school hours because it's getting too much for him to manage, and Even is close to finding out what was really going on with his mystery drug

After the rocky start to their morning, the first meeting went well.  At the beginning of Isak’s meeting his head of year seemed reluctant about letting him reduce his hours, but when he looked through Isak’s grades he changed his tune pretty quickly.  Even couldn’t say for sure but he definitely got the _feeling_ that the guy was uncomfortable with Isak being pregnant and unsure how to handle it.

Thankfully Isak’s grades and attendance spoke for themselves, and the guy agreed to let Isak reduce his hours onsite as he saw fit.  If that had been Even he probably would have ended the meeting there, but Isak actually spoke at length about how he was planning to tackle his timetable.  He explained which classes he was going to work on from home through the school’s student portal, and which classes he felt he still needed the teacher’s input regularly to maintain his grades, and Even could see that Isak’s teacher was impressed.

Even sat there next to Isak every inch the proud alpha.

Isak had gone in with a plan, and rather than letting the teacher trust him not to skive he explained his new improved schedule in detail leaving no room for argument.  Not that a plan that well thought through _had_ room for argument, but Even was really fucking proud to see Isak’s take-no-shit attitude.

He just couldn’t help but think about how his own meeting was doomed to be a disaster from the start.

***

“You were incredible, baby, honestly.” Even shook his head in awe as he and Isak got comfy in the booth the waitress had chosen for them.

“Can’t afford to just be some weak helpless omega who can’t stand up for themselves.  I don’t have enough other people in my corner to foist the job onto.” Isak shrugged like it was nothing.  It looked like he was paying more attention to the menu in front of him than their conversation, despite having just cracked Even’s heart wide open.

“I’d have stood up for you if you couldn’t handle it, you know that right?” Even frowned and put his hand down on Isak’s menu, flattening it to the table so that Isak could see the seriousness on his face.

“I do know that.” Isak smiled across at him and grabbed Even’s hand from where it was still laying over his menu.  “I also know that Jonas, and his mum, hell maybe even Magnus, would also have stood up for me if I hadn’t grown the rigid backbone you so like to look at.” Isak smiled again, this time softer and with a more understanding look in his eye.

“Just having you come with me meant a lot, Even.  Maybe if we’d met a few years earlier I _would_ have let you talk to the teacher for me, but as it is…I had a long time to get used to doing things for myself.  It’s not a habit I plan to break; being an independent omega isn’t a bad thing.  But I liked having you there _supporting_ my independence.” Isak’s eyes were serious but the rest of his face was practically beaming.

“If after the baby’s born you need anything done – _anything_ – you know I’ll do it.  Otherwise…I enjoyed supporting your independence too.” Even managed a smile, just about, and Isak raised their hands up to dust a kiss over the back of his hand.

“Good.  Because I have a feeling I’m going to be a mess after this baby comes, so you better get your head on straight.” Isak joked before he released Even’s hand and returned his attention to the brunch menu.

This time Even let his boyfriend peruse the menu, settling for a gentle game of footsy under the table, and let his mind drift to what their lives might be like by Christmas.  It was less than two months away now and so much of their future was still uncertain.

Even hated it, but at the same time he was terrified to hear the answers from the hospital today.

***

“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?” Isak asked again after Even had asked for the bill.

“I’m really not hungry.” He shook his head and tried to give his boyfriend a reassuring smile, but it definitely felt like more of a grimace of pain.  God only knew how it looked to Isak, but Even highly doubted it reassured any of Isak’s nerves.

“You haven’t eaten all morning.” Isak pointed out.  “I’ve been stress eating since the moment I woke up and I’m _still_ stressed.”

“I’m just not a stress eater.  I’m a stress starver, I guess.  I’ll try to eat something later.” He promised, squeezing Isak’s hand comfortingly before taking his hand back to put his PIN into the card machine.

“I’ve probably eaten enough for both of us by now.” Isak laughed, but it was weak.  Now that the time for their appointment was getting closer the reality was sinking in; while they were both dealing with it differently, they were both _dealing_ with it.

The walk to the tram stop gave Isak time to let his food go down, but Even couldn’t stop himself from using that time to think of all the worst-case scenarios he might be about to receive.  He couldn’t shake the damn thought it would be so fucking cruel for the drug he had been taking to ‘cure’ his bipolar to be the nail in his coffin after he botched his suicide attempt, especially now that he actually had someone in his life worth living for.

It was the sort of shit luck that would be right on brand for Even Bech Næsheim.

“I can see you getting all lost in your head over there, you know.” Isak said after a few minutes of silent walking.

“Sorry.  I just don’t know what we’re walking into and I don’t like it.  My brain’s trying to fill in all the gaps before we get the answers.” Even sighed.  Isak squeezed his hand even tighter between them as they walked.

“That’s pretty normal.  Trying to anticipate the blow before it comes.” Isak hit the nail on the head exactly and Even was grateful that his boyfriend understood.  “I know I got upset this morning, but I _do_ want you to tell me what you’re thinking.  Especially if it’s something you’re trying to keep quiet about because you think it will make me cry.” Isak’s sincerity was almost too much to handle when he was already feeling so fraught.

“Please don’t make me cry before we get on the tram.” Even tried to laugh it off, but his eyes were starting to seriously sting.  “I can’t fall apart before we’ve even _got_ to the hospital.” There was no doubt in his mind that – either way – he was going to crumble in that hospital room.  He couldn’t arrive already half fallen apart.

“We actually have a pitstop before the hospital.  If that’s alright?” Even looked over at his boyfriend, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I don’t remember anything about-”

“It only occurred to me last night.” Isak interrupted.  “I was thinking we could go to my mum’s church before your appointment?  It’s not that far if we get a taxi to the hospital; I actually have it booked already.” Isak’s cheeks were quickly moving from flushed pink to nervous red as he spoke.

“Your mum’s church?” Even repeated.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just- it’s so close anyway, and if you were going to ‘meet’ her – in a sense – anywhere it would be there, and I still find it comforting and I just thought it could be like an informal sort of introduction and- oh god this is stupid, isn’t it?  This is really stupid, I’m sorry-”

“No!  No, it’s not stupid.  I think that’d be really nice.” Even pulled Isak into his side and kissed the crook of his jaw, letting himself trail the cold tip of his nose over one of Isak’s burning cheeks for a moment and breath in the comforting scent of _Isak_ , before resting his forehead against Isak’s temple.

“It’s somewhere that was important to you and your mum.  I’m honoured you’d want to take me there, honestly.  Are you sure?  You don’t want to keep it _your_ place?” Even had never been particularly religious – beyond curiosity about the scriptures of various faiths – but he knew how personal these places could feel to people.

“Honestly, even if there wasn’t the _connect with my mum_ aspect, I think we could both use the comfort.” Isak mumbled, his blush kicking up a notch again.

“You’re adorable, Is, you know that?” Even was constantly amazed by the depths of his boyfriend’s heart.  “Are we still getting this tram?” He could see hear it coming now, piercing the bubble Isak always seemed to pull him into.

“Yeah, I know where I’m going.” Isak nodded.  “I planned it all out last night at like 3AM.” He admitted as they got on.  Thankfully the priority seats were empty and Isak was able to sink down onto one before the tram started moving again, bracing his hands over his bump tiredly.

“Early night for you tonight then.” Even tutted as he plonked himself down on the next seat and slung his arm around Isak’s shoulders.

“Hopefully.” Isak dropped his head onto Even’s shoulder and Even almost missed his little sigh.

They both knew that they probably weren’t going to get much sleep tonight.

***

As an artist Even could appreciate the aesthetic of the church before they even stepped inside.  He knew the church was relatively old, but the gothic style the architects had used made it seem even older.  Not even the two turrets framing the main entrance were enough to detract Even’s gaze from the big grey circle in the middle that looked like a giant godly cog.

“I was scared to come here for a while.  Before I came out to my mum, I mean.  I’d come with her but all I could think was how this place just _looked_ like a fire and brimstone sort of church even though it was never that bad.  I’d go in with her, terrified and sweating, and I was convinced that at any second God was just going to strike me down.” Isak shook his head and laughed softly through his nose, as if it was a fond memory instead of some dark scar on his psyche.

“And did God ever hit you with some righteous lightning?” Even teased under his breath as they went inside, not wanting to offend the old woman walking past them on her way out.

“You’ll be surprised to hear that the answer is no.” Isak gave him a little smile from the side of his mouth as they walked down the aisle, and that was all it took for Even’s mind to catapult forwards.

Would they walk down this aisle one day for their wedding?  Would they gather their handful of friends and scatter them around the pews to witness their vows in place of the family neither of them had?  Did Isak’s church even _do_ queer weddings?

Even was _absolutely_ getting ahead of himself.

Not that he didn’t think he’d marry Isak, he knew that they were rock solid and he’d bite the boy tomorrow if Isak asked him to, but planning a wedding – even a simple one – wasn’t high on either of their priorities right now.  Maybe after Even wasn’t on crazy fake drugs and Isak wasn’t heavily pregnant they could think about it.

You know, in all the _free time_ they’d have around looking after a new born.

“This is where we’d always sit.” Isak tugged on his hand to pull Even into the pew with him.  They sat down and shrugged off their coats, and immediately Even could see the change in Isak.  Tension in his shoulders that Even was so used to that he had forgotten was there eased off, the permanent tiny frown between his eyebrows smoothed out, and he relaxed back into the pew like it was the comfiest of cushions.

Like a 17-year-old _should_ look, Even realised with a jolt after a few seconds of staring.  It was like he had just watched Atlas pass the weight of the world onto someone else and stand straight for the first time in millennia.

“I always sit in our spot.  Sometimes it’s like I can still feel her.” Isak’s voice thickened as he tried to get out that second sentence and Even tried not to notice the tears in Isak’s eyes.  This was a pain that he was never going to understand and he didn’t want to insult Isak by trying to say the ‘right’ thing when he doubted there even _was_ a right thing to say.

“She’s always going to be with you.” Even was sure of that.  From what Isak had told him Marianne had been a good mother for the most part; being beaten by her demons didn’t take away from that.  “She loved you.  That doesn’t just go away.” The pained sound that came from Isak’s chest at those words made Even think that was exactly the _wrong_ thing to say.

“Sometimes all I want is just _one_ last hug.  Or a conversation.  God, there’s so much I want to ask her about raising a family.  And I want to talk about _life_ , and stupid stuff like videos on the internet that she would have liked, and stuff that I thought I had _years_ to pace out that now I’ll never be able to talk with her about.” Isak doubled over as if the pain in his heart was crushing him down.  The top of his head was dangerously close to connecting with the back of the pew in front of them; from a distance people probably assumed Isak was bent over praying instead of doubled over in grief.

“The priest said that she’d always be with me too, but it’s not the _same_.  She can’t kiss me on the forehead like she did when I was little ever again.  She can’t hug me and make me feel like things are going to be okay, just because she’s there to help.  She’s just…a _feeling_.  And I don’t know what to do with that, even after all these months.” Even’s eyes were tearing up now as well at Isak’s words and he quickly wiped them away.  This wasn’t his pain to cry over; his role was to help Isak through his own pain.

“What do you feel when you focus on that feeling?” Even took both of Isak’s hands into his and stroked his thumb back and forth over the delicate skin on the back.

“Sadness.  So much sadness I don’t know what to fucking do with it.” Isak pained whisper was barely audible but Even was hanging onto every syllable.  “But also a sort of happiness?  That…I still have _something_.  Something that can’t be tainted by her illness or her episodes like our real life was.  And hope, I think?  Hope that she’s somewhere where it doesn’t hurt.” Isak looked over at him for the first time in ages, resting his cheek against the top of the pew in front of them, and Even didn’t hesitate to wipe away the tears that were trickling down Isak’s cheeks.

“How about…we go up there and light a candle for her?  To get her attention?  And we can have a little chat.” Even offered.

“You don’t have to do that.  Not just for my benefit.” Isak shook his head and his eyes drooped shut tiredly.

“Then how about you rest here while I go have a chat?  I have things that _I_ want to say to her before we leave.” Even pressed a kiss to Isak’s temple, savouring the way Isak leaned into it.  “Need to thank her for making you, after all!” He winked as he got up.  Isak gave him a weak eye roll before closing his eyes again, and Even took that as his cue to give Isak some privacy to have his own conversation with his mother.

He had a suspicion that Isak had a lot to say before their lives were going to surely get turned inside out at the hospital in half an hour.

True to his word he went up to the front, mind already brimming with things he wanted to convey to Isak’s mother.  There wasn’t anybody else around the small table, although there were already several candles lit, but thankfully Even had watched enough movies to know how to light a memorial candle.

Somehow, he didn’t think his novelty bong-shaped lighter would be appropriate for church _or_ his mother-in-law’s memorial candle.

After lighting a candle for Marianne he sat down on the floor nearby and tried to focus his mind solely on things he wanted to say to her, and not all the other worries cluttering his brain.  He watched the candle flickering to and fro, which seemed to help calm something inside his chest.

_I’m sorry that you couldn’t get through your fight.  If it wasn’t an accident then I’m sorry you left Isak behind when you escaped the dark._

_Thank you for Isak.  Your son is going to be the most incredible man; I can already tell because he’s already an incredible guy and he’s barely 17.  He’s going to do big things for the world, I can feel it.  I bet you could too._

_I’m sorry you won’t get to meet your grandchild.  Maybe we’ll bring them here one day to see you.  Or maybe you’re already watching over Isak and you’ll be there for every moment of their life anyway.  I hope so.  Isak wasn’t ready to lose you; I think he’d like to know you’re watching over him._

_I know I’d be if something happened to me.  Although I’d probably be looking up at him rather than down from on high.  I hope you’re okay with Isak’s choice of mate.  There’s not much you can do if you’re not, but you were important to Isak and it would mean a lot to me if you did approve.  All I want to do is give Isak the best life possible.  He deserves so much.  Not just stuff money can buy, but a home that’s safe and cosy and gives him those good feelings that you used to._

_Not that I’m trying to replace you.  I don’t want to be Isak’s mother.  I want to be his partner; for the rest of my life or for as long as he’ll put up with my sorry ass.  Sorry if you don’t like swearing.  I want to be the person that Isak can share that weight on his shoulders with.  Hell, I’d take the whole damn weight if I could.  I want to love Isak and protect him and raise a family with him and get my life so tangled with his that there would be impossible for either of us to untangle ourselves._

_I think he’s part of who I am.  I always knew there was something missing in my life; I just assumed it was my parents or my sanity.  But it was Isak.  It was_ always _Isak.  I have no idea what’s going to happen today, but if I’m certain of anything it’s your son._

 _Meeting him has changed – and saved – my life.  If he left me tomorrow I’d probably still love him, no I’d_ definitely _still love him, but I wouldn’t regret anything.  I wouldn’t want to undo it.  Meeting Isak and trying to see the world through his eyes like he does changed something fundamental inside me.  Isak just being Isak has helped me get better, and try to_ be _better as a person._

_I hope you’re at peace, Marianne Valtersen.  And I hope you’re as proud as I am of Isak.  I think we would have got on in life; we’re both on Team ‘I love Isak Valtersen with my whole heart’.  I hope you can watch over him when I can’t._

_I hope you can bring him comfort when I can’t._

_I really hope you know he still loves you so much, even though you’re gone._

_Most of all I hope you’re listening up there so that this hasn’t just been going to some sort of heavenly voicemail._

_Goodbye for now, I guess._

Even couldn’t describe the feeling in his chest when he stood back up and looked away from Marianne’s flame.  It felt big, but immensely private.

“Ev, we need to go.” Isak met him in the aisle, looking considerably calmer and more put together than he had before Even moved away.  “The taxi’s outside.” Isak held his hand out and Even laced their fingers together like they had been doing it their whole lives.

“I’d go anywhere with you, Isak Valtersen.” Even murmured.  Isak’s eyes widened a little but he gave no other reaction.

“For now, we’re only going to the hospital.” Isak smiled, but the anxiety in his eyes was hard to hide.

Especially when Even was sure he looked just as terrified himself.

***

They made it to the right floor with a few minutes to spare, but in a cruel twist of fate the doctor waiting for them was ready for them straight away instead of running late like literally every other doctor Even had ever been to.

“Hi, Even.  I’m Allison; Dr Hansen sent me your file and the sample.”

“So you’re not a doctor, you’re a pharmacologist?” Isak interrupted.  Some people – and Even hoped to God Allison wasn’t one – might have thought that was rude, but Isak just looked genuinely curious.

“That’s right.  I analysed the sample, and Dr Hansen asked me to talk to you guys myself seeing as she can’t.  You must be Even’s partner?” Allison didn’t bat an eyelash.

“Yes, I’m Isak.” Isak confirmed.  And then Allison’s attention was back on Even.

“I can’t imagine how stressful this whole experience must have been for you – for both of you – and I’m sorry to tell you that it’s not over yet.  Do you want to hear the breakdown of the drug or do you just want the action plan?” Even thought it was nice of her to give him the choice to not know what his mother was poisoning him with, but he knew deep down that it would niggle at him constantly if he didn’t get the answers.

“I want to know everything.” Even held Isak’s hand tightly, trying to find more strength inside himself to face the blow that he knew was coming.  Isak was holding onto _him_ just as tightly.

They faced the wrecking ball together.

“It looks like it was an amalgamation of strong dose antidepressants and mood stabilisers, but because of how they’ve tried to combine it all it’s almost…cancelled itself out.  There’s no reason that this patchwork drug would have worked let alone helped you, and it certainly wasn’t ethical – or _legal_ – for them to tamper with things like this.” Allison shook her head.  “I’m sorry that they gave you this false hope of a cure, Even.”

"So basically, it was never going to work?" That was what is was sounding like to Even, and a quick glance to his left showed that Isak seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"It was unlikely, yes.  It wasn't properly handled medication." Allison gave him a sad smile that only succeeded in making his skin crawl.  He had been desperate enough to believe his parents when they said that they had found a cure, even though he had _known_ it sounded too good to be true.

"Designer drugs with no scientific back up." Isak said flatly.

"Essentially." Allison agreed.

"Designed to turn me into a fucking zombie." Even muttered, digging his nails hard enough into his palms that he was sure it would leave imprints that lasted the rest of his life.

"Do you want a moment to get your thoughts together before we talk about your action plan?" Allison offered after looking between them.  If you had asked Even what expression his face was wearing he wouldn't have even been able to guess, so God knew how Isak looked.

"Please." Isak answered first and almost made Even jump out of his skin when he placed his hand over one of Even's balled fists.  It took a conscious effort, but Even managed to relax a little under Isak's touch.  He didn't even notice the doctor leave when Isak was suddenly on his lap and holding his face in his hands.  The solid weight of his 8-month pregnant boyfriend suddenly dropping into his lap was enough to snap Even's attention out of his own head.

"What are you thinking, Ev?" Isak asked the moment Even was meeting his eye.

"You don't have to stay." From the hurt look on Isak's face it had come out harsher than Even intended.

"Why would I leave?" Isak frowned.

"Because I'm going to spend the next God knows how long detoxing off this stupid drug that was never going to fucking work!  No matter what the plan is it's going to involve changing my meds which is practically _guaranteed_ to cause at least _one_ episode!" Even exploded.

Isak didn't so much as blink at Even shouting in his face, even though guilt immediately hit Even like a slap across the face.

"I'm sorry, you're not the one I should be shouting at." Even's eyes were embarrassingly wet, but Isak simply wiped away his tears.

"I know I'm not." Isak gave him a sad smile.  "I'm just the one who's here."

"I'm sorry." The lump in Even's throat was like a fucking grapefruit of guilt.

"I know." Isak promised, stroking over Even's cheeks slowly.

"But I meant what I said.  You don't need to stick around the shit show that's about to happen." Even sat back in his chair and looked away, not wanting to see the moment Isak decided to cut his losses.  "You didn't sign up to deal with bipolar episodes and iffy drug treatments, especially not while you're pregnant.  You can keep the flat; I'll just find an Airbnb until I sort a new place out.  If...if you wanted to get back in touch after I have everything figured out, I'd really like that, but if you want to keep your baby as far away from this mess as possible, I understand.  So...just...thank you, I guess, for helping me be free." Even kept his eyes laser focused on the wall next to them until the scent of outraged omega _forced_ him to look up at Isak's face.

He wasn't sure he had ever seen someone look so thunderous.

“You think I'd let you deal with this all by yourself in some shitty Airbnb?” Isak’s eyes were blazing.  Even suddenly had a better understanding of why people used to fear an omega's rage.

“Things are going to be hard so you think I can’t deal with it?  _Me_?  I lived with someone with a mental illness for my whole _life_ , Even, and I _saw_ how bad it could get.  I literally watched them peel my mother off the concrete outside our house after she jumped off the roof, but you don’t think I can handle a few episodes while you adjust to a new regime?”

There was literally nothing Even could say to that.  What did you say to someone who had identified their mother’s corpse for the coroner before they were even finished with school?  He was so glad Isak didn’t know what he had said to Marianne in the church.

“The next few weeks will be hard, but what part of our relationship has been _easy_?” Isak challenged him, his eyes just _daring_ Even to argue.

“I don’t want to put this on you when you’re pregnant, Isak, it isn’t fair to you _or_ the baby.” Why was Isak making it so hard for Even to help him out of this shit show?

“The baby?  The one you just called _mine_ instead of _ours_?” If Isak looked mad before it was nothing on the expression on his face now.  “Apparently this is only _my_ baby now, and _I'm_ saying that we’re _staying_.”

“Isak, please, I know you want to help but it’s not going to be fun.  It’s going to be awful and messy and I'm probably not even going to _want_ help; it’s no place for you and the baby.  If something happened because of me-"

“That’s exactly why I’m staying.” Isak cut in sharply, startling Even out of his sentence.

“If I leave, _knowing_ how rough it’s going to be for you and not being able to help you, the stress would absolutely drive me insane.  Let me help you, Ev, that’s all I'm asking.  If what we had – _have_ – meant as much to you as it does to me then you’ll stop pushing me away and let me help you get back to yourself.”

“But your grades-"

“Will absolutely not be affected.” Isak finished coolly for him.  “I used to do this all the time, remember?”

_And that had ended so well, hadn’t it?_

Even felt awful for thinking it before the thought had even finished forming.  It wasn’t Isak’s fault that his mother had killed herself.  It wasn’t Isak’s job to watch her 24/7 like some sort of babysitter, and like hell would Even force that role on him now.

“I don’t want to hurt you.  Or scare you.” Even whispered, his eyes cast down to the floor.

That was the core of it, really.  Even could vividly remember how afraid he was of his own madness in some of his earlier more turbulent episodes.  The mania that had felt _so_ fucking good but at the same time terrifying because some tiny crevice of his brain knew that something was wrong even though he felt like he could do anything on God’s green earth and come out on top.  Everything had been for the rush, the drama, the unadulterated _thrill_ ; that was the last thing Isak needed to deal with in his heavily pregnant state.

And the lows.  The heavy, aching depression that left him lying in his bed like the husk of a caterpillar’s chrysalis after the butterfly had long since flown away.  How could he expect anyone to deal with those awful days?  When he wasn’t functional or responsive and may as well have already been a corpse.

Even didn’t even want to think about what would happen if he tried to kill himself again.  He didn’t want that feeling to come back, not ever, and especially not with their baby coming so soon.  He _wanted_ to hold on.

He wanted to fight for this life he had somehow made for himself; the life he and Isak had fought and clawed for away from their traumas and fears, and stumbled into over months of study sessions and awkward attempts at flirting, and lucked into when Isak chose _him_ to broodmare for.

Maybe having Isak there for the fight really was the key.

Even had never had anyone truly in his corner fighting with him, fighting _for_ him, to get better.  Better in a _real_ sense; not just better in a numb to the disasters going on inside him way.

“I’ve been scared a lot, Even.  I’m scared _every_ _single_ day.  Of you changing your mind, of having this baby, of finishing school _and_ being a dad.  I used to be scared for my mum, and there were a couple of times where I left because I really thought she was going to be dangerous.  But I knew that she was just as terrified in there as I was.  How could I let you be afraid and alone after I made that mistake with her?”

“It’s _not_ your job to make sure I don’t off myself!” Even said vehemently, but Isak didn’t flinch.

“I know.  It’s my job to remind you of your own reasons your fighting.  Not to leave you when things are hardest and just hope for the best.  It’s my place – as the person who loves you – to help you find your way back if you get lost.” Isak rested his forehead against Even’s, and Even could feel the exhaustion radiating from his mate.

“I never feel lost with you.  But this is uncharted water.” Even swallowed, hoping he could force down all the fear he could feel bubbling in his chest.

“Then I’ll help you draw the map.” Isak said simply as he ran his nose gently along Even’s.

“Okay.” Even whispered, searching Isak’s eyes for any trace of fear or doubt that he might have been hiding.

All that stared back at him was a pair of beautiful, hopeful, green eyes.

The eyes of the boy he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS?????????? I hope it was worth the wait oh god
> 
> fun fact I made myself cry writing the scene where Isak is talking about how he misses his mother lol and EXCITING POSSIBILITY that the next chapter might be from Isak's POV! what would you guys think of that???
> 
> [Even's novelty lighter because it made me laugh](https://www.herbtools.co.uk/media/catalog/product/cache/1/small_image/270x310/2f81d7194c37f654977cf7d5c0ba6337/3/-/3-flame-lighter_1.jpg)
> 
> [the blog](http://matteoswhitejumper.tumblr.com)   
>  [the twitter](https://twitter.com/isaksredscarf99)


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